Five Nights At Freddy's 2 (2025)

I didn’t like Five Nights At Freddy’s. I knew I would still watch the sequel though. And I will watch any other instalment that comes along. I have started, my k mind won’t allow me to stop.

Set some time after the events of the first film, this has Mike (Josh Hutcherson) worrying about his little sister, Abby (Piper Rubio), as she spends her time wishing to be back with some of her friends. Those friends being dead children trapped in a restaurant is a bit of a problem, but maybe some supernatural force can help them wander further afield. And maybe more animatronic mayhem can ensue. Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) is also dealing with spirits, but that is often specifically tied to the dark legacy of her father (Matthew Lillard).

Director Emma Tammi returns, but has left the screenplay fully in the hands of Scott Cawthon this time around. That might have been a bad decision. I am sure there are a lot of details and imagery here that will please fans of the game series, which (lest we forget) was created by Cawthon, but there’s not enough here to please anyone else. Despite my dislike for the first film, it at least felt like a decent enough gateway horror for younger movie viewers who had already been experiencing a number of the scares via the games. This, on the other hand, is just a mess. It often needs the characters to act like idiots. And, worst of all, it’s horrible dull.

Even the cast seem resigned to the fact that their presence is only getting in the way of the animatronics that everyone paid to see. Hutcherson has no energy in his performance, Lail feels one eye-roll away from just sidling her way towards the exit, and it’s only Rubio who does decent work, benefiting from the fact that she is a young child who doesn’t necessarily recognise the danger in her actions. Lillard isn’t used enough, which is understandable, but Freddy Carter, Wayne Knight, and McKenna Grace also feel sorely wasted.

I assume that those who loved the first film will at least enjoy this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if even the most die-hard FNAFers didn’t at least wonder why they were given something that feels so lazy and more like a place-holder than a fully-developed feature. This doesn’t even feel like a videogame, which might not have been so bad. It feels like a hurried trial/patch, thrown out to keep the IP at the forefront of gamers who might soon start to outgrow the series, if they haven’t already.

3/10

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The Beekeeper (2024)

I wasn’t really sure what to expect from this Jason Statham vehicle, especially with director David Ayer working from a script by Kurt Wimmer, and, as the credits rolled, I still wasn’t really sure what I had just watched. Was it good? Was every choice a deliberate one? Was I supposed to care about a twist I could see coming a mile away? I was sure of one thing though. I had fun with it.

Statham is the titular beekeeper, minding his hives and minding his own business. He is invited to dinner by a kindly woman he knows (Phylicia Rashad), but only finds a corpse when he gets there. The woman has been scammed by hackers, losing all of her money and all of the money that belonged to a charity organisation she worked for. Raging at the injustice, Statham decides to return to his role of Beekeeper aka a super-deadly agent who works to protect the hive. The bodies soon start to pile up as the beekeeping analogy is used over and over again, and Statham has to face overwhelming odds on the way to his final target.

What you get here is ridiculous, but it is all being handled by people who seem to know it is ridiculous, whether they are onscreen or behind the camera. As often as I rolled my eyes, I was also smiling at the mix of extreme violence and goofy plotting.

Wimmer should never be a first choice for any screenplay, I won’t traumatise anyone again by mentioning some of his past “glories”, but his material is improved here by a game cast all very aware of what they have gotten themselves into.

Is Ayer a safe pair of hands when it comes to the action? I would say yes. Set-pieces could be smoother, but there is some inventiveness in each main sequence, and he doesn’t allow for the film to be over-edited into incomprehensibility. He could do better, but we have seen the results of him doing a lot worse.

