Shudder Saturday: Bloody Axe Wound (2024)

I was going to be a bit kinder to Bloody Axe Wound, a horror comedy from writer-director Matthew John Lawrence, who also gave us Uncle Peckerhead, but a friend of mine then mentioned a film that it quite closely resembles and now I am less inclined to be as kind as I was going to be. I'm not going to be unkind though. And I'm not going to mention the other film here, for fear of spoiling the experience of the film for others.

Sari Arambulo plays Abbie Bladecut, a young woman who appreciates the fact that her father, Roger Bladecut (Billy Burke), is a prolific serial killer. He always ensures that his list of victims includes every main character type you find in most slasher movies, and that pays off when the more acceptable side of the family business, a video store, receives tapes of films showcasing real murders packaged in a fictional context. Abbie believes it is her time to take over from her father, but he isn't so keen to pick her as his immediate successor. She knows that she can kill anyone though. Well . . . anyone except Sam Crane (Molly Brown), a young woman Abbie soon becomes attracted to.

While fun for most of the runtime, and really enjoyable when we get to see Abbie try to balance her chosen life with a chosen partner who was destined to be a victim, Bloody Axe Wound doesn't really have the focus to work as well as it could. There are some good ideas in the mix, some more familiar than others, but they end up raising questions that Lawrence then never bothers to answer. Which is his prerogative, but doesn't really add anything to the plot, considering we don't see, for example, who makes and delivers the videotapes, how they are being received by film fans in the area, and why the power of Bladecut allows for some impressively unnatural endurance and capability.

I thought there might be some commentary here, something about the clash between generations, but there's nothing. The "meet-cute" element is nicely done, and Arambulo and Brown have great chemistry, but that's about it. Some decent gags aside, the comedy isn't great. Neither are the kills, which would at least help to make up for other weaknesses.

Burke, quite unrecognisable under a heavy amount of make up, is pretty good casting for the role of Roger Bladecut. He manages to exude weariness and disdain in equal measure, accepting his role as an essential one and his victims as simply people made useful once they have met their demise at his hands. Arambulo is fantastic, a great presence, and the film only works as well as it does thanks to the pairing of her and Brown, who is equally good. Eddie Leavy, Matt Hopkins, Margot Anderson-Song, Sage Spielman, and David Littleton help to round out the cast, although it's only Anderson-Song who manages to make enough of an impression to stand out from the crowd, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan is an extra bit of fun, portraying the killer, Butch Slater, featured in many of the videos that make use of the real-life kills.

I enjoyed Bloody Axe Wound (and, sorry, am I the only one thinking that the title is deliberately referring to a phrase that you can find on Urban Dictionary?), but it never became as good as I hoped it could be. It's just okay, and okay feels much worse than it used to be, due to the never-ending selection of viewing choices being offered up to us week in and week out nowadays.

5/10

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Fall (2022)

I don't understand people who don't have a rational fear of heights. I have no idea how roofers, scaffolders, and anyone else can keep their sanity in any kind of employment that involves climbing above a height of, hmmmmm, let's say about ten feet. So I really wanted to see Fall, but I also really didn't want to see it. I get light-headed just from watching some of those rooftop parkour videos that you can easily find online. And someone at the top of a crane lowering themselves from the main platform to do pull-ups? Yeah, the sweat starts running down the back of my neck as I just become a massive blob of quivering clamminess. But that immediate reaction is why I wanted to see Fall, and I decided to be brave about it. All I could hope for was being able to avoid fainting in the cinema.

