Prime Time: F Valentine's Day (2026)

AKA F**k Valentine's Day.

It may not be an entirely new phenomenon, but there seem to be more rom-coms nowadays that try to push themselves as something pretending to be anti-rom-coms. F Valentines Day is one of those movies, as if you couldn't guess from the title.

Virginia Gardner plays Gina, a young woman who hates Valentine's Day. It's her birthday, but the day is given over to love and hearts and a multitude of ways to force people to spend extra money and engage in extravagant displays of affection. She explains that to Johnny (Jake Cannavale) when he delivers her a pizza that happens to be shaped into a heart for the big day. As an apology for ranting at him, she then gives him a holiday gift voucher valued at $5,000 (although Gina thinks it is just a $50 voucher). Then Gina meets Andrew (Skylar Astin). They don't seem compatible, but maybe that's what they both need. Maybe that's why Andrew plans a holiday after they've been dating for about a year, and maybe that's why he's planning to propose. Gina does not want that proposal, certainly not on Valentine's Day, and it's quite lucky that she's at the same resort as Johnny and his twin sister (Mickey, played by Sabrina Bartlett).

F Valentine's Day has a few decent gags here and there, but nowhere near enough for the 95-minute runtime, and certainly not enough to offset the fact that the main character isn't particularly easy to like. Gina is defined by two main traits: her hatred of Valentine's Day and her ability to lie with ease. Andrew may be what she thinks she needs, but he's hard to like in a different way, mainly due to being too bland and willing to settle with someone so clearly not suitable for him. Writer Steve Bencich may have thought that the mismatch would be entertaining and amusing enough, and he may have thought that the third act here is subversive and satisfying enough to keep most viewers happy, but that isn't the case. This is a film that feels mildly enjoyable for a few moments (particularly any scenes that feature Natasha Leggero and Lil Rel Howery), but then moves between irritating and simply mean.

Director Mark Gantt has too much faith in the material, especially when he doesn't even try to distract viewers with a good enough cast. In fact, he doesn't try to distract viewers with anything else. There's a disappointing lack of big laughs, no light and smile-inducing montage moments, no upbeat soundtrack selections, and certainly nothing I would consider a worthwhile set-piece. Aside from the aforementioned Leggero and Howery, the best moments have Gina just receiving some decent advice from her caring mother (Marisa Tomei). Those scenes work because Gina can't keep up the facade that she tends to keep up with everyone else in her life.

Perhaps I'm affected by how much I disliked her character, but Gardner doesn't work here in the lead role. The film needed someone with much more charisma to make up for the inherent character flaws. The same goes for Astin, who never once gets to have even just a hint of edge to his personality, and neither Cannavale nor Bartlett can do enough to overcome the limitations that the screenplay puts on them. I'll mention Leggero and Howery a third time, they deserve it, and Tomei is someone I will never complain about seeing in any role (even if it's not one of her best movies, and this is far from one of her best movies).

Although I didn't really enjoy this, it's probably an easy choice for people to pick if they're browsing their streaming services and hoping to find something that offers a bit of romance without too much of the sugar and schmaltz. It doesn't avoid those things completely, but it's like a Valentine's Day chocolate dessert with a surprisingly sour centre. Some will really like that contrast. I'll always prefer a straightforward molten chocolate cake with some cool cream or ice cream on the side.

4/10

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Mubi Monday: The Wrestler (2008)

I'm pretty sure I have said this when reviewing every other Darren Aronofsky movie, but it's pretty safe to assume that nobody has ever taught him the meaning of the word subtle. You can get a lot from his movies, but subtlety is nowhere to be seen.

The Wrestler is the story of Randy 'The Ram' Robinson (Mickey Rourke), a wrestler who is battling age and his aches and pains to keep making a living that might afford him a very basic life. He is quite smitten with Cassidy (Marisa Tomei), a stripper who is pretty much in the same situation. As he tries to take a step away from the wrestling ring, perhaps also rebuilding some bridges with his daughter, Stephanie (Evan Rachel Wood), Randy struggles to live a life without that rush he gets when playing to the crowd.