It’s worth remembering, however, that neither Wimmer nor Ayer will be the big draw here (although they do have their fans). This film is being sold as a Statham vehicle, and it delivers on that front. Our leading man has a lot of fun here, doing his usual gruff and deadly schtick, and there’s a real feeling of glee as he throws subtlety to the win at the very start of the film, portraying a character so sure of himself that he will often just enter any confrontation head-on, even telling villains exactly what he is planning to do next. On his tail are two cops (played by Emmy Raver-Lampman and Bobby Naderi), one being the daughter of the deceased, and they are good extra obstacles for The Stath, who doesn’t want to harm anyone innocent. Both Raver-Lampman and Naderi do well in roles that could have been eminently forgettable, especially when interacting with the villains. Ahhhhh, the villains. This is another big plus for the film, especially when Josh Hutcherson swaggers around as some kind of ultimate douche-bro. If you start to suspect that Hutcherson’s character belongs in a ‘90s movie, you will have that suspicion confirmed in a final act that brings on a character named Lazarus (Taylor James) who could have easily been in one of the first two Lethal Weapon movies. Although playing very different types of baddies, Hutcherson and James are equally fun for every minute of their screentime. The same can be said of David Witts, and there is some amusing scenery-chewing from Jeremy Irons, Minnie Driver (in a brief cameo role), and Jemma Redgrave.

Not necessarily an essential cinema viewing, The Beekeeper is an entertaining action flick that feels enjoyably “old school”, in terms of the characters and plotting, without also feeling as if it is trying too hard. Funny and violent, making much better use of Statham than a couple of other recent releases I could mention, this might just give you the action movie buzz you seek.

7/10

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Five Nights At Freddy's (2023)

No Mubi Monday this week. I hope this shiny new film being reviewed will make up for it, especially when Mubi has a lot less horror movie content than most of the other big streaming services.

Based on the popular videogame series by Scott Cawthon, something I have very limited knowledge of (having seen it in passing during a time when my youngest daughter was a fan), Five Nights At Freddy's feels like it has been a long time coming. In fact, it took so long to be turned into a movie that we've already had a couple of films covering similar territory (one, Willy's Wonderland, more directly than the other, The Banana Splits Movie).

The main plot here is quite simple, as you might expect from a screenplay adapting a simple videogame. Josh Hutcherson plays Mike, a young man who ends up taking a job as a security guard at the long-abandoned Freddy Fazbear's Pizza restaurant. The place used to be a popular venue for children wanting to eat some food while enjoying the impressive animatronics. And then the horrible event happened, something that viewers find out as the film plays out, and as Mike starts to find himself in increasing danger. It's not just Mike that Mike wants to keep safe though. It's also his much younger sister, Abby (Piper Rubio). But there maybe something in Freddy's that wants Abby to join in with the fun and games.

Directed by Emma Tammi, who also helped to co-write the screenplay with Cawthon and Seth Cuddeback, I am sure of two things about Five Nights At Freddy's. First of all, it should please fans of the game series. Second, it's not very good. I didn't hate it, largely because I like Hutcherson (and I am also a fan of Matthew Lillard and Mary Stuart Masterson, both here in enjoyable supporting roles), but I never once felt properly drawn into the onscreen world. I know enough about the source material to recognise various details transplanted from game to film, and I am sure that there were many extra touches that went completely over my head, and staying faithful enough to the videogames (which, and please correct me if I am wrong, involve people spending a lot of time toggling between security cameras to keep enemies at bay) seems to have been a stumbling block when it comes to making a satisfying movie. 

As well as those already mentioned, the other main character here is Vanessa, played by Elizabeth Lail. For as much as I liked everyone else, some more than others, Lail is sadly unable to do much with a character that feels more awkwardly shoehorned in than anyone else. She delivers some exposition, offers potential friendship to Hutcherson's character, and becomes increasingly involved in the second half of the movie in a way that makes her feel more like an interloper than someone worth rooting for. There are also supporting turns from Kat Conner Sterling, Michael P. Sullivan, David Lind, and Christian Stokes, but none of them are as memorable as the animatronics. Which is probably an extra way to keep fans happy.

As for the character and production design, all seems well. I know how recognisable and iconic the main characters are, they're enjoyably creepy and believable, and the film knows that the most important element is getting them exactly right. Tammi, working on something that's quite a change in direction from the other film I have seen helmed by her (The Wind, 2018), doesn't get much else right though, sadly. Things aren't bloody enough to make up for a lack of fun, nor are they fun enough to make up for a lack of blood. And someone forgot to tell people to make sure that the lighting levels are right, resulting in a number of scenes that will leave viewers squinting at murky, and almost impenetrable, visuals. 

The other big problem here is the runtime. It's not wildly excessive, but 109 minutes feels a bit too long. Things aren't helped by the backstory for Mike, all to do with a younger brother who went missing years ago, when the film would be greatly improved by keeping things more streamlined and simple.

