Prime Time: F Valentine's Day (2026)

AKA F**k Valentine's Day.

It may not be an entirely new phenomenon, but there seem to be more rom-coms nowadays that try to push themselves as something pretending to be anti-rom-coms. F Valentines Day is one of those movies, as if you couldn't guess from the title.

Virginia Gardner plays Gina, a young woman who hates Valentine's Day. It's her birthday, but the day is given over to love and hearts and a multitude of ways to force people to spend extra money and engage in extravagant displays of affection. She explains that to Johnny (Jake Cannavale) when he delivers her a pizza that happens to be shaped into a heart for the big day. As an apology for ranting at him, she then gives him a holiday gift voucher valued at $5,000 (although Gina thinks it is just a $50 voucher). Then Gina meets Andrew (Skylar Astin). They don't seem compatible, but maybe that's what they both need. Maybe that's why Andrew plans a holiday after they've been dating for about a year, and maybe that's why he's planning to propose. Gina does not want that proposal, certainly not on Valentine's Day, and it's quite lucky that she's at the same resort as Johnny and his twin sister (Mickey, played by Sabrina Bartlett).

F Valentine's Day has a few decent gags here and there, but nowhere near enough for the 95-minute runtime, and certainly not enough to offset the fact that the main character isn't particularly easy to like. Gina is defined by two main traits: her hatred of Valentine's Day and her ability to lie with ease. Andrew may be what she thinks she needs, but he's hard to like in a different way, mainly due to being too bland and willing to settle with someone so clearly not suitable for him. Writer Steve Bencich may have thought that the mismatch would be entertaining and amusing enough, and he may have thought that the third act here is subversive and satisfying enough to keep most viewers happy, but that isn't the case. This is a film that feels mildly enjoyable for a few moments (particularly any scenes that feature Natasha Leggero and Lil Rel Howery), but then moves between irritating and simply mean.

Director Mark Gantt has too much faith in the material, especially when he doesn't even try to distract viewers with a good enough cast. In fact, he doesn't try to distract viewers with anything else. There's a disappointing lack of big laughs, no light and smile-inducing montage moments, no upbeat soundtrack selections, and certainly nothing I would consider a worthwhile set-piece. Aside from the aforementioned Leggero and Howery, the best moments have Gina just receiving some decent advice from her caring mother (Marisa Tomei). Those scenes work because Gina can't keep up the facade that she tends to keep up with everyone else in her life.

Perhaps I'm affected by how much I disliked her character, but Gardner doesn't work here in the lead role. The film needed someone with much more charisma to make up for the inherent character flaws. The same goes for Astin, who never once gets to have even just a hint of edge to his personality, and neither Cannavale nor Bartlett can do enough to overcome the limitations that the screenplay puts on them. I'll mention Leggero and Howery a third time, they deserve it, and Tomei is someone I will never complain about seeing in any role (even if it's not one of her best movies, and this is far from one of her best movies).

Although I didn't really enjoy this, it's probably an easy choice for people to pick if they're browsing their streaming services and hoping to find something that offers a bit of romance without too much of the sugar and schmaltz. It doesn't avoid those things completely, but it's like a Valentine's Day chocolate dessert with a surprisingly sour centre. Some will really like that contrast. I'll always prefer a straightforward molten chocolate cake with some cool cream or ice cream on the side.

4/10

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Dashing Through The Snow (2023)

A film in which Ludacris plays someone named Chris Kringle, obviously. Oh no, wait, he plays someone named Chris Bridges. No. No, no, no, that is also wrong. Chris “Ludacris” Bridges plays Eddie Garrick. That is how I wanted to start this review. It would seem, from his billing here, that Ludacris may be wanting to creep towards having a name that is a bit less, well, ludicrous. Which is all well and good, and understandable, but I am still going to refer to him as Ludacris for the rest of this review. It’s just much easier, it’s advantageous for him, and we will wait and see if he eventually drops the moniker completely.

So, to summarize, Eddie Garrick is a man who doesn’t really believe in the magic of Christmas. He tries his best to help others who might be struggling with the season though, using his skills as a social worker to help defuse any situation when someone is going through a crisis. Picking up his daughter for a Christmas Eve visit, Eddie then ends up encountering an individual who claims to be Santa. Whether or not he is, he is in trouble, having accidentally picked up an iPad that belongs to some bad people while misplacing his own (which has Santa’s list on it - tech changes, but the Santa basic’s don’t).

Written by Scott Rosenberg and directed by Tim Story, this is a film not lacking in talent behind the camera. Both of those men have been involved with some enjoyable blockbuster movies. They are tasked here with delivering not just a Christmas movie, but a Disney Christmas movie. This is fairly obvious and unsophisticated fare, mixing in some father-daughter bonding, a Santa who never feels like he might not be Santa, and the kind of inept criminals who would be outsmarted by a small child in the later Home Alone sequels.

