Prime Time: Hooked Up (2013)

It can happen to the best of us, and I rarely label myself as one of the best of us. I saw this title, I saw some tagline that mentioned it being presented by the maker(s) of Orphan. I decided to give it a go. More fool me. The only thing that will make my viewing of this mess worthwhile will be the fact that I just might be able to dissuade someone else from wasting 80 minutes of their life on it.

I like to think that I am quite a positive person, when it comes to writing about movies. I like to try and see the best in every film, and will often either admit that things can be there that just weren't right for me, or that those involved did well just to get their movie made. I cannot be so nice and polite here, mainly because it feels as if those involved knew better, but decided to go ahead and treat viewers like idiots anyway.

Two young men go off on a trip to Barcelona. They get very drunk and head back to some house with two young women. Then things start to get wild, and not in the good way. One of the young men has a penis injury, the other is disappointed that the night is about to end just when it looked like it was going to get interesting. And then they find that the night isn't about to end. They're trapped in the house, and there's something supernatural wanting to cause them harm.

The first feature from Pablo Larcuen, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Eduard Sola, Hooked Up is just about as lazy and poorly executed as it is possible for a found footage horror movie to be. I have seen better films made with far less resources (seriously, check out something like Prankz, you may not love it but it is far better than this).

What do you want from a film like this? Let's check the list. Characters you can root for, usually. That's not a requisite, but it is always helpful if you enjoy the company of people you are forced to spend the runtime with. That is not the case here. Both Jonah Ehrenreich and Stephen Ohl play two of the most irritating leads I have seen in any film in years. You may also want to believe that someone would keep filming while the situation gets worse and worse for them. Hahahahahahahahaha. Not a chance of that happening here. Nobody cares. Larcuen and Sola obviously just assumed that everyone will accept the events onscreen without ever once asking that question. Strange, because that is often the biggest hurdle that even the best found footage movies have to deal with. It's just not dealt with here, at all. In fact, there's one scene in which someone is attacked, and then the attacker picks up the phone to keep filming for a moment, THAT'S how ridiculous this is.

Don't get me wrong, I would probably not be that bothered by these things if the film was concentrating on providing the scares. Sadly, that is not the case either. There are a couple of attempts to make you jump, none of which work, there are a couple of twists and turns, none of which work, and there are attempts to interrupt the non-scares with moments of intense drama between the two leads, you guessed it . . . none of which work.

Hooked Up is symptomatic of the absolute worst that can be found within the horror genre. I don't feel bad for being so unrelentingly negative about it because nobody felt bad about throwing it together and selling it to genre fans they figured would just lap it all up.

Avoid at all costs. I am doubling my intended rating because the presentation at times shows some level of aptitude. Not a lot, but some.

2/10

Here is a disc not to buy.
Americans can click on this link, and then buy something (anything) else.