A lot of people will enjoy Five Nights At Freddy's. There's a huge fanbase already looking forward to welcoming it into their lives with open arms. I thought it was okay. The central idea, buried here under a lot of extraneous material, is a very good one, and the familiar faces in the cast helped to make it easier to sit through as I waited for the underwhelming third act to finish up. You know a horror movie isn't great when you find yourself wishing it had contained a few more jump scares.

4/10

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The Disaster Artist (2017)

Oh hai everyone.

First of all, you cannot watch The Disaster Artist without first "treating yourself" to a viewing of The Room, a film which has grown to become arguably THE cult movie of the past two decades. The Room is, and I think this is a decent enough analogy, a large, tacky, cruise ship being steered towards every iceberg around by the bizarre captain known as Tommy Wiseau and, unsurprisingly, a number of people were left adrift in its wake. It had terrible acting, an awful script, strange unerotic sex scenes shoehorned in, and set decor that was bizarre, to say the least.

Greg Sestero, one of the people involved in the making of The Room decided to write a book about the experience, getting everything down in one volume co-written by Tom Bissell, and titling it "The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room, the Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made". And that's how we eventually get to this film.

What could have easily been full of either easy laughs or more merciless digs at the walking oddity known as Tommy Wiseau has instead turned out to be quite a joy. It's a film that celebrates the strange, almost even admiring the fact that even the most misguided singular vision is still an undeniable . . . vision, and it allows Wiseau to remain an enigmatic figure while showing how everyone else ended up giving such uniformly poor performances.

The script, by writers Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber (who have worked together for a number of years now), blends the background of the movie and Wiseau with a number of moments that viewers will know to expect. You don't go into a Saw movie without expecting some deathtraps that also test the morals of those caught up in them, right? And nobody would go into a film about the making of The Room without expecting to see a few of the most popular/infamous moments from that movie. Everyone involved knows that, and they deliver.

James Franco, who directed the film, stars as Wiseau, and he certainly has a lot of fun in the role. It's an impression, for the most part, but it's hard to fault, especially when you think of Wiseau himself always seeming to be putting on a performance for everyone around him. Dave Franco plays Greg Sestero, and he does well in the role, and there are substantial roles for Seth Rogen, Ari Graynor, Alison Brie, Jacki Weaver, and Josh Hutcherson, among others. Everyone does their best at recreating moments from The Room, yet they also all work well together when acting in the moments that don't show the acting, if you know what I mean.

You only ever have to watch The Room once, I hope (I have ended up seeing it twice now *shudder*), but an extra reward for enduring it is that you can now follow it up with this. So we should be thankful to everyone involved.

8/10.

The Disaster Artist can be bought here.
Americans can buy it here.

Sci-Fi September: Zathura (2005)

A sci-fi journey through ground already covered by Jumanji (which isn't surprising, they're both adapted from books by the same author), Zathura is, I think it's fair to say nowadays, the better of the two films. The fact that it's often forgotten about, or even dismissed, is a great shame, and I hope that maybe this review will spur one or two people to revisit it.

The book of Zathura may have been a direct sequel to the book of Jumanji, but don't worry if you haven't seen the latter before checking this out. The movies both work on their own, even if people who have seen both can observe the obvious similarities.

Let me get to the plot. Two brothers (Walter, the older sibling, played by Josh Hutcherson, and Danny, played by Jonah Bobo) are forced to spend some time together, waiting for their mother to come and pick them up from their father's house. Dad has to head off for something work-related, so he leaves the older sister (Kristen Stewart) in charge. Danny ends up finding a board game, Zathura, and starts playing it. He wants his brother to join in, which becomes pretty essential when it becomes clear that the board game isn't your usual piece of kit. Everything that happens in the game also happens in reality, making for some hair-raising moments.

Directed by Jon Favreau, which makes this a perfect transition between the family fun of Elf and sci-fi/superhero action of Iron Man, this is everything that you want from a family sci-fi movie. It's got a great concept, a wonderful mix of impressive practical FX work and impressive CGI, some nice lessons that are illustrated in an obvious, although non-irritating, way, and Kristen Stewart being cryogenically frozen for a few scenes (allowing viewers to make jokes about her being more lifelike and expressive than usual).

