Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

It's my own fault. Before this movie started I had my expectations dialled down to zero. Then I saw Anthony Hickox listed as an executive producer - the movie is directed by his brother, James D. R. Hickox - and special effects created by Screaming Mad George (the man responsible for the unforgettable gloopy brilliance of Society). Unfortunately, none of these people can do enough to make this any less laughable.

Eli (Daniel Cerny) and Joshua (Ron Melendez) are two young boys who move from Gatlin, Nebraska, to Chicago when they're adopted by an unprepared, but well-intentioned, couple (played by Jim Metzler and Nancy Lee Grahn). Joshua starts to enjoy his new high school and blend in with his urban surroundings, but Eli sees nothing but sinners everywhere he looks and he's determined to sort out the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

What really sinks Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest is the performance given by Daniel Cerny. Whether he was given bad direction or whether he just decided to go with the wrong type of performance, I'll never know, but he makes the mistake of going through the entire movie with a demeanour and expressions that are akin to a giant, blinking, neon sign over his head saying: "Evil, evil."

Ron Melendez does better, Metzler and Grahn do okay and Michael Ensign is pretty good as Father Frank Nolan, a man who starts to realise just how evil young Eli is when everything starts slotting into place for the intermittently fun finale. Jon Clair and Mari Morrow also do decent enough work, playing Malcolm and Maria Elkman, the brother and sister who befriend Joshua. In fact, Maria may want to be more than friends. Let's hope that she doesn't upset He Who Walks Behind The Rows. Fans of Charlize Theron will also enjoy seeing her here in her first, uncredited, movie role. She may only be onscreen for less than a minute, but she's still easier to spot than Nicholas Brendon (who also makes his movie debut here, although he is at least credited, albeit as Basketball Player One).

Director Hickox shows that he doesn't have the knack for working with horror material that his brother has, but he does enough to stop the whole thing from becoming absolutely unwatchable. He's not helped by the script, by Dode B. Levenson (with some uncredited writing from Matt Greenberg, according to IMDb), but in the few scenes that allow the special effects by Screaming Mad George to take centre stage it's easy to keep your brain switched off and just enjoy the gore gags.

It's a slight step up from the awfulness of the second movie, but I have a feeling that I'm going to encounter worse as I explore the rest of the franchise.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-The-Corn-Boxset-3-DVD/dp/B0046YWTV4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378897658&sr=8-1&keywords=children+of+the+corn+box+set

Wild Things: Diamonds In The Rough (2005)

Who knew when Wild Things first arrived on cinema screens that it would spawn a bunch of sequels all built around the exact same structure? This second sequel is once again written by Andy Hurst and Ross Helford (who wrote the screenplay for the previous movie) but the directorial duties are handed over to one Jay Lowi. To be fair to Lowi, Tangled (the 2001 teen-friendly thriller and not the 2011 Disney movie) was a movie at least belonging underneath the same umbrella as this one and showed that Lowi could handle such material.

Serah D'laine and Sandra McCoy are the two young women at the centre of the activities this time around and this time everything seems to revolve around a nice pair of diamonds. There are numerous twists and turns, once again, but the shorter runtime dictates that the plans start to unravel faster than ever before and that the mystery is, once again, nicely wrapped up in time for a number of enjoyable revelations shown during the final credits.

The cast are okay. D'laine and McCoy make up for their lack of any in-built name recognition with an attempt to be a bit raunchier and more willing to shed clothes than Susan Ward and Leila Arcieri were. Dina Meyer is relatively well known and does just fine. Linden Ashby reprises his role from the previous movie and does a bit better this time around. Then we have Brad Johnson and Ron Melendez, both doing what they have to do with their roles though both stuck with weaker characters.

Once again, this is nowhere near as good as the first movie. It's quite dull for most of the runtime and everything just feels a bit . . . . . . . flat. BUT the last-minute revelations are a bit more enjoyable, thanks to being a bit different from the previous pattern, and there's still some fun to be had from the central concept if you're an undemanding viewer not expecting anything great.

4/10

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