Written by Robert Siegel, who has built up an impressive selection of projects inspired by real events and characters, The Wrestler is an impressive character study that is as hard to watch as it should be. Randy seems to be someone that truly believes he is best in the ring, but also may believe that the injuries and the bloodshed are all very much due to him. There's sometimes a huge difference between the man inside the ring and the man outside of it, but trouble happens when Randy blurs elements of his two different personalities.

Aronofsky makes the most of a very committed leading performance from Rourke, and he keeps the camera close and intimate for many of the interactions between his lead and the other people in his life. He also gets up close in the ring, especially when showing a couple of the tricks used to sell the hits and the wounds, but remembers to move around enough to show the crowd and the bright lights. 

Enough has been said already about what an amazing turn this is from Rourke, so I'll just say that I agree with all of the praise he received for this. The fact that both Tomei and Wood acquit themselves so well alongside him, particularly without feeling that they have to overact or shout to hold your attention, says everything you should need to know about their performances. Both have done consistently great work over the years, but both find just the right way to be believable and impressive in roles that could have easily been overshadowed by the large shadow cast by Rourke.

While it's very much about the life of a wrestler, and the toll that can take on the human body, this is also a film about anyone who has given their all to something, even as the rewards seem to dwindle while the losses grow. That might be a hobby, a trade, a sport, a relationship, or even a standard career. We don't always get back what we put in to things, but sometimes the crumbs that can be scavenged are as temporarily satisfying as the most sumptuous feast. Even as the dinner table starts to look more and more like it's being prepared for a last supper.

9/10

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Prime Time: Upgraded (2024)

A misunderstanding that leads to someone trying to maintain an unrealistic image of their life, a number of coincidences making everything more complicated on the way, and one or two supporting characters doing their best to trip up our lead. Yes, we’re firmly in rom-com territory with Upgraded, a film that I saw someone else cannily sum up as a standard rom-com mixed with more than a hint of The Devil Wears Prada. 

Camila Mendes plays Ana, a young intern struggling to make the right impression in front of her boss, a hard taskmaster named Claire (Marisa Tomei). While heading to the UK to close a deal that will gain them a hefty commission, they are in the business of evaluating and auctioning art, Ana is mistreated at the airport so appallingly that she is upgraded to first class by a kind ticket agent. It is in this unfamiliar environment that Ana meets Will (Archie Renaux), getting on so well that she is befriended by his mother (Catherine, played by Lena Olin). Which is all well and good, until she starts to develop a busy social life that might create a clash with her work duties.

Writers Christine Lenig, Justin Matthews, and Luke Spencer Robert’s don’t have the most extensive filmographies, but it quickly becomes clear that each member of the team knows the formula needed at the heart of this film. There are some quirky supporting characters and some surprisingly funny lines of dialogue in the first half of the movie, but we all know where it needs to end up. The truth needs to come out, and at least one big romantic gesture is always welcome.

Director Carlson Young has a similarly small body of work, certainly in her directing role, but has been acting, mainly in TV shows, for a number of years. She is arguably best known for her role in the Scream TV series, where she played Brooke Maddox, but the skill and polish on display here bodes well for her future as a helmer of slick popular entertainment.

Mendes is perfectly fine in the lead role, and Renaux pairs up well enough with her. The two of them are as cute and safe as expected, but they actually feel like they have chemistry as their meet-cute turns into something more. Tomei has a lot of fun being the super-mean and super-demanding boss, Olin also seems to enjoy being a quirky and loving socialite/ex-model/actress, joined at times by a carefree and spirited artist (played by Anthony Head), and two “mean girls” are played well by Rachel Matthews and Fola Evans-Akingbola. There are also enjoyable supporting turns from Andrew Schulz, Saoirse-Monica Jackson, and Thomas Kretschmann.