Hutcherson and Bobo both do well as the young brothers trying to survive the game. Stewart is, joking aside, just fine in her role, even if she's the least of the main characters onscreen, and Dax Shepard comes in at just the right time, playing a stranded astronaut rescued by the kids as part of the game. Even the father, a character moved out of the picture for the majority of the runtime, is played by Tim Robbins, making his few scenes all the better, thanks to him being Tim Robbins.

The script by David Koepp and John Kamps really helps to keep things ticking over nicely. Yes, this is a film in which some kids face up to one or two main issues, but it's not the kind of film to drag everything to a screeching halt while that happens. That's not to say that anything feels rushed. On the contrary, this is pitched perfectly towards the children and parents who make up the target audience demographic. The retro stylings of the sci-fi elements will certainly appeal to anyone who has fond memories of classics from the '50s and '60s, for example, while younger viewers will always enjoy the idea of a board game that leads to very real consequences.

Whether more people end up agreeing with me or not, this will always be the best movie about a dangerous board game causing real-life consequences as far as I'm concerned. I hope more people either check it out, or give it a rewatch at some point.

8/10

http://www.amazon.com/Zathura-Special-Josh-Hutcherson/dp/B000DBHX4M/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1409729884&sr=1-2&keywords=zathura

The Hunger Games (2012)

Just when you think you can safely go along to the cinema without having to wade through fans of one teen-orientated cinematic juggernaut along comes another to assert itself as the new king of the hill. But, they all say, The Hunger Games is better than you think. It's full of more mature themes and better characters. It's darker and much better than any sparkly vampire movie. It's based on much better source material.

Well, I'll admit that there's some small degree of truth to that. However, The Hunger Games is still very much a watered down and sanitised film setting out to do little more than please the core demographic. In fact, I managed to convince my wife that the whole thing was nothing more than a metaphor for surviving high school (where popularity will get you through another day, competition is fierce, cliques develop and even if you survive to the end you'll find that you may have changed yourself beyond all recognition).

There was a great joke doing the rounds when the movie was released. It was a picture of the main characters from Pulp Fiction accompanied by the following caption: "You know what they call The Hunger Games in Paris? Battle Royale with cheese".

It's funny because it's true.

For those of you who have somehow avoided all of the hype and publicity, the plot runs something like this: It's the future and the rich and pampered stay in a lush capital city, miles and miles away from the outlying sectors that provide them with their essentials. Two youngsters (aged between 12 and 18) from each outlying sector are chosen each year to take part in The Hunger Games, a challenging experience that sees 24 enter a game zone and only 1 leaving alive. The Hunger Games is survived by those who are strong, smart and popular. Viewers remain mesmerised from start to finish.

I do have good things to say about the film. Most of the cast did a great job. Jennifer Lawrence in the main role once again shows why she's such a satisfying leading lady, Stanley Tucci is possibly one of the most dependable actors you can have in any movie, Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth are both young men doing well in roles that have them playing . . . . . young men, Wes Bentley lends great support to his scene-stealing facial hair and there are quirky, and enjoyable, performances from Woody Harrelson, Lenny Kravitz, Donald Sutherland and a practically unrecognisable Elizabeth Banks.

The direction from Gary Ross (who also co-wrote the screenplay with novelist Suzanne Collins and Billy Ray) is okay but it also shows the work of a man unsure of just how to get the material up onscreen. This is not the same man who pleased us with Seabiscuit and, one of my particular favourites, Pleasantville. Nope, this is a man who knows that he has to cater to as wide an audience of teens as possible by glossing over subject matter that deserves far more mature treatment. The fact that the film doesn't quite make an enjoyable, cohesive whole (overediting is used to cover up the more violent moments, the heroine is almost completely passive for the first 3/4 of the movie and some of the plot holes seem pretty massive to me) actually makes me review it with a more charitable mindset. It's not a success but it tries as hard as it can to be all things to all people. Which we all know is a thankless, and impossible, task.

We also all know that there are many, MANY worse teen movies out there so if you end up being dragged along to this one perhaps it's best to just be thankful and try to enjoy individual aspects of it, as I did.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hunger-Games-Blu-ray-Region-Free/dp/B0063FQRTO/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1336927635&sr=1-1