Shudder Saturday: V/H/S/85 (2023)

Although it has had a number of wobbles here and there, the V/H/S series has become an enduring, and largely satisfying, horror anthology series. Others may disagree, but that's my opinion and this is my space for sharing my opinions on movies. I appreciate the commitment to the aesthetic, I have loved some of the wilder tales, and some of the imagery has been up there with the weirdest and wildest in the horror genre. So I was looking forward to this latest instalment, V/H/S/85.

I'm not even sure to begin with this review. I suppose I should simply say that I REALLY disliked this. It is easily the worst in the series, taking that position previously held by V/H/S: Viral, and the worst part is that very few of the stories have that sense of glee present in the rest of the series. Although two "punchlines" worked well enough to make me smirk.

There's a wraparound tale, helmed by David Bruckner, about a life-form being observed in a lab. The first of the main tales, directed by Mike P. Nelson, then shows us a group of people fooling around by a lake. All is well and good until it isn't, and this was my favourite tale, especially when it connected and was given a proper resolution later in the film. Then it's on to Gigi Saul Guerrero's tale of people trying to escape the devastating effects of an earthquake that has caused carnage in Mexico. Natrasha Kermani then brings us a retro-tech tale that delivers some gore while also mocking pretentious performance art. We then get Nelson returning, his second segment as enjoyable as it is disappointingly brief. I would rather have had more of this than the time wasted with a couple of other tales, including the next one, a twisted serial killer gorefest directed by Scott Derrickson that has a young man being able to record dreams that prophecise the future.

As well as the directors just mentioned also writing their segments, with the exception of Bruckner and Kermani, who are given story credits, writing comes from C. Robert Cargill, Zoe Cooper, and Evan Dickson. I cannot muster the enthusiasm to specify exactly who is responsible for each segment, so everyone can share the blame and the small amount of praise in equal measure. 

As for the cast, most of them do perfectly fine within the limitations of the style, although the only people who stand out are those involved in the segments helmed by Mike P. Nelson, thanks to the fact that they are given a decent amount of time to show their interactions with one another, making them more realistic and fleshed out, before things start to tilt into the crazy horror.

I don't want to give anything away, the aim of each tale is still to deliver a fun surprise at the end, and some people may find the whole thing much more satisfying than I did, but I am struggling to think of anyone who will really enjoy this. Even if you find it passable, which I didn't, then I suspect you will still find that it suffers greatlin in comparison to almost every preceding instalment in this series. I'll still watch another one if the series continues, and I still love the VHS aesthetic, but I hope it is a marked improvement after this disappointing nadir.

4/10

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Lady In The Water (2006)

Lady In The Water is, in so many ways, a film that is hard to take in while watching. It's so ridiculous, so self-indulgent and so messy that it's mesmerising in that way that bad cinema can be. The easy joy of mocking the film is tinged with a slight sadness that some aspects (some of the cast, the production design) are good. The biggest problem with the film is writer-director-star M. Night Shyamalan, who decided to crash and burn in a display of arrogance that should never have been indulged.

Bryce Dallas Howard plays the titular character, named Story, encountered one evening by an apartment building superintendent, Cleveland Heep, played by Paul Giamatti. She is in danger and needs to get home, but she also has something very important to tell at least one of the tenants living in the building. One man in particular, played by M. Night Shyamalan, may be the most important person among them. He may be the man destined to write a story that will change the world.

Yes, that's correct. M. Night Shyamalan wrote and directed a movie in which someone is destined to write one of the most important works of the 21st century, and decided that he would be the best person to put in that role. Never mind the fact that he has a supporting cast that includes Bob Balaban, Jared Harris, Jeffrey Wright, Freddy Rodriguez and other contenders. It's all down to him. I didn't mention the actresses - Cindy Cheung, Sarita Choudhury, Mary Beth Hurt, etc. - because, sadly, they are all stuck in roles that are either purely expositional or just support for the men all jostling for position as the best person to help Story. At least, that's how it seemed to me.

Created as a modern fairytale, the movie actually works, almost, when fully committing to that approach. There are fantastical creatures (both good and bad), there is an opening narration, there are some nice, magical touches here and there. Unfortunately, everything else is designed to make the whole thing seem up to date and cool, which has the exact opposite effect.

The cast, for the most part, do well with what they're given. The weakest person onscreen is, you guessed it, M. Night Shyamalan. He'd already proven why he developed a career behind the camera as opposed to in front of it with cameo roles in his earlier movies, but he suddenly believes that he's a worthwhile addition to a pretty solid ensemble cast. No. No, he isn't.

I could say more about the movie. There are more small things worth praising and more minor criticisms that could be written here, but the shadow of Shyamalan's ego blocks out everything else. Giving more time over to the movie almost feels like giving too much attention to a toddler having a major shit fit in the middle of a supermarket. The movie came out, it was suitably chastised and now we should all just move along and stop staring.

4/10

The region-free Bluray is here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lady-Water-Blu-ray-Paul-Giamatti/dp/B000JU7KAE/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1368710961&sr=1-1&keywords=lady+in+the+water

Poseidon (2006)

A remake of a movie that remains my favourite disaster movie of all time (The Poseidon Adventure), Poseidon would seem to be a movie not really worth bothering about. How could it ever hope to top the fantastic original? Well, let's just cut to the chase here, it doesn't. It does, however, make for a decent bit of entertainment in its own right, thanks to a decent cast and solid direction from Wolfgang Petersen, who is no stranger to drama in submerged vessels (as viewers of the magnificent Das Boot will agree).

