Netflix And Chill: Cellar Door (2024)

What would you do if you could receive the house of your dreams for free, with only one main condition? It would depend on what that condition was, right? But if I told you that all you had to do was keep a cellar door closed, to never investigate that space, then you'd surely be tempted. That's the main idea at the heart of this film, hence the title.

Jordana Brewster and Scott Speedman are Sera and John, the couple who end up being offered a lovely house by Emmett (Laurence Fisburne). They are trying to heal and recover from a bad patch in their relationship, including a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, and John needs to distance himself from Alyssa (Addison Timlin), a young colleague he had an affair with, but now wants to leave in his past. Alyssa doesn't want to be left behind though, as her complaint to HR shows. Will Sera and John be able to get to the light at the end of the tunnel, or will the pressure of the situation drive one of them to look inside the cellar and break their deal with Emmett?

On the plus side, this is a lot better than the last film I saw from director Vaughn Stein (the very poor Terminal). It's not great, but at least feels more coherent, more logical, and satisfying when certain truths are finally revealed in the third act. Writers Sam Scott and Lori Evans Taylor deliver a solid enough framework, but neither Stein nor his cast do enough to imrpove upon the material. Things never seem to head down any truly dark path, leaving viewers with a tale that lacks any real tension or sense of urgency, despite the editing and score trying to make it seem otherwise.

Brewster and Speedman are fine in their lead roles, although both could have been replaced by much better choices. Timlin is asked to look pretty and be obstinate, which she does easily enough, but she's a bit wasted in her role. I could say something similar about Fishburne, giving the classic "you have me for one whole day, let's get this done" kind of performance that allows his character to cast a long shadow over the proceedings without making use of him in more than a couple of scenes. The other main supporting cast member is Randy Schulman, just used to provide exposition and regular updates on the turbulent time that Speedman's character is going through.

There's nothing here that is awful. It's just never able to become as good as it should be. That's down to the central idea, it's down to the casting, and it's down to the fact that nobody involved seems to have enough imagination or courage to commit to something stronger in content than a bland TV movie. Whatever imagery is evoked by the movie title . . . I can assure you that the film comes nowhere close to what you may be envisioning right now.

5/10

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Heart Eyes (2025)

Christopher Landon has made a name for himself in the past few years by figuring out fun ways to blend slasher movie tropes with other sub-genres (e.g. timeloop movies, bodyswap films). He has written with Michael Kennedy before, and this time around both are joined by Phillip Murphy to deliver a film that places some bloody kill scenes in the middle of what is essentially a standard rom-com. Josh Ruben is in the director's chair, which means it's up to him to ensure that the dialogue and set-pieces are couched in something that comes close enough to that rom-com style, but can he manage to do that?

A killer is on the loose, the Heart Eyes Killer, and they're targeting couples. This has been happening for a couple of years now, every Valentine's Day, which makes it a big problem for those in a relationship. Ally McCabe (Olivia Holt) isn't in a relationship though, so she should be safe from the killer. Her biggest worry concerns trying to keep her job. In need of major guidance, and a way to overhaul her latest ad campaign that disastrously uses romantic tragedy at the heart of it, Ally ends up forced to work with Jay Simmons (Mason Gooding), a bit of a whizz drafted in to save the day. Ally and Jay need to spend some time together to brainstorm and plan, which leads to the Heart Eyes Killer viewing them as a couple, which leads to them being pursued, even as they try to explain to those around them that they really aren't a couple.

Heart Eyes works fairly well as a slasher. The pacing is decent for most of the runtime, aside from a third act that just has one or two scenes more than necessary, the kills are entertaining and bloody, and Holt and Gooding are very appealing leads. The most pleasant surprise, however, is just how well some of the rom-com moments work. There's a great meet-cute, a fun sense of external factors ensuring that our leads are destined to pair up, and stay paired up, some very fun cute klutziness that adds some non-lethal injuries to the onscreen catalogue of pain, and even the scenes of attempted murder often show a romance blossoming under unusually difficult circumstances. There are times when it tries to be too cute though, particularly when name-checking other movies and painfully winking at viewers, but nothing is bad enough to unbalance the whole thing.

Aside from Holt and Gooding, who are absolutely as enjoyable and likeable as they need to be in their roles, the cast also includes Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster as a pair of cops named . . . Hobbs and Shaw, Gigi Zumbado as the standard protective bestie, and Michaela Watkins as a demanding boss, as well as a number of people who make enough of an impression in their first few moments to make them plausible suspects as the killing spree starts to feel a bit more personal.

Despite the lighter touch, this is still a film aimed mainly at slasher movie fans. As long as you can enjoy the strange clash of sub-genres then you will be rewarded with some laughs, some entertaining bloodshed, and a killer working with some nicely-personalised deadly accessories.