Ludacris is fine in the main role, being as grumpy and cynical as he needs to be up until the inevitable turning point. Madison Skye Validum is also very good, playing the daughter who easily accepts the potential for magic and might help her dad see things a bit differently. She’s unfazed by the events unfolding around her, happy to be on such a crazy adventure with her dad. As for the Santa figure, that’s Lil Rel Howery in the red suit, and he’s a lot of fun in the role, being as jolly and carefree as expected, yet also slightly manipulative while helping teach someone a lesson. Teyonnah Parris is stuck in a very minor supporting role, Oscar Nuñez is the brains behind the criminal shenanigans for the evening, and there are one or two other familiar faces in the cast (including Mary Lynn Rajskub).

Although obviously a family film, this often feels like it  is trying to appeal to younger kids ahead of anyone else. That’s fine, especially in the scenes that work well (and most children will be very pleased by a finale that brings in a fun “cavalry” to help our main characters), but it’s clear sometimes that the film holds back from being as creative or silly as it could have been. Someone wanted this to “skew young”, but not at the same corner of more general appeal. Which makes it slightly less satisfying, because it feels like two tonally different films forced together like a couple of jigsaw pieces showing different parts of the same picture. You could say, mayyyyyybe, that it would have benefited from being a bit more ludicrous, ironically enough.

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Out-Laws (2023)

While I was pleasantly surprised to see that The Out-Laws, the latest comedy feature to drop on Netflix, had a very reasonable 95-minute runtime, I was even more surprised to soon discover that it was also quite funny. A lot of that depends on your tolerance for Adam Devine, who does his usual schtick here (but dialled down slightly), but if you enjoy the leads then you should have some fun with this.

Devine plays Owen Browning, a happy bank manager who is about to get married to Parker McDermott (Nina Dobrev). Although Owen has never met Parker's parents, they end being able to change their plans and ensure a visit just in time for the wedding. That means Owen has to try and bond with Billy (Pierce Brosnan) and Lilly (Ellen Barkin) in a very short space of time, which means . . . alcohol. After an evening of drinking and conversation, Owen spends his next workday hungover, and his day gets much worse when his bank is robbed. The robbers knew every part of his security system, and they seemed very familiar with Own. Could the prospective in-laws be bank-robbing outlaws?

If I had looked into the filmographies of everyone involved here then I doubt I would have given it a chance already. It's the first feature from writer Evan Turner, and the first non-sequel feature from writer Ben Zazove (who previously helped to pen Gnomeo & Juliet 2: Sherlock Gnomes). Director Tyler Spindel is a name I should have recognised, having given us the awfulness of The Wrong Missy back in 2020. Despite their dubious backgrounds, however, everyone comes together well to make something well-paced and full of decent gags. The emphasis is much more on the comedy than any action, but it sketches out enough details throughout to keep things feeling as plausible as they need to be.

While Devine is fun in his main role, he's helped enormously by sharing so much of the screentime with Brosnan and Barkin, both seeming to enjoy themselves amidst all the silliness. Brosnan is particularly fun, using his twinkly-eyed Irish charm to full effect, but he and Barkin are always very much a couple who complete one another. Dobrev does okay in her smaller role, predictably placed in danger at least once, and Michael Rooker takes on the role of the determined cop out to catch the bank robbers, and suspecting that it could have been an inside job. Poorna Jagannathan is an entertaining villain, although not really ever very threatening, and the rest of the supporting cast provides some great additional value. Not only do you get fun little moments for Dean Winters, Lil Rel Howery, Blake Anderson, and Lauren Lapkus (a LOT more amusing here than she was in The Wrong Missy, but you get some effortless scene-stealing from the wonderful Richard Kind and Julie Hagerty, playing Neil and Margie Browning, Owen's parents.

Surprisingly good for this kind of thing, certainly compared to a number of other Netflix comedy films that they've released over the past few years, The Out-Laws is as easy to enjoy as it is easy to predict. It's also a very easy one to choose when you're looking for a simple bit of fun entertainment to while away some time. I doubt we'll remember it a few years from now, as is the way with most of the streaming content that somehow feels less substantial than the films and shows released via more traditional means (e.g. does anyone else remember Hemlock Grove?), but it's here now, and that's the main thing. Apparently.

