For It Is Man's Number: christmas

Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts

Tuesday, 30 December 2025

A Scottish Christmas Secret (2025)

Another year, another Christmas TV movie that tries to make Scotland look like a gorgeous winter wonderland full of ruggedly handsome, yet sensitive, souls. Not that Scotland isn't a gorgeous place anyway, as I am wont to tell people whenever I get the opportunity. But it's always odd to see the hunger that people have for entertainment that presents the unabashedly tartan-covered shortbread-tin version of the place.

Nathan (Alex Trumble) is an author who is struggling to finish his popular book series. He is struggling so much, in fact, that he's decided to spend most of his time working as a ski instructor. His publishers are worried, but they don't want to turn up and apply pressure in a way that could spectacularly backfire. The head of the company (a cameo from Patsy Kensit) thinks she has a great plan, however, when she decides to send her sister/co-owner, Tiffany (Caprice Bourret). Tiffany takes her nephew, Logan (Jett Bourret Comfort), and the two soon become won over by the Scottish landscape and people.

There's not much in the filmography of director Graham Pritz-Bennett to show any particular aptitude for this material, and it's the first screenplay by writer JJ Moon to be turned into a feature. Judging them only by this, I would have to say that I'd prefer not to see either of them rush back to this kind of thing. Hampered by one or two of the stars, they present something that has painfully unfunny comedy moments, a complete lack of charm, and a seeming determination to keep reminding viewers of how cheap it all is (e.g. the scene with snow falling down on just one particular part of the frame whenever a character is shown from a certain angle).

Bourret (who will be known to many UK viewers from the days when she was just labelled Caprice) isn't a very good actress, despite now having appeared in over a dozen features. Mind you, she may be available at favourable rates as long as there's also a role for at least one of her children (Comfort being her son in real life, and this isn't the first time he's appeared alongside his mother). It might seem rude to say that at least the youngster is a bit better onscreen than his mother, but at least I'm not then spending too much time complaining harshly about a child. Trumble is okay, I guess, but a bit of a non-entity, especially when sharing scenes with the slightly more charismatic Dominic Watters.

I have said it many times before, and will undoubtedly say it again (usually during the Christmas season), but watching a bad Christmas TV movie, something properly lifeless and somehow more cynical, is a hell of a way to realise just how good so many of the other Christmas TV movies are. While you may not revisit many, and may not even watch half as many as I do, seeing films at the shoddier end of the spectrum, like this one, really makes you appreciate even the minimal levels of care and professionalism present in so many others. So I guess I am saying that the best way to view A Scottish Christmas Secret is as a guide on how not to put together a Christmas TV movie.

3/10

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Sunday, 21 December 2025

Netflix And Chill: My Secret Santa (2025)

Taylor (Alexandra Breckenridge) is a struggling single mother who wants to be able to pay for her daughter, Zoey (Madison MacIsaac), to attend ski lessons at a local resort. There's an employee discount available, which would help, but they're not hiring. Well . . . they ARE looking for a Santa. Getting herself disguised as a man, Taylor is soon suited and booted for the role. As if it wasn't difficult enough to keep pretending she is a man during work hours, things are further complicated by the fact that Taylor starts developing quite the connection with Matthew (Ryan Eggold), her acting manager.

I decided to watch My Secret Santa because I really like Breckenridge, but she seems destined to never get that big movie role that I think she deserves. You might look at this movie and see another nail in her career coffin, but I'm going to defend it. So get yourself ready.

Written by Carley Smale and Ron Oliver, who have a wealth of experience between them, this is the blend of farcical quick-change and Christmas schmaltz that you'd expect, and it helps that director Mike Rohl has experience with this mix, considering he helmed all three of The Princess Switch movies. As you might have already surmised, this is essentially a low-budget gender-flipped riff on Mrs. Doubtfire, with a lot of extra snow and ho ho hos. I don't view that as a bad thing.

As ridiculous as the main premise is, Breckenridge does a decent job in the main role, whether she's in her natural guise or being Santa. Eggold gets to enjoy being the businessman blissfully unaware that Santa is actually the woman he has taken a liking to, and it's good to see his character not forced into any extremity for the sake of a contrived emotional journey. His development and maturity has basically all happened before the film starts, leaving us to focus on the one or two lessons that Breckenridge needs to learn. MacIsaac is a decent teen, as is Sasha Rojen (a bit of a bully who could become a friend, if given the right guidance). Tia Mowry is the no-nonsense woman who smells a rat in between her times unwillingly showing Eggold's character the ropes of his father's business, and Diana Maria Riva gets a couple of good moments as a tough neighbour softened by an unexpected encounter with Santa.

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone out of season, as it were, and I'm not sure who I would recommend it to right now, but I would recommend it to some. It's ridiculous, absolutely, but it's ridiculous in just the right ways. Anything mentioned in the earlier scenes ends up being referred back to in the third act, our lead character has a couple of people able to help her create such a convincing Santa disguise, and there are a couple of fun scenes that show someone being flustered and confused as she navigates around a number of new locations (including a men's locker room) that she would much rather avoid.

6/10

Tuesday, 16 December 2025

Granny Krampus (2024)

If you look through the respective filmographies of writer Christopher Jolley and director Jack E. Bell then you will see many choices that make it inevitable that they could work together on a film like Granny Krampus. And if you have seen any of the (many) other cheap Krampus movies we've had over the past couple of decades then you should know what this delivers.

Lea (Jodie Bennet) and Ashley (Poppy Castleton) are two sisterns who visit their gran (Hilary Burns) after the death of their mother. There's some tension in the air, considering how the family members have been estranged from one another for so long, and there's also a family secret due to be revealed. One that, given the title, you won't be surprised to find out involves a Krampus figure, known as Frau Percht. Charlie (Mark Rush) and Daniel (Tom Marchant) turn up in time to be endangered as things build towards a very "bah, humbug!" final act.

This isn't good. But many people who have already viewed many other Krampus movies will already know that. It's not actually terrible though, and certainly not as bad as I expected it to be. I don't want to spend too much time being impolite about the cast members, but most of the acting here is sub-par. That's one of the main aspects of the film that constantly reminds you of the low budget. Rush and Marchant benefit from being given some fun lines in the weak screenplay, but Bennet and Castleton have no such luck, and Burns is, there's no nicer way to say it, frankly awful.

Unlike other films that make use of the K-word in their title though, this actually gives a decent bit of screentime to the featured creature, and there's at least an attempt to make it look better than just someone in a cloak and cheap mask, even if it still may actually BE that, in essence. There are individual moments that are shot decently, considering Bell is trying to deliver some thrills while also hiding some of the many shortcomings just out of frame. It's not enough to make this worth recommending to those after some full-blooded holiday horror, but I appreciate that some effort has been made. It's more than can be said for many other movies in a similar vein.

