Fantasy Island (2020)

Do you think it would be fun if someone decided to make a movie version of The Love Boat, but then decided to take the basic premise and twist it into a slasher movie? I am guessing probably not, at least not if you are familiar with the show, and have a fondness for it. The same goes for Hotel, although that was much more of a soap opera. But the same might go for Fantasy Island, a film based on a brand name that will satisfy neither fans of the TV show nor younger viewers who won't know what they're letting themselves in for.

The plot starts off simply enough, after a prologue scene showing someone being terrorised. A bunch of people arrive at Fantasy Island, where they hope that their fantasies will come true. There's Gwen (Maggie Q), a woman who thinks that her fantasy will allow her to make up for a past mistake, Melanie (Lucy Hale), a woman who wants revenge on a school bully (Sloane, played by Porita Doubleday), Patrick (Austin Stowell), who wants to play soldier, and brothers Brax (Jimmy O. Yang) and J. D. (Ryan Hansen), who just want to party hard. Michael Peña is Mr. Roarke, the head of the island, and the one ensuring that people stay the course as their fantasies play out, even if they turn into something unexpected.

Re-uniting some of the people who gave us the much more enjoyable Truth Or Dare (director Jeff Wadlow, who also helped to write the screenplay with Jillian Jacobs and Christopher Roach again, and Hale in a central role), Fantasy Island is just about the most ridiculous and pointless mainstream thriller/horror I can think of in recent years. I guess there's a vein of black comedy running through it, which may help viewers who respond to it more, but it certainly wasn't enough to help me find everything more bearable.

The cast are an admirably diverse selection, I guess, but the one thing they have in common is a level of blandness that doesn't help lift the weak material. Maggie Q ends up becoming the foremost character, working things out ahead of others and trying to change the situation for the better, but that doesn't make her any more interesting. Hale is good though, and she's someone I tend to enjoy in the main roles I have seen her in, and Yang and Hansen work well together, bringing more of the fun moments in the first half of the film. Stowell is saddled with an annoying strand that shows him desperate to have a moment of heroism, and Peña speaks in platitudes while smiling enigmatically. Thankfully, Doubleday is another person I just tend to automatically enjoy onscreen, and there are supporting roles for the always-welcome Michael Rooker and Kim Coates.

It just goes to show you that you can pretty much do anything you like with a well-known brand name and nobody will question you if they think enough teens will go to see it. This makes all the wrong choices, from the lack of characters you want to root for to the downright stupid final act, but thinks all will be forgiven when it moves along slickly enough while occasionally winking at those who remember the TV show. All is not forgiven. And my fantasy has now changed from me being locked in a room with Scarlett Johansson and twelve jars of strawberry jam to simply never having to endure a sequel to this.

3/10

https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews

Carrie (2013)

"You will know her name" was the tagline used to advertise Carrie, which kind of highlights the whole problem with the film. Any horror fan already DOES know her name, from either the source novel (by Stephen King), or the original movie, or the belated sequel, or even the OTHER remake. Let's not mention the stage musical. Which means that Carrie is a film pushed/marketed towards younger viewers, or perhaps even non-horror fans.

It all starts off with a bit of unnecessary unpleasantness as we get to see Julianne Moore endure an unexpected home birth, welcoming Carrie White into the world. Moving forward many years, Carrie (Chloe Grace Moretz) is now in high school. She's not that popular, and it probably doesn't help that her mother is a strict religious zealot. Things come to a head when Carrie is surprised by her first period while showering. She has never been told about the changes that her body will go through. While needing help, and being terrified, the other girls simply taunt and humiliate her. As well as the usual changes that young women go through, Carrie also finds that she has a unique talent for telekinesis. Studying up on the subject, Carrie decides to develop her powers. Meanwhile, Sue Snell (Gabriella Wilde) is one of the few young women feeling bad for her part in mocking Carrie, and convinces her boyfriend, Tommy (Ansel Elgort), to take the poor lass to the prom. Mean Chris Hargensen (Portia Doubleday), however, plans to make sure that the night is memorable for all the wrong reasons.

While it felt redundant to surmise the plot in that previous paragraph, it seems most appropriate for this review. Because the main word to use in describing Carrie is redundant. Writers Lawrence D. Cohen and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa bring nothing new to the table, because there's nothing else to be siphoned from the story. Director Kimberly Peirce then makes everything worse by throwing around a load of unnecessary, though not unexpected, CGI and by the poor choices that she makes with the direction given to the cast.

Oh, that cast. I actually feel quite sorry for most of the people involved here. One fantastic cameo from Hart Bochner aside, the cast all have the potential to be great in their roles, but are largely wasted by the script and inept direction. Doubleday wasn't great in the role of Chris, but Wilde and Elgort were both perfectly fine as the two youngsters trying to give Carrie one great night out. Greer comes out of it best, portraying a sympathetic P.E. teacher without overdoing it. The same can't be said of Moore and Moretz, unfortunately. The former pitches her performance in line with the original turn by Piper Laurie, so that's not so bad, but Moretz is asked to portray Carrie in full telekinetic mode as someone twitching their head around and making wiggly hand movements like someone overacting at a Harry Potter LARP event. She's great with the other aspects of the role, portraying the sweetness, shyness and general insecurities of the character with ease, but the last 20-30 minutes leave her flailing, literally.

Yet, as much as it angered and frustrated me, I still found enough individual moments in Carrie to stop me from completely hating it. I couldn't say that it ever even reached the level of average, but the cast helped it to stay away from the very bottom of the barrel. They just couldn't stop it from being so, and you have already guessed my next word, redundant.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Carrie-Blu-ray-DVD-Digital-UltraViolet/dp/B00GNAO796/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1404752854&sr=1-1&keywords=carrie