Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)

I was very confident, very confident, waving everyone away who tried to warn me off this movie. Because it couldn't be any worse than some of the other Home Alone movies, could it? Could it?

The simple answer, which I can put at the start of this review, is no. Home Sweet Home Alone is not worse than some of the other Home Alone movies. It's also not very good though, and it's not very good in ways that are quite mind-boggling.

Here's the plot. Archie Yates plays Max Mercer, a child who ends up home alone while his family have headed to Tokyo. He is also the prime suspect when Jeff (Rob Delaney) and Pam McKenzie (Ellie Kemper) lose a valuable doll that could see the end of their current money woes. Jeff and Pam believe that Max has stolen the doll, and Max is under the impression that Jeff and Pam are looking to kidnap him. Excessive snacking, lessons about home being where the heart is, and booby-traps are very soon the order of the day.

Written by Streeter Seidell and Mikey Day, and directed by Dan Mazer, there's nothing inherently wrong with the people making this movie. Their backgrounds tend to be based more in content such as SNL, Ali G, and other non-kid-friendly fare, but I didn't see their names and immediately worry about the film they would deliver. Perhaps I should have. The direction isn't terrible, not really, but the script is poor, especially when you consider some of the plotting that makes the viewing experience a difficult and unrewarding one.

Never mind though, because I really like Delaney and Kemper. So that should be a plus, right? It is, but not enough of a plus to make up for the big negatives. Delaney and Kemper aren't used well here, although I hate to think how much I would have hated this film with other people in their roles. Aisling Bea could have been another good bit of casting, but playing the mother of the child left at home alone simply leads to her feeling like a very poor replacement for the superb Catherine O'Hara. There are some other people doing perfectly fine work here, but that work is overshadowed by the central performance from Yates. I don't want to spend much time ripping apart the performance of a young child, and Yates is definitely not helped by a script that makes his character almost completely unlikeable throughout (when he isn't recreating moments from the first Home Alone movie). All I will say is that his character is one of the most irritating youngsters I have seen onscreen in a very long time, and I spent most of the movie hoping that he would end up caught in one of his own traps.

There's an argument to be made for this movie being even less deserving of your time because of how it seems to invert so much of what made the original film a holiday classic, and there's absolutely nothing here that actually feels good enough to warrant this reworking of the concept, but a level of general technical competence, as well as the presence of both Delaney and Kemper, stop it from being among the worst of the worst. It's really bad though, and this is coming from someone who often tries to see the best in every movie I watch.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Snakes On A Plane (2006)

Okay, I understand if you hate the idea of Snakes On A Plane because, as it was developed, decisions were made to lean into the silliness of the b-movie concept and try to create an instant cult hit. Some people view that as a cynical ploy, and they think it makes the film a lesser one. That's not really true though, is it? You could say that most major movies are made that way, with a central idea fleshed out and tweaked to appeal most to whatever demographic they're aiming for. Snakes On A Plane may not be a major movie, but it certainly tries to be a hugely entertaining one, with the budget used well as things move quickly from one enjoyable set-piece to the next.

Nathan Phillips plays Sean Jones, a young man who has witnessed an execution carried out by the deadly and powerful Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson). With his life in danger, Sean ends up in the care of Agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson), a man who convinces him that the best way to stay alive is to testify against Eddie Kim and get him in jail. The two board a plane to Los Angeles. And that's where the main plan starts to become clear, with Eddie Kim having apparently exhausted every other possibility in his thoughts about stopping Sean. The plane is full of typical disaster movie stereotypes. You get a flight attendant (Claire, played by Julianna Margulies) on her last job, a young woman (Mercedes, played by Rachel Blanchard) with a small dog, a mother and child, two unaccompanied minors, a horny couple, a moaning Brit (Paul, played by Gerard Plunkett), and others. There's also Three G's (Flex Alexander) and his two "minders" (Troy, played by Kenan Thompson, and Big Leroy, played by Keith Dallas). The timer counts down. The snakes are released from their container in the hold. There have been pheromones sprayed strategically to, in the scientific parlance, send them fucking mental. 

As silly as you expect it to be, Snakes On A Plane is also a fun rollercoaster ride for the runtime of 1 hour and 45 minutes. It is much more terrifying if you really have a phobia of snakes, which I found out this time around while watching it with someone very ophidiophobic. But no matter how you feel about the creatures, there's no denying that this film tries hard to make everyone squirm, showing you snakes casually snaking their way into places they really shouldn't (biting boobs, coming up from toilet bowls, heading up skirts, nestling inside bags, etc). The script by John Heffernan and Sebastian Gutierrez mixes things up nicely, also building up the problems caused with the actual mechanics of the plane.

Moments of dodgy CGI aside, although some of it holds up surprisingly well (it's very hit and miss, as you might expect considering the time it was made and budget), director David R. Ellis does good work at the helm. The layout is easily displayed, the characters get to interact with one another, and one or two deaths are actually unexpected. The snakes are varied enough, although most of the deaths result from them lashing out to bite people, and the perils doted around the plane are numerous as panic takes hold.

