One Starry Christmas (2014)

I just don't understand it. I'm easily pleased, I'm often about as easily pleased as you can get, and yet there are still movies that come along that get my rage rising from almost the very first scene, despite having the resources available to do better. The worst thing for a movie to do is be dull, but it's also terrible when a film feels lazy, and gives the sense that viewers aren't being treated with anything other than disdain. As is the case with One Starry Christmas.

Sarah Carter plays Holly Jensen, a young woman (and astronomer, hence the title) who heads back to visit her folks for Christmas, also hoping to surprise her potential fiance (Paul Popowich). She ends up sitting on a bus alongside a genuine cowboy type (Damon Runyan), which proves fortunate when the bus breaks down and Mr. Gentleman Cowboy helps her out. To repay the favour, she ends up inviting him for a bite to eat with her folks, who then end up inviting him to Christmas dinner, insisting that he also brings along his brother. The potential fiance isn't too happy about this, but that's okay because he's a bit of a douchebag anyway. Sort of. Well, the movie needs to paint him that way to lead everyone to a predictable final act.

Rickie Castaneda is the man responsible for this weak script, one that alternates between Christmas cliches and cowboy cliches (of course he has great manners, and of course he opts to show everyone how to line dance when the opportunity arises). Director John Bradshaw does nothing to distract from the horrible material, presenting everything in a flat, plain manner that seems to show a complete lack of imagination/interest.

Carter, Popowich and Runyan all try to do something decent, I suppose, with what they're given, but none of them make a great impression. Actually, I'm telling a small lie there because I spent a lot of the movie considering just how much time Popowich spent bemoaning the fact that he would always be "the guy who looks like Paul Rudd, but isn't Paul Rudd". Kathleen Laskey and Neil Crone do better, however, in the role of Holly's parents. Both believe in a very romantic idea of love, although the former is more open and vocal about it while the latter sometimes hides behind humour to tease more of a reaction from his wife. George Canyon gets to join Runyan in the "who can be stuck playing a more cliched cowboy?" performance stakes, and Daniel Karasik is a dot com millionaire who hosts a party that lets gentleman cowboy shine (yes, the line dancing occurs there).

Not JUST lazy and careless, One Starry Christmas also has one or two moments that will make you cringe with embarrassment. I feel sorry for everyone involved, who will all either go on to build a CV that this will be omitted from or end up stuck in permanent TV movie hell.*

*Not that all TV movies are bad. But the bad ones are . . . . . . . . . . BAD.

2/10

Not available on shiny disc at the moment, so go for this pack instead - http://www.amazon.com/Holiday-Romance-Collection-Movie-Pack/dp/B00DNLZRLU/ref=sr_1_7?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1418332695&sr=1-7&keywords=christmas+movies

Children Of The Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999)

Yes. The sixth instalment in a horror franchise that should never have limped past three movies sees the return of, arguably, the most memorable character from the very first movie. Years have gone by, of course, and the child has grown into a man, but Isaac (John Franklin reprising his role) is still as devoted to He Who Walks Behind The Rows as he ever was. He just happens to be in a coma when the movie begins.

Natalie Ramsey plays Hannah Martin, a young woman who travels back to the town (Gatlin) where she was born. Natalie wants to find her real mother and wants to find out just what happened to the town. Little does she know that a lot of the residents of Gatlin are still waiting for a major prophecy to be fulfilled. A prophecy that involves Hannah. Some people have found their faith wavering, but not Isaac. As soon as he wakes up and gets back on his feet, he assures everyone that things are going exactly to plan.

Directed by Kari Skogland, this is nothing more than an excuse to centre another movie on the character of Isaac. It makes sense that Franklin also helped to write the script, sharing the writing duties with Tim Sulka, because he IS the reason to watch the movie. Although Hannah Martin is the dull heroine, Isaac is the most interesting character. It's a shame that Franklin the writer gives Franklin the actor very little to work with because there's still enough to keep you watching, but it's a bit of a slog.

It's also a shame that no thought was given to any of the other Gatlin residents. Okay, Stacy Keach and Nancy Allen get to appear onscreen, but they're rather wasted in their roles. Alix Koromzay and Paul Popowich both do quite well, despite the fact that their characters are left fairly one-dimensional, and everyone else suffers in the same way, with varying acting prowess to deal with the situation.

As soon as this franchise moved beyond the first film it became harder and harder to tell them apart. This instalment does absolutely nothing to change that.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-Of-The-Corn-666/dp/B0002ISGCO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380193580&sr=8-1&keywords=children+of+the+corn+6