As much as people may refuse to believe it, despite me saying it often enough, I always try to remain optimistic as I start watching any film. I even approach every independent Krampus-centric horror movie with the hope that it could be the one independent Krampus-centric horror movie gem that makes up for the sewage I have had washing over my eyeballs during past holiday seasons. This is not a gem, but it's also not a complete turd. And sometimes I feel that my optimism is rewarded if I've miraculously avoided another complete turd.

I debated rating this lower because of the acting, but I decided to be relatively generous, considering the careless and lazy trash this could have been.

4/10

Thursday, 4 December 2025

Elf-Man (2011)

A Christmas vehicle for Jason 'Wee Man' Acuña (who will already be familiar to fans of the Jackass franchise), Elf-Man is a bit of silliness that makes up for the low budget and cheese with a couple of fun performances and some little jokes that actually work as intended.

It's coming up to Christmas, of course, and Eric Harper (Mackenzie Astin) has to get some last-minute errands done before settling in at home. Eric has been very busy making a scientific breakthrough that could change the energy usage of many homes. This makes him a target of a trio of robbers (Jeffrey Combs, Dave Coyne, and Larry Nichols), which also endangers his children (Ryan, played by Blake Kaiser, and Kasey, played by Carly Robell), grandma (Marty Terry), and the woman he is hoping to start a new relationship with (Amy, played by Mirelly Taylor). Things don't look good. Fortunately, there's an elf (Acuña) available to help them, but only if he can believe in himself as much as the others believe in him.

I'm not going to tell you that Elf-Man is actually any good. It cannot do enough to distract from the lack of resources, especially when there's a need for some special effects, and the acting is a mix of complete amateurism and absolute ham (Combs being the hammiest, and I don't mean that as a criticism). The simple tale tries to have a bit of something for everyone, considering the central message, the jokes, and the cast, but there's a chance that most end up hating it. Except me. I didn't love it, but I was amused by a few moments.

Director Ethan Wiley has a few other movies under his belt, having started his directorial career with a couple of horror sequels, as does his screenplay co-writer Richard Jefferies, but it's hard to think of anyone being able to do much better with what's available here. Considering this is a vehicle for him, a big hurdle is the limited acting ability of Acuña. I like the guy, but he's definitely not a great actor.

A few other cast members do better though. Combs is the star, showing why he's had such an enduring career that has gained him a loyal fanbase. He's aided by fun turns from Coyne and Nichols (the villains are often the most fun parts of this kind of film). Kaiser and Robell do okay as the two children, Taylor and Astin aren't too bad, and Terry just has to spend the majority of the film looking a bit bemused. She's not great, but she's saved from being the worst in the film by Acuña, who is completely unable to both act and react naturally within any scene.

There's the expected sweetness here, but the most fun comes from a running gag about the quality of grandma's baking, as well as any scene that has Combs overacting in a way that takes him closer to being a fun cartoon. Coyne being hilariously inept at disguising himself is also fun, as is an interaction between Nichols and a friendly police officer. None of these little positives are enough to make the film one I could recommend to many others, but I definitely didn't find it as painful as expected. Regardless, I'll be a bit generous with my rating. It is Christmas, after all.

4/10

Tuesday, 2 December 2025

Bad Tidings (2024)

2024 was a very good year for the stars of Bad Tidings, which meant the timing seemed perfect for this Christmas movie. Chris McCausland was very popular on Strictly Come Dancing, raising his own profile as well as challenging perceptions and inspiring others by becoming the first blind winner, and Lee Mack seemed to become a permanent household fixture on TV, thanks to his presence on one or two comedy panel shows and his stint hosting The 1% Club. Putting them in a movie that had one being a capable blind man and one being a bit of a sarcastic grump didn't seem like a bad idea.

Co-written by Laurence Rickard, Martha Howe-Douglas, and McCausland, this is best described as a cross between Home Alone and any film about feuding neighbours. Mack plays Neil, a man who becomes more and more obsessed with his neighbour, Scott (McCausland). Neil believes that Scott is deliberately trying to wind him up, especially when it comes to his Christmas decorations. He can't complain too much though, because then everyone would accuse him of picking on an innocent blind man. Scott isn't as innocent as he appears though. Whatever their differences, Neil and Scott need to team up and work together when the plot contrives to have them being the only two people at home as their street is targeted by some opportunistic robbers.

While there are a few chuckles here and there, especially in the third act, I was really hoping for a bit more from Bad Tidings. It's good enough, but it just never hits the heights you might expect from the two talented leads, especially considering the fact that the film feels tailored to play to their strengths. A major factor may be director Tim Kirkby, who has spent a large part of his career filming TV comedy and stand-up work. Kirkby struggles to keep things moving smoothly enough, making the 80-minute runtime feel a bit overlong when you think of the wasted potential.

Both Mack and McCausland do well enough in the main roles, both very comfortable in roles that don't require them to stray too far from the onscreen personas they have presented for years now. Rebekah Staton, Ben Crompton, Emily Coates, and Josiah Eloi play the family of robbers, and they're fine, and the only other cast members worth mentioning are Sarah Alexander and Millie Kiss.

Maybe my lukewarm response to this is due to me getting my hopes up. I'd seen the advertising and thought I'd be in for something a bit superior to other TV movies of the season. While it's certainly a step away from the star vehicles we get from America, it still aims to be a relatively inoffensive distraction for those just wanting something that can be viewed while wrapping presents and/or sitting down with a nice big cup of hot chocolate. I enjoyed the Christmas special of The 1% Club Christmas Special more though.

6/10

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Sunday, 29 December 2024

Netflix And Chill: Our Little Secret (2024)

From what I can gather, this is the last of the three-picture deal that star Lindsay Lohan made with Netflix. I think it could be argued that she's saved the best for last, whether coincidentally or on purpose. I think it could also be argued that Miss Lohan may well be interested in making some new deal with the streaming service, considering how well it seems to have worked for both parties.

This film starts with Avery (Lohan) and Logan (Ian Harding) going through a difficult patch in their relationship. It might be okay though, as long as someone doesn't attempt a very public and ill-judged proposal. Oh dear. We then move forward through the years, via a bizarre collage of pop culture moments that seem to remind you of other Netflix successes every so often. Avery and Logan haven't seen each other in a long time. Avery is now in a relationship with Cameron (Jon Rudnitsky), and Logan is in a relationship with Cassie (Katie Baker). Cameron and Cassie are brother and sister, which makes things very awkward when both couples arrive at the family home they're visiting for Christmas. Hoping to avoid any unnecessary drama, Avery and Logan agree to keep their shared history secret. Logan even agrees to help Avery win over the matriarch of the house (Erica, played by Kristin Chenoweth). Unfortunately, circumstances seem to conspire against that happening.

