Seize Them! (2024)

Although it seemed to come and go with very little fanfare, I knew that I would be looking forward to Seize Them! from the first time I heard about it. Being a fan of the Horrible Histories style, I figured this would be something along similar lines. I wasn’t completely wrong, although it throws around some swearwords to remind you that it is intended for slightly older viewers. I’m not sure that was the best approach, but we will come back to that later.

Aimee Lou Wood is Queen Dagan, a cold and uncaring ruler, more due to ignorance than malice, who finds herself having to travel incognito when she escapes an attempt on her life by the revolutionary Humble Joan (Nicola Coughlan). The Queen ends up being helped by Shulmay (Lolly Adefope) and a friendly shit-shoveler named Bobik (Nick Frost). She is determined to regain her throne, but there’s obviously more for her to find on this difficult and dangerous journey.

While it’s not usually good to compare something directly to something else, or to critique something more for what it isn’t than what it is, Seize Them! seems to invite such a comparison. And it comes up wanting. This should have been a family-friendly stomp through medieval times, stuffed full of gags and mud and a stench that would come off the screen in waves. Sadly, it’s just a moderately amusing adventure with some language that takes it up to a 15 certificate here in the UK. Younger viewers may miss out, and older viewers have many better options in front of them.

Director Curtis Vowell doesn’t have too many films under his belt, which may explain the lack of any proper guidance for the material here, but writer Andy Riley already has a few gems. It is a shame that this isn’t on par with his past features, especially when he would seem to be such a good fit for this kind of fun.

The cast do all they can to help, but they’re seriously hampered by the script. Frost probably fares the best, providing some laughs as his sweet simpleton character constantly makes mistakes that endanger the central group, but both Adefope and Wood are enjoyable onscreen performers. Coughlan has fun as a main “villain”, as does the wonderful Jessica Hynes, and there’s a very enjoyable cameo from James Acaster, in a role that allows him to be as Acaster as Acaster is wont to be. 

I chuckled a few times while this was on, and I was happy enough to see where the different characters settled by the time their journeys had ended, but I was never overly impressed. They really should have decided to either embrace the silliness and fill every scene with gags and puns or embrace the certification and throw in some more gore and death alongside the smattering of naughty language. Instead, it falls between two stools. Which is a statement on the quality of the film and also an extra pooh gag that feels slightly better than what was served up by this script.

5/10

If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews
Or Amazon is nice at this time of year - https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/Y1ZUCB13HLJD?ref_=wl_share

Prime Time: Catherine Called Birdy (2022)

England in medieval times. It isn’t great fun. Especially if you’re a 14-year-old girl being prepped for marriage. Catherine aka Birdy (Bella Ramsey) is in that exact position. She doesn’t want to get married, especially to the kind of people who come courting, but her parents (particularly her father, played by Andrew Scott) need her to marry someone who will add a substantial amount to the family coffers.

Directed by Lena Dunham, who also adapted the source material, by Karen Cushman, into screenplay form, Catherine Called Birdy is a superb, pointed, comedy that uses the time period and attitudes to make a number of pertinent points alongside many moments that should give most viewers a hearty laugh. It’s a film about the ripples of change that can come from one person holding tight to their feminist ideals, but it is also about bonds of friendship, the good and bad aspects of being part of a family unit, and trying to come up with the most enjoyably florid insults.

If you don’t want to see a period film full of anachronisms (in terms of the film technique, sensibilities and self-awareness, and reappropriated modern music) then you should avoid this altogether, but I would recommend it to everyone else. It has enough of a proper narrative to join together every enjoyable “episode”, it manages to sneak some real drama alongside all of the humour, and the cast is chock full of great people doing great work.

Ramsey is perfect in the lead role, continuing to capitalise on her youthful appearance to convincingly play child characters with adult strength and/or smarts. Scott is also very good, a dad who can make lame jokes one minute and angrily lay down the rules that need to be obeyed in the next, and his scenes with Billie Piper (also excellent, playing the role of Catherine’s mother) show a warmth and love that many people would like to aim for. Paul Kaye is an unpleasant, but very rich, suitor, and is lots of fun, and there are great moments for Lesley Sharp (nanny), Ralph Ineson (a helpful peasant), Sophie Okonedo (a rich woman who marries Catherine’s Uncle George, played by Joe Alwyn), and Isis Hainsworth (Catherine’s BFF).

