Prime Time: Terror At London Bridge (1985)

AKA Bridge Across Time.

When I heard there was a weird little movie that has David Hasselhoff trying to apprehend a killer who my or many not be a time-travelling Jack the Ripper then I just knew I had to see it. Don't pretend you wouldn't at least have some morbid curiosity about it.

The plot is pretty much what I've just said. It all starts with a missing stone that is recovered and then placed back on the old London Bridge that is now in Arizona. That missing stone may be very powerful, and may well bring back the famous murderer, Jack the Ripper. Who would believe such a theory though? Detective Don Gregory (Hasselhoff) would, especially when he starts to match up murders with dates that correspond to the dates of the original Ripper murders. Struggling to convince Chief Dawson (Clu Gulager) while he argues with Anson Whitfield (Lane Smith, effectively playing his character as if he's Murray Hamilton in Jaws), Gregory eventually comes up with a plan that will require the use of Angie (Stefanie Kramer), a woman he has just started a relationship with.

Director E. W. Swackhamer seems to have a large body of TV work to his name (and this was a TV movie first shown back in the mid-1980s), but there's enough canny casting and good pacing here to show him as someone who knows what they're doing in that medium. Writer William F. Nolan has a couple of better-known properties that he will be remembered for, but he is equally deserving of praise for doing what he can with something that could have been so much worse.

This is silly, especially when playing up the moments that invite comparisons to Jaws, but it's consistently entertaining.  The Hoff is a capable enough lead, delivering his usual level of charisma that somehow keeps him feeling like a bigger star than most TV actors without ever being right for lead work in theatrical features, and it's great to see Gulager and Smith in their supporting roles. Kramer is stuck with the most thankless role, but she does fine, and I was pleasantly surprised to see Adrienne Barbeau given some screentime.

If you want more serious movies that make use of Jack the Ripper then there are many to choose from. If you want some Ripper tension with some time-travel in the mix then I'd point you towards the excellent Time After Time. But if you want something that has "Saucy Jack" travelling to our time due to some mysterious bridge magic, and then causing consternation and trouble for a cop who you just know is going to eventually have to reconsider his stance of not using his gun (tied to a tragic incident in his past), well . . . this is the film for you.

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Unearth (2020)

It seems as if I cannot let a week go by now without giving some time to horror movies best described as hallucinatory, and Unearth is another that could be categorised that way. Described as "a fracking horror story", and featuring a small role for Adrienne Barbeau, I decided to be optimistic as I pressed play on this. 

The plot is quite simple. Two neighbouring families seem to be at polar opposites when it comes to peace and prosperity. When an oil and gas company comes around with an offer for some of their land, one family rejects them immediately while the other takes them up on what they think could be a lifeline. Things start to sour some time later, with something being released from under the earth that affects the minds of those living in the vicinity of the drilling.

Directed by Dorota Swies and John C. Lyons, with the latter also having co-written the script with Kelsey Goldberg, Unearth is an interesting near-miss of a film. It's not bad, and the gloomy and foreboding atmosphere throughout is nicely crafted, but it just lacks enough time spent with the right characters, meaning that the third act feels disappointingly devoid of any real stakes, simply because we still don't get enough of a connection with those put in peril.

Barbeau is good in her small role, and her family unit allows for decent turns from P. J. Marshall, Allison McAtee, and Monica Wyche. They are the family without any major problems, initially. Marc Blucas heads up the family barely holding things together, and he's also doing good work here, accompanied by Brooke Sorenson, and Rachel McKeon. You might think that seven central characters wouldn't lead to the problem I just described in the last paragraph, but the writers get the balance just a bit wrong, spending too much time with a couple of characters who take longer than some other people to realise that things are getting strange and dangerous.

There's some good horror imagery here, and at least one moment that is about as dark and disturbing as you can imagine, but those moments feel, for the most part, sadly disparate and inorganic (ironically). Despite the localised nature of the horror, the relationship between the characters and the geography of the area isn't always clear, and it's only during the end credits that viewers are shown an extra reason to be concerned about how things may work out.

I feel that I've just written a few paragraphs here balancing positive and negative comments, but that's how the film made me feel. It's technically well-made, the cast work in their roles, and the main idea is good enough. It's just frustrating to see fleeting moments of excellence undermined by minor niggles and flaws that I suspect could have been easily sorted by another one or two passes of the script. I do recommend Unearth. It's a good film. It could have been much better though.