If I listed the first few films from director Stephen Herek then you might be surprised to find him at the helm of this. Writer Hailey DeDominicis, on the other hand, only has this one credit to her name, so far. But the main thing is that both seem to work well together, with DeDominicis writing a fun bit of fluff that Herek treats well. There are a number of decent set-pieces, a few decent attempts to surprise viewers on the way to the predictable ending, and a great cast all doing their bit to help things move along nicely.

Lohan still feels as if she is finding her feet as an actress returning to leading roles, but this allows her to get that little bit closer to the likeable presence she conveyed throughout her biggest hits. She's helped enormously by the fact that she's paired up with Harding, who does a fantastic job of being quite funny and appealing without being as painfully bland as male leads in this kind of film so often are. Rudnitsky and Baker do fine, both playing the characters that viewers know must be somehow pushed out of the way before the whole thing ends, Jake Brennan is fun as the third sibling who hopes to profit from the whole situation, and there's time for some fun with the likes of Dan Bucatinsky, Tim Meadows, Judy Reyes, Chris Parnell, and Henry Czerny. Chenoweth is the other main star player though, given a lot of screentime and plenty of opportunity to revel in her ability to strike fear into the hearts of those who don't do things the way that she likes them done. She's a suitably tricky problem for Lohan to try and work around, and the difficulty of staying on her good side helps Lohan and Harding to reconnect as they work together on their secret plan.

The strange opening credit sequence aside, this generally works better than many other Christmas rom-coms I have watched this year. A lot of that is to do with the cast, particularly Lohan and Harding making such a good pairing to root for, but it's also the screenplay and direction. It avoids feeling too cheap, often getting very close to looking and feeling like *gasp* a proper movie at times, and fans of the main cast members should find plenty to keep them entertained. It's not a "proper" movie though, not really, and there are still moments interspersed throughout the runtime that serve as a strong reminder of that.

6/10

Friday, 27 December 2024

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024)

I've seen two films this year that deliver a premise of Christmas potentially being ruined by an unruly group of siblings. The first one was Nutcrackers. The second one is this, based on a novel by Barbara Robinson that was previously adapted into a TV movie back in the early 1980s. This is the better of the two films, but it's a surprisingly close call, considering how the third act almost undoes the goodwill earned throughout the first two acts.

Judy Greer plays Grace, a woman who ends up inadvertently in charge of her town's Christmas pageant. It's kind of a big deal, and looks to be thrown into chaos when the Herdmans decide they want to participate this year. The Herdmans are a group of brothers and sisters who have a reputation for causing mischief and mayhem wherever they go. They bully other kids and sneer at most adults. But maybe having them be part of the pageant will help others in the town remember the real meaning of Christmas. Or maybe it will just provide extra stress for Grace, her husband (Bob, played by Pete Holmes), their daughter (Beth, played by Molly Belle Wright as a youngster, and Lauren Graham when older/in her capacity as narrator), and their son (Charlie, played by Sebastian Billingsley-Rodriguez).

Now that I have browsed through the filmographies of writers Ryan Swanson, Platte F. Clarke, and Darin McDaniel, as well as that of director Dallas Jenkins, it's easier to see why The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is how it is. What could have been an entertaining mix of comedy, emotional manipulation, and Christmas cheer ends up eventually locking in on the messaging, to either preach to the converted or try to win others over. You still get some emotional manipulation, as expected, but the early promise of laughs being mixed in to sugar-coat the religious pill is discarded for most of the second half of the movie.

The real shame here is how the cast seem to be wasted, especially when they have so much fun with the scenes setting things up in the first half of the movie. Greer and Holmes work very well as the parents, both Wright and Billingsley-Rodriguez are fantastic as the kids initially overwhelmed by, and afraid of, the Herdmans, and Beatrice Schneider is fantastic as the young girl, Imogene, playing mother hen to her chaotic cluster of siblings. The fact that these main cast members all do so well throughout, as does the rest of the supporting cast (special mention for Kyle Heiman being great as young Gladys), is part of the reason why the film still works well enough, but it's a real shame that they end up feeling rather subdued as the message of the movie starts to overshadow the performances.

Some will enjoy this a lot more than I did, and I'm well aware of the fact that me wishing the movie was something a bit different won't seem fair to those who wish for something Christmassy that, well, remembers to put the Christ back in Christmas (for want of a better phrase). It still needed a bit more though, and Jenkins isn't a good enough director to distract viewers from the times in which the movie grinds to a halt to hammer home the main point. There's still plenty to enjoy here, but a lot of people might feel as if they've been forced to attend a sermon as the end credits roll. Which wouldn't be entirely incorrect.

6/10

Wednesday, 25 December 2024

Prime Time: A Christmas Karen (2022)

I saw the title of this film, I watched the trailer for it, and I still chose to watch the full thing. Sure, it was a gimmick, but so was Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever, and I kind of enjoyed that. It turns out that I was also able to enjoy this one.

Michele Simms is Karen, a woman defined by her very Karen-ness. She spends her days complaining and judging others, asking for the manager, acting hard done by after every slightest inconvenience, and generally making life difficult for those around her. It's time for an intervention, one that will have her spending time with three spirits. Gary (Rolin Alexis) will show her the past, Joy (Leyla Lawrence) will make her aware of other things happening in the present, and Damon (Lee Karlinsky) will show her a possible future. I'm sure you can guess how everything ends, especially when you find out that there's an estranged gay brother (Todd, played by Clint Robinson), and a young girl with leukaemia (Nia, played by Amina Massai).

Written by Jon Binkowski, who also co-directed with Lisa Enos Smith, this is an enjoyable and fun reworking of the classic, and malleable, Charles Dickens tale. Instead of being greedy, our central figure is extremely privileged, but everything else feels absolutely in line with a typical Scrooge. Karen may fill herself up with wine at every opportunity, but it doesn't help her to have enough Christmas spirit.

Simms is a lot of fun in the main role, making the most of the many little comedic touches to keep her character enjoyable even as she spends some time hanging on to the mean part of herself that needs to change in time for Christmas. Massai is a sweet and lovely Tiny Tim substitute, and her parents (played by Ashley Jones and Chris Greene) also do their bit to exemplify the best of human nature. As for the important ghosts, who all come along after a fun announcement from a harbinger named Jackie Morley (Meghan Moroney), Alexis and Lawrence are both a real hoot. Karlinsky is fine, but is stuck playing his character as someone slightly bored and impatient with people who don't always get the obvious message as quickly as they should.

While it has some of the flaws I expected, such as sometimes struggling to fill the many supporting roles with people who feel natural onscreen, A Christmas Karen is surprisingly easy to praise. The biggest problem it has is the pacing, which is mainly down to the script feeling a bit unimaginative with the ghost of Christmas future and then taking too long to show the post-ghost resolution for the main character. Otherwise, kudos to the film-makers for sprinkling everything with some pretty solid gags, having some key players in pivotal roles (Simms, Alexis, and Lawrence being the highlights), and even managing to make the world of the movie feel more real and properly populated than most low-budget movies manage.