Becky (Grace Caroline Currey, billed here as Grace Fulton) and Hunter (Virginia Gardner) are two friends who used to spend a lot of time together, with some of that time spent climbing to heights I wouldn't even want to reach in an elevator. Things haven't been the same, however, since a tragedy we see in the opening scenes that you can predict happening quicker than you can say Cliffhanger. Which is fine. It's all we need, especially when we get to the main premise. Becky and Hunter are going to climb to the top of a 2000-foot radio tower. Hunter will get some great photos and footage for her online fanbase. Becky will regain her strength and enthusiasm for a life with some danger in it. Unfortunately, a damaged ladder leads to the pair being completely stuck at the top of the tower. The film then uses numerous tricks to maintain a vertiginous sensation while viewers wonder if/how the characters will save themselves.

Directed by Scott Mann (who I recall gave us the fun of The Tournament a number of years ago), Fall is a great example of how to take a decent premise and present it in a way that doesn’t disappoint. The height is enough of a danger, of course, but you also get some tension between the main characters, a number of close calls, and some portentous vultures. The script, co-written by Mann and Jonathan Frank, isn’t perfect, (one main plot development feels as redundant as it is predictable, but another plot development works surprisingly well) but the predicament of the characters allows the film-makers to intersperse any scene with a shot reminding viewers of just how high up they are. And it is easy to forget about script mis-steps when considering the potential cost of any literal mis-step.

I really enjoyed The Ledge, although I understand that a lot of other people were unimpressed by the quality of the acting in that film (and the varying quality of the special effects), but this is a superior trip through similar territory. If you enjoyed The Ledge then you should enjoy this. If you didn’t enjoy The Ledge, however, I would still suggest giving this a go.

Although it is all about the dizzying height and constant peril, Fulton and Gardner are very good in their roles, with the latter possessing enough presence for both women (because, to be fair, another flaw in the script is keeping Fulton a bit too stunned into inaction until she is allowed to find her drive). Both convincingly sell the premise, and both feel as if they could be friends, which is all that can be asked of them. Although I don’t know how the effects and greenscreen and any other trickery were stitched together to make everything look so realistic, both also look very capable of climbing with ropes and holding on to flimsy metal outcrops as if their lives depended on it. There are some other cast members, including Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the father of Fulton’s character, but the film is, for the most part, essentially a taut and lean two-hander.

I would warn people who feel they might have an even stronger reaction than I did - the film deserves to be seen on the big screen, yet a cinema environment means you cannot easily give yourself a breather during the more intense scenes - but that is outweighed by a hearty recommendation. No, I don’t know why I used the word “hearty” there either. Maybe I was trying to avoid ending on some pun about giving it the highest praise.

7/10

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The Unholy (2021)

There are far too few movies based on the excellent novels of James Herbert, who gave us The Rats trilogy, The Fog (not the same story as the John Carpenter movie), The Magic Cottage, Creed, and many others. From what I can recall, movie-wise, we’ve had a film that just happened to be about killer rats and the nice-but-dull Haunted. So I was very excited when I discovered that The Unholy is a film based on Shrine, a Herbert novel I read many years ago. It’s not exactly a great movie, but it is easily the best adaptation of Herbert’s work so far.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays Gerry Fenn, a newspaper reporter who has ruined his reputation by fabricating a story. So he ends up taking on the smaller jobs, the thankless jobs, for lower rates or pay. That is how he ends up in a small town trying to make a decent story around a marked cow. He then almost hits young Alice (Cricket Brown) with his car. Alice speaks, despite the fact that she hasn’t spoken before. Gerry senses there may be something to explore, and then he ends up with the chance to present what could be the biggest story of his career. Alice is seeing the vision of a spirit. And miracles are happening. As Gerry investigates things further, however, he discovers that the spirit may not be what it claims to be.

Written and directed by Evan Spiliotopoulos, The Unholy is a solid story marred by the addition of some CGI and jump scares. It manages to deliver some excellent moments though, making use of a decent cast to tell a story that unfolds in a genuinely interesting, albeit slightly predictable, way. The destination may be obvious, but the journey of the flawed main character is better than that shown in many other mainstream horror movies.