Easy to enjoy, as long as you’re in the mood for this kind of thing, this is the kind of film that should manage to force a smile out of even the most resistant of viewers. You get a good mix of characters, the cast all seem to be enjoying themselves immensely, and the third act delivers one or two very satisfying moments. It’s not sophisticated, it’s far from perfect (I have already forgotten any of the score/soundtrack, for example), but it’s a bloody good time while it’s on.

7/10

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Mubi Monday: Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)

Writer Kelly Masterson may not have a long list of credits to their name, but they certainly provide quality ahead of quantity. I have enjoyed everything I have seen from him so far, and there are one or two of his screenplays that I absolutely love. Including this one.

Things pretty much start with a botched robbery. Gunshots are fired, and people are wounded, in potentially fatal ways. We then start to jump back and forth in time, watching both the planning for the robbery and the many loose ends that need tied up in the aftermath. At the heart of everything stands Andy (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and Hank (Ethan Hawke), two brothers trying to seize an opportunity. Both need a large cash injection to improve their lives, and both have feelings for the lovely Gina (Marisa Tomei). Both also find themselves way out of their depth as soon as their plans go awry, but one of the brothers may have more determination to do whatever is necessary to turn their mistakes into an opportunity.

Directed by Sidney Lumet, a man who has directed more classics than I could list here (just check out his filmography and start working your way through them all, you won’t be disappointed), Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead is a classic neo-noir structured to draw viewers closer to the main characters before showing everything falling apart around them. Every extra detail revealed works to compound the initial error in judgement that set everyone on a path to somewhere predictably dark and unpleasant. Lumet isn’t interested in making things overly stylish or slick, and I don’t think he ever is, as he once again makes his life easier by marrying up a perfect cast to an absolutely brilliant script. There’s a sadness and desperation to the leads that stops them from ever feeling too entertaining or too cool, and each performance feels built wholly around a kernel of authenticity that makes it so much easier to watch the events unfold without feeling held back by a layer of cinematic artifice.

Hoffman and Hawke absolutely nail their onscreen sibling relationship, with both delivering superb performances that complement one another beautifully. Hoffman is the man with the plan, and the one who actually needs everything to work out as intended, while Hawke’s character is much more nervous, and much easier to push around than his brother. Tomei is an excellent choice for the role of Gina, a believable motivator for the men who want to keep her in their lives, and Albert Finney has a role that becomes more and more integral to the film as we watch things come to a head. On top of that, you have some screentime for Michael Shannon, Amy Ryan, Alexsa Palladino, and Leonardo Cimino, all doing excellent work, whether onscreen for just the one scene of a few different moments.

Carter Burwell’s score is a beautiful accompaniment to the changing pace of the writhing plot, and the very end of the film has both Masterson and Lumet making a couple of strong choices that I think were absolutely the right ones, delivering a finale that is impactful and satisfying.

I don’t know why I didn’t ever make time for this before, but I am glad I finally got around to it now. Slot it into your own viewing schedule as soon as you can. I cannot imagine anyone being disappointed by this.

9/10

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Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

If you have made it this long without having Spider-Man: No Way Home spoiled for you then I congratulate you. I'll also try not to spoil anything here, although that makes this review a little bit trickier. I AM going to work on the assumption that most people saw one or two of the trailers, revealing some familiar villains coming back to our screens.

The basic plot concerns Peter Parker/Spiderman (Tom Holland) having quite a miserable time of things, all because of the repercussions from his battle with Mysterio. Everyone knows who he is, and everyone has a view on his actions. Some of them believe the lie fabricated by Mysterio. Some don't. What's worse is that it's not just affecting Peter, but also the ones closest to him. His friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) and his girlfriend, MJ (Zendaya), are guilty by association, which leads to them being unable to get into the colleges they have applied for. Desperate for things to go back to how they were, Peter heads to Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) and asks him to cast a spell that will make people forget who he is. The spell goes just a bit wrong, resulting in our universe being invaded by characters who have met other incarnations of Spiderman in other universes.

