Bats (1999)

A film called Bats is not going to surprise anyone when it turns out to be about genetically-mutated killer bats, and this film is not out to deliver surprises. It's simply out to deliver some creature feature goodies for those seeking them out.

Dina Meyer is Dr. Sheila Casper, a bat expert who ends up called in when a situation gets out of control. Some people have been attacked by bats, and that could just be the tip of the iceberg as the creatures get ready to swarm and attack a small town. Teaming up with Sheriff Emmett Kimsey (Lou Diamond Phillips) and Dr. Alexander McCabe, a man who can be suspected of having some kind of hidden agenda, simply due to the fact that he's played by Bob Gunton, it's a race against the clock to stop the killer bats from further spreading their leathery wings of death.

Writer John Logan has quite the varied filmography, and this was one of his earlier works, but he certainly shows here that he knows the beats needing hit as things move along briskly enough from start to finish. You get an opening attack, heroes filled in on the situation, a major set-piece in the first half of the film that stands out as the highlight of the whole thing, a misguided "villain, and an attempt to resolve things before the proper resolution in the big finale. It marks everything off the checklist you would expect.

Director Louis Morneau has plenty of experience with the kind of thriller/horror fun that would not necessarily aim for a theatrical release (although this somehow did manage that) and he does well with the resources at his disposal. The bats aren't necessarily realistic, in terms of their movement and behaviour, but the puppets are well made, most of the shots work well when showing the bats looking cunning and dangerous, and it's surprising just how easy viewers may find it to stop picking apart the lack of logic and simply enjoy it for the fun it is. The pacing also helps, as does the cast.

Meyer adds another plucky female lead to her filmography, and she's good in the role, while Phillips doesn't play his small town Sheriff with a small town attitude. Another pleasant surprise here, in fact, is the way in which everyone immediately proceeds in the knowledge that there's no big mystery, no misdirecting coincidences as people die. It's the bats, they're killing people and need to be stopped. Gunton gives good Gunton, and Leon (yeah, no idea who he is either, but he's famous enough to perform under just the one name a la Madonna) tries to be a bit of fun as Jimmy Sands, general assistant to Dr. Casper, but the script doesn't treat him well at all, with one of his first witty comments being so misjudged that it immediately puts you off him.

It may not be any kind of classic, not even within the creature feature subgenre, but Bats deserves credit for some fine practical FX work, lead performers getting the tone just right, and one or two big sequences that show where a lot of the budget went.

6/10

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Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

Johnny Mnemonic is a pretty silly movie, in both the plotting and the way of so many '90s movies showcasing the future of technology, and I can't help but love it. It has some interesting ideas in the mix, a great cast, and a wonderful vein of dark comedy running through it.

Keanu Reeves plays the title character, a courier of sorts. He does jobs that involve data being stored in his head, delivered to someone who has the code to retrieve it. In need of a decent sum of money to retrieve memories that have been wiped for his work, in what seems like a bit of a vicious cycle, Johnny agrees to make one final delivery run, and it's one that will take up a lot more space in his head than he is used to. It's also a very precious bundle of data, so precious that he ends up being helped in his journey by a kickass woman named Jane (Dina Meyer) as he tries to stay one step ahead of various people who want to cause him harm, with a number of them literally wanting his head.

Written by William Gibson, who adapted his own story, Johnny Mnemonic can be described as many things, not all flattering, but it's never dull. The dialogue may often be slightly risible, with one or two notable exceptions, but this is a film that strives to do what it can on the budget to realise a near-future world and have fun with the main concepts.

Director Robert Longo, who gave us this as his one and only feature (to date), does a decent job of keeping everything in line, tonally, with the script. Silly moments abound, some intended and some not, but at least the whole thing doesn't devolve into a collage of music video moments, which is all the more impressive when you look over Longo's back catalogue of music video work. The action isn't ever as good as it could be, and a couple of big reveals in the third act just feel mishandled, but I really don't see why people view this as a BAD film. Okay, that's not true, I can see why the view it that way, I just don't understand why they can't overlook the failings to enjoy something so clearly interested in providing fun entertainment for viewers.

Reeves isn't doing his best work but he's just fine in his role, even when delivering some of the worst dialogue in the script. Meyer fares better in her role, as do most of the other supporting cast members, including Udo Kier, Takeshi Kitano, Ice Cube, Dolph Lundgren, and a typically ranty Henry Rollins.

