Elf-Man (2011)

A Christmas vehicle for Jason 'Wee Man' Acuña (who will already be familiar to fans of the Jackass franchise), Elf-Man is a bit of silliness that makes up for the low budget and cheese with a couple of fun performances and some little jokes that actually work as intended.

It's coming up to Christmas, of course, and Eric Harper (Mackenzie Astin) has to get some last-minute errands done before settling in at home. Eric has been very busy making a scientific breakthrough that could change the energy usage of many homes. This makes him a target of a trio of robbers (Jeffrey Combs, Dave Coyne, and Larry Nichols), which also endangers his children (Ryan, played by Blake Kaiser, and Kasey, played by Carly Robell), grandma (Marty Terry), and the woman he is hoping to start a new relationship with (Amy, played by Mirelly Taylor). Things don't look good. Fortunately, there's an elf (Acuña) available to help them, but only if he can believe in himself as much as the others believe in him.

I'm not going to tell you that Elf-Man is actually any good. It cannot do enough to distract from the lack of resources, especially when there's a need for some special effects, and the acting is a mix of complete amateurism and absolute ham (Combs being the hammiest, and I don't mean that as a criticism). The simple tale tries to have a bit of something for everyone, considering the central message, the jokes, and the cast, but there's a chance that most end up hating it. Except me. I didn't love it, but I was amused by a few moments.

Director Ethan Wiley has a few other movies under his belt, having started his directorial career with a couple of horror sequels, as does his screenplay co-writer Richard Jefferies, but it's hard to think of anyone being able to do much better with what's available here. Considering this is a vehicle for him, a big hurdle is the limited acting ability of Acuña. I like the guy, but he's definitely not a great actor.

A few other cast members do better though. Combs is the star, showing why he's had such an enduring career that has gained him a loyal fanbase. He's aided by fun turns from Coyne and Nichols (the villains are often the most fun parts of this kind of film). Kaiser and Robell do okay as the two children, Taylor and Astin aren't too bad, and Terry just has to spend the majority of the film looking a bit bemused. She's not great, but she's saved from being the worst in the film by Acuña, who is completely unable to both act and react naturally within any scene.

There's the expected sweetness here, but the most fun comes from a running gag about the quality of grandma's baking, as well as any scene that has Combs overacting in a way that takes him closer to being a fun cartoon. Coyne being hilariously inept at disguising himself is also fun, as is an interaction between Nichols and a friendly police officer. None of these little positives are enough to make the film one I could recommend to many others, but I definitely didn't find it as painful as expected. Regardless, I'll be a bit generous with my rating. It is Christmas, after all.

4/10

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Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992)

Absolutely inept in almost every way, that's the first thing to say immediately about this movie. I laughed a number of times at how bad it was but, for the most part, it was actually a painful experience. Bad acting comes from almost everyone involved, the script by A. L. Katz and Gilbert Adler is atrocious and the direction from David Price ensures that the final result is an equal mix of dull moments, stupid moments (like the two men in a van who think a twister is approaching who then decide to get out of the van . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and panic a bit before one man gets back in the van) and completely over the top moments.

I can't even be bothered to explain the plot, the film is so bad and sloppy that it makes me question whether or not I should risk giving any readers brain damage by actually covering the events. Here is the very brief version. The deceased adult residents of Gaitlin have been found and people are shocked. So shocked, apparently, that they don't suspect the involvement of any of the surviving children and instead seek to rehouse them. Which allows the kids to wander about in groups, have their little rituals in the cornfields and generally be creepy in a completely, blindingly obvious way.

Rosalind Allen is the only person onscreen I could actually tolerate while the rest should just be named and shamed - Terence Knox and Paul Scherrer are annoying as hell as a bickering father and son, Ryan Bollman is just horrible as Micah, Christie Clark does slightly better than most of the cast in her small role (playing Lacey), Ned Romero is brought low by some of the worst moments in a script full of bad moments and Marty Terry is shockingly bad in two roles.

There are a few references to The Wizard Of Oz to watch out for, it may help to keep you awake as the film meanders on, but nothing else makes this remotely watchable. I would recommend anyone and everyone to avoid this at all costs.

2/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-The-Corn-Boxset-3-DVD/dp/B0046YWTV4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346920796&sr=8-1