It's a shame that this stumbles along for so much of the third act, because so much was going well before that. I still recommend it, especially to those already chuckling at the title alone, but it doesn't do enough to get way ahead of the more traditional Christmas movies you can choose from at this time of year.

6/10

Tuesday, 24 December 2024

Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin' Out (2024)

Recently making up for lost time, I managed to treat myself to a double-bill of Adult Swim Yule Log and this sequel. While I knew this was a sequel, I didn't expect it to actually lead on from the events of the first film. I mistakenly assumed that both films would just make use of the traditional yule log visual to frame whatever story writer-director Casper Kelly wanted to tell. What Kelly has instead delivered is something much more impressive, two separate instalments working in different ways, but also perfectly complementing one another to provide one brilliant tale of Christmas madness.

Andrea Laing is Zoe, a woman quite rightly terrified and scarred by the traumatic events of Adult Swim Yule Log. Still believing that she is in danger, she is convinced to get herself away for the holiday season, somewhere she can just lay low and avoid the trappings of Christmas. That looks far less likely when she ends up stranded in the little town of Mistletoe, a place that pretty much positions Zoe in the middle of a standard Hallmark Christmas movie. There are a number of clumsy hunks, a nice man who owns a small business (played by Michael Shenefelt), and an irritating influencer (Jesse Malinowski) who might be useful as Zoe tries to find a way out of the town. To say any more would risk spoiling some of the dubious delights here, and there IS a lot more packed into this.

With different targets in sight this time around, Kelly shows how good they are at crafting material informed by the style and genre tropes being played around with. This has a number of obvious gags and plot points, but also makes use of standard aesthetics to push things further (we have changes in lighting, music, and even aspect ratios as our lead character moves from potential horror to potential Hallmark moments). Arguably the most impressive part of the whole thing, however, is how it manages to feel like such a natural progression from the first film while also including even more head-spinning turns and tangents.

Laing is very good in the main role, playing her part as a pretty straightforward potential final girl, even when in the Hallmark festive rom-com scenes. She's the heart of the movie, and it helps that she is just as much aware of the tropes swirling and clashing around her as the viewers are. Shenefelt is good fun as he plays up the unbelievable sweetness of his character, Malinowski is a fun and brash presence, and Sharon Blackwood (playing Nana), Asher Alexander (as Jason), Chase Steven Anderson (as Jakester), and everyone else excel, whether they're providing comic relief or at risk of being caught in the middle of the surreal yule log terrors.

Absolutely superb stuff from start to finish, although it often feels a bit more subdued and traditional with how the narrative plays out (compared to the first film), Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin' Out is further proof that people should keep giving Kelly the resources and opportunities to make any kind of films that he wants to make. Because the results have been consistently brilliant so far.

8/10

Sunday, 22 December 2024

Netflix And Chill: That Christmas (2024)

If you rolled your eyes and had to stop yourself from vomiting when you heard that there was another Christmas movie coming from Richard Curtis, and one that yet again made use of different intertwining and intersecting storylines, then you wouldn't be alone. There are many people who will probably never forgive him for Love Actually (although I quite like that one, mainly thanks to Hugh Grant and Bill Nighy), but maybe this animated feature will allow you to view him in a slightly better light.

Based on children's books written by Curtis, collaborating with illustrator Rebecca Cobb, this has a screenplay co-written by Curtis and Peter Souter and direction from Simon Otto. There's also a voice cast that includes Brian Cox, Guz Khan, Fiona Shaw, Bill Nighy, Lolly Adefope, Rhys Darby, and Jodie Whittaker, as well as many others (familiar and not so familiar). If you're interested already then you shouldn't end up disappointed.

The main story is told to viewers by Santa (Cox). He's visiting a small community that could potentially be about to have a very bad Christmas. A number of children have been left alone while their parents are stranded elsewhere, one young lad (Danny, voiced by Jack Wisniewski) is upset by the fact that he won't see his dad, as well as his mum (Whittaker) having to head off to her nursing job, and a stern teacher (Mrs. Trapper, voiced by Fiona Shaw) might have her own sadness and problems buried underneath a stern and prickly exterior.

Curtis has been quite vocal over the past few years in agreeing with criticisms of his own work. He doesn't exactly present anything very diverse, and most of his characters have been white and privileged. While That Christmas tries to show more variety, as do the storybooks, there's still a feeling that it's impossible for Curtis to figure out how to show the true range of human experiences, whatever the age, in modern Britain. Whether he cannot consider them, or whether he is simply unable to fit them into something that he wants to keep essentially cosy and sweet, he has never been able to present a character who doesn't have a safety net and support in place. This is a movie aimed at younger viewers, of course, and it's fine to keep things cosy and sweet. It just feels strange to see Curtis strive to some kind of halfway marker and think he's conquered his personal Everest. Or maybe that's just me projecting.

Anyway, the script from Curtis and Souter is perfectly fine, albeit also perfectly predictable. It would have been nice to have some more tension and surprises, and a few more laughs in between the emotional manipulation would have also been welcome, but it succeeds as it is intended. Think of it as a moving slideshow of various Christmas cards strung up above your fireplace and you won't be far wrong.

Otto directs everything well enough. The visual style is quite lovely throughout, and especially good when presenting aerial shots or just showing off the geography of the small town. It may not be at the very best level of animation we have seen in recent years, but it suits the material. Otto knows that he's in charge of a delicate ornament, and he treats it with the care and tenderness it needs.

A number of child actors do good work, including Wisniewski as the nominal young lead, but it helps to be able to recognise the many great names I mentioned earlier. Cox is a very good Santa, Khan is amusing as his main reindeer, Darby, Adefope, and others provide more of the comedy, and both Whittaker and Shaw add to the emotional heart of the whole thing.

This is a great, easy, choice for family viewing time. It's very Christmassy, very playful, very bright and twinkly, and full of the kind of snow-blanketed landscapes that we rarely see here in the UK. It also feels very disposable though, and I doubt it will endure for as long as the previous major Christmas movie penned by Curtis.

7/10

Friday, 20 December 2024

The Christmas Train Parade (2023)

AKA Meet Me At The Christmas Train Parade.

A small town. A person looking to change that small town with some big development money. A tradition that ended some time ago, but could be ripe for resurrection. The Christmas Train Parade has exactly what you expect this kind of film to have. There's also the nice atmosphere that is both chilly and cosy, a pair of leads who start to grow closer very quickly, and no jagged edges to interrupt the big hug that it delivers in the predictable finale.