7/10

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Fast & Furious (2009)

New Model. Original Parts. That was the way Fast & Furious was advertised, heavily pushing the fact that Vin Diesel was back, as were Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jordana Brewster. It's apparently what fans of the series wanted. And it's hard to argue with the decision, considering the enduring success of the series across two decades.

Let me try to keep things very simple. After an intro that shows Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and co. pulling off a dangerous heist, Dom knows that he's bringing down too much heat on those close to him. So he decides that it's time to leave. Then Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) is killed. It may have something to do with a major criminal named Campos, which leads to Dom crossing paths once again with Brian (Paul Walker), the famously criminal-friendly cop who is somehow back in the bosom of the FBI workplace. The way to get to Campos is to, obviously, show off your driving skills, and that means Dom and Brian race against one another, and others, to get closer to their target.

You know what, I liked this a little more this time around than I did when I first saw it. I think it has an enjoyable simplicity to it, even as it starts to put the pieces in place for what would define the shape of the series for the next few films. It's more overtly showing Vin Diesel as the smartest and toughest and most desirable male in any situation, which is also irritating, but even that is nowhere as bothersome as it is in other Diesel-fulled cinematic engines.

With director Justin Lin and writer Chris Morgan once again along for the ride, Fast & Furious is a film that shows everyone being very comfortable with the format, with delivering what people expect, and with the chemistry between the leads (the frisson between Dom and Brian is something we haven't experienced this strongly since Tom Hanks started side-eyeing Wilson the volleyball).

I'm not the biggest fan of either Diesel or Walker, but they're both pretty perfect in their main roles here. Diesel gets to do all of his usual stuff, but Walker has a bit more variety and fun, especially in his running "war" with one main colleague (played by the great Shea Wigham). Rodriguez gets taken offscreen very early on, but at least she doesn't have to spend the rest of the film fawning over Diesel, with those moments now taken by Gal Gadot. Brewster, on the other hand, has to split her time between looking lovingly at her brother and looking ready to forgive and fall back in love with the cop who lied to her before. John Ortiz and Laz Alonso are both good fun, playing a couple of main villains, and fans of the third film will be pleased to see a small role for Sung Kang.

It's a different level of ridiculousness than the films that would come along after it, but this is all still quite ridiculous. Fortunately, it's done with an emphasis on sheer entertainment and thrills, with a decent smattering of lively car races and some bruising fights. The more of these films I rewatch, the easier it is to see why the series has developed into the massive success it is.

7/10

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The Fast And The Furious (2001)

Point Break with flashy car races - that's all The Fast And The Furious is, but that's all it needs to be. It's a lot of brainless fun with a lot of very good looking cars on screen for most of its duration. There's also a lot of turn of the century CGI working to make the speedy sequences seem speedier and the car engine parts sometimes visible when drivers push the button for an essential NOS boost.

Paul Walker plays Brian, an undercover cop trying to get into the street racing circuit to find out just who is responsible for a number of daring heists on moving trucks (trucks that are moving, not trucks being used by removal companies). The prime suspect is Dominic Toretto, played by Vin Diesel, who is the centre of the street racing scene and the man that most of the main players look up to. But Brian gets close, too close. He likes Dom's sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster), and gets to like Dom as he gets closer to cracking the case.

Rob Cohen directs with aptitude and certainly knows that, whenever possible, the car is the star here. The script, written by Gary Scott Thompson, Erik Bergquist, and David Ayer, is full of nonsense that builds into a creed these racers live by, but it gets the plot from A to B to Z, and has occasional moments of wit in there.

The cast all do what they have to. Paul Walker is likeable enough in the main role, Vin Diesel is a big man who growls a lot, Jordana Brewster looks pretty, Michelle Rodriguez does that scowl-gurn thing as the tough woman once again. There's also Rick Yune, Chad Lindberg, the great Ted Levine, Ja Rule, Noel Gugliemi (you may not recognise the name, but you'll know his face) and Matt Schulze (playing a douchebag who also happens to be the one person that is right about the character played by Walker).

Unsurprisingly, the soundtrack features a mix of loud rock and dance/hip-hop tunes with a strong bassline. It's what you'd expect for a movie about cars with stereo systems that cost more than most people's first runaround. What is surprising is how bad some of the processed shots are with some of the driving scenes akin to something from the 1950s. But, of course, you're not supposed to be looking out of the windows, you're supposed to be looking at the attractive stars and their attractive cars.

It's good fun, there are some enjoyable race sequences and good stuntwork on display, and, as I'm not a "gearhead", I'd say you can add an extra point if you're REALLY into cars. The best is yet to come though, and this should be viewed as the starting point for a franchise that would go from strength to strength (even the weaker instalments don't stop it from easily being the best movie series built around Vin Diesel).

7/10

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Shudder Saturday: Random Acts Of Violence (2019)

I like Jay Baruchel. A lot. He's predominantly been in comedy movies for most of his film career, but the past decade has seen him stretch himself a bit, mainly with his writing and directing work on the Goon movies (he wrote the first movie, directed the second, gave himself a small role in both). And he's had good results. Which had me looking forward to Random Acts Of Violence, a thriller/horror movie directed and co-written by Baruchel, who also has a main supporting role, based on a comic by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti.

