Shudder Saturday: This Is Not A Test (2025)

Adapted from a YA novel by Courtney Summers, This Is Not A Test comes to the screen via writer-director Adam MacDonald. He's done quite a bit of horror before this, and can be very good in the genre, but you wouldn't necessarily know it from this.

It's zombie outbreak time yet again, and a group of teens end up hiding out in a school building. One of them (Sloane, played by Olivia Holt) seems to spend most of her time thinking about her past life, one in which she had to put up with an abusive father (Jeff Roop), but also spent a fair bit of time with a loving older sister, Lily (Joelle Farrow). That's really all you need to know.

Although I'm unfamiliar with the source text, I'm tempted to assume that MacDonald didn't have the greatest material to work with. There's no other reason for this being as bad as it is, unless you were trying to stay true to something that just wasn't very good. The school setting has excellent potential, considering the dividing line between adults and children in that environment, as well as the various divisions between the children themselves, but nothing is used effectively here.

Viewers are instead stuck alongside a group of characters who are, at best, painfully uninteresting. At worst, they're annoying enough to make you want to root for some of the zombies. I struggled to care about a single person onscreen, aside from Holt's character, and that's at least partly to do with how little they're given to actually do, aside from bicker and fight amongst themselves for what seems like most of the runtime.

Holt at least feels worthy of the lead role, and she's already been involved in some other projects that will help this to vanish from memory soon enough. Others around her are played by Froy Gutierrez, Carson MacCormac, Chloe Avakian, and Corteon Moore, and I wouldn't be able to tell you what they managed to bring to their roles. In fact, I doubt I would recognise them right now. This is the kind of film that turns the end credits into the equivalent of the memory-erasing flashy thing used by the Men In Black. Roop and Farrow both fare a bit better, and Luke Macfarlane livens things up a bit for his few scenes at about the halfway point.

This should have either been more fun, maybe a bit livelier (no pun intended), or a bit darker. YA fans can handle dark content. I've seen most of the movies aimed at that demographic (hey, I'm often happy to watch anything and everything out there) and I know that some of the better ones are not afraid to tackle some very serious and dark themes. This isn't one of the better ones, and that's possibly down to MacDonald not having faith in the audience. Or it's weak source material that nobody decided to overhaul. Either way, this is one to avoid unless you've exhausted most of your other viewing options.

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: Jingle Bell Heist (2025)

I like to think that I am quite honest when it comes to my opinions on movies. Sometimes I can happily blame a movie for any faults, and sometimes I have to blame myself for entering the viewing experience with certain preconceptions or bias. I'm not sure who should get more of the blame for Jingle Bell Heist, but I think it's the makers of the film. Writers Abby McDonald and Amy Reed don't seem to know exactly what kind of film they're serving up, and director Michael Fimognari doesn't do nearly enough to keep you invested in either main option, be it seasonal rom-com or fun crime flick. Okay, the title clues you in to the main aim of the plot, but the plotting leaves a lot to be desired.

Sophia (Olivia Holt) works at a grand department store owned by the Scrooge-adjacent Maxwell Sterling (Peter Serafinowicz). She has the chance to commit a minor theft, which she wants to do in order to help pay for the medical treatment of her sick mother (Natasha Joseph), but that brings her to the attention of tech-savvy Nick (Connor Swindells), a young man seeking to rob Sterling's premises, despite already having served some time in prison for previously robbing the place. The two of them decide to work together, but they'll also need to figure out how to get certain information out of Mrs. Sterling (Lucy Punch). 

If you want your movie to be viewed and enjoyed as a heist movie then you need to get the details and timing right. Jingle Bell Heist takes viewers on a number of tangents that ultimately prove inconsequential. It's a way to fill the runtime, I guess, but isn't good as an example of the mechanics and appeal of any heist movie. Which is why I started to think that this was a rom-com with the heist as simply a plot device looming large behind our leads. But it doesn't have enough rom or com to make it a success in that sub-genre either.

Holt isn't bad in the lead role, even if ill-served by the screenplay, but there's no chemistry between herself and Swindells, who is also someone I wouldn't call bad. It's just a shame that neither cast member seems to work as intended. Serafinowicz is slightly underused, but that makes the scenes with him more of a treat. Joseph has to look ill, but also remain upbeat and lovely, which she manages, and Punch gets involved in a sequence that ends up being the comedic highlight of the whole thing. Poppy Drayton and Michael Salami do fine in very different supporting turns, as do Ed Kear, James Dryden, and everyone else filling out the cast list.

On the plus side, it doesn't feel too cheap or slap-dash, which is more than can be said for many other movies churned out to keep spreading the Christmas cheer, but that's about the only major positive. None of the dialogue is particularly smart or witty, none of the plot developments feel as if they unfold in a way that is natural and plausible, and it's very hard to stay invested in something so, well, nonchalant about the tropes and beats that could have made it a much more enjoyable experience.

4/10

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Heart Eyes (2025)

Christopher Landon has made a name for himself in the past few years by figuring out fun ways to blend slasher movie tropes with other sub-genres (e.g. timeloop movies, bodyswap films). He has written with Michael Kennedy before, and this time around both are joined by Phillip Murphy to deliver a film that places some bloody kill scenes in the middle of what is essentially a standard rom-com. Josh Ruben is in the director's chair, which means it's up to him to ensure that the dialogue and set-pieces are couched in something that comes close enough to that rom-com style, but can he manage to do that?