Emma Johnson is Charlotte Atkins, our lead character, who is spurred on by her son, Benny (Maxwell Jones), to see if there's a way to bring back the Christmas train ride tradition that used to symbolise the strong connection between the town and those neighboring it. If she can make it work then that will also show a united front against the developers who want to muscle in. Thankfully, she will be helped by a local teacher, Zackary (Ryan Northcott), who has a lot of knowledge about the history of the town. More importantly, he also has a friend, Oliver (John Hudson), who seems to know a thing or two about repairing trains.

Writer Nathan Usher may only have two full features and a short to his name, but he knows what is needed in this piece of fluff. It helps that Dylan Pearce is directing, considering he has, like a number of others, made quite a few of these snowy sweet treats. I'm amazed that I've not actually seen any of the other titles directed by Pearce, not YET anyway, but most of them look as if they could comfortably fit on that Letterboxd list titled "Christmas movie posters with white heterosexual couples wearing red and green." Which feels like an endorsement when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Johnson and Northcott are perfectly fine in their roles, but this film managed to help me figure out the problem that films like this sometimes have. When the plot makes use of a child in the way that this does then these Christmas films tend to infantilise the adults, at least in the scenes that have them sharing screentime with the special and wise youngster. Which wouldn't be so bad if the child actors were exceptional, but they rarely are. Jones is in line with many other child actors I've seen in these movies AKA not exceptional. Michelle Todd, Sue Huff, and Will Brisbin don't do too bad as the three mayors who need to be convinced on the merits of bringing back this particular tradition (all three have various reasons for being hesitant), and Maureen Rooney shows her face whenever the film needs to add kindly grandma to any scene, reminding viewers that this is a quest to help the town, a family, and multiple generations.

While this isn't great, not by a long shot, it's mainly cute and harmless enough to make it the ideal background fodder that most of these schedule-fillers aim to be. Nothing ever feels as if it will be a problem for long, lessons are learned along the way, and train enthusiasts may enjoy the few actual shots of the train. Please note, however, that I am already at the point this month when I cannot be sure if I actually enjoyed a movie . . . or if I was just relieved that it wasn't as bad as some of the worst ones I decided to put in front of my eyes this year.

4/10

Thursday, 19 December 2024

Adult Swim Yule Log (2022)

Writer-director Casper Kelly may be some kind of demented genius, although I appreciate that not everyone will agree with me. And not everyone will enjoy Adult Swim Yule Log, a film created by someone who just thought "what if you were watching one of those burning yule log videos and someone walked into the shot?", but those who enjoy it should REALLY enjoy it.

It all starts with that standard burning log footage. Then a woman comes in and starts to clean the floor, getting everything ready for people who are booked to stay in the log cabin. Then something happens. It's not necessarily the focus of the film though, as the log continues to burn and viewers continue to watch it in the centre of the frame. Then Alex (Justin Miles) and Zoe (Andrea Laing) arrive, and things eventually get more and more bizarre from that point on. The camera eventually pulls back to show the bigger picture, and we are shown different viewpoints, and even different time periods, but that burning log is at the heart(h) of everything.

In case I forget before ending this review, let me praise the cast. Miles and Laing are excellent in what you could call the lead roles, and they are given enough to do in their first scenes to establish their characters well enough before things go completely bonkers. Tordy Clark and Brendan Patrick Connor make a strong impression with their characters, I won't tell you who they are (the constant surprises are part of the pleasure), Mark Costello and Jonathon Pawlowski are a couple of law enforcement individuals who stop by at the cabin, and Michael Reagan, Jessica Fontaine, Sean Hankinson, Hannah Alline, Skye Passmore, Danielia Maximillian, Thy Bui, and Charles Green play a wide variety of characters who end up dragged into the unfolding madness.

The real star here is Kelly though, someone who has a real knack for walking a line between comedy and horror, making use of surreal touches to comment on, but also still deliver, popular TV and movie tropes. If someone was to describe the opening scene and the final scene of this movie to you then you would laugh at the ridiculous distance between the start of the journey and the final destination, but Kelly crafts something that actually feels as if it moves logically from one step to the next. Nobody watching this will feel suddenly shocked, we're all frogs sitting in a pot as Kelly slowly and steadily turns the heat up to boiling point.

The dialogue doesn't always feel as if it is more than filler in between a number of highlights, but the second half delivers a number of pay-offs that emphasise just how dense and smart the script is. Many horror fans may be put off by the silliness of certain moments, but there's a good selection of gory moments and nastiness throughout to satisfy those who can enjoy the ride.

The more I think about this, the more I love it. It's unlike anything else I have seen in recent years, and I'm already keen to watch the sequel. I encourage everyone else to check this out, as long as you're prepared for the parade of wonderful oddities that it delivers.

8/10

Wednesday, 18 December 2024

Prime Time: Christmas At Plumhill Manor (2024)

I may have mentioned this before, but there are two names very familiar to anyone who was busy conversing on the IMDb message boards back at the turn of the 21st century. Those names are Nick Palumbo and Brian Herzlinger. The former claimed to have made a notorious and unsettling gorefest or two, and the latter was busy telling everyone about his clumsy and lacklustre movie, My Date With Drew. What they both had in common was a knack for spamming. It was hard to get beyond those irritating/unpleasant interactions and actually rate the movies according to simply the movie itself, but I tried hard. Still . . . seeing either name on the opening credits will always cause me to shudder.

Christmas At Plumhill Manor is directed by Brian Herzlinger, with a screenplay co-written by Megan Henry Herzlinger (who seems to be his wife and seems to, at the moment, exclusively gain work from her husband) and Avery Henry-Bailey. While I wouldn't call it the worst of the worst, it has clarified something in my mind about Herzlinger. He's better at selling an idea of his film than he is at actually making the thing, although I'll have to begrudgingly make the slightest concession towards being complimentary for the fact that he has somehow done enough over the past couple of decades to maintain the career that he wanted when he first started out.

But let's get to the film. A successful American architect named Margot (Maria Menounos) is very surprised when she inherits and old English estate from her Aunt Victoria. Margot never knew this relation, but it turns out that the two might yet forge a strong connection between them. Initially determined to check out the property while she is forced to stay there for one week, Margot soon comes around to the charm of the area and the local people. She is also intrigued by a series of notes/clues left by her Aunt Victoria that end up directing her to . . . well, you'll have to wait and see.

If this premise wasn't written with the idea of naming the film Victoria's Secret Christmas, or maybe Christmas Victoria's Secret, then I'll eat any of the paper party hats that fall out of the Christmas crackers this year. That would be more fun than listening to Menounos read out the various clues here that lead to horribly obvious answers, and a conclusion that makes no sense (although, to be fair, that's a common element in many Christmas movies, but it's easier to overlook in the more enjoyable ones).

