Netflix And Chill: We Have A Ghost (2023)

The trailer for We Have A Ghost didn't make it look that good, but I decided to give it a go anyway. I'm optimistic/stupid like that. Often. Anyway, not to beat around the bush, the film is as bad as the trailer makes it out to be. Maybe even worse.

Adapted from a short story by Geoff Manaugh, this is the tale of a family moving into a house and finding out, as you may have already guessed, that they have a ghost. His name is Ernest (David Harbour), although that might just be the name on the shirt he is wearing. While Ernest starts to form a firm friendship with Kevin (Jahi Winston), it's not long until dad, Frank (Anthony Mackie), upsets things by trying to capitalise on the situation, making use of viral videos to hopefully make the situation profitable. Kevin really wants to help Ernest, but Frank seems to just want to help himself (and, by extension, the family bank balance). All of the interest in Ernest, and the house, draws young Joy (a neighbour, played by Isabella Russo) into the situation, and piques the interest of a long-time ghost hunter named Dr. Leslie Monroe (Tig Notaro).

Written and directed by Christopher Landon, who has given us a few enjoyable genre mash-ups over the past few years (he helmed both Happy Death Day movies, as well as Freaky), We Have A Ghost is a hugely disappointing mess. If you want something that mixes ghosts with a mystery thriller, adding quirky characters and a real emotional heart to everything, then the gold standard is still The Frighteners, which I encourage everyone to watch ahead of this. Instead of focusing on how to better balance the different aspects of the plot, Landon instead seems to become preoccupied with showing how quickly a ghost would be embraced by everyone on social media. 

The cast aren't at fault, but they are restrained by a script that doesn't treat them as well as it should. Harbour, a likeable and charismatic actor, is given a role that doesn't allow him to speak, with one notable exception. Winston and Russo sometimes feel like the lead characters, but aren't fully trusted to carry the film. They do well though, despite some horribly misjudged moments forcing their relationship towards something more than just friends. Mackie is stuck having to play the selfish dad, Erica Ash plays the scared mother (her initial reaction to Ernest could have been pulled from a 1940s Universal movie, and I don't mean that in a good way), and Niles Fitch is enjoyably unfazed by things, playing Kevin's slightly older, and more vain, brother. Notaro is good in her role, but her role is rendered quite redundant by the third act, and both Tom Bower and Steve Coulter take on the most predictable roles in the whole movie. Seriously, you will have their character journeys fully plotted out by the time you first see them.

There are a few good moments here and there, particularly the scenes that have Winston and Russo fast becoming firm friends, and a sequence featuring Jennifer Coolidge is as fun as it is marred by horrible CGI, but there's far too much here that just doesn't work. The 2+ hour runtime should have been trimmed down, none of the music choices work (some of the score from Bear McCreary is okay, but attempted needle-drops miss the mark by a long way), and the third act is so unsatisfying that it will probably disappoint all but the most forgiving of viewers.

Viewers in just the right age bracket for this may enjoy it much more, young enough to enjoy the idea without being too young to be freaked out by the bits that try to be a bit more tense, but everyone else would do well to avoid this one. Like the central character, it's dead on arrival.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Army Of The Dead (2021)

I went in without any expectations, I assure you I did. Zack Snyder isn't someone I have a very strong opinion on, despite his ability to stir up lots of fans online and get away with much more than most directors would. I like his visual style, he's done a couple of great modern blockbusters, and I'll still try to view anything he directs with an open mind.

Unfortunately, it seems that Snyder, like one or two other big name directors I could mention, has started to believe his own hype. And may be surrounded by people who don't say no often enough. There's no other reason I can think of for the succession of bad decisions made here. And I will roll my eyes and wag my finger at anyone who forgives all other errors because "zombie tiger . . . coooool."

The plot is simple. A nasty accident means that there's a massive outbreak of zombieitis in Las Vegas. There's a lot of carnage, and then Las Vegas is basically quarantined, thanks to a handy complete ring of large containers placed around it. If you're already unable to handle this level of disbelief, it just gets worse from here. Scott Ward (Dave Bautista) is tasked by Mr. Tanaka (Hiroyuki Sanada) to put together a team and head into Las Vegas, with the aim of collecting a massive sum of money from a casino vault before the place is flattened by nuclear rockets that don't cause any other issues for the surrounding area. Yes, this is a film in which a plan to enter a zombie-infested area just to snatch millions of dollars becomes one of the least dumb things in it, certainly by the time you get to that nuclear rocket strike.

It's also a film that features a fleeting cameo by Sean Spicer. At that point I knew that it would have to work bloody hard to win me back around. It never did.

There's some good stuff here. The gore isn't tamed down, there's an interesting variety to the zombies, and Bautista is a good leading man. It also helps that they ended up with Tig Notaro in the role of Marianne Peters, the pilot for this exploit. Notaro, from her very first scene to her last, is gold. And I'm not completely oblivious to the coolness of a zombie bloody tiger, which is involved in what is the very best death sequence in the whole film.

That's all I can think of for the positives. The script, co-written by Snyder, Shay Hatten, and Joby Harold, is mostly awful. Everyone is given too much time, no matter how minor their characters should be, the motivations are unbelievable, and the attempt to establish an actual society within the zombie realm is a big mis-step, especially when you get to a reveal in the third act that is properly hilarious when I suspect it was meant to be a serious attempt to surprise people. Surprises are lacking throughout, from the characters who turn out to have other agendas to the inevitable resolution to different relationship issues.

The runtime, just under two and a half hours, is another issue. This is a film that should have been all about forward momentum, especially if that would help to distract from the poor script, but it meanders around instead, with Snyder needing to show off every idea that popped into his head while creating the film.

Although the cast aren't bad, some are better than others. Standouts are Bautista (not great, but feels just right in his role), Notaro, Nora Arnezeder (playing someone who can guide the team into Las Vegas), Matthias Schweighöfer (the safecracker), and Garret Dillahunt. But when is Dillahunt not a standout? Ella Purnell, Omari Hardwick, Ana de la Reguera, Theo Rossi, and Raúl Castillo do what is necessary, but are either hampered by the script or just not as good as some of their co-stars.

It's not that I hated watching every minute of this. I just wished that I'd spent two and a half hours watching something much better. And there's a much better film to be made from this premise. Snyder, however, does what Snyder does. And that includes filling up the soundtrack with some horrendous cover songs, despite starting well with another bit of Richard Cheese (used so memorably in Snyder's Dawn Of The Dead remake).

I've already seen some high praise for this, and it's confounding. Everyone can like whatever they like, and it's always different strokes for different folks, but I can't help thinking that some of the people rating the film so highly are simply looking to continue keeping the pedestal upright that Snyder has managed to get himself placed on. 

4/10

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