Netflix And Chill: The Mother (2023)

Another in the long line of films that allow older film stars to show how easily they can still deliver kickass action, The Mother is an action vehicle for Jennifer Lopez. Some people may not enjoy her in the lead role, but I thought she was one of the least problematic things about it.

Lopez plays the titular character, never given her actual name (because why would anyone bother with that, considering the film is all about the overwhelming power of motherhood? urgh), a woman who was once a special operative in the U.S. military. We first meet her, heavily pregnant, in a safe house, being interrogated by the FBI about bad people she ended up being closely connected to. The safe house isn't so safe though, and it's up to Lopez to protect herself, and Agent William Cruise (Omari Hardwick), before anyone else can get along to help them. A little girl is then born prematurely, and a deal is made in which ma waives her parental rights in exchange for a scenario that should keep her daughter safe. When that safety is threatened, twelve years later, the mother has to reconnect with her daughter, teaching her some life-saving skills while taking out the bad guys who are out to get them.

With a cast that also includes Joseph Fiennes and Gael García Bernal as the main villains (both sorely wasted), Paul Raci as a standard "we served together, I'll help you any way I can" character, and Lucy Paez as Zoe, the daughter, The Mother could have been something pretty decent. Lopez actually manages to feel tough and determined enough to be a capable killer, and is helped by the fact that her encounters often have her using the environment or the element of surprise to counter the potential greater strength of her enemies. Most of the action scenes don't work though, and the characterisation is horribly weak, with people left to spout lines that often feel like the kind of thing you would hear in a parody.

Misha Green, Andrea Berloff, and Peter Craig are responsible for the awful script, and it's probably the weakest work any of them have ever done. None of the backstory makes any sense, the premise just keeps turning into something less and less believable, and nobody acts in a way that feels realistic (e.g. the armed security guard who finds a dead colleague and then proceeds to walk alone down some stairs and out through a door that allows them to then also be killed . . . instead of immediately raising an alarm and falling back to protect the big boss). Many films in this vein can be ridiculous and unbelievable, but it doesn't matter if they're put together with just a small amount of care to make it seem plausible while keeping it all entertaining enough.

Director Niki Caro also has to take a fair share of the blame, seemingly uninterested in the material (I don't blame her for that) and jumping from one limp set-piece to the next with an inability to make it exciting, cool, or engaging. Perhaps everyone involved assumed that viewers would automatically be invested because of the standard "a mother will always be there" coding, but that's not enough to make up for so many other weak elements, especially if you don't agree with that core message.

It looks okay, for the most part, at least it clocks in at under 2 hours (115 minutes, so it still drags in places, but I'll take positives where I can find them), and Lopez is still a good leading lady, even if she deserves much better than this. That's it though. In terms of the actual content of the film, the simple entertainment factor, this absolutely fails to be any good.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Army Of The Dead (2021)

I went in without any expectations, I assure you I did. Zack Snyder isn't someone I have a very strong opinion on, despite his ability to stir up lots of fans online and get away with much more than most directors would. I like his visual style, he's done a couple of great modern blockbusters, and I'll still try to view anything he directs with an open mind.

Unfortunately, it seems that Snyder, like one or two other big name directors I could mention, has started to believe his own hype. And may be surrounded by people who don't say no often enough. There's no other reason I can think of for the succession of bad decisions made here. And I will roll my eyes and wag my finger at anyone who forgives all other errors because "zombie tiger . . . coooool."

The plot is simple. A nasty accident means that there's a massive outbreak of zombieitis in Las Vegas. There's a lot of carnage, and then Las Vegas is basically quarantined, thanks to a handy complete ring of large containers placed around it. If you're already unable to handle this level of disbelief, it just gets worse from here. Scott Ward (Dave Bautista) is tasked by Mr. Tanaka (Hiroyuki Sanada) to put together a team and head into Las Vegas, with the aim of collecting a massive sum of money from a casino vault before the place is flattened by nuclear rockets that don't cause any other issues for the surrounding area. Yes, this is a film in which a plan to enter a zombie-infested area just to snatch millions of dollars becomes one of the least dumb things in it, certainly by the time you get to that nuclear rocket strike.

It's also a film that features a fleeting cameo by Sean Spicer. At that point I knew that it would have to work bloody hard to win me back around. It never did.

There's some good stuff here. The gore isn't tamed down, there's an interesting variety to the zombies, and Bautista is a good leading man. It also helps that they ended up with Tig Notaro in the role of Marianne Peters, the pilot for this exploit. Notaro, from her very first scene to her last, is gold. And I'm not completely oblivious to the coolness of a zombie bloody tiger, which is involved in what is the very best death sequence in the whole film.

That's all I can think of for the positives. The script, co-written by Snyder, Shay Hatten, and Joby Harold, is mostly awful. Everyone is given too much time, no matter how minor their characters should be, the motivations are unbelievable, and the attempt to establish an actual society within the zombie realm is a big mis-step, especially when you get to a reveal in the third act that is properly hilarious when I suspect it was meant to be a serious attempt to surprise people. Surprises are lacking throughout, from the characters who turn out to have other agendas to the inevitable resolution to different relationship issues.

The runtime, just under two and a half hours, is another issue. This is a film that should have been all about forward momentum, especially if that would help to distract from the poor script, but it meanders around instead, with Snyder needing to show off every idea that popped into his head while creating the film.

Although the cast aren't bad, some are better than others. Standouts are Bautista (not great, but feels just right in his role), Notaro, Nora Arnezeder (playing someone who can guide the team into Las Vegas), Matthias Schweighöfer (the safecracker), and Garret Dillahunt. But when is Dillahunt not a standout? Ella Purnell, Omari Hardwick, Ana de la Reguera, Theo Rossi, and Raúl Castillo do what is necessary, but are either hampered by the script or just not as good as some of their co-stars.

It's not that I hated watching every minute of this. I just wished that I'd spent two and a half hours watching something much better. And there's a much better film to be made from this premise. Snyder, however, does what Snyder does. And that includes filling up the soundtrack with some horrendous cover songs, despite starting well with another bit of Richard Cheese (used so memorably in Snyder's Dawn Of The Dead remake).

I've already seen some high praise for this, and it's confounding. Everyone can like whatever they like, and it's always different strokes for different folks, but I can't help thinking that some of the people rating the film so highly are simply looking to continue keeping the pedestal upright that Snyder has managed to get himself placed on. 

4/10

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