Although she's not great, Menounos isn't a terrible lead. She was clearly picked for her availability ahead of her acting talent though, as far as I can tell, and is outshone by a number of her co-stars. Kyle Pryor tries hard as Alfie, the handsome local man who catches her eye, and obviously argues passionately in favour of keeping the estate in the hands of someone who will care enough about it. Caroline Colomei is reasonably fun as Jackie, the driver/helper/local bartender, but her comedy patter feels far too broad and whacky compared to the rest of the film. Stewart Alexander swaggers into a couple of scenes as the American boss, Mr. Calvaux, who is interested in redesigning and rebuilding the estate, and David Shaw Parker is absolutely fine in the role of Thomas, a kind and wise gardener, as well as the father of Alfie.

While it's not good, it has some picturesque footage (even if it rarely feels Christmassy enough), bland leads set to enjoy some chaste romance once they can see eye to eye, some home-made plum cider, and an annoyingly "sweet" child who at least only appears in a couple of scenes. I don't want my opinion of Herzlinger to sway me towards being too harsh on it, but I also don't want my worry about being swayed towards being too harsh on it then sway me towards being too kind to it. What a conundrum. Is it terrible? No, not for what it aims to do. Would I recommend it? No. There are a lot of better Christmas movies to enjoy ahead of this one.

3/10

Tuesday, 17 December 2024

This Is Christmas (2022)

Director Chris Foggin is at the helm of this Christmas movie, another in a line of modern British rom-coms that add all of the festive trimmings, lots of familiar faces, and the kind of busy city life that keeps hustling and bustling without being anywhere near the misery of commuting and working in non-movieland Britain. Writer Alastair Galbraith may not have a lengthy selection of screenplay credits, but he knows how to work his premise around a great central cast.

Alfred Enoch plays Adam, a young man who holds on to the strange belief that commuters might just find their day improved if they chat to one another and communicate about their talents and lives. In fact, he believes that this applies to all people. We'd all have better lives if we just made more connections. And he's willing to throw a Christmas party for his fellow commuters to prove his point. He is helped by Emma (Kaya Scodelario), but everyone has something to bring to the occasion, whether it's a particular skill or a particular story to reveal as the third act plays out.

Although it may seem completely implausible to anyone who has experienced a long train ride through parts of London, Christmas is a time of miracles. That allows This Is Christmas to be an enjoyable and diverting piece of work. It's a complete fantasy, and that much is clear from the very beginning. Commuters DON'T want to make accidental eye contact with one another, let alone start conversing and forging meaningful connections.

Enoch is a likeable lead, all good manners and good intentions. Scodelario is very good opposite him, feeling like a natural pairing even while both leads have partners who need to be moved out of the picture before everything can be fully consummated (not in THAT way, this is still a Christmas movie, after all). Timothy Spall handles a Liverpudlian accent well enough, and his story pairs him with young Jack Donoghue, both doing much better in the scenes they share than the few moments they go solo, and Joanna Scanlan, Ben Miller, Sarah Niles, and Clinton Liberty do good work when they get to add to the intertwining story strands. There's also a welcome, if far too small, role for Steve Oram, playing a conductor who helps the commuters initially band together against "a common enemy".

It may be a bit overlong at 111 minutes, and some of the more bitter moments feel a bit too spiky for this kind of thing, but This Is Christmas is, overall, a safe and enjoyable bit of winter warmth to enjoy on a cold evening. It won't necessarily make it into the annual rotation for anyone planning their viewing schedule, but it's worth a watch. Once.

6/10

Sunday, 15 December 2024

Netflix And Chill: The Merry Gentlemen (2024)

Nothing says Christmas quite like a struggling small-town bar that ends up using some amateur male strippers to help turn fortunes around. Yes, that is the main premise of The Merry Gentlemen, the latest cheesy Christmas movie that I decided to watch this year. And scoff as you may, it wasn't too bad.

Britt Robertson plays Ashley, a young dancer who has had her career ended prematurely by the fact that she's now not quite as young as the limelight-stealing newcomers. So she finally heads back home to visit her parents (played by Michael Gross and Beth Broderick) and soon learns that their little bar, once a thriving hub of music and activity, has been in a slump for a while. A lot of money is owed, and the future isn't looking bright. Thankfully, a hunky local handyman (Luke, played by Chad Michael Murray), Ashley's fit brother-in-law (Rodger, played by Marc Anthony Samuel), a handsome bartender (Troy, played by Colt Prattes), and a dancing cabbie (Ricky, played by Hector David Jr.) are all roped in to Ashley's money-making idea: a choreographed show that features the men doing some very tame teasing. It's obvious that not everything will run smoothly though, and there may still be a chance for Ashley to be lured back to her full-time job in the big city.

As is so often the case, director Peter Sullivan has a large number of TV movies similar to this in his filmography, many of them co-created with Jeffrey Schenck (who is given a story credit here). He has also worked before with Marla Sokoloff, who wrote the screenplay for this and stars onscreen as Ashley's sister, Marie. Despite the opportunity for some extra raunch, everyone involved ensures that this remains cosy Christmas viewing, albeit with a few more abs on display than usual. They know the required story beats, and they hit every one.

Robertson is a decent lead, although I was a bit taken aback to see her in this (considering how much I have enjoyed her in some bigger movies, even if they, admittedly, didn't seem to perform as well as expected). She's appealing enough, and she can also do the occasional bit of clumsiness needed to keep her jostling up against our leading man. Murray is fine, delivering his now-softened-and-bland charm with a side-order of muscular torso, and Samuel, Prattes, and David Jr. all seem to be having fun. Gross is always a welcome sight, and Broderick pairs nicely with him, and it's great to see a small, but worthwhile, role for the charming Maxwell Caulfield (known to most people as either Rex Manning or the Cool Rider).

If you see the trailer for this and like the tone of it then you'll enjoy the film. It does what you expect. There are times when you can still sense the lower budget and rough edges (especially during "crowd" scenes that never feel too crowded), and you have to go with the flow of everything, rather than thinking about how ridiculous it is, but that's easier to do with a Christmas movie than it is with other types of movies. Good fun, and you can always follow it up with some proper raunchiness from the Magic Mike troupe.

6/10

Friday, 13 December 2024

The Holdovers (2023)

Considering the fact that it's a Christmas movie, it's no surprise to see that The Holdovers was released in the USA just over a year ago (the wide release was in November 2023). What IS surprising, but sadly not unexpected, is the fact that the UK release was delayed until mid-January. As good or bad as the movie may be, few people feel the urge to rush out and see a Christmas movie once the main holiday season has been and gone. Now is the right time to watch The Holdovers, if you want the best experience with it anyway, but you can then choose to rewatch it whenever you like.

Paul Giamatti plays Paul Hunham, a teacher at an all-boys boarding school called Barton Academy. Drawing the short straw in the run up to the holiday season, Hunham ends up staying on the school premises over Christmas with those who aren't able to head home. A few stragglers need supervision, but the central group is eventually whittled down to Hunham, Mary Lamb (the cafeteria manager, and a grieving mother, played by Da'Vine Joy Randolph), and a smart, but depressed and troubled, student named Angus Tully (played by Dominic Sessa). Although these three wouldn't normally spend so much time together, they end up going through some good and bad experiences that bond and change them, for the better.