7/10

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Free Guy (2021)

Another Ryan Reynolds comedy, another film benefiting from his voiceover narration (which seems to be the best way to utilise his onscreen presence), and another film allowing him to retain his current status as someone we can all collectively love for a variety of reasons, Free Guy also stands out from the crowd nowadays, much like the worthwhile Ted Lasso, by simply celebrating the benefits of being good. It celebrates the ability to be a nice person, even as the world around you tries to make you feel like a weakling for showing even a hint of kindness at times.

Reynolds plays Guy, a NPC in a videogame that doesn’t feel a million miles removed from Grand Theft Auto. The videogame may have been built using code created by Millie (Jodie Comer) and Keys (Joe Keery), and Millie spends as much time as possible within the game trying to find any sign of their old code, in an attempt to sue the rich and powerful head of Soonami Studios, Antwan. Guy has spent a lot of time just enjoying his days, working in a bank that is often robbed, and enjoying the company of his best friend, Buddy (Lil Rel Howery), but spying Millie AKA the woman he loves spurs him to take on a very different persona. Guy starts to level up, and he does it by doing good deeds, as opposed to the approach of robbing and shooting stuff that most players opt for.

Written by Matt Lieberman and Zak Penn (a great mix of family-friendly tone from the former throughout and the layered, referential, work that the latter has done a few times before), a lot of people have been busy finding comparisons between this movie and the likes of TRON and Ready Player One. While I can see those comparisons, Free Guy is actually more of a mix of The LEGO Movie and Wreck-It Ralph, with a hint of They Live in there (Guy sees the missions and extras around him when he puts on sunglasses that are usually only worn by player characters).

Director Shawn Levy is a dependable pair of hands, working with a team to create an interpretation of an online gaming world that crams in plenty of fun, in terms of the characters, the dialogue, and overall design of every scene. This is a film that will reward a number of repeat viewings, and Levy maintains a nice balance between the deceptively simple heart of the whole thing and the cavalcade of wonderful details throughout.

Reynolds is excellent in the lead role, very likeable and dialling down his standard smart-ass sassiness. Comer pairs up with him perfectly, being a skilled and tough woman always moving forward with a very specific aim. The chemistry between the two leads is almost perfect, all the way to a finale that manages to pull off what I thought was going to be the biggest hurdle, a truly satisfying ending. Keery gives good support, eventually helping Comer when he sees her getting tantalisingly close to finding the code, and Utkarsh Ambudkar is a lot of fun as Kerry’s colleague/friend who keeps trying to advise him to not rock the boat. Howery is wonderfully exuberant and sweet, Channing Tatum has a fun cameo role (and there are a few others to keep your eyes/ears peeled for), and Waititi seems to relish playing his douchebag character at a level of maximum douchebaggery.

The only thing working against Free Guy is a sense of familiarity as the videogame tropes are set up and played around with. But that’s not enough to drag it down much. As things stand, this is so far the best big cinema release of 2021, and I recommend it to pretty much everyone, but especially those who enjoy the two main animated movies that I mentioned earlier.

9/10

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Prime Time: Brittany Runs A Marathon (2019)

The feature debut from writer-director Paul Downs Colaizzo, I would advise everyone against seeking out Brittany Runs A Marathon if they are seeking the big laughs and hilarity mentioned in some of the quotes used to sell it. It's not that funny. I'm not saying this in a dismissive way. It never really feels as if it's meant to be funny, beyond the obvious amusement to be had as viewers watch Brittany begin her journey with no small amount of anger and frustration.

Jillian Bell is Brittany, a woman living in New York who has settled into a pattern of drinking and having fun with her friends, not looking after herself too well, and becoming slightly overweight. This isn't a problem for Brittany, at least she doesn't think of it as a problem until a doctor tells her that she should aim to lose weight and work on some healthier lifestyle choices. That starts her thinking about just what her main role in life is. And it leads to her eventually joining a running club that she is invited to by her neighbour, Catherine (Michaela Watkins). She also befriends a fellow runner, Seth (Micah Stock), and gets a dog/house-sitting job, where she meets a strange free-spirited man named Jern (Utkarsh Ambudkar). All of those people, plus her brother-in-law (Demetrius, played by Lil Rel Howery), help Brittany to figure out her way forward through life. But the road ahead won't be easy, and won't always necessarily be without setbacks.

Inspired by a real person (Brittany O'Neill) who was a roommate of the writer-director (maybe still is, for all I know), Brittany Runs A Marathon works as well as it does because it feels quite honest when it counts most. I put off watching this for some time because I assumed it was going to be a gender-switched version of Run, Fat Boy, Run. That's simply not the case. Brittany setting her sights on a marathon goal is just one aspect of the way she starts to recalibrate her vision, and her self-image. The marathon is a huge deal, I'm not going to deny that, but it's also insignificant in comparison to what else Brittany starts to work on while getting herself in the kind of condition required to run such an event.