Morgan is on good form in the lead role, his obvious charm no longer working on people who were “burned” by his past behaviour. He conveys determination and insight when he is finally moved to go back to doing his job properly, and he’s easy enough to like even when he’s acting like a bit of a lowlife in the first few scenes. Brown is a believable innocent caught up in some very strange events, she does well alongside both Morgan and William Sadler, the latter playing a caring priest who views the miraculous with caution, knowing that evil can use good to get a foothold within the minds and souls of unsuspecting victims. Cary Elwes and Diogo Morgado turn up to make the most of the opportunity to increase the numbers of a potential global congregation. And Katie Aselton is absolutely fine as a local woman who starts to help Morgan, after an initial meeting that doesn’t endear him to her (of course), and plays an important role in helping piece everything together in time for the grand finale.

Although I have complained here about some CGI and jump scares, I should clarify that it’s not all something to hold against the film. The effects are generally pretty well done, it would just have been better to see more practical work at times, and a couple of the jump scares are executed well enough to make them worthwhile. But the best thing here is the story, a journey for a central character that allows him a chance to truly face up to his past, and indeed even use his sullied reputation in a way that could end up saving lives. Everything at least feels as if it was put together by people really wanting to present audiences with something entertaining that doesn’t overstay its welcome. They succeeded, even if this may be destined to be forgotten a few months from now.

6/10

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Rampage (2018)

Say what you like about Dwayne Johnson, the man can do silly action spectacle with an admirably straight face (well, an arched eyebrow or pec twitch notwithstanding). He knows that he's not going to be called upon to do anything too serious, not yet anyway, and he most often stays comfortably in his wheelhouse. That might sound like I'm being a bit condescending and snooty but I'm really not. I enjoy seeing Johnson in most movies, he even tries to do his best in dross like Baywatch, but he excels at action fare, and he can sell some of the most ridiculous cinematic moments in recent years without viewers throwing their hands up in disgust and giving up on the movie. Who else could believably grab a speeding missile and turn it back towards enemies that were trying to kill him?

Rampage, loosely based on the videogame that I even managed to enjoy on my old, rubber-keyed, Spectrum 48K, is silly action spectacle. There's the main plot itself, a large albino gorilla is turned into a HUGE albino gorilla, with some anger issues, and there are also another couple of big creatures heading towards Chicago to cause massive amounts of destruction as they go on their . . . rampage. There are also the plot details, silliness wrapped in tech-speak to try and make it all sound plausible. You may think the conversations about genetic manipulation and pathogens are laughable, because they are, but they do the minimum required to kickstart the plot and explain events, as long as you don't think about what has been said as you move on to the next scene of entertaining destruction. And, if you need even more silliness, there's a moment that sees Johnson trying to use a damaged helicopter to surf/hover his way down a collapsing tower.

Johnson is very much at ease amidst all of the preposterous set-pieces, emanating his usual charisma and souped-up muscle power. He spends a lot of the runtime alongside Naomie Harris, who does well to avoid being overshadowed while she delivers most of the exposition in between the thrills, and the two human stars are overshadowed, but not literally, by some impressive CGI beasties. Jeffrey Dean Morgan gets to be amusingly charming and ambiguous as the man who is hoping to clean up the debris and capture the creatures, and Malin Akerman and Jake Lacy are the humans who need to weigh up their self-interests alongside the carnage.

Director Brad Peyton previously delivered this kind of Johnson-led spectacle with San Andreas, so we know that he CAN give audiences what they want (well, he kept me happy enough), but there's something here that's a bit lacking. I still found enough to enjoy, I was entertained enough by the scale of the destruction, but maybe having to incorporate enough little nods to the original videogame was enough to detract from a more simplistic slice of fun. Yes, I realise that I just accused Rampage of not being simplistic enough. It took four writers to make this. Four. To write a script that turns that classic videogame into a mainstream blockbuster.

Still, it's better than Battleship.

6/10

The blu can be bought here.
Americans can buy it here.