You can spend a lot of time praising director Alexander Payne for making such an effort to emulate the look and feel of '70s movies here, helped in no small part by cinematographer Eigil Bryld. You can also praise his relationship with his cast members. Writer David Hemingson also deserves many compliments, especially when it comes to an insult delivered in the third act that is up there with the very best I have ever heard in any movie (and so delightfully unexpected that I burst out laughing the first time I heard it). But it's hard not to just shower this with love because of a perfect trio of central performances being rooted in a low-key tale of Christmas "redemption". Hunham is, in many ways, the Scrooge due to be visited by spirits, but the spirits who do their bit to transform him are still encased in living and breathing human flesh.

Giamatti has been delivering nothing but greatness for decades now, but his portrayal of Hunham easily ranks alongside his very best performances. He may have one lazy eye, achieved with the use of a special contact lens, but nothing else in the role can be described that way. Giamatti has a ball with a fully-rounded and wonderfully-flawed character, the teacher who eventually sees one or two things that he can learn from others. Sessa is almost just as good, and the real heart of the film shows teacher and student butting heads in between discovering common ground, but both men are overshadowed in a couple of scenes that allow Randolph to take your heart and yank it down to your knees as she struggles to contain or direct some of the despair she feels at the loss of her son. Carrie Preston is very sweet in her supporting role, Andrew Garman is the headmaster who gives Hunham his holiday caretaker role, and Gillian Vigman and Tate Donovan come along at the end of the movie just in time to underline the importance of the journey that our main characters have been on.

I've watched this twice now, and the second viewing was just as good as the first, but I am trying to consider one or two very minor criticisms that stop me from rating it as perfect. The runtime could have been cut down by a few minutes, it just never feels as if it has to be 133 minutes long, and one or two scenes don't feel like anything more than fun vignettes. And yet . . . and yet . . . I love every minute of this, and I love every scene. The vignettes still feature details that reveal even more about the characters, and about how their relationships develop throughout the movie. So, on second thoughts, my criticisms are not criticisms. And I'll rate this as perfect.

10/10

Tuesday, 10 December 2024

Nutcrackers (2024)

I'll admit it, if I'd noticed that Nutcrackers was directed by David Gordon Green then I might not have made time for it during this holiday season. He's been on the "naughty list" for a while now, all thanks to his work on a couple of big horror franchises, and I wouldn't necessarily trust him to deliver a traditional Christmas movie. Nutcrackers isn't a traditional Christmas movie, and it doesn't entirely work, but it does have the spirit of the season buried in the middle of it. I'll admit that I was hit by an emotional punch in the final scenes.

Ben Stiller plays Michael, a very busy man who has to temporarily take care of his four nephews after the sudden death of his sister and her husband. Michael is ill-equipped for the situation, trying to prep for the big business deal of his life, and just wants things resolved and the boys rehomed as soon as possible. Gretchen Rice (Linda Cardellini) is the best person to help him in that regard, but it's tough to find a foster parent willing and read to take on all four siblings. Tying in with the movie title, a home-made ballet production looms large in the third act.

Written by Leland Douglas, who has more shorts than features making up his filmography so far, this is both a Christmas film and a concept film, with that concept being "unruly kids who can also do ballet". That works . . . eventually, but both Douglas and Green spend a bit too much time making things feel grimy and downbeat on the way to the expected Christmas cheer before the end credits roll. It's low-key and very grounded, in line with many other films made by Green, but that doesn't necessarily make for the most rewarding viewing experience when things are also working to a familiar template.

Stiller is good in the main role, doing the kind of uptight and slightly awkward guy that he's been able to do in his sleep for decades, and Cardellini is a ray of sunshine whenever she appears onscreen, but the young siblings, played by real brothers (Homer Janson, Ulysses Janson, Arlo Janson, and Atlas Janson) are a mixed bag, perhaps picked for reasons other than their acting skills. They're not terrible, but they feel a bit too rough around the edges, and they're given a bit too much leeway from Green, who clearly thought their personalities would win over viewers (sadly . . . not the case). At least you also get some decent supporting turns from Toby Huss and Edi Patterson.

I did manage to enjoy this, don't get me wrong, but it felt as if I had to work hard to meet it halfway. There were a lot of little improvements that could have been made. Fixing the tone would have helped, Green doesn't seem to find the right balance between the yule and the yuck, and having a more convincing bit of character development for Stiller, considering how suddenly everything seems to click into place when everyone remembers that the end credits are about to play. I also think the film would have benefited enormously from having more established actors portraying the four brothers.

5/10

Sunday, 8 December 2024

Netflix And Chill: Hot Frosty (2024)

While people may have been worried about Netflix making the bold move of "poaching" Lacey Chabert, AKA Christmas movie queen, for one of their main seasonal offerings this year, rest assured that there's nothing here to cause concern. Yes, there are a few bigger names in supporting roles than you might see in some other movies like this, and someone had enough cash to ensure a few big songs made it into the soundtrack selection, but the rest is pretty standard and safe stuff featuring someone who has played perfectly in the space that she has now made her main brand.

Chabert plays Kathy Barrett, a young widow who runs a popular cafe/diner in her small town. She is given a scarf by a friend one day, a scarf that may well bring her some good luck and love, and she wraps it around the neck of a strangely ripped snowman that stands alongside some others in the centre of town. A little tinkly music and hint of magic later, Jack (Dustin Milligan) is standing in that spot. And he's wearing naught but a scarf. He is in love with Kathy, for giving him life (of course), and starts trying to convince her that he is the perfect snowman-made-human for her. Meanwhile, the local Sheriff (Craig Robinson) and his deputy (Joe Lo Truglio) are looking for someone new in town who may have damaged a window and exposed himself to a couple of residents.

Writer Russell Hainline doesn't seem to have been in the movie business for too long, although that's just going by the credits that he has amassed since 2018 (who knows how long he has been slogging away over numerous screenplays and trying his hand in a variety of roles), but he's certainly been busy delivering no less than five Christmas (TV) movies since 2022. Judging him by this alone, he knows the formula, and he knows how to have fun with it. Hot Frosty isn't entirely successful, it's surprisingly jarring to see both Robinson and Lo Trulgio in such prominent roles here, but it works well enough when not trying to turn the central character in a low-budget Buddy The Elf.

Chabert is effortlessly delightful in the lead role, even when having to make a tiresome Mean Girls gag to justify the now-obligatory reference to other Netflix Christmas movies. Milligan does well as the innocent/naïve Jack, and he does well to bring a fun and energy to the role that saves him from being as irritatingly bland as many of these male romantic leads often are. Elsewhere, both Robinson and Lo Truglio are fun, even if they feel mis-cast, and there are enjoyable moments for the likes of Katy Mixon Greer, Sherry Miller, Lauren Holly, and everyone else orbiting our leads.