Highlights include Lundgren attempting to steal his few scenes, a third act reveal that will have you either chuckling and staying on for the ride or wanting to check out immediately, a dangerous villain with a thumb attachment that unleashes a laser garrotte, Udo Kier enjoying moments that allow him to be full Udo Kier, and (while watching it nowadays) an amusing naiveté inherent in so many sci-fi movies from the past few decades when it comes to trying to showcase the technological marvels that were supposedly coming along some years from now.

I can't seriously recommend this to people, yet I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone. Give it a go. If you end up hating it then at least the runtime is just over the ninety-minute mark. But I hope you learn to enjoy it as much as I do.

7/10

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Americans can buy the movie here.

Decoys 2: Alien Seduction (2007)

Making a satisfactory sequel for any decent movie can be a tricky prospect. Making a satisfactory sequel to a surprisingly enjoyable movie that went direct to the rental market can be even trickier. The fact that Decoys 2: Alien Seduction succeeds is due to the way it admirably sticks to the most well-known symptoms of sequelitis. Normally constrictive and damaging, these standard tenets (more of the same, extra nudity, a few slightly famous names to help promote the thing) actually work in the film's favour and this is a sequel that almost equals its predecessor.

Is it a great movie? No, but neither was the first film. It is, however, undemanding and entertaining fare that makes the most of a ridiculous but fun central premise (sexy alien babes freezing Earth males while they try to get jiggy with it) and zips along from start to finish with snappy pacing and good humour.

Jeffery Scott Lando directs the action this time around, with a script written by Miguel Tejada-Flores, but the change of names offscreen doesn't show onscreen at all. There are a couple of actors also returning to their roles (Corey Sevier and the gorgeous Kim Poirier), a number of new actors who all come across as likeable enough and more eye candy for the guys in the shape of ladies like Michelle Molineux (aka Heather Graham MK II) and Lindsay Maxwell. And then we have Dina Meyer and Tobin Bell being the more famous names getting involved for some limited screentime.

Effects aren't top notch, there are more than one or two gaping plot holes and there's no tension whatsoever. Pretty much like the first movie anyway. Thankfully, it focuses on the fun to be had with sexy alien women getting nekkid to seduce their prey - this time around they also reveal a talent for being able to transform into whichever kind of girl the male victim has fantasised about.

An uncomplicated sequel that will be appreciated by those who saw the greatness at the core of the rough diamond that was the first movie. Okay, okay, another good film to watch if you like sexy femaliens getting naked. And who doesn't?

5/10.

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Wild Things: Diamonds In The Rough (2005)

Who knew when Wild Things first arrived on cinema screens that it would spawn a bunch of sequels all built around the exact same structure? This second sequel is once again written by Andy Hurst and Ross Helford (who wrote the screenplay for the previous movie) but the directorial duties are handed over to one Jay Lowi. To be fair to Lowi, Tangled (the 2001 teen-friendly thriller and not the 2011 Disney movie) was a movie at least belonging underneath the same umbrella as this one and showed that Lowi could handle such material.

Serah D'laine and Sandra McCoy are the two young women at the centre of the activities this time around and this time everything seems to revolve around a nice pair of diamonds. There are numerous twists and turns, once again, but the shorter runtime dictates that the plans start to unravel faster than ever before and that the mystery is, once again, nicely wrapped up in time for a number of enjoyable revelations shown during the final credits.

The cast are okay. D'laine and McCoy make up for their lack of any in-built name recognition with an attempt to be a bit raunchier and more willing to shed clothes than Susan Ward and Leila Arcieri were. Dina Meyer is relatively well known and does just fine. Linden Ashby reprises his role from the previous movie and does a bit better this time around. Then we have Brad Johnson and Ron Melendez, both doing what they have to do with their roles though both stuck with weaker characters.

Once again, this is nowhere near as good as the first movie. It's quite dull for most of the runtime and everything just feels a bit . . . . . . . flat. BUT the last-minute revelations are a bit more enjoyable, thanks to being a bit different from the previous pattern, and there's still some fun to be had from the central concept if you're an undemanding viewer not expecting anything great.

4/10

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