Shudder Saturday: Bloody Axe Wound (2024)

I was going to be a bit kinder to Bloody Axe Wound, a horror comedy from writer-director Matthew John Lawrence, who also gave us Uncle Peckerhead, but a friend of mine then mentioned a film that it quite closely resembles and now I am less inclined to be as kind as I was going to be. I'm not going to be unkind though. And I'm not going to mention the other film here, for fear of spoiling the experience of the film for others.

Sari Arambulo plays Abbie Bladecut, a young woman who appreciates the fact that her father, Roger Bladecut (Billy Burke), is a prolific serial killer. He always ensures that his list of victims includes every main character type you find in most slasher movies, and that pays off when the more acceptable side of the family business, a video store, receives tapes of films showcasing real murders packaged in a fictional context. Abbie believes it is her time to take over from her father, but he isn't so keen to pick her as his immediate successor. She knows that she can kill anyone though. Well . . . anyone except Sam Crane (Molly Brown), a young woman Abbie soon becomes attracted to.

While fun for most of the runtime, and really enjoyable when we get to see Abbie try to balance her chosen life with a chosen partner who was destined to be a victim, Bloody Axe Wound doesn't really have the focus to work as well as it could. There are some good ideas in the mix, some more familiar than others, but they end up raising questions that Lawrence then never bothers to answer. Which is his prerogative, but doesn't really add anything to the plot, considering we don't see, for example, who makes and delivers the videotapes, how they are being received by film fans in the area, and why the power of Bladecut allows for some impressively unnatural endurance and capability.

I thought there might be some commentary here, something about the clash between generations, but there's nothing. The "meet-cute" element is nicely done, and Arambulo and Brown have great chemistry, but that's about it. Some decent gags aside, the comedy isn't great. Neither are the kills, which would at least help to make up for other weaknesses.

Burke, quite unrecognisable under a heavy amount of make up, is pretty good casting for the role of Roger Bladecut. He manages to exude weariness and disdain in equal measure, accepting his role as an essential one and his victims as simply people made useful once they have met their demise at his hands. Arambulo is fantastic, a great presence, and the film only works as well as it does thanks to the pairing of her and Brown, who is equally good. Eddie Leavy, Matt Hopkins, Margot Anderson-Song, Sage Spielman, and David Littleton help to round out the cast, although it's only Anderson-Song who manages to make enough of an impression to stand out from the crowd, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan is an extra bit of fun, portraying the killer, Butch Slater, featured in many of the videos that make use of the real-life kills.

I enjoyed Bloody Axe Wound (and, sorry, am I the only one thinking that the title is deliberately referring to a phrase that you can find on Urban Dictionary?), but it never became as good as I hoped it could be. It's just okay, and okay feels much worse than it used to be, due to the never-ending selection of viewing choices being offered up to us week in and week out nowadays.

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: Fracture (2007)

It's hard to deny that Fracture is quite ridiculous. It's actually not very good. I would also argue, however, that it's hard to deny that Fracture is also entertaining. It's a legal drama with a focus on fun ahead of any pesky stuff like plausibility or reality. Neither of the two leads, Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling, are doing anything close to their best work, but they're perfectly in sync with the tone of the whole thing.

Hopkins is Ted Crawford, a man who we see at the start of the movie shooting his wife. He did it. He confesses to it. It should be an easy case. Gosling is Willy Beachum, a smooth and skilled lawyer who really likes easy cases. When he is asked to take on the case, despite readying himself for a move to a more lucrative private practice, he agrees, thinking it will be quickly dealt with. Complications soon arise though, and Crawford may be getting just as much satisfaction from playing with those around him as he got from killing his wife.

Director Gregory Hoblit has been involved with some landmark TV shows throughout his career, but his film work has been a bit more forgettable. There are some treats here and there, and most of his features actually came out between 1996 and 2008, but he's the kind of figure you would be more likely to describe as dependable rather than great. The same could almost be said of writers Glenn Gers and Daniel Pyne, although Pyne started strong with his first theatrical features at the start of the 1990s. It's clear that the draw here needs to be the cast, which is why we get Hopkins and Gosling.

Both of the leading men are working with accents that they would have been better to leave well alone, and both somehow play their parts well while also barely containing a smirk in response to how laughable everything is. Thankfully, there's a great supporting cast to help remind viewers of how actors can be great when not being pushed towards increasing silliness. Rosamund Pike, David Strathairn, Billy Burke, cliff Curtis, Bob Gunton, Fiona Shaw, Embeth Davidtz, and Xander Berkeley are the other names worth mentioning, although some do better than others, and some have much more screentime than others.

I cannot bring myself to make too many excuses for my enjoyment of this. The cinematography, editing, and other technical and production work stays decent throughout, but that's not enough to make up for the script and the hamminess. The script and hamminess are also part of the appeal though, and I have already watched this film twice while many much worthier films sit unwatched on my shelves. I won't rush to rewatch it, but I wouldn't speed by it if I was channel-hopping and saw it playing. Maybe that's down to the fractures in my own mind though.

5/10

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Breaking In (2018)

Do you remember Panic Room? It's an oft-overlooked entry in the filmography of David Fincher, although not as forgotten as The Game. Those two films have one thing in common. They are both superb thrillers, unjustly dismissed alongside a few other films that just happen to be modern classics. When I heard about Breaking In I immediately thought of Panic Room. The core idea is similar. That's the only comparison point between the two.