I haven’t seen a lot of Dunham’s work (and being unimpressed by Tiny Furniture meant that I wouldn’t rush out to check the rest of her C.V.), but this film is good enough to make me much more willing to check out other projects she decides to helm. I might even belatedly watch “Girls” one day, over a decade after everyone else was won over by it.

8/10

If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews

Anna And The Apocalypse (2017)

Written by Alan McDonald and the late Ryan McHenry (expanding upon his 2011 short, Zombie Musical), Anna And The Apocalypse is a fun time for people who can accept that it mixes some gore gags with teen drama, a bit of comedy, some musical numbers, and a wee bit of added Scottishness. It's a good film, almost a great one (and many have already showered it with love as they watch and rewatch it while singing along with the songs), and one I was happy to finally see a little while ago, and then buy on DVD. Some of the goodwill towards it MAY have been built up by some of that special film festival atmosphere and the attitudes of those involved (having heard director John McPhail in conversation a few times now, I find the guy hilarious and wonderful) but I don't think that should take away from the fact that the film still had to be good enough to win people round when it started to "do the rounds".

Anna Shepherd (Ella Hunt) is the Anna of the title, which means she's going to be right there in the middle of a horrible zombie epidemic. At Christmas. It breaks out around her before she realises what is happening, leading to her initially seeking shelter in her workplace, the local bowling alley. But she won't be alone. Alongside her will be her best friend, John (Malcolm Cumming), and an assorted mixed bag of characters including Steph (Sarah Swire), Chris (Christopher Leveaux), and eventually Nick (Ben Wiggins). All of them have different ways of dealing with the situation and different motivations. Some just want to survive, some seem to have fun killing zombies, and some still hope to be reunited with loved ones. Mark Benton is Anna's father, who ends up stuck in her school with a horrible headmaster (played by Paul Kaye) and other survivors, including Lisa (Chris's partner, played by Marli Siu).

Considering the relatively small budget that this must have had, Anna And The Apocalypse is a film that looks and feels very nicely put together. The quality of the sound and camerawork is excellent throughout, if sometimes a bit rough around the edges when it comes to some of the FX work and the cheats used to imply a bigger picture just offscreen, and the only major gripe I have with is the lack of choreography that feels creative enough in many of the musical numbers. Even then, I understand the time and money needed to work on these things so it's not something I find unforgivable. Don't expect this to be The Greatest Showman with zombies and you should be okay.

For most of my movie reviews I tend to work through the various performances from the main cast members to highlight any great, or very poor, work. I'm not going to do that here. It feels as if it would be unfair. Not everyone is on quite the same level, that's all I will say, but most at least get a moment in which they shine, or have a way of working with the others that shows why they were picked for their role. Okay, I'll say that Hunt is great in the lead role, and that Cumming is so likeable that it's almost sickening, dammit, but you'll just have to see how you feel about everyone else when you watch the movie.

I'm also not going to grade every song on the soundtrack. I wish a few of them were a bit catchier but, as I have said before, an original musical is bloody hard to get right. The fact that this film includes such varied joys as "Hollywood Ending" (the standout, I think most people would agree), "Turning My Life Around", "Soldier At War", "It's That Time Of Year" and "The Fish Wrap" (the latter two both make me laugh hard) proves that it's got enough to have you tapping your toes and singing along, once you learn the words.

The script may not be as jam-packed or hilarious as it could be, especially if you don't have the penchant for cheesy gags that I do, but it admirably weaves together everything that it makes time for, scatters plenty of references throughout (probably deliberately, but one or two may be coincidental), and unabashedly aims for some emotional punches that most other movies in this bracket wouldn't even attempt. It also makes great use of Christmas elements without making every single scene bright red and green and overstuffed with Santas and elves.

Will you love this? Maybe, maybe not. I hope you will at least enjoy it, especially if you're a British viewer after something home-grown. It's a film that you have to meet halfway, that's the way I see it. The opening scenes may put some off but once it gets going then you're in for a good time, and then you start to grow attached to the characters, the humour starts to work, and it ends up being a little gem that everyone involved can feel rightly proud of.

7/10

If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews
Or Amazon is nice at this time of year - https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/Y1ZUCB13HLJD?ref_=wl_share