Prime Time: Space Cadet (2024)

The only reason that this film wasn't titled NASAlly Blonde is because we'd all assume that it was about some poor young woman making the huge mistake while dyeing her nostril hairs, but you can trust me when I say that this could have easily been given that name.

Emma Roberts stars as Rex Simpson, a young Florida woman who has always dreamed of becoming an astronaut. She had the potential to make that dream a reality, but life threw up numerous obstacles that put her in a kind of limbo for about a decade. Determined to make up for lost time after her experience at a school reunion, however, Rex applies to join the NASA astronaut training program. Having asked her friend, Nadine (Poppy Liu), to polish and finesse her application, she is initially unaware that her resume is full of huge lies. Maybe things will work out though. Simpson has the brains, despite what others may think, she knows how to support those around her, and she has the ability to approach problems from some unusual angles. 

Space Cadet is ridiculous, it feels quite cheap, and it's, well, I have to repeat that it's ridiculous. It's also a bit of fun for anyone who selects it while knowing what they're getting into. Roberts is appealing enough in the lead role, Liu steals a number of scenes as her BFF, and the standard moral about achieving the potential that others may not see within you is a good one.

Written and directed by Liz W. Garcia (her third feature, unless I have miscounted), this should have enough light chuckles and silliness to appeal to those who enjoyed the film it wants to emulate, Legally Blonde (which is beloved by many). There are fish out of water moments, of course, some other wannabe astronauts who react to our lead character in very different ways, and a stuffy authority figure who cannot quite believe he is becoming a bit smitten while he obviously becomes a bit smitten. There's also a soundtrack that was so painful to me, for the most part, that I can only assume that teen viewers will probably love it.

Roberts is consistently bright and perky throughout, as required, and Liu is a great counter to her, but there is fun to be had with some of the supporting cast members. Tom Hopper is Logan O'Leary, the aforementioned stuffy authority figure, and he does what is required for the role, Gabrielle Union is welcome for her few scenes, and Dave Foley is the man presiding over what he hopes will be a successful training schedule to help find those who deserve a shot at space travel. Desi Lydic is the uptight professional who remains suspicious of our lead, Kuhoo Verma is a roommate/friend, and Yasha Jackson, Andrew Call, and Josephine Huang round out the core group of trainees who get enough screentime to feel more fully fleshed-out than those who just pop in and out of the narrative. 

The important thing here is that I didn't hate this. I was never the intended target demographic, and I knew that from the very start, but I hoped that there would be just enough for me to still enjoy it for most of the runtime. And there was. Just. Other viewers may not even find themselves moved to an occasional smirk, but a few will love it for how cute and silly it is. Sometimes cute and silly is just what the doctor ordered.

5/10

If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews
Or Amazon is nice at this time of year - https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/Y1ZUCB13HLJD?ref_=wl_share

Madame Web (2024)

This blog is a comfort for me. It helps me put my thoughts together, it contains a path of memories that can help me remember individual movies from the thousands I have watched, and it is sometimes the only thing that helps me endure a film that is mind-bogglingly abominable. As other people have already made clear, Madame Web is mind-bogglingly abominable. As the bad reviews started to pile up, I found myself wondering how bad it could be. It was even worse than I thought.

Okay, let me give a very quick plot summary, because anything more detailed would make me feel as if I did more work in writing this than anyone did on the script. Dakota Johnson is Cassie Webb, a woman who finds out that she has the gift of premonition. Initially assuming that she cannot change the future, a pigeon interfacing with her window helps her to realise that destiny is not set in stone. That puts her on a path to confront a powerful villain, Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), a man who is determined to kill three young woman (played by Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor) he had foreseen being the cause of his own death. Emma Roberts is onscreen to play the mother of an un-named child people can figure out will be Peter Parker, Adam Scott is “uncle” Ben Parker, and the whole thing feels like a desperate attempt to profit from the Spider-Man universe without being able to feature Spider-Man in it.

Although it seems difficult to imagine anyone coming out of this well, it’s strange to see almost everyone sleepwalk through something so dire. The messy script, as inane as it is needlessly convoluted, was written by a whole load of people, including director S. J. Clarkson, and it never gathers any momentum. In fact, this is a film in which everyone feels as if they are wading through a pool of dark and thick molasses, either due to the direction or the cast being unable to work up any enthusiasm for it.

Johnson can do good work onscreen. That is not the case here. As bad as the film is, she matches it with a charmless lead performance. Sweeney, Merced, and O’Connor do a little better, although they get even less to work with (seriously, if you can tell me their names after the end credits, or even after any scene in which they have just been featured, then I will give you a chocolate treat). At least Scott and Roberts have enough presence to make their smaller roles feel like sips of water in a scorching desert. As for Rahim, it feels bad to blame someone for a performance that was so obviously reworked and redubbed when the plot was chopped and changed around, so I will just say that he needs to wipe this film from his C.V. and line up numerous future projects that can help us all quickly forget that he is in this.

Almost every main scene has at least one moment vying to be the worst moment of the film. I think a personal favourite of mine was Cassie being told “when you take on the responsibility, great power will come” (yes, really), but an entire book could be written detailing every flaw and misjudgement. If Clarkson has nothing else lined up yet, it may be some time until she gets to helm something of this scale. It may also be some time until she wants to ever try it again.