Director Jon Watts and writers Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers may not have been the only people shepherding this Spiderman through his latest cinematic trilogy, but they have certainly been there for each instalment, helping to maintain the balance of light fun and major peril that our friendly neighbourhood Spiderman has dealt with over the past few years. This is the darkest of the new Spidey films yet, but it still allows plenty of time for humour, and it still incorporates a bright, solid, colour palette for the majority of the runtime. It helps enormously that Holland has a brightness to him that lights the screen further whenever he's not being beaten down by overwhelming odds.

Holland does his best work yet here (in these movies, I'm not talking about his entire career), moving from lighter moments to moments that are all the more heartbreaking because of his vulnerability, and it's hard to imagine what the bigwigs will plan next for the character. They clearly have to keep making the most of having Holland in the role, but this feels like a tough one to top. And yet, somewhat paradoxically, it's far from the best Spiderman movie. It's overlong, it's overstuffed, it's all just a bit overdone, and the third act has to ensure that every single character gets at least one satisfying moment. And the CGI is equally overdone, even if it is generally at a very high standard.

As well as Holland, both Zendaya and Batalon are as good as they have been in the previous movies. Cumberbatch has fun, playing a strong supporting role. And there’s pure joy in seeing the return of characters played by Alfred Molina, Willem Dafoe, Jamie Foxx, Thomas Haden Church, and Rhys Ifans, with each actor appearing to relish the opportunity to give their character a better resolution. Marisa Tomei remains an excellent Aunt May, doing her best to help and protect her nephew as danger crowds around them. And there are at least three other cameos/supporting turns that will have fans enthralled and delighted while the screen is loaded up with one treat upon another.

It’s clear that this has been made with the aim of really pleasing fans of the web-slinger, especially those who have enjoyed every one of his modern cinematic outings. Pretty much every big rumour you already heard about is true, but that doesn’t lessen the impact of every wonderful moment, whether big or small. It’s just a shame that it feels like a bit too much, this is a film that would have worked better split into two. It’s stimulation overload, just barely allowing the quieter, more sombre, moments time to breathe. That doesn’t mean that it’s not great, it just also feels slightly exhausting as you move towards the inevitably super-busy third act.

With great film-making tools comes great responsibility. The people putting this extravaganza together have been very careful to treat the characters with care. They just weren’t quite so careful with the pacing and the excess of visual effects.

8/10

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The King Of Staten Island (2020)

Pete Davidson, in case you are unaware of him, has established a persona of being a lovable asshole. He's been doing some fun work on SNL, and is almost equally well-known for being someone who lost his firefighter father when he was only a young boy (during the work to rescue people trapped in the rubble of the attack on the Twin Towers on September 11th).

In The King Of Staten Island, which Davidson co-wrote with Dave Sirus and director Judd Apatow, he plays Scott, a young man who has never really managed to get over the fact that his firefighter father died in the line of duty when he was a young boy. He acts like it doesn't bother him, most of the time, but it clearly does. And it bothers him even more to see his mother (Marisa Tomei) become involved with another firefighter (Bill Burr). Will this affect his desire to be an inconsistent tattoo artist, get stoned, and maintain a far-too-casual relationship with the lovely Kelsey (Bel Powley)?

A lot of how you feel about The King Of Staten Island will depend on two factors. First, how you feel about Davidson. I get that his schtick isn't for everyone, but he has a nice line in self-deprecation mixed in with his attempts to get a gasp or laugh from people. Second, how you feel about Apatow movies. Yes, this runs for just over two hours. Of course. At least Stephen King used to remember how to churn out slim and exciting stories. Apatow has needed an editor on every one of his comedy features. Having said that, The King Of Staten Island doesn't feel overlong, thanks to the way it is structured. It has four main acts, and each one develops nicely from the one preceding it.

