Cha Cha Real Smooth (2022)

If I didn't have this little comedy drama recommended to me by someone then I doubt I would have ever though to seek it out. After all, the fact that it was both written and directed by the young man who then cast himself in the lead role makes it seem like so many other vanity projects I have either endured or avoided over the past few decades. I'm very thankful to the person who recommended this though, because it's a proper little gem of a film.

Cooper Raiff is Andrew, a young man without any real plan for his life, other than saving up enough money to travel and reconnect with a girlfriend he suspects may already be doing quite well without him. Struggling to retain the will to live in his day job, things take an upturn when he discovers that he has a marketable knack for being a party host. He ensures that things go well, and he tries to get everyone taking their turn on the dancefloor. It's at one of these parties that he meets Domino (Dakota Johnson), mother to an autistic young girl named Lola (Vanessa Burghardt). And that's when things soon start to get a bit messy.

Although I was unfamiliar with Raiff before seeing this, I'm now keen to see whatever he's attached to. Both the writing and direction here show an admirable amount of talent, and he's also genuinely good enough to handle a lead role that allows him to be intermittently likeable and loathsome, depending on how he is reacting to a complex world that he would much rather keep carefree and simple.

It helps that Raiff assembles a fantastic supporting cast around him, and everyone feels as if they responded well to the material. Johnson shows once again how much better she does in movies that aren't part of any franchise meat-grinder, Burghardt is very good in her role, although you could argue that there are a few too many affectations in her performance (but I think they work well), and Evan Assante is very sweet as our lead's younger brother, just at the right age to continue idolising his sibling even as he starts to see the obvious flaws and mistakes. Leslie Mann is a wonderful and caring mother, Brad Garrett is her partner, and his character is the butt of many jokes until Andrew starts to realise how good the man is for his mother, and Raúl Castillo is the other main man in Domino's life, much to the chagrin of Andrew.

The 107-minute runtime may feel a little long for what could be such a slight work, but I would have happily spent more time in this world with these characters if possible. Raiff judges everything perfectly, especially during a few scenes that look set to become very uncomfortable, only for Raiff to defuse the situation with a perfect punchline or some interaction that proves to be surprisingly satisfying.

A film about a young man unable to plan the next phase of his journey through life would be okay, I guess, but Cha Cha Real Smooth works as well as it does because it's about a young man who finds a very strong connection with someone that knows he has the opportunity to make so many more connections with people he could have much more in common with. It's also a glimpse at someone who, like so many of us, finds a way to relight the spark of his personality by focusing on doing something he genuinely enjoys, instead of staying stuck in a job that offers him no fulfilment whatsoever. 

Give this one a watch when you can. Not every moment works, but the highlights are so well-crafted and beautiful that you may well become as big a fan of Raiff as I now am.

8/10

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Splitsville (2025)

Written by stars Michael Angelo Covino and Kyle Marvin, and directed by Covino, Splitsville is a low-key comedy drama that feels, for the most part, like a lot of other movies made in the same independent spirit, but then provides some pleasant surprises in the form of some of the funniest moments you will have seen in recent years. There was one scene here (set at a funfair) that had me crying with laughter.

Carey (Marvin) finds himself spiralling when his partner, Ashley (Adria Arjona), explains that she wants to separate. He spends some time with his friends, Paul (Covino) and Julie (Dakota Johnson), and is surprised to learn that they have an open relationship. Which eventually leads to Carey and Julie sleeping together, which complicates things slightly. Will it stop Carey from wanting to get back together with Ashley though, or will this new approach to life give him the ability to better understand what she may have felt was missing from her life.

Moving from a very twisted and funny opening scene to one small set-piece after another, Splitsville does a fantastic job of delivering both laughs and food for thought. At the heart of it is an exploration of love, monogamy, and levels of self-confidence that can affect both of those things, but the silliness builds up in a number of ways, all leading up to a finale that is almost a complete farce, but feels slightly more refined and nuanced thanks to the more laid back energies of everyone involved.

Marvin is very easy to like in his lead role, and Covino makes himself very easy to dislike, which is important as it figures into the plot more during the second half of the film. Both are equally believable, and both do well at playing things straight, even during the sillier moments. Johnson and Arjona are also excellent, the former feeling much more at ease in this kind of role than some of the more profitable jobs she has taken throughout her career. It could be said that both of these women are way out of reach of the men partnered with him, but that is also a factor that informs the material. Young Simon Webster is absolutely fine as Russ, the son of Julie and Paul, and there are a handful of very enjoyable supporting turns from others, as well as a bit of scene-stealing from Nicholas Braun in the third act.