6/10

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Prime Time: The Convent (2000)

A film that feels very much like it could be an instalment in the Night Of The Demons series, The Convent is the third feature film from Mike Mendez, who was already comfortable with his approach to making fun, modern horror movies full of energy and homages. It's one of his weaker films, especially compared to the likes of Gravedancers (which would be his next feature) and Big Ass Spider! (released in 2013, do check it out), but it's definitely of interest to genre fans.

The main premise concerns a group of youthful men and women who decide to break into a local, allegedly cursed, convent. They plan to get up to typical hijinks, but all of that goes out the window when it soon becomes clear that the convent is host to at least one demonic presence. And a grand plan can start to be put in motion once again if a virgin can be procured and ritually sacrificed. Perhaps the one person who can help is the one person everyone assumed was mad after she attacked the convent residents many years ago. Especially as she is played by Adrienne Barbeau.

With plenty of silly character interactions, evil creatures with neon-tinged veins and blood, and logic quickly sidelined in favour of extreme silliness, including a scene in which Coolio (yes . . . Coolio) and Bill Moseley play a couple of cops, this is a film about fun ahead of anything else.

Joanna Canton is the lead, even if her character feels quite thin, and others involved include Megahn Perry, Liam Kyle Sullivan, Renée Graham, and more, but once you know that Adrienne Barbeau is in the cast list you just end up waiting for her to show up, and the film steps up a notch once she appears, being as tough as fans like her to be.

Mendez directs competently enough, working from a script by Chaton Anderson (who also gets a small onscreen role), and this is the kind of silliness that accompanies the more horrifying moments with some sharp editing and . . . lively music on the soundtrack. It's not about tension, at least not once the opening scenes are out of the way, and it's not about well-rounded characters you want to see make it through the night alive.

The Convent is not big or clever, and it's not trying to be. It's a film uninterested in depth, instead just hoping to provide viewers with some thrills, some laughs, and a fun 80 minutes, which is a perfectly good aim to have, especially when it succeeds. It's not a complete success, I admit that I would have liked some moments that were actually suspenseful, and some more gore gags would have also helped, but it's lightweight fun for those in the mood for it.

6/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

The Dog Who Saved Christmas (2009)

An unlikely start to a franchise, and yet here is a dog-centred Christmas film that currently has numerous sequels. Don't take that as a sign of quality, however. It's really just a sign of how easily these kinds of films can be churned out.

Mario Lopez provides the voice of Zeus, a dog who wants to do well for his new owners (Gary Valentine, Elisa Donovan, and their kids, played by Sierra McCormick and Charlie Stewart). Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be able to move around the house without putting a paw wrong. But maybe he can get himself into good enough guard dog shape in time to foil a couple of would-be robbers (Dean Cain and Joey Diaz).

With a smattering of decent enough names, including Mindy Sterling and Adrienne Barbeau in small supporting roles, and enough scenes showing a lovely dog looking lovely, The Dog Who Saved Christmas is fairly easy holiday viewing. There are also a couple of talking rodents that will remind viewers of Babe (a much better film for those seeking some talking animals).

Written by Michael Ciminera and Richard Gnolfo (with the two of them helped in the story department by Jeffrey Schenck), this is a simple tale of being able to find your inner strength when it is most needed. The backstory for Zeus tries to be worthwhile, although it doesn't end up being nearly as effective as it should be, and the third act is when you are rewarded with one or two satisfying moments. Sort of.

Director Michael Feifer looks to have made a real career for himself in the world of TV movies, and I can only hope that he has used each project to try honing his craft a little bit more. Judging him solely on this film, he does very little to elevate the material, and nothing to help distract from the cheapness of it all.

Despite its many flaws, mainly the lack of care in the script department and the lack of care from Feifer, this has enough to keep undemanding viewers mildly entertained for the runtime. And when I say that I actually mean that I am happy enough to watch any film with a cute doggie as the main character (whether or not he or she is being voiced by one of the Saved By The Bell cast).

4/10

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Christmas Do-Over (2006)

It's a Groundhog Day Christmas, that's all you need to know about Christmas Do-Over. It's also enjoyable enough, if you're in the mood for it, and not quite as sickly sweet as so many other movies that have been created to fill up the schedules on the run up to the big day.