Gabrielle Union plays Shaun Russell, a woman who heads to the home of her late father in order to put things in order. She is there with her two children (played by Ajiona Alexus and Seth Carr). It's not too long until they're joined by some unwanted guests, a quartet of crooks who want inside the house to find $4M they believe is hidden in a safe on the premises. Things quickly go from bad to worse as Shaun finds herself locked out of the house while her children are held hostage inside. She's determined to get back in and save her family (hence the title).

It's not that this is a terrible movie, let me make that clear right now. When I watched Breaking In I felt that it passed the time easily enough. I was generally entertained, some of the cast stood out ahead of others, and it clocked in at a near-perfect runtime for this kind of thing (just under 90 minutes). It's not bad.

Unfortunately, it's not that good either. Considering the simple appeal of the premise, this should have been much better than it is. There's a feeling that everything has been clumsily slapped together, as opposed to being put together with real care. There's not enough moments allowing viewers to become accustomed to the geography of the house, for example, so one location just somehow links to another, and so on and so forth. The script, by Ryan Engle (from an idea by Jaime Primak Sullivan), is fairly weak, with Union absolutely defined by her maternal instinct, fair enough, while the criminals run through what seems to be a lengthy checklist of "standard criminal chatter 101". It's very telling indeed that this script from Engle is even weaker than another he worked on from the same year, Rampage.

Director James McTeigue fails to put any stamp on the proceedings, which is how he usually works (so many people still seem to think that V For Vendetta was directed by the Wachowskis), which is another thing that works against the end result. This is a film in need of something to lift it above the mass of clichés, and neither writer nor director offer up a thing.

Union is okay in the lead role. There are many other contenders who could have done the job better, but I find her to be a likeable presence in movies, and she's someone I can root for while she tries to outsmart villains and keep her cool. As for those villains, there may be four of them, but only two make a strong impression; Richard Cabral and Billy Burke. Cabral is the kind of guy who will do whatever it takes, making him a more threatening presence, while Burke seems to want everything to go as smoothly as possible, in a way that doesn't have to mean more bloodshed. Alexus and Carr are just fine as the imperilled children, even if they act a lot calmer than I would have in that situation (whether I was their age or the age I am now).

I like to think of myself as fairly easy to please, and those who know me can testify to that, and this will work for you if you're anything like me. I just don't think many people will love it, although it could certainly play better to women who can enjoy watching a badass mother who is actually . . . a badass MOTHER.

5/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy the movie here.

Drive Angry (2011)

Beginning with Nicolas Cage literally driving out of hell, Drive Angry is not a film that you will ever find described by the word "subtle". In fact, it's perhaps best summed up by the scene in which Cage shoots a lot of bad guys while swigging on a bottle of bourbon and having sex with a naked blonde. It's a scene that should be laughably bad, yet it plays out as a sequence that's hugely entertaining. It's still laughable, but in a good way.

What's the plot anyway? Cage plays a man named Milton, a runaway from hell who is being followed by The Accountant (William Fichtner). Milton is determined to stop a baby being sacrificed by Jonah King (Billy Burke), a cult leader who wants to make hell on earth. And on his quest to stop Jonah he ends up gaining a companion in the shapely . . . . . . . . shape of Amber Heard (playing a character named Piper). David Morse appears for a few minutes, Tom Atkins also gets to make an appearance, and Christa Campbell makes quite an impression with her limited screentime, but everyone takes a back seat to the feeling of excess, the CGI effects bandied around to enhance the 3D experience, and Cage going for yet another whacky turn.

I have to take a moment here to mention the one thing that bugs me most about Drive Angry. It's a little thing, yet it sits in my mind and flashes like a big, neon sign. The character played by Amber Heard is, as is made clear quite early on, someone who is both tough and has a strong urge to always do right by people. Her actions, words and general attitude show this. So the fact that the film-makers choose to show her holding a cigarette for one scene, about an hour or so into the movie, just doesn't make any sense. It's as if they thought she'd definitely smoke to make her more obviously tough, and then that decision was reversed at the last moment. Keep your eyes peeled. She holds a cigarette. When next shown, she's still holding it. And then she throws it to the ground, at no point actually smoking the damn thing.

Anyway, ranting aside, the rest of the movie does exactly what it should do. It entertains without ever getting close to any sign of intelligence. The performances from most of the main players are deliriously over the top. Cage is, of course, no stranger to this type of thing, Fichtner has a number of scene-stealing moments, and Burke simply tries to match them (although he can't). Heard is a good addition, mainly because I think she's always a good addition, Atkins is The Atkins, and Morse reminds viewers that not everyone in such a raucous movie has to turn everything up to 11.

Patrick Lussier is the director of this madness, and he also co-wrote the script with Todd Farmer (who gave himself a couple of great moments onscreen, too). I guess the script went something like this: Nic Cage drives, oooohhh Amber Heard, Fichtner is cool, Nic Cage drives some more . . . . . . or sits beside Amber Heard in a car, guns, guns, guns, boobies, boobies and guns and blood and booze, Cage drives again (note to self - he HAS to drive angry, otherwise the title makes us look stupid), Fichtner is cool again, ATKINS, more driving in the angriest way possible, etc. etc.

It's easy to mock this because it's not a good film. Yet, it's pretty great in the way it so unashamedly lays all of its cards on the table from the very beginning and then delivers one ridiculous set-piece after another en route to the grand finale. There are even some RAWK songs on the soundtrack that sound like parodies, somehow just adding to the appeal of the whole thing.

If Trey Parker and Matt Stone ever made an action movie (a non-puppet action movie) then I'd imagine that the end result would be Drive Angry. As difficult as it may be to believe, I mean that as a compliment.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Drive-Angry-Blu-ray-Nicolas-Cage/dp/B004EPYZOY/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1404503971&sr=1-3&keywords=drive+angry