Covino and Marvin have worked together a few times now in the past decade. I'd like to check out their previous feature, The Climb, and I really hope that this finds enough of an audience to encourage them to work together again on something that could be equally enjoyable. 

I don't want to oversell this though. It's not the kind of film that will play to everyone as some kind of laugh-a-minute cavalcade of comedy. But for some, like myself, it will end up being consistently amusing and entertaining once it's got a hold on you. I was often grinning at even the small dialogue exchanges onscreen, and I very much appreciated the big laughs that were interspersed well throughout the 104-minute runtime. 

8/10

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Materialists (2025)

The second feature film both written and directed by Celine Song, I was a bit worried when I saw the advertising materials for Materialists, suspecting it may just be a repeat of her previous film, Past Lives (which I still count as her debut, despite the fact that she is credited with "The Seagull On The Sims 4", a presentation of the Chekov play on The Sims 4 via Twitch). Anyway, Materialists looked as if it was something that might leave me a bit disappointed. Then I started to see it was being labelled as a rom-com, which didn't really make sense alongside what I got from the trailer.

Materialists is not a rom-com, nor is it a simple retread from Song. It's something a bit trickier than that, and ultimately a bit less satisfying. There's some comedy to be mined from the exploration of the modern dating scene, and the reduction of people to commodities, but it's slightly messy and a bit too cynical throughout to earn some of the optimism that is allowed to come through in later scenes.

Dakota Johnson plays Lucy, a woman who works for a matchmaking website. She sometimes sees people in the street and approaches them with her marketing pitch. This is when I first started to worry. Look, I have no idea how the lives of rich and attractive New York City residents work, but the bespoke matchmaking service that we're shown here feels like an unsustainable business model. Anyway, Lucy meets the handsome and charming Harry (Pedro Pascal) at a wedding, where she also reconnects with an ex-partner (John, played by Chris Evans). John seems quite lovely, but has always been relatively poor. Harry is super-rich, and wants a chance to date Lucy, even as she tries to convince him that her employer could help him reach many other potential partners. 

I know what you're thinking. This IS Past Lives all over again. A woman torn between a lovely current partner and complicated feelings attached to an ex. Song isn't really interested in that though, although moments are shown that highlight who Lucy reaches out to when times get very tough. This is all about the unfair expectations that people put on one another when they enter the world of dating. It's about how often people put the physical and material side of things ahead of everything else, often leading to them missing out on the chance to really connect with someone who is perfect for them. You shouldn't seek out just another version of your projected ambition, nor should you look for someone too similar to yourself. Love grows out of differences just as much as it grows from shared interests and values. This would seem to be the point that Song is making, but it's not actually clear. What we get is a serious lack of actual romance, although one or two sweet moments will make people smile, and a real feeling of whiplash when the storyline crashes into a main plot point revolving around a horrible case of assault. 

Johnson continues to do well in movies that aren't tied to any Spider-verse, and she's a very good fit for this role, quick to roll her eyes and tell people the truth underlying their hopes and fears. Pascal has the tougher of the three lead roles, but does well, although he's involved in one particular moment that I am still trying to figure out if it was intended to be slightly absurdly comedic or not. Evans has the much easier job of being sweet and charming in a way that comes very naturally to him onscreen. Zoe Winters fares better when the script gives her something more to chew on in the second half, and Marin Ireland is just fine as Violet, the regional boss of the matchmaking service.

It's hard to strongly dislike this. Everything looks nice enough, and there are a lot of decent lines from characters commenting on the various pitfalls of dating in the modern age. It just ultimately doesn't come together into something really pointed or meaningful. Song seems to have had an idea that she wasn't able to shape into a full final form, but she gave it a try anyway, possibly spurred on by her recent success and her ability to put together three main performers who fit so well in their roles. I didn't mind it while it was on, but I doubt I will ever rewatch it. I'd much prefer to rewatch Past Lives. In fact, maybe one day I'll dig around the dark recesses of the internet to see if there's any way to check out "The Seagull On Sims 4".

6/10

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Madame Web (2024)

This blog is a comfort for me. It helps me put my thoughts together, it contains a path of memories that can help me remember individual movies from the thousands I have watched, and it is sometimes the only thing that helps me endure a film that is mind-bogglingly abominable. As other people have already made clear, Madame Web is mind-bogglingly abominable. As the bad reviews started to pile up, I found myself wondering how bad it could be. It was even worse than I thought.