Jay Mohr stars as Kevin, the selfish sonofabitch who is invited to a Christmas that he ends up spoiling for most of the people around him. Those people are his ex (Daphne Zuniga), his son (Logan Grove), the people who used to be his in-laws (Tim Thomerson and Adrienne Barbeau) and the man that his ex is now dating (David Millbern). It's far from the best way to spend Christmas day, so you can imagine the frustration that Kevin feels when he's forced to keep reliving the day over and over again, for no apparent reason. I wonder if changing his ways might help.

Directed by Catherine Cyran, and written by Trevor Reed Cristow and Jacqueline David, this is a very effective timeloop comedy. It delivers everything you expect it to deliver, and it does provide some moments of amusement. The opening sequence sets up the main character, and how careless he can be, while the first run through of the big day then places all of the markers that viewers can use to keep track of the progress (if any) made by Kevin on each subsequent re-run of events.

Mohr is fine in the lead role. He's fairly amusing, especially as he grows more exasperated, and has fun when his character indulges in moments of more extreme selfish douchebaggery. Zuniga is required to look puzzled and exasperated, depending on the scene, and she does that perfectly. It's a shame that she wasn't required to do much more though. Thomerson is a treat as the grumpy ex-father-in-law, Barbeau tries to remain civil and pleasant at all times, and Millbern is, unsurprisingly, the butt of a few unpleasant surprised. Grove also does well, whether he's hiding disappointment or laughing at the actions of a childish dad.

You get snow, you get carol singing, you get a Christmas market, you get people trying to give each other decent gifts. Basically, you get everything you see in pretty much every Christmas TV movie ever. Someone gets hit with a snowball, of course. Someone starts to realise the important of non-material goods, of course. And there are some horrible items of clothing on display.

Barring one awful, cringe-inducing sequence that shows the main character helping to make a song and dance routine "hip and cool", this is actually quite far from the bottom of the tree. It may not be a beautiful yule log, but it's much better than a lump of coal in your stocking.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Do-Over-Jay-Mohr/dp/B000UAFDRA/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1416355190&sr=1-1&keywords=christmas+do-over&pebp=1416355191757

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Escape From New York (1981)

This sleek, cool, sci-fi thriller from John Carpenter is the film that really seemed to cement the working relationship between the director and actor Kurt Russell. The two consistently brought out the best in one another throughout the 1980s and this is when it all kicked off (the Elvis biopic was good but also far removed from the rest of the work that they would do together).

Russell has a ball playing Snake Plissken, one of the coolest, grizzled anti-heroes ever to be put on film. He’s asked to rescue the President Of The United States after a flight is hijacked and he reluctantly agrees, not caring at all about the fate of the POTUS but won over by the thought of a full pardon. You see, Snake is a criminal and it will take a criminal to rescue the President because the President is being held in a prison by a bunch of degenerates who want out. The prison is New York itself, walled up many years ago and made inescapable – it’s the place where criminals go to rot.

Escape From New York is just as enjoyable to watch today as it was when it was released back in 1981. It doesn’t matter that the wild future depicted onscreen is now some years behind us (1997), it only matters that this is Carpenter at the top of his game with his favourite actor in the lead role and a supporting cast of top notch character actors: Tom Atkins, Lee Van Cleef, Ernest Borgnine, George ‘Buck’ Flower, Harry Dean Stanton, Adrienne Barbeau and Donald Pleasence.

The script, written by Carpenter and Nick Castle, is lean and cool throughout, with Plissken being more a man of action than words. The direction and cinematography is as great as you'd expect from Carpenter during this period in his career, with typically gorgeous work from Dean Cundey, and there's yet another of those classic synth scores accompanying the action - created by the director and Alan Howarth.

It may have been Carpenter's biggest budget at the time but the movie remains a great one to study for those wantting to learn about wringing the most from every dollar. Superb matte paintings, "wire-frame" images of a city created by white tape on a black model, a production design department making numerous trips to garbage landfill sites to scavenge junk they could use for props, every trick in the book was used to ensure that the money is onscreen and that the movie matches the vision of its director.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Escape-New-York-DVD/dp/B0002JK73Y/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1352469724&sr=8-3