The story is all about a comic creator, Todd (Jesse Williams), who has made his name with the creation of a murderous character, Slasherman, based on a real-life killer. On a press tour with his publisher (Ezra, played by Baruchel), his girlfriend (Kathy, played by Jordana Brewster), and an assistant (Aurora, played by Niamh Wilson), Todd ends up being contacted, and toyed with, by someone emulating some of the more grisly murders that have been drawn by Todd.

If the opening paragraph to this review didn't give you a clue, Random Acts Of Violence ended up being a bit of a disappointment for me. It's not a bad film, not really, but the more interesting elements are badly mishandled, which I have to sadly blame Baruchel for, and that leaves viewers with nothing more than a mediocre thriller akin to many we have seen before, putting someone in dangerous proximity to a killer they have a connection with, and a finale that is about as weak as any I can think of from recent years (perhaps deliberate, but I doubt it).

The screenplay, by Baruchel and Jesse Chabot, stumbles along for the first half, but at least has a great confrontational scene that crystallises the main thinking point. Todd is being interviewed on a radio show, and that interview turns to how much he has considered the victims of the murderer that inspired his fictional creation. Some also point out that Todd isn't saying anything with his content. He's just depicting violent deaths, mostly involving women, and cannot come up with a proper ending to his story because he ultimately has nothing to say.

The cast do a decent job. Williams is excellent in the lead role, a good mix of ambition and insecurity, and Brewster has her best role in god knows how long, especially when she tries to call out what she sees as ever-increasing bullshit. Baruchel is arguably the odd one out, and has the least to do, but the reason for him casting himself is obvious, in terms of budget, resources, and being able to use his name on a number of fronts. Wilson is a nice enough addition, completing the central quartet with the kind of character you start to like most while also knowing they may be the most in danger.

The worst thing about Random Acts Of Violence is the lack of consistency. There are some great visual flourishes. Here and there. You get some interest musings on what those who create horror fare may or may not wish to consider. Here and there. You get some commentary on horrors creating art that creates more horror. Here and there. There's no solid through line though, and the third act is almost unforgivably poor.

I hope to enjoy whatever Baruchel does next a bit more than this, which I am generously rating as average.

5/10

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The Faculty (1998)

Robert Rodriguez hasn't made many bad movies. I won't be silly enough to say that he hasn't made ANY bad movies, despite the fact that I have somehow avoided the ones that people consider real stinkers (*cough* The Adventures Of Sharkboy And Lavagirl *cough*), but he's got a pretty good hit rate, in my opinion. Thankfully, The Faculty is one of his many good movies.

It's a teen sci-fi horror written by Kevin Williamson AKA Kevin "Scream" Williamson that also happens to feature one of the best casts assembled for such material. And Usher.

Herrington High is a typical American school, but things are changing. When Casey Connor (Elijah Wood ) isn't being picked up by bullies, and having his legs splayed to allow them to smash his crotch into the flagpole, he's observing life around him. Some things are strange, like star football player Stan (Shawn Hatosy) deciding that he wants to concentrate on academic pursuits as opposed to sports, some things are just nice to observe, like Delilah Profitt (Jordana Brewster), and some things are strange lifeforms found on the school grounds that could indicate a potential takeover by alien life forms. Yeah, that last thing leads to Casey teaming up with Stan, Delilah and some other students as they realise that their school may be ground zero for an alien invasion. High school may not seem to be a standard battlefield for an alien invasion, but as Casey says: "If you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House 'Independence Day' style, or sneak in through the back door?"

What I like to do sometimes, as people may have noticed, is reel off a cast list when I think that it speaks for itself. Read the following list and try to argue that it's not one of the best blends of old hands and new talent thrown together for a sci-fi horror movie. I've already mentioned Wood, Hatosy and Brewster, but there's also Clea DuVall, Laura Harris, Josh Hartnett, Piper Laurie, Bebe Neuwirth, Salma Hayek, Famke Janssen, Robert Patrick, Christopher McDonald, Jon Stewart and Daniel von Bargen. And Usher. Everyone does a great job. And Usher.

The script by Williamson and the direction by Rodriguez are both as cine-literate as you'd expect, with ever scene throwing up a wealth of references, in-jokes and foreshadowing. It's a very nicely constructed movie, one that works in terms of a teen movie and also a sci-fi horror without neglecting either. The fact that it's so subversive just adds to the appeal. I don't want to spoil any details for people who have yet to see it, but bad behaviour ends up paying dividends while fighting back against invading aliens. The soundtrack has some good tunes in the mix and the special effects are generally pretty great, mixing plenty of practical work with some solid CGI.

All in all, The Faculty is eminently rewatchable and just a fun time for fans of the subgenre.

8/10

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