This adaptation may take place almost a quarter of a century after the original movie, but there's very little different in the overall premise. That's unsurprising, the main premise is so good that it needs no tinkering. A large and lovely cruise ship, the Poseidon, is hit by a freak wave out in the middle of the ocean and a group of people decide that their best bet for survival is to get to the bottom of the ship, which is now the part of the vessel now lying ABOVE the water. So the folk start to climb up and up on a perilous journey, doing their best to stay ahead of rising water levels, avoid explosions and fires and keep their footing as they move higher.

As you might expect, there are a number of scenes in Poseidon that are all about spectacle. Thankfully, the special effects are so well done that the moments of spectacle are really . . . . . . . . spectacular. Seriously, the visuals are consistently impressive, which is kind of a minimum requirement now for the big-budget disaster movies.

Special effects aren't everything though, as almost everyone would agree. The focus of the movie sways between the destruction of Poseidon and the perilous journey of the characters, which is why it's a good job that the various cast members all do well in their roles.

Kurt Russell and Josh Lucas are the two leaders of the group, men with different styles who have the same inner strength and strong will. Russell's character has added motivation as he also does his best to keep his daughter (Emmy Rossum) and her young fella (Mike Vogel) safe. Jacinda Barrett plays a woman whose main concern is her young son (played by Jimmy Bennett), Mia Maestro plays a stowaway and Richard Dreyfuss is the oldest member of the group. There are also small roles for Freddy Rodriguez and Andre Braugher. Oh, and Kevin Dillon goes over the top as the asshole of the group. I guess I should also warn anyone who dislikes the singing voice of Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson, they will roll their eyes as she entertains the cruise ship passengers during the opening scenes of the movie.

The script by Mark Protosevich (working from the novel by Paul Gallico, with some nods to the 1972 film) is perfectly serviceable. This kind of film has very few surprises, therefore the script isn't exactly full of great twists, turns and character reveals. It sketches out the relationships, it goes for the easy moments of emotional manipulation and it moves the survivors from one problem on to the next. For me, that makes the script just fine for a disaster movie.

Everything - script, cast, special effects - is brought together masterfully by director Petersen, who paces things perfectly and keeps the camera moving around in a way that never lets viewers forget how much worse the whole situation is getting for every minute that the ship is capsized.

I really didn't expect to enjoy Poseidon as much as I did. My love for the original movie is so great, I just didn't expect to see around that mental block. The fact that I ended up thinking about buying this as soon as the end credits started rolling is testament to what a pleasant surprise it was.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Poseidon-Blu-ray-Region-Free-Russell/dp/B002U5741G/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1369089887&sr=8-2&keywords=poseidon

Dreamer (2005)

Dreamer is a standard live-action Disney movie that just happens not to actually come from Disney. There isn't one unpredictable moment in it, the music from John Debney keeps reminding viewers that it's all meaningful and life-affirming, and many scenes are shot with an added, warming glow suffusing each frame. Despite these marks against it, I ended up enjoying Dreamer, thanks mainly to a great cast giving decent performances. Sometimes familiarity doesn't breed contempt, sometimes it's just comfortable. Dreamer is just that, a comfort movie. I may not rush to revisit it, but I admit that I enjoyed it while it was on.

Inspired by a true story, Dreamer is all about a horse named Sonador that falls during a big race and sustains what should be a career-ending injury. Horse trainer Ben Crane (Kurt Russell) is angry at the employer (David Morse) who ignored his advice not to race the horse. With his daughter, Cale (Dakota Fanning), by his side, he ends up leaving the stables with the horse, a reduced cash amount for his work and no job. He also has his assistants, Balon (Luis Guzman) and ex-jockey Manolin (Freddy Rodriguez), and a plan to help Sondaor get well enough so that she can at least be used for breeding, even if she will never race again. But Sonador has a strong spirit, as does young Cale, and looks like she may want to race. That will take hard work and money. The hard work isn't a problem, but the money just might not be available.

Written and directed by John Gatins, Dreamer doesn't really have any major flaws apart from the sentimentality and predictability of it all. It's a nice film, probably too nice for many people to be able to stomach.

The big plus point for the film is the cast. Russell puts in another great performance as a decent everyman, Fanning does her usual good work in another film made during the peak of her "wide-eyed years" and the ever-dependable David Morse is as dependable as ever, despite being saddled with (no pun intended) the role of main villain. Guzman and Rodriguez are both a lot of fun, Elizabeth Shue is fine as Ben's wife/Cale's mother and Kris Kristofferson hangs about to be Ben's grumpy father, who may or may not help out and reforge a bond with his son. And then there's Oded Fehr, appearing about 70 minutes into the movie and getting a few minutes of screentime as a character who may as well have been named "plot device #3".

Cynical people should look for hundreds of films that they will prefer to watch before this one, but anyone who can handle the sugar content should find this moderately enjoyable. It's certainly a decent enough family movie so maybe keep it on standby for any time you may have a 7-12 year old in your home.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dreamer-DVD-Dakota-Fanning/dp/B000CSTIIA/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1368707710&sr=1-1&keywords=dreamer