The central performances are great, and Davidson's character works with everyone that he's alongside. He's a sweet son used to pushing his luck with his mother, he's constantly antagonistic towards Burr's character, he cares for a girl he is also scared to commit to, and he goofs around with friends who allow him to stay comfortably in his state of arrested development. He also works well with the two youngest main cast members, Luke David Blumm and Alexis Rae Forlenza, maintaining that cool and messed-up older brother vibe he gave off in Big Time Adolescence. It's very much a two-way street though, with Davidson surrounded by top talent. As well as everyone mentioned, who are all on absolutely great form, you get some nice little turns from Steve Buscemi, Pamela Adlon, Maude Apatow, Ricky Velez, Lou Wilson, and Moises Arias.

There aren't any major set-pieces here, nothing that stands out as the easiest scene to use in selling the film, and some may want more laughs from it, but The King Of Staten Island is one of the best comedies I've seen in the past couple of years. And it also turns into something surprisingly sweet without feeling untrue to the nature of the central characters.

9/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Rewrite (2014)

The Rewrite is just about as predictable as a movie can be. It's not even too far removed from many other Hugh Grant movies from the last couple of decades. And I really enjoyed, I tell you, REALLY enjoyed it. Despite the predictability, I almost rated it even higher than I eventually did.

Grant stars as Keith Michaels, an Oscar-winning writer who hasn't recaptured that glory in many years. He as had numerous meetings that lead to nothing and he needs some money. So he accepts a teaching job in Binghampton, despite believing that writing cannot be taught. Instead of reading all of the script extracts that should be the deciding factor on who gets into the class, he picks attractive girls (including Karen, played by Bella Heathcote, who he has also slept with on his first night in town) and a couple of non-threatening males. There's someone else who wants to get into his class. A woman (Holly, played by Marisa Tomei) who tries to hold on to optimism, whatever life has thrown her way. Will the students learn anything? Can Keith even make it to the end of term? He has a couple of allies (played by Chris Elliott and J. K. Simmons) but quickly makes a powerful enemy (Allison Janney).

The Rewrite is written and directed by Marc Lawrence, the man who also gave us Hugh Grant vehicles such as Two Weeks Notice, Music & Lyrics, and Did You Hear About The Morgans? I haven't seen that last movie YET but this film is very much in line with the first two. Grant is someone who, throughout the course of the film, eventually learns some lessons while finding himself growing closer to someone who may become a love of his life. Hs charm and humour help people to overlook his flaws as he wades through territory that is unfamiliar to him, and there's usually a major wobble in the third act that has to be fixed for a standard, happy, rom-com ending. Lawrence does this so entertainingly, helped by his leads and the whole supporting cast, that it's easy to actually admire the formulaic nature of it, rather than resent it.

Grant is as wonderful as he usually is in this kind of role, working a fun mix of cynicism, desperation, and a small shred of hope that he can see things out long enough to get back on his feet. Tomei is equally wonderful, she has been a romantic lead in many other movies and is always believably warm and lovable in those roles. Heathcote does well, as do Andrew Keenan Bolger, Steven Kaplan, Emily Morden, Annie Q, and the other women playing the students. Simmons is a delight as a man who jokingly gripes about being the only man in a household with his wife and daughters, and who always gets emotional when he starts talking about them in earnest, Elliott is fun as a teacher who wishes that his ability yo find a Shakespeare quote for any occasion could improve his lot in life, and Janney is very welcome in a role that could have easily gone to a lesser-known performer.

The only downside I can think of is the decidely average score. Well, you also have the formula, sometimes feeling almost slavishly adhered to. This is disposable entertainment. It just happens to be disposable entertainment that made me smile, laugh, and feel satisfyingly entertained from start to finish. Others might even agree with me.

6/10

You can buy The Rewrite here.
Americans can buy it here.