Okay, let me give a very quick plot summary, because anything more detailed would make me feel as if I did more work in writing this than anyone did on the script. Dakota Johnson is Cassie Webb, a woman who finds out that she has the gift of premonition. Initially assuming that she cannot change the future, a pigeon interfacing with her window helps her to realise that destiny is not set in stone. That puts her on a path to confront a powerful villain, Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), a man who is determined to kill three young woman (played by Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor) he had foreseen being the cause of his own death. Emma Roberts is onscreen to play the mother of an un-named child people can figure out will be Peter Parker, Adam Scott is “uncle” Ben Parker, and the whole thing feels like a desperate attempt to profit from the Spider-Man universe without being able to feature Spider-Man in it.

Although it seems difficult to imagine anyone coming out of this well, it’s strange to see almost everyone sleepwalk through something so dire. The messy script, as inane as it is needlessly convoluted, was written by a whole load of people, including director S. J. Clarkson, and it never gathers any momentum. In fact, this is a film in which everyone feels as if they are wading through a pool of dark and thick molasses, either due to the direction or the cast being unable to work up any enthusiasm for it.

Johnson can do good work onscreen. That is not the case here. As bad as the film is, she matches it with a charmless lead performance. Sweeney, Merced, and O’Connor do a little better, although they get even less to work with (seriously, if you can tell me their names after the end credits, or even after any scene in which they have just been featured, then I will give you a chocolate treat). At least Scott and Roberts have enough presence to make their smaller roles feel like sips of water in a scorching desert. As for Rahim, it feels bad to blame someone for a performance that was so obviously reworked and redubbed when the plot was chopped and changed around, so I will just say that he needs to wipe this film from his C.V. and line up numerous future projects that can help us all quickly forget that he is in this.

Almost every main scene has at least one moment vying to be the worst moment of the film. I think a personal favourite of mine was Cassie being told “when you take on the responsibility, great power will come” (yes, really), but an entire book could be written detailing every flaw and misjudgement. If Clarkson has nothing else lined up yet, it may be some time until she gets to helm something of this scale. It may also be some time until she wants to ever try it again.

Memorable for all the wrong reasons, this is a new contender for the dubious honour of worst superhero movie of the 21st century. Someone should have seen that coming.

2/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Lost Daughter (2021)

Marking the feature directorial debut of Maggie Gyllenhaal, who also adapted the novel of the same name by Elena Ferrante into script form, The Lost Daughter is very much a film looking at an experience common for most of the female population. It's about motherhood, the expectations placed on women to be the main care providers for children, and the thoughts that people process when they see those expectations being dismissed, either intentionally or unintentionally.

Olivia Colman plays Leda, a professor out to enjoy a bit of a working holiday. She will do some reading and writing, but most of her studying can take place on a sunny beach. Potential peace and bliss is spoiled, however, when a large family take over part of the beach. They aren't nice people, apparently, but Leda refusing to give up her own spot on the beach makes her a curiosity. In turn, Leda cannot stop watching young Nina, a woman struggling with her own daughter. When Nina's daughter goes missing one day, Leda saves the day by finding and returning her. But the child is unhappy, her favourite doll having gone missing while she was on her wanders. Different tensions rise, within Nina, within the extended family, within Leda, and there's a sense that things may go very badly. Perhaps the present is connected to the past, which we see as a younger Leda (played by Jessie Buckley) struggles with motherhood while trying to develop her learning and career.

The first thing to note here is the superb cast. Although I wasn't as won over by Buckley as some others seem to be, she's fine, this is generally a cast of great actors delivering great performances. Colman has been consistently superb for a long time now, way before any awards were handed over to her, and she continues to be arguably flawless in her main roles. Johnson has also been delivering great work over the past few years, outwith her work in the awful "Fifty Shades" movies, and she's excellent here. Ed Harris is a delight, playing the landlord/porter/islander who sees something in Leda that he responds to, and Peter Sarsgaard is enjoyable enough in a few scenes showing his character forming a strong connection with Leda over a shared love of linguistics. There's also a good supporting turn from Paul Mescal as Will, a young man who works at the sunny resort to earn some money in between terms. It's Will who warns Leda about the true nastiness of the people she got away with crossing once, and his character becomes more important in the third act. The story stays with Leda though, meaning most of the scenes focus on either Colman or Buckley.

