The Apprentice (2024)

I understand why people may be less inclined to check out this film right now. All of the warnings have been there for decades, and we've had even more time to watch Donald Trump showcase his incompetence, pettiness, and inhumanity over the past few years, but The Apprentice is a surprisingly fantastic watch, not just because it reminds us all of the fact that nothing the snake-oil salesman who bagged himself a return trip to the White House says or does nowadays is new. He's just repeating from a playbook that he's been using for most of the past half century, and that playbook was written for him by Roy Cohn.

While we all know the Donald Trump of today as a convicted felon, a bully who has been found guilty of sexual abuse, and someone who has allegedly been recruited as a Russian asset way back in the 1980s (according to a couple of different sources), he was once just a pathetic young man who wanted to impress his parents and be one of the rich people that others become desperate to spend time with. He already had his narcissism in place, and a weak nature that would see him beg for help from people until he could get enough leverage to keep his own place at the big table, but he wasn't yet the great monster that he is today. Enter Roy Cohn (Jeremy Strong). Cohn meets Donald Trump (played here by Sebastian Stan) in the 1970s, and they form a friendship and business relationship that basically shows Donald how to keep getting his way throughout his entire life. Attack, deny everything, and claim any loss as a victory. This is a Frankenstein tale, but there are many Victor Frankensteins here, and just as many monsters, each working to reconstruct the other in different ways. 

Although this is the second feature film written by Gabriel Sherman, I have decided not to hold the awfulness of Independence Day: Resurgence against him. This is so good that I absolutely forgive him, and look forward to whatever he's got lined up for future projects. It helps that director Ali Abbasi is at the helm, someone who has spent the past decade making features that range from very good to absolutely superb (I encourage everyone to also check out Border and Holy Spider). Abbasi knows how to handle material that dances between light and extreme darkness, and he puts that skill to very good use here. He also owes a huge thank you to those who helped to cast the film.

Stan is absolutely brilliant in a role that could have easily been mishandled. He somehow avoids being a clown who becomes a complete villain, although his performance is shaded with both. Nothing is shown here to excuse the behaviour of Donald, but there's a fascinating look at how some of his attitudes were shaped and how he would so often look up to, and put on a pedestal, people who many of us would view as absolute scumbags. Strong has an absolute blast playing one of the biggest scumbags, someone so monstrous that he initially makes little Donnie look like a pussycat, but it's interesting that this year saw both Strong and Kieran Culkin receive a lot of praise for film performances that weren't really too far removed from the personalities they had nurtured throughout five seasons of the superb Succession. Martin Donovan and Catherine McNally are the elder Trumps, Charlie Carrick is the lost brother, and Maria Bakalova adds to her impressive body of work with a captivating portrayal of Ivana.

Although we have much more recent history to learn from, people should really watch this to be reminded of just how much time Donald Trump has spent being an inexorably unpleasant and greedy narcissist who will do anything for a bit of power to wield against others. I doubt this will reach the right people, anyone choosing to watch it will probably not be a member of the bizarre cult he has developed in the past decade, but if there's a chance that even one of those people he managed to confound with his tired razzle dazzle routine can have their blinkers removed, or at least slightly damaged, then that would be a huge bonus. Mind you, the fact that it is out in the world, and making the small-minded bully angry and unable to do anything about it, is just as much of a bonus.

8/10

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Come To Daddy (2019)

Any film that features Elijah Wood shuffling around with the haircut of that guy that used to live at the back of our local shops and carry his whole life around in a dozen plastic bags is going to be a) weird, and b) worth your time. Come To Daddy is certainly weird. It's also very much worth your time.

Directed by Ant Timpson, who also came up with the idea for the story which was turned into screenplay form by Toby Harvard, it's almost not worth going into detail here. Suffice to say, Come To Daddy is best enjoyed without knowing any of the twists and turns it contains, and it's also a film in which many of the characters are pretending to be someone they're not. That goes for Norval Greenwood (Wood), his father, and anyone else who wanders into the proceedings.

I guess I should still try to summarise. Here's the most vague summary I can come up with. Norval Greenwood embarks on a trip to reconnect with his estranged father. Hijinks ensue. And when I say hijinks I am actually referring to conflict, tension, and a disturbing scene involving a pen smeared with feces. That covers the main points.