Bell gives a very good performance in the lead role, starting off with a performance similar to many others that she's given us before showing the slipping of the mask and fighting constantly against her guard being let down. Watkins and Stock lend her strong support, paralleling the characters they play in the movie. Ambudkar comes along at just the right time, livening up the film when it needs a small boost, and Howery is a shining beacon of goodness whenever he's onscreen (well . . . his character is, and he plays him well). It's also worth mentioning Alice Lee, who plays Gretchen, the kind of friend you only ever want as a friend when you don't realise that you're worth better friends. Lee is suitably inconsiderate and awful.

Fair play to Colaizzo for not taking the easy option here, as this could have just been a straightforward comedy vehicle for Bell. I'm sure that would have worked just as well for many people, but this way of treating the material allows for some more thought-provoking moments, which are more of a surprise after those opening scenes that help to welcome you into the story with some laughs. Because of that important decision, you may not get quite what you wanted from this, but you may get something even better.

7/10

Netflix And Chill: Bird Box (2018)

It's fitting that those with the ability to see the world around them would have to have been blindfolded for the past few weeks to have somehow missed the promotion and memes that have been doing the rounds since Bird Box was released on Netflix. It all helped to turn the film into another big hit for the company (although exact numbers are always hard to come by when figuring out how good or bad things do on the platform).

Sandra Bullock is Malorie, a woman who was extremely happy at one point, just before the whole world went to hell. Malorie had been attending a standard check up on the health of her baby, accompanied by her sister (Jessica, played by Sarah Paulson), and then people started to act funny as they headed home. It's a strange force, something that people see that drives them to commit suicide. Malorie ends up in a house with some others (including Tom, played by Trevante Rhodes, and Douglas, played by John Malkovich) who have quickly surmised that the key to staying alive is to stop yourself from being able to see the outside world. But that makes things difficult when provisions need collected, and when there are some other people who are insane enough to want to help others look at what they somehow view as something glorious.

I approached Bird Box with no small amount of trepidation. Let's face it, I was already a week or two behind everyone else, a lot of people seemed to be having more fun with the memes than the actual movie itself, and I assumed that it was another case of Netflix doing a better job of creating viral content than a film that would actually impress me. I'm pleased to say that I was wrong.

This is a fantastic film. Not just a fantastic film to land on a home platform, although that undoubtedly helped it to snowball and find the kind of audience figures it may well have struggled to reel into cinemas, but a fantastic film for genre fans. Many have already labelled it as a cross between The Happening and A Quiet Place. While that comparison isn't entirely unwarranted, it's not exactly fare. Bird Box ends up being better than both of those films (which I know is an opinion that will leave me pretty lonely, in the case of the latter movie anyway, but I'm standing by it).

Based on a novel by Josh Malerman, the screenplay by Eric Heisserer is very good indeed, using jumps between the present and the past to help maintain tension and optimise the pacing. The fact that the central force is unseen (but physicality is certainly hinted at - people focus their sight somewhere, shadows are cast across windows, etc) helps to avoid any anticlimactic reveals, and there's also the variety added by the other survivors who become a problem, as happens in almost every "post-apocalyptic" movie, a subgenre that this film certainly has a foot in.

Director Susanne Bier has a solid enough filmography, although nothing that seems to be as horror-tinged as this is. But that may be another factor that really helps, Bier helps to keep everything consistent in tone by allowing the characters to lead the way, simply allowing the situation to allow them to show more of themselves as they have to act and react quickly, to preserve their own lives and anyone else they decide to try and protect.

Bullock is excellent in the lead role, but that's not much of a surprise to anyone who has been a fan of her work over the years (and I count myself among them), but I doubt the film would have worked as well if they'd placed it all on her shoulders, a la Gravity. No, this time around, a strong lead performance is boosted by strong supporting turns from a cast that includes Trevante Rhodes (who is very good), John Malkovich (as excellent as ever), Jacki Weaver (underused), Danielle Macdonald (saddled with being the character who makes the decisions that will make you roll your eyes), and Tom Hollander (very good in a role that is perhaps the weakest link in the whole film). There are also good performances from Paulson, B D Wong, Rosa Salazar, Lil Rel Howery, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Parminder Nagra, and young Vivien Lyra Blair and Julian Edwards as the young children accompanying Bullock for part of her journey.

Because of the sheer number of people who rushed to see this, Bird Box has very quickly proven to be a divisive film. And I already know a lot of people who don't want to watch it because they're already fed up of the gags that have gone viral. I would say, as with most movies, it's still well worth your time. See it and make up your own mind about the film itself. Not the marketing, not the reaction to it, just the film. And I hope you end up enjoying it almost as much as I did.

8/10

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