It's the performances and the ideas in the script that helped to make this bearable. I'm afraid to say that very little else worked for me. Gyllenhaal does well in her choice to not spoonfeed the audience, allowing characters to behave erratically at times without making their motives obvious, but she indulges herself too often with an artistic and "breathy" approach to the shooting style that detracts from the bittersweet core of the film. Everything that isn't the actual acting, from the Dickon Hinchliffe music to the cinematography by Hélène Louvart, seems to be trying hard to undermine the acting. The film is a well-cast piece of work almost entirely undone by the pretentious errors of an earnest first-time feature director behind the camera.

As hesitant as I am to recommend this to people, it also remains just about worth your time. For now. There's a better film to be made about this, a film for anyone who has ever felt the urge to throttle someone saying "any children?" or "never mind, plenty time yet to start a family". Images of women defined only by motherhood are everywhere, it's a societal bias that I don't think will ever disappear, and art that fights back against that is important. It gives a voice to those who don't have that maternal urge, for whatever reason, and it reminds people that women are more than JUST wives and mothers.

The Lost Daughter could have easily been called The Lost Mother, The Lost Years, The Lost Love, The Lost Chances, or any of a dozen other titles. But it could also be referred to as The Lost Opportunity, subjectively speaking.

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: Wounds (2019)

It seems as if I have been hearing about Wounds for a long time, and very little of it was good. Written and directed by Babak Anvari, who previously delivered the great Under The Shadow, his feature debut, it's a horror film that seems to have left many viewers underwhelmed and unsatisfied. I really don't know why, and I personally put it on par with Anvari's first film.

Armie Hammer is Will, a bartender with a bit of a messy life situation. He lives with his partner, Carrie (Dakota Johnson), may have a thing for regular patron, Alicia (Zazie Beetz), and has to put up with crap during his shifts like fights started by Eric (Brad William Henke). And then he finds a mobile phone that contains some disturbing photos and video clips, and makes him a target for who, or what, is at the other end of the line.

Based on a novella - 'The Visible Filth' - by Nathan Ballingrud, Wounds is a slight film that chooses to focus on a fracturing psyche and small moments that hint at a disturbing bigger picture. Moving from the subtle spookiness of his debut feature, Anvari continues to show how good he is at building atmosphere, but this time it's an atmosphere of immediate dread and confusion, once people see certain images that are impossible to perceive as being based in our established reality.

As strange a comparison point as this may seem, and maybe not a positive one for many people, Wounds feels very much like a film running in tandem with Unfriended: Dark Web. It's someone discovering a hitherto-unknown world, one in which those running things seem scarily knowledgeable and powerful, and where the most twisted acts are committed just, well, just because someone thought something up. There may not be any obvious price list, but there's never any doubt that people are paying something, even if it's not with cash.

The only downside of the film comes from the casting. I quite like Hammer in the right role. This isn't the right role. He seems too cocky for a bartender who also seems too old to be at that place in his life (trust me, I picked up some bar work in my early thirties, and felt far too old for it then). Johnson is an actress I have liked in a few other movies, and she can deliver when asked to stretch herself, but she's completely wasted here. Beetz is allowed to shine, albeit momentarily, but she's alone. Henke isn't a good character, he's a plot point, used effectively on the way to an interesting final scene. And you have Karl Glusman as Jeffrey, the young man in a relationship with Beetz's character. He's also not used well, and is actually given one of the worst scenes in the whole film.

I'll forgive the problems in the casting/acting department though. Wounds is a film of ideas, it's one that puts together a number of unsettling moments as things spiral further and further towards the kind of cosmic horror and insanity that Lovecraft fans should enjoy. And it solidifies Anvari's reputation as a very talented director. I hope he gives us some more horror genre work in the future.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Five-Year Engagement (2012)

Another offbeat rom-com from Nicholas Stoller (director and co-writer) and Jason Segel (star and co-writer), The Five-Year Engagement is a lot more fun, and a lot sweeter, than I expected it to be (considering the mixed opinions I had heard on it). The biggest problem it has, like so many other comedies from recent years, is a lengthy runtime. Having said that, I am not sure what I would cut out of it to slim it down. I just know that I was waiting for a suitable final act about thirty minutes before it was due to be delivered.

Segel and Emily Blunt play Tom and Violet, a couple who are very much in love, and so get engaged. As the title may suggest, things keep cropping up that extend their engagement again and again. They end up living in Michigan, which Tom resents, while others start to race forward with their own life plans (mainly Violet's sister, Suzie, and Tom's best friend, Alex). Nothing seems to get easier, which puts more and more strain on their relationship. Can they get through this problematic stage, or does such a lengthy engagement mean that it's just not meant to be?