Memorable for all the wrong reasons, this is a new contender for the dubious honour of worst superhero movie of the 21st century. Someone should have seen that coming.

2/10

If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews
Or Amazon is nice at this time of year - https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/Y1ZUCB13HLJD?ref_=wl_share

Netflix And Chill: Holidate (2020)

Emma Roberts is Sloane, a young woman who dreads any holiday dates in the calendar year, because it is the time for her to be questioned and judged by her family. Luke Bracey is Jackson, a young man we first see caught up in an absolute nightmare of a Christmas scenario with a girlfriend who obviously takes things a lot more seriously than he does. When the two meet up in a queue, while returning unwanted gifts, they realise that they share a very similar problem, and come up with a plan to be a supportive partner for one another during holidays. A holidate. Nothing serious, no need to keep in touch for the rest of the year, just an arrangement that works for both of them. So you know it's going to get a bit messy.

Although I didn't think I was familiar with any work from director John Whitesell (who has done a lot of TV and *shudder* the sequels to Big Momma's House), it turns out that he pleasantly surprised me years ago with Malibu's Most Wanted. I'm not going to highly recommend that to anyone, but I will say that it was better than I expected it to be. And the same goes for Holidate, which is a predictable rom-com with the added appeal of holiday celebrations and foul-mouthed outbursts. It's an enjoyably bawdy film with two lead characters who are enjoyably just a step removed from the perfect humans we usually see in these situations. They're still pretty great, but at least the screw up occasionally.

Writer Tiffany Paulsen started her career with the 2007 Nancy Drew movie, which also starred Emma Roberts, and has a small filmography made up of movies that seem to be mainly aimed at teenaged girls (including a TV movie remake of Adventures In Babysitting that I was unaware of). She knows what to do with these characters, focusing on the main plot and fun dialogue over any main set-pieces (although someone losing a finger provides quite the amusing highlight).

Roberts and Bracey are wonderful together, with the former doing her usual eye-rolling schtick and the latter being a nice guy who enjoys being refreshingly honest with the new woman in his life. Frances Fisher is the pushy mother, Kristin Chenoweth is an aunt who always has a different man for different holidays, and Manish Dayal is Faarooq, a handsome doctor that Sloane's mother wants her to date. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, and Chenoweth and Dayal get to share some scenes that should guarantee one or two extra chuckles. Jessica Capshaw and Andrew Bachelor help to fill out the main cast, although their characters have a third act sub-plot that feels a bit out of place and unnecessary.

If you like Roberts onscreen, and I do, then this is a fun film for her to lead. It sits well within her comfort zone, and it's also a great showcase for the charm and appeal of Bracey. If you like your rom-com sweetness with just a little bit of bitter mixer then this is definitely recommended.

7/10

https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews

Yule Love It: The Flight Before Christmas (2008)

Directed by Michael Hegner and Kari Juusonen, and written by Marteinn Thorisson, Hannu Tuomainen, with additional dialogue from Mark Hodkinson, The Flight Before Christmas is, let’s cut to the chase here, pretty bad. Even when you compare it to other movies made for children, it doesn’t hold up well.

The story revolves around Niko, a young reindeer who is convinced that he can fly, despite also having some bad vertigo. His father was one of the flying reindeer that help Santa on his travels, or so he believes, and Niko sets out to meet him, accompanied by his friend, Julius (a flying squirrel). They make a friend along the way, a weasel named Wilma, but also have some dangerous wolves following them on their journey. The leader of the wolves has a plan, and it involves eating some reindeer AND Santa.

There's nothing here to make The Flight Before Christmas memorable, there's barely even enough here to put into a full review. It's an animated film for younger viewers that pales in comparison to many other choices you could have available. If you're ever wanting to stick on something snowy and charming to distract children then I would recommend any of the Rankin/Bass creations before this, which already gives you a handful of options before even considering Disney fare or other cartoon specials.

The voice cast, on the version I watched, includes both Norm Macdonald and Emma Roberts, respectively playing Julius and Wilma, but those were the only voices I recognised, although both helped to make it a bit more bearable than it otherwise might have been. Niko sounds suitably young, the scary wolf sounds suitably villainous, and Macdonald and Roberts sound suitably like Macdonald and Roberts.

It's the animation that allows this to stand out, and not in a good way. This is a poor piece of work that feels either inept or lazy, with the characters designed and moving as if they just stepped out of a 16-bit games console. And the environments they are placed in never feel like more than backgrounds, giving the whole thing the look of one of those books that you placed stickers in to make a story.

The script isn't great either, although it hits all of the expected notes. There's just nothing done to make this more magical or fun, despite a couple of moments in the finale that at least provide a predictable and satisfying conclusion to events. But anything actually decent is hampered by the technical shortcomings and seeming lack of care.

Very young viewers WILL enjoy this, it's at least perfectly pitched at their level in terms of the simplicity of the storyline and ideas, but you can forget about it once they've experienced some of the better seasonal treats and have started to become even the tiniest bit more discerning.

3/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.