Director Jerry Ciccoritti is maybe not known for this kind of stuff, but he's been working consistently on TV shows and TV movies for the past few decades, after starting his career with some darker material in the mid-1980s. He is the very definition of a consummate professional, and subsequently treats the material here exactly how it should be treated. It's sweet, it's earnest, things are done to satisfy viewers who don't want to be distracted by pesky things like logic or plausibility, and it aims to give people a good helping of cold snow and warm loveliness, which I guess could also be referred to as a . . . Hot Frosty.

Like many of these Christmas movies, it's not really good, not when compared to other non-holiday movies, but it's enjoyable enough while all of the snow-dusted silliness plays out.

6/10

Wednesday, 4 December 2024

Prime Time: A Very British Christmas (2019)

It's not surprising to see that this is the only feature, to date, written (well . . . co-written) by Karl Hall. It is surprising to see that it's not the only feature directed by Steven Nesbit though. A Very British Christmas feels like one of those personal projects that someone does to get their friends and family together and have a bit of fun. It's not very good, but I would also not dismiss it as completely terrible.

Rachel Shenton plays the beautiful opera singer, Jessica, who ends up stranded in a small Yorkshire village. She ends up staying at the vacation site managed by Andrew (Mark Killeen), receiving a warm welcome from him, his young daughter (Katie, played by Isla Cook), and his mother (Sandra, played by Michele Dotrice). There are also friendly faces at the local coffee shop. Unfortunately, the area is under threat from Ben Ritchie (Steve Evets), who is pressuring Andrew into selling his land to a mining company. That would be a nice payday for both men, but it would effectively destroy the village. Jessica ends up spending more time in the village than anticipated, and she starts to be won over by the place. And the people.

Aside from a fun turn from Evets (real name Steven Murphy, he picked a palindrome when he started acting because of another Steve Murphy being in the business), the biggest problem with A Very British Christmas is the standard of the acting. Nobody is really helped by the script either, but it's hard to consider whether or not this cast would have done much better with better writing. The two main leads aren't that bad, and both of them are able to keep sneaking glances at one another with an obvious hint of the feelings developing between them, but Cook mugs terribly as the cute and unfiltered child, Dotrice looks as if she's trying to remember how to nail her emotions and dialogue, and Jennifer Bryer and Adam Fogerty, both working in the coffee shop, are hampered by the fact that they're given the job of being involved in scenes that mishandle some quirky comedy. Paul Barber is fun to spot in a cameo, but that's mainly because you can wonder about his familiarity until you remember that he was Denzil in Only Fools And Horses.

Nesbit tries to make the best of things, occasionally distracting viewers from the weak screenplay with some lovely shots of the picturesque village setting or moments infused with the warming glow of lovely Christmas spirit, and both he and Hall know what needs to happen within the parameters of this kind of easygoing and predictable Christmas movie, but the combination of weak writing and awkward acting do enough to stop this from being an undemanding distraction. There are so many other films you can choose while getting on with the usual seasonal activities, whether you're wanting background noise or a firm favourite that you can check in and out of for the "greatest hits", and I doubt that anyone will even remember that this exists within a few years . . . except for the cast members who may hang on to their personal copies and remind people that they have at least one IMDb credit to their name.

4/10

Tuesday, 3 December 2024

Red One (2024)

If you're going to be responsible for kidnapping Santa Claus (played here by J. K. Simmons) then you would probably hope to avoid being pursued by Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans. Okay, wait, I know some people would dream of that scenario, but let's just say that no villain wants to be caught by powerful heroes, especially if they're trying to make up for decades of Santa's apparent leniency towards those who should be, or are, on the naughty list.

Johnson is Callum Drift, the head of security for Santa. Which makes it a terrible time for him when the big guy is kidnapped. Who would do such a despicable thing? Drift doesn't know, nor does Zoe (a capable higher-level boss, played by Lucy Liu), but there's one person who might be able to help. He's a lost cause though, a "naughty-lister" of the highest order who also happens to be very good at tracking people down. That's Jack O'Malley (Evans).

Written by Chris Morgan, who has taken some ideas from Hiram Garcia and sprinkled them with the kind of muscular moments that you'd expect from someone who has been in the writer's room for at least half a dozen Fast & Furious movies, Red One is loud and ridiculous in a way that may well cause some to love it, but didn't really work for me. There are one or two fun set-pieces (you'll know them already if you saw the trailer), but not enough to make this truly worth the runtime that clocks in at just over 2 hours. And it doesn't help that Johnson is armed with a gadget that allows him to pull some Ant-Man maneuvers. Very little of the humour works (especially in the earlier scenes), the action gets messier and harder to keep track of in the third act, and there's a general sense of being underwhelmed throughout the finale.

Director Jake Kasdan obviously found this premise appealing - some more Johnson silliness after their work together on the Jumanji movies, but with lots of seasonal trimmings - and I don't begrudge him giving it a try, but he seems to have been distracted by the idea of presenting a modern and cool new yuletide "classic" that he failed to spot the many weaknesses. Things don't flow well, the tone lacks a sweetness and innocence that the best Christmas films keep at their core, and the best bits don't necessarily feel as if they need to be grounded in a Christmas movie.

Johnson plays the kind of character he always plays (tough and mean, but with a heart of gold), although he deserves some praise for being able to move around in this onscreen world in a way that makes him feel as if he does belong there. Evans has fun being someone with a much wobblier moral compass, but it's a fun inversion (another one) of his clean-cut image that is never fully committed to. Simmons is a surprisingly good, if also surprisingly muscular, Santa, Liu does perfectly well with her small role, Bonnie Hunt is a pleasant Mrs. Claus, and Kristofer Hivju is a lot of fun whenever his Krampus character appears. Other familiar faces include Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Nick Kroll, Marc Evan Jackson, and Kiernan Shipka, all doing just fine, and Wesley Kimmel is decent enough in the role of Dylan, the son of Jack O'Malley, and the one main child who ends up seeing some of the magical battle to return order to things in time for Christmas. I'll also mention the work from Reinaldo Faberlie as Agent Garcia, a large and intimidating polar bear. Overall, the cast isn't bad. I'm just not sure that the leads couldn't have been replaced by better choices, which could have then led to a screenplay being tweaked and improved to fit different personas.

I could sit through this again. I didn't hate it while it was playing. Nothing stands out though. It's the movie equivalent of the overdone musical Christmas tree. Bright, loud, somehow seeming to miss the point of the season while bathing the whole room in flashes of red, green, and gold light. But sometimes you can still look at it and enjoy the temporary distraction.

5/10