The Christmas Box (1995)

Based on a book by Richard Paul Evans, The Christmas Box is the kind of lovely movie that many people will love to watch in the winter months. Not me though. It wasn't unbearable, mainly thanks to the cast, but it was all just too cloying and manipulative and predictable. Yes, I am well aware that such things could be said of almost every Christmas movie ever made.

Richard Thomas, Annette O'Toole and Kelsey Mulrooney play a family who take a job that involves them moving in to the large home of Mrs. Parkin (Maureen O'Hara). Thomas is a hard-working father who doesn't get to spend much quality time with his family as he strives to make his business more and more successful, something that is duly noted by O'Hara. The pair don't seem to get along at all, but it eventually becomes clear that the lady of the house has an agenda, one that doesn't come from a bad place.

Ironically, this is a film that may well set your teeth on edge like the overly familiar tune emanating from a once-beloved jewellery box. The music, the lethargic camerawork, the horrible way in which it presupposes that the values it manipulates to show negatively are values always to be discarded in favour of, y'know, love and constant reassurance. The character played by Thomas is far from a monster, but you're expected to think worse of him because he's spending a bit too much time working towards a goal. Hey, balance is always better, but I'm not going to throw eggs at every person who occasionally gets it wrong (including myself).

I'm not sure if the book is so irritating, perhaps the screenplay by Greg Taylor ended up exacerbating the flaws, yet I AM sure that the final result isn't something I'll ever be returning to. Director Marcus Cole is happy enough to keep the whole thing feeling like a daytime soap-opera, although he's really hampered by the script/source material that ensures character developments are forced, rather than organically created, by the events.

Thomas and O'Toole do as well as they can with their roles, even if they're not required to show any range or depth, and young Mulrooney is a pleasant enough child actress who doesn't ever get too irritating, which is always a bonus. Yet it's O'Hara who really brings this up a notch. She's not asked to do anything special. She just seems to be the only one who comes close to having any fun (a perk of the character that she's playing).

If this movie was a Christmas card then it would be one of those dull pictures showing a roaring fire with a stocking or two hanging from the mantelpiece. No, not even that. It would be one that has a picture of baubles on the front. Those cards that you always leave until every other card has been sent out, the ones that you end up using for the people you forgot about until the very last minute. Yes, this is one of those. Well-intentioned, but still a bit rubbish and lacking any sense of fun.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Classics-Collection-Fashioned-Capotes/dp/B00DNLZNH8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1418069067&sr=8-2&keywords=the+christmas+box

Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

It's my own fault. Before this movie started I had my expectations dialled down to zero. Then I saw Anthony Hickox listed as an executive producer - the movie is directed by his brother, James D. R. Hickox - and special effects created by Screaming Mad George (the man responsible for the unforgettable gloopy brilliance of Society). Unfortunately, none of these people can do enough to make this any less laughable.

Eli (Daniel Cerny) and Joshua (Ron Melendez) are two young boys who move from Gatlin, Nebraska, to Chicago when they're adopted by an unprepared, but well-intentioned, couple (played by Jim Metzler and Nancy Lee Grahn). Joshua starts to enjoy his new high school and blend in with his urban surroundings, but Eli sees nothing but sinners everywhere he looks and he's determined to sort out the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

What really sinks Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest is the performance given by Daniel Cerny. Whether he was given bad direction or whether he just decided to go with the wrong type of performance, I'll never know, but he makes the mistake of going through the entire movie with a demeanour and expressions that are akin to a giant, blinking, neon sign over his head saying: "Evil, evil."

Ron Melendez does better, Metzler and Grahn do okay and Michael Ensign is pretty good as Father Frank Nolan, a man who starts to realise just how evil young Eli is when everything starts slotting into place for the intermittently fun finale. Jon Clair and Mari Morrow also do decent enough work, playing Malcolm and Maria Elkman, the brother and sister who befriend Joshua. In fact, Maria may want to be more than friends. Let's hope that she doesn't upset He Who Walks Behind The Rows. Fans of Charlize Theron will also enjoy seeing her here in her first, uncredited, movie role. She may only be onscreen for less than a minute, but she's still easier to spot than Nicholas Brendon (who also makes his movie debut here, although he is at least credited, albeit as Basketball Player One).

Director Hickox shows that he doesn't have the knack for working with horror material that his brother has, but he does enough to stop the whole thing from becoming absolutely unwatchable. He's not helped by the script, by Dode B. Levenson (with some uncredited writing from Matt Greenberg, according to IMDb), but in the few scenes that allow the special effects by Screaming Mad George to take centre stage it's easy to keep your brain switched off and just enjoy the gore gags.

It's a slight step up from the awfulness of the second movie, but I have a feeling that I'm going to encounter worse as I explore the rest of the franchise.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-The-Corn-Boxset-3-DVD/dp/B0046YWTV4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378897658&sr=8-1&keywords=children+of+the+corn+box+set