Wood is a lot of fun here. He's clearly uncomfortable at all times, trying to impress someone he shouldn't be that bothered by, and clearly trying to keep up a facade. Stephen McHattie is as good as ever, antagonising Wood and being thoroughly unlikeable, while also being inherently likeable due to his innate McHattie-ness, you get a small role for Martin Donovan, and there's a scene-stealing turn from Michael Smiley, who comes into things at about the halfway mark and really shakes everything up with the nature of his character.

Timpson puts everything together well, following the twisty script from Harvard while allowing the strong performances to carry viewers through the building atmosphere of head-messing strangeness and general what-the-fuckery. While it's no surprise to discover that this is written by someone who helped to write The Greasy Strangler, it's very easy to assume that Timpson has a number of other features to his credit already. He doesn't. This is his feature directorial debut, but there's nothing to signify that in the slick professionalism of the final product.

This won't work for everyone, and if you dislike it then I can safely assume that you will probably REALLY dislike it, but if you hop on for this dark and twisted ride, willing to go along with it all, then I think you will be able to appreciate it as a bold and warped thriller that also has a rich vein of pitch-black comedy running all the way through it. You just need to know what you're getting into, which is a film that doesn't want you to ever be sure or what you're getting into. Does that all make complete sense? No? Good, you're ready to check out the film now.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Death Becomes Her (1992)

Although you may worry whenever you hear the words "a film directed by Robert Zemeckis that also serves as an FX showcase", there's really no need. In fact, it's worth remembering that Zemeckis spent many years perfectly marrying entertaining concepts to the latest technology that would help him best present things. Then he got a bit carried away with himself.

Death Becomes Her is the tale of a man (Dr. Ernest Menville, played by Bruce Willis) who leaves his girlfriend (Helen Sharp, played by Goldie Hawn) to embark on a life with a famous and beautiful actress (Madeline Ashton, played by Meryl Streep). This changes all three individuals for the worse. Ernest becomes bitter, and drinks excessively while he works on dead bodies. Madeline is afraid of ageing, and seeks solace in the company of at least one younger man. And Helen is just miserable at what she lost, and wants some revenge. When the day comes for that revenge to take place, everything is complicated by the fact that Madeline has managed to get her hands on a potion that will give her immortality. But being immortal means you really need to look after the one body you have.

Written by Martin Donovan and David Koepp, this is a wonderful black comedy that blends The Picture Of Dorian Grey with no small amount of Sunset Blvd. Although these three characters could have been from any walk of life, the fact that one is a doctor and one an actress allows for some more pointed digs at the notions of vanity, the pressures on so many in the entertainment industry to have cosmetic surgery, and the attitudes and failings of people who cannot find themselves content with all of their blessings in life.

Zemeckis does a great job here. Using the first half of the film to weave lots of fun jokes in between the character development (there's not much, but it's there) before treating the halfway point as a turnstile into the FX-laden second half, which leads to plenty of superb visual gags working alongside the dialogue. The special effects, a mix of practical gags and computer work, hold up brilliantly. Almost thirty years later, this is better than even some major films released in the last decade.

Although she didn't enjoy the experience of working with all of the special effects, Streep is on top form in her role. All three leads are great, with Willis being atypically schlubby and Hawn a bit more calculating and sharp than usual, but Streep stays just a little ahead of everyone, thanks to it being quite a different role for her and the fact that she's the focus of many of the memorable effects. Ian Ogilvy also raises a smile in his brief appearance, and Isabella Rossellini is the mysterious and alluring woman who offers up the chance of immortality before belatedly adding words of caution.

Not entirely dissimilar to many short tales that have warned us against the perils of trying to gain immortality (from the many miserable vampires who have found the experience lacking to the kind of stories you get from Ray Bradbury and Tales From The Crypt, to name just a couple), Death Becomes Her is slick, macabre fun that also proves to be eminently rewatchable.

7/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

Wind Chill (2007)

Playing out like a mix of Frozen and Dead End, Wind Chill is a decent supernatural horror movie that just lacks that certain something. Perhaps it's the thin characterisations, or perhaps it's the sensation of randomness that affects portions of the film, especially the middle third.

Emily Blunt is the girl who hitches a lift home for the Christmas break. The driver is a young man (Ashton Holmes) who, as it turns out, is really looking forward to spending some time with Miss Blunt. And who can blame him? Well, his passenger can blame him when he takes them along a back road that leads to an accident, leaving them stranded in the cold. The sub-zero temperature is bad enough, but the restless spirits that seem to congregate near their car prove to be even more problematic.