The middle section of The Five-Year Engagement is the weakest part, as the film seems to relish piling on the misery for the two main characters and becoming far too sour for a rom-com (even for an anti-rom-com, which this seems to be for a while, before making amends in the final stages). There are still a lot of funny lines and moments, but everything is tinged with sadness, doubly so for viewers who like both of the leads (and I do).

Stoller directs capably enough. You get plenty of obvious, amusing, transitions, the soundtrack has some jangly guitar tunes on there, and he allows the cast to interact with one another in a way that feels natural without feeling like the extended improvisations you would get in a Judd Apatow film. But that's definitely the biggest problem here, the Apatow effect. There's just no need for a film like this to be over two hours long.

It's a good job that the cast are so enjoyable, making it easier to accept the inflated runtime. Segel and Blunt are fantastic in the lead roles, and you really root for them to stay together, and a lot of laughs come from Alison Brie and Chris Pratt, playing Suzie and Tom. Rhys Ifans is also good fun, playing a professor who supports Violet in a way that may creep beyond professional interest, and others joining in with the fun include Brian Posehn, Dakota Johnson, Mindy Kaling, Randall Park, Kevin Hart, Jacki Weaver, and more.

This is a fun film. It has enough laughs to be a good comedy. It has enough sweetness to be a good romance. It's a fantastic ninety minutes. Stretched to over two hours.

7/10

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Bad Times At The El Royale (2018)

I have just finished watching Bad Times At The El Royale for a second time and I think that may already tell you how this review is going to go (considering I just bought it this week, and I rarely have time for rewatches lately). A first viewing left me in the rare mindset of having enjoyed what I watched but immediately wondering how it would hold up on a second viewing. Because I had issues with the film, with the pacing across the excessive runtime being the main one, and wondered if these would become more or less problematic upon a rewatch. The answer is less, with me knowing what was still to come I wasn't surprised by how far (or, indeed, not far) through the movie I was. Knowing that the plot wasn't setting up to pull the rug from under my feet, I was also able to relax more into the viewing experience and absorb all of the wonderful separate characters who are thrown together into an enjoyably pulpy crime thriller.

A number of people converge at the titular hotel. There's Father Daniel Flynn (Jeff Bridges), a salesman named Laramie Seymour Sullivan (Jon Hamm), a black singer named Darlene Sweet (Cynthia Erivo), and a young woman named Emily Summerspring (Dakota Johnson). None of these people care much for the spiel given by the one hotel staff member, Miles (Lewis Pullman), who reminds them all of the unique placement of the building, one half in California and one half in Nevada, but that's mainly because they all have their own agendas to be getting on with. Secretive stuff, few people are as they initially appear to be. And, considering his placement on the poster, it's only a matter of time until Chris Hemsworth appears, playing a cult leader named Billy Lee.

Written and directed by Drew Goddard, Bad Times At The El Royale is a fantastic collage of cool moments that have been pieced together by someone obviously in love with the tropes and archetypes found in crime thrillers. You get the crook in disguise, the lawman (also in disguise), the femme fatale, two-way mirrors, a stash of stolen loot, and some inflammatory film footage. All the ingredients you need for a fine bit of intrigue and danger. Goddard is a major strength here, thanks to his writing and directorial style (he's not afraid to just sit back and show some moments that are cinematically cool), but it's also his name being attached to it that made me less appreciative of the movie the first time around, as I was expecting this to keep me on my toes and twist everything around a la The Cabin In The Woods. It's good that he doesn't just repeat the same trick, of course, but it's also so unexpected that you spend a lot of time waiting for a big twist that doesn't come (on the first viewing anyway). There are lots of little twists and turns, all nicely done and never feeling like cheats, but nothing that has Goddard turning everything inside out.

The solid script is helped by a cast who are all on great form. Bridges gives one of his more atypical performances in recent years, and is bloody wonderful in his role, Hamm is comfortable in another role that relies on his ability to be both arrogant and charming, Johnson is very good, and Pullman feels like a completely insignificant character caught up in the middle of things until he is given a chance to shine. But the standouts are Erivo, absolutely charming as the singer trying to work as hard as she can for her big break, and Hemsworth, who is only seen in flashback form until it's time for him to swagger into the hotel, bringing an energy and charisma that helps to revive the film en route to the (slightly overdue) third act. Cailee Spaeny is decent enough in her role, and there are nice cameos from Nick Offerman and Shea Whigham.