Jackson may get to deliver THAT line, and is his usual cool self, but everyone else mentioned does well to remember what film they're in. They play their roles with admirably straight faces, going through some standard soap opera moments. I'm not going to say that anyone here is doing anything worthy of awards recognition, but everyone knows the tone of the film. Lin Shaye, Sunny Mabrey, and Bruce James also do well as the other flight attendants, David Koechner and Tom Butler are the pilots, and Bobby Cannavale and Todd Louiso end up working together, as FBI agent and snake expert, respectively, to race against time in order to deliver a variety of anti-venoms to the victims, IF the plane can land somewhere in time.

It ain't high art, but this is absolutely perfect fodder to liven up an afternoon, or to enjoy any evening when you want something that doesn't require too much thought. I have owned the DVD for years now, and this recent rewatch was an even better viewing experience than the last time I watched it (and not JUST because my girlfriend sometimes cried out "oh, shit the bed" during certain moments of serpentine carnage).

7/10

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Prime Time: Playmobil: The Movie (2019)

Considering Playmobil is usually the easier, more childish, precursor to LEGO, it's completely unsurprising to find that Playmobil: The Movie is a more childish and simpler film compared to the brilliance of The LEGO Movie (or, indeed, any of the main LEGO movies). It still has some fun moments here and there, and it's a good little adventure for kids to enjoy, but it's definitely an inferior selection of blocky toy movie moments. It has some issues that are easy to point out, but I don't think it deserved to do as poorly as it did at the box office. I'll take this over either of the Trolls movies any time.

The plot, and I'll keep it as simple as I have to, revolves around Marla (Anya Taylor-Joy) and her younger brother, Charlie (Gabriel Bateman). There are dead parents, tension between the siblings, and a large toy exhibition that has a magical Playmobil set in it. Marla and Charlie end up in the Playmobil world. Charlie ends up in a very bad situation, one that may see him unable to leave the world, and it's up to Marla to try and save him, aided by Del (Jim Gaffigan), a food truck driver who is currently using his vehicle to transport and sell magic hay.

Directed by Lino DiSalvo, his first feature after working on a number of animated movies before this, Playmobil: The Movie suffers from inconsistency in a number of areas, and it's almost as if DiSalvo worked on various scenes without remembering that they should come together to form a satisfying whole movie. The script, co-written by Blaise Hemingway, Greg Erb, and Jason Oremland, is sometimes content to keep kids distracted by the figurines onscreen, and various environments, and then seems to remember that they can add in some more jokes. You also get a few songs, none of which are memorable, and all feel very much like an afterthought.

Taylor-Joy and Bateman both do well in their roles, faring better in Playmobil form than when they have to do the live-action work that bookends the animation. Gaffigan is a fun presence in the role of Del, and you also get some good work from Kenan Thompson. Less impressive is Adam Lambert, playing the bloodthirsty Emperor Maximus with a distinct lack of any real pizzazz. Thankfully, the lacklustre turn from Lambert is compensated for by the real star of the show, Daniel Radcliffe, playing a James Bond type, named Rex Dasher, who comes with his own theme tune and an amusing lack of self-awareness.

I can absolutely see why this is viewed as a lesser option when compared to many other animated movies. Generally, it IS a lesser option. And perhaps people thought it was covering the same ground as certain other toy-based movies, without being as good as those. Which is also completely true, as I already said in the opening paragraph. But it's really not a terrible film, certainly not in the scenes in between those shoehorned songs anyway. If you have younger children in the house who want something bright and fun then you could do worse than this. That's maybe not a ringing endorsement, but it's probably a nicer appraisal than many others have given it.

6/10

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Yule Love It: The Grinch (2018)

And here is my second review for this year,
Of a film that is overloaded with good Christmas cheer.
It's an animated retelling of a Dr, Seuss tale,
But does The Grinch succeed, or does The Grinch fail?

I watched it last week, with hopes not raised high,
Even the cast could not help me stifle a sigh.
Benedict Cumberbatch, Rashida Jones, and more,
Would they be any match for the casting from before.

First we had Karloff and then we had Carrey,
Both of those versions kept me happy as Larry.
But this boasts animation from Illumination,
Is it just a distraction or artistic creation?

Scott Mosier and Yarrow Cheney co-direct,
Not two names I would first choose to select,
But they're in charge of this cartoon presentation,
That ultimately wallows in creative stagnation.

The animation is nice, the voice cast not bad,
But nothing improves on the other's we've had.
You get what's expected, no more and no less,
It's shiny and new, but far from the best.

The characters are cute, some gags make you grin,
Whoville looks pretty, but lacking something within.
And the problem with Cumberbatch, his accent, I'm sorry,
He's clearly binged House and is copying Hugh Laurie.

The screenplay is dull, there aren't any good songs,
What the film gets right it outweighs with the wrongs.
So I got an idea! An awful idea!
This review was that wonderful, awful idea!

If you're thinking this is a waste of your time,
I can only apologise for trying to rhyme,
But it was better than other ideas that I had,
To say the film was not great, while not entirely bad.

It is what it is, which is nothing mindblowing,
Though I'm sure it will amuse you while outside it's snowing.
I'm no Dr. Seuss, but this review was fun.
I hope you were amused, and now it is done.

6/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.