Written by Joe Gangemi and Steven Katz, this is a script that doesn't even name the two main characters. Seriously, they're called Girl and Guy. Thankfully, they seem to have spent more time on the rest of the story, and have paid particular attention to the well-crafted scares and shiver-inducing atmosphere (in terms of both spookiness and physical temperature).

Director Gregory Jacobs does well enough with the basic elements, although there are many times during which the screen feels slightly too dark. Other than that, however, the camerawork seems decent enough, the special effects work well, there's a decent score from Clint Mansell, and there's great use of the song "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree".

Blunt is someone I always tend to like onscreen, and she manages to remain likable here, despite the fact that her character doesn't start off seeming very nice at all. She's quick to complain to the driver about his car, and then spends most of her time talking to someone at the other end of her mobile phone. The script, and Blunt's performance, prevent this behaviour from becoming too annoying, at least until she has genuine reasons to complain. Holmes takes most of this mild abuse in his stride, which becomes easier to understand when his motive becomes clear. He also gives the kind of performance pitched perfectly between sweet and creepy, which allows the movie to twist and turn when things start to wade further into outright horror territory. Martin Donovan is appropriately scary as a nasty Highway Patrolman, and Ned Bellamy is onscreen, seemingly, to pad the running time out by ten minutes or so.

A few people like this more than I did. It's one that I've seen recommended to horror fans every now and again, and most respond well to it. I liked it, and I wanted to like it even more. Unfortunately, that choppy, random middle section just dragged the whole thing down by a couple of points.

6/10

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Nurse AKA Nurse 3-D (2013)

"My name is Abigail Russell. I look like a slut, but don't be fooled—this is merely a disguise to lure the dangerous predators who walk among us. This is their jungle, their breeding ground, and tonight I am on the hunt. These are the cheaters, the married, lying scum. They are like diseased cells cultured in alcoholic petri dishes that destroy unsuspecting families and infect millions of innocent vaginas. There is no cure for the married cock—only me, the nurse."

That is how Nurse begins. A title card explaining statistics of those who kill while in the medical profession and then scenes accompanied by the above words being narrated by the main character, a psychopathic nurse going by the name of Abigail Russell (played by Paz de la Huerta). You'll either go with it or you won't.

I'm always saying how much I enjoy movies that don't pretend to be anything other than whatever they're aiming for. I would never say that art is art, and trash is trash, and never the twain shall meet. Although that IS a pretty good general rule of thumb. Nurse is trash. It knows that it's trash, and it's happy to be trash from beginning to end. 

Riffing on material that will be familiar to anyone who has seen Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, or any one of the hundreds of other psycho thrillers from the past few decades, Nurse shows the unbalanced Abigail taking quite a shine to a nurse named Danni (Katrina Bowden). In between killing sleazy, cheating men, Abigail decides to do whatever it takes to get Danni closer to her. Unfortunately, she pushes too hard, simply showing herself up as the psycho that she is.

When watching Nurse, you're never more than a few minutes away from either some gratuitous nudity or some entertaining nastiness. It's that commitment to keep things so entertaining from start to finish that helps the movie become more than the sum of its parts. Trash plus trash plus more trash can become treasure, and that's the case here (admittedly, not everyone will agree with me). Director Douglas Aarniokoski, who also co-wrote the movie with David Loughery, seems to know just how to pitch everything, and he's helped immensely by the game cast.

Paz de la Huerta gives the kind of performance so bad that, in line with everything else in the movie, it transcends standard quality checks to become something wonderful. Bowden is as good as she usually is, and she's fast become someone I like seeing in movies, Corbin Bleu is fine as Bowden's boyfriend, which automatically puts him at risk, and Niecy Nash is a lot of fun as another nurse, Regina. Martin Donovan and Judd Nelson both get to play sleazebags, Boris Kodjoe is the detective who gets involved with the girls, and there's even a brief cameo for Kathleen Turner (which is, I assume, a tribute to her enduring status as one of the most memorable femme fatales, thanks to her turn in Body Heat).

If you go into this movie expecting something even remotely remembering a serious, tense thriller then you've only got yourself to blame if you end up baffled by the viewing experience. If, however, you know what you're letting yourself in for then you can just sit back and have a whale of a time.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Nurse-Blu-ray/dp/B00HW3EZXQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1404610653&sr=8-1&keywords=nurse+3d

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

I enjoyed the movie version of Silent Hill. I have fond memories of playing the game many years ago and the movie recreated a lot of imagery that I'll always remember with fondness (fondness = paralysing fear as I played the game at night with the lights out and then started to panic whenever I heard a siren signalling the approach of "the darkness"). So when I started to hear the negative reaction towards this sequel I still held onto hope. Some people had, after all, hated the first movie.