The positives far outweigh the negative here. The script, the cast, the design, the directorial and editing choices, etc. The only thing I will hold against it as a major minus is that bloated runtime, which should have been trimmed down by about 20 minutes, at least, to tighten it all up (the backstory to the Hemsworth character could have easily been truncated, as could some of the details we get as we see what eventually brought Bridges to the hotel).

Although it may seem unlikely as a film that you may end up returning to for comfort viewing, I can see this one becoming a constant favourite for those who warm to it as much as I have. I can't think of any main sequence that wasn't full of little moments I loved, and the finale was a lot more satisfying than I expected it to be. And that's before I start thinking of the potential allegory underpinning the storyline. Yeah, I'll end up rewatching this one before many other, brisker, films.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Suspiria (2018)

There's no such thing as an untouchable classic, when it comes to movies, but that still doesn't stop you from receiving certain news with trepidation. And when I heard that this remake of Suspiria was finally coming to fruition, I had the same reaction as many others. Why bother? What could be done to improve on the original? How bad would it end up being? Then I started to hear some advance word and some views from people I trusted, a lot of them saying that the film was, amazingly, good. Not just good, but also great. And not just great as a film, but even great in comparison to the original. Well, curiosity got the better of me, as I knew it would, and I headed along as soon as I could to see what all the fuss was about.

Dakota Johnson plays Susie Bannion, a young woman who makes quite an impression from her very first appearance in a ballet school she has long dreamed of attending. The main teacher is Madame Blanc (Tilda Swinton), and she takes a major interest in Susie, viewing her as the potential conduit for a performance/ceremony that is necessary for the continuing good of the witches. Oh yes, the ballet school has a high number of witches on the staff, all working in service of the powerful Mother Of Sighs, and Susie is a valuable asset to all of them.

Director Luca Guadagnino has certainly created an impressive work of art here. The visuals are often absolutely gorgeous, from the many mirrored surfaces to the shots of bare feet working on smooth wooden floors, from the nightmare sequences depicted to a brutal blend of dance and physical assault that will leave most viewers stunned (it's the first, and arguably only, big horror moment). Accompanied by a fine score from Thom Yorke, it's difficult to fault the style and aesthetic of the movie, for the most part. There were times while watching this movie where I was trying to take in every single detail, even if the framing left a lot of the screen full of relatively empty space. Mirrors play a big part in things, and not just the obvious reflections that contain the dancers in their main space, but there's a constant, pleasing, mix of limbs, muscles, and undulating lines.

The cast who cause a lot of those lines all deserve heaps of praise, especially the younger contingent. This is the best that I've ever seen Johnson, delivering a performance so impressive that I'll now seek out the rest of her filmography (even those damn Grey films), and she's given great support by Mia Goth, playing a dancer named Sara who starts to get a bit too curious after the absence of Patricia (Chloe Grace Moretz, doing well with a smaller role). Tilda Swinton is good, no denying that, but her performance is either far too similar to so many other performances we have seen from her or just completely unnecessary and self-indulgent.

And, speaking of completely unnecessary and self-indulgent, the script by David Kajganic is a real mess. There's no need for this film to be as long as it is, one main sub-plot feels completely unnecessary (and I know that some people may use that criticism to accuse me of missing the whole point of it - I got it, the film really didn't need it), and the whole thing is unbalanced by the fact that Susie always comes across as knowing that something is strange, yet never being put off by the strangeness. She is, in fact, drawn to it, unafraid and eager to find her place somewhere in the world that she immediately feels comfortable in. If the film was striding along a very different path from the original, which it does at times, then it wouldn't seem so bad. Sadly, it brings to mind too many comparisons, suffering when you think of the atmosphere created in the original, and the finale that Argento made as wild and vivid as this one is just overblown and silly.

You can't spend one minute trying to invert Suspiria and then the next running parallel to it, even going so far as to placing an obvious cameo appearance in there that will a) please some people, b) make others (like me) roll their eyes at the cynical attempt to get some easy goodwill, or c) not be recognised by younger viewers who may perhaps check this out before the original.

Yet I'll still rewatch this film, for the performance of Johnson and the dance sequences alone. I'll buy it and sit it on a shelf alongside the original. And I'll encourage people to make their own minds up about it. But I'll be ready to share this review and argue vehemently if they try to sell it as a remake equal to, or even superior than, the original.

6/10

You can get the original movie here.
Americans can get it here.