A killer is on the loose, the Heart Eyes Killer, and they're targeting couples. This has been happening for a couple of years now, every Valentine's Day, which makes it a big problem for those in a relationship. Ally McCabe (Olivia Holt) isn't in a relationship though, so she should be safe from the killer. Her biggest worry concerns trying to keep her job. In need of major guidance, and a way to overhaul her latest ad campaign that disastrously uses romantic tragedy at the heart of it, Ally ends up forced to work with Jay Simmons (Mason Gooding), a bit of a whizz drafted in to save the day. Ally and Jay need to spend some time together to brainstorm and plan, which leads to the Heart Eyes Killer viewing them as a couple, which leads to them being pursued, even as they try to explain to those around them that they really aren't a couple.

Heart Eyes works fairly well as a slasher. The pacing is decent for most of the runtime, aside from a third act that just has one or two scenes more than necessary, the kills are entertaining and bloody, and Holt and Gooding are very appealing leads. The most pleasant surprise, however, is just how well some of the rom-com moments work. There's a great meet-cute, a fun sense of external factors ensuring that our leads are destined to pair up, and stay paired up, some very fun cute klutziness that adds some non-lethal injuries to the onscreen catalogue of pain, and even the scenes of attempted murder often show a romance blossoming under unusually difficult circumstances. There are times when it tries to be too cute though, particularly when name-checking other movies and painfully winking at viewers, but nothing is bad enough to unbalance the whole thing.

Aside from Holt and Gooding, who are absolutely as enjoyable and likeable as they need to be in their roles, the cast also includes Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster as a pair of cops named . . . Hobbs and Shaw, Gigi Zumbado as the standard protective bestie, and Michaela Watkins as a demanding boss, as well as a number of people who make enough of an impression in their first few moments to make them plausible suspects as the killing spree starts to feel a bit more personal.

Despite the lighter touch, this is still a film aimed mainly at slasher movie fans. As long as you can enjoy the strange clash of sub-genres then you will be rewarded with some laughs, some entertaining bloodshed, and a killer working with some nicely-personalised deadly accessories.

7/10

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Prime Time: Totally Killer (2023)

While I completely understand the shorthand that people have used to describe Totally Killer - most people refer to it as Back To The Future crossed with Scream - I have to start this review by saying that it's also being slightly oversold by people who are keen to recommend it to other horror fans. This is a fun film, and should be enjoyed by anyone who enjoyed the likes of Happy Death Day and Freaky, but it's not quite as sharp or clever as it could be.

Kiernan Shipka plays Jamie, a young woman who is fed up of her over-anxious mother (Pam, played by Julie Bowen) and uncool father (Blake, played by Lochlyn Munro). Pam has good reason to be anxious though, especially around Halloween. She is the lone survivor of a killing spree 35 years ago that left her friends dead. And the killer may still be looking to get "the one that got away". One thing leads to another, and Jamie ends up making use of a time machine to head back to 1987, where she hopes to help the teenage version of her mother (Olivia Holt). It turns out that her mother was quite a Mean Girl type in her schooldays, which makes it tougher for Jamie to befriend her and save some lives. She also needs the help of Lauren Creston (Troy Leigh-Anne Johnson) to fix what is now a broken time machine. How will Lauren known what to do? The machine was based on her own ideas, made by her future daughter (Amelia, played by Kelcey Mawema).

Directed by Nahnatchka Khan, her second film after the excellent Always Be My Maybe, the emphasis here is on entertainment. Everything is bright and lively, and any excuse to highlight the '80s aesthetics and attitudes is pounced upon. Although the script was written by three people - David Matalon, Sasha Perl-Raver, and Jen D'Angelo - it feels like everyone worked together well and knew what to do with the tone of the whole thing. It still surprises me, however, that there wasn't a bit more to this, either in terms of the joke count or the potential time-travel repercussions. While perfectly enjoyable in the moment, Totally Killer is almost instantly forgettable. And I am not sure the final scenes actually work, but I would probably need a large whiteboard and a week with Christopher Nolan to try properly piecing it all together.

Shipka is decent enough in the lead role, although she feels quite interchangeable with a number of other potential actresses, and the film spends most of the runtime with her and the excellent Holt. Johnson does well, and should be thankful that she gets to do enough to make an impact, which is more than can be said about so many of the other supporting players. While nobody is bad, it’s hard to always match them up with their apparently predestined role in the unfolding chain of events.

I should say that one of my gripes with the film is somewhat addressed by the script, with the main character able to convince people of her time-travelling mission simply and quickly enough to get back to the slasher plot strand. This is not a complex sci-fi movie. It is a film aiming to make the most of a great concept, and it does a decent job of that.

There could have already been more though. More tunes from the ‘80s, more wonderful fashion choices, more bloodshed and kills, and more jokes layered throughout each scene (few things made me laugh more than our lead’s first encounter with an ‘80s mother, inconsiderately hotboxing her kids with cigarette smoke as she drives around town).

Most people should enjoy this. It’s a good time. It’s just not the total success it could have been.

7/10

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