Alas, the majority were right on this occasion. Silent Hill: Revelation is rubbish. It's a lot of cool imagery from the games created thanks to some varying CGI with nothing substantial to call an actual plot. Of course, the plot of the first movie wasn't exactly anything to write home about, but it did enough to get by while the atmosphere was heaped on in thick, thick spoonfuls.

Adelaide Clemens plays a young woman who lives a transient, anonymous life. This is all done because her dad (Sean Bean) has warned her that Silent Hill wants to claim her. He's right. But changing address and keeping a low profile isn't enough to stop Silent Hill reaching out and trying to get what it wants. The darkness starts to fall, bringing strange visions with it.

Written and directed by Michael J. Bassett (who, of course, had the mythology of the games - adapted into a movie idea by Laurent Hadida - to work from), this film just doesn't work as a film. There are individual moments that manage to impress, such as a sequence involving the famous, creepy, nurse characters, but these are few and far between. Any twists and turns can be predicted well ahead of time, the CGI varies wildly between great and godawful and there are exactly zero characters that viewers will care about.

Clemens is okay in the lead role, she's just stuck with bad material, and Sean Bean and Radha Mitchell don't have much time onscreen as her parents, but everyone else is wasted, with Martin Donovan almost managing to be the exception. When a film with so much potential manages to squander the talents of Deborah Kara Unger, Carrie-Anne Moss AND Malcolm McDowell then it deserves any critical lashing that it receives (and this did receive a fair bit already). As for Kit Harington, his role is such a bag of cliches and signposted moments that he's not really required to give any kind of performance, he just has to hit his marks and spout horrible dialogue. Okay, okay, he has to give SOME kind of performance, of course, but it's impossible to judge thanks to the treatment of his character, which seems to have been written by a particularly low-level Auto-scripting program.

There's enough here, on the surface, to almost make the movie worth a watch. It's below average, but some of the visuals are enjoyable and I, for one, like getting to revisit parts of Silent Hill. Your best option, however, is to simply rewatch the first movie. Or, if you're a gamer, replay the videogames.

4/10

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The Haunting In Connecticut (2009)

I used to absolutely love haunted house movies. They would always entertain me and also scare the pants off me at the same time. The Amityville Horror (both versions), The Changeling, The Legend Of Hell House and The Haunting (1963) are a few of my favourites. Yet the tide of my opinion has been turning over the past 5-10 years. I think the fact that so many of them nowadays are labelled "based on a true story" or "based on the horrifying truth" or "based on the book based on the facts told to the neighbour by some previous owners" has turned me against them. Because, it seems, the more that they purport to be based on fact the easier it is to spot how false it all feels.

Here are a few common factors to spot in any modern haunted house movie "based on a true story" - the family is already under some kind of stress (emotional or financial), someone always helps them when things get a lot worse and, coincidentally, when the family unit is weakened. Kids are usually at the epicentre of events (this is often explained away by the fact that puberty and raging hormones encourages supernatural activity or some other hogwash). And, of course, most of the facts are based on testimonies as opposed to any actual, ummmm, evidence.

Like Mulder, I still want to believe. It's just getting harder and harder to remain a wannabe believer.

This movie doesn't help.Written by Adam Simon and Tim Metcalfe, and directed by Peter Cornwell, it checks off all of the factors just mentioned and then puts them together to create something dull, unscary, predictable and borderline incompetent (just count the amount of "jump" scares that don't work because of the way that the camera moves and/or scene blocking indicate what's about to occur).

It's a shame because this movie wastes a damn good cast. Virginia Madsen is always someone I enjoy watching onscreen (and sorry to be so shallow but is she getting even finer in her 50s??) while Martin Donovan is solid enough. They play the parents to a cancer-stricken young man played by the excellent Kyle Gallner. Amanda Crew is an acceptable young actress and then we have a supporting turn from the superb Elias Koteas. They're all left floundering.

The poor script isn't laughably bad but it's just dull and seems to be two steps behind the viewer. The CGI is sometimes okay but usually overdone and distractingly fake. The direction is awful. The only fact that rings true by the time the end credits roll is that you shouldn't waste your time on this.

3/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Haunting-in-Connecticut-the-DVD/dp/B0027UY836