Prime Time: Inseminoid (1981)

There's a crew of people working in space. Exploring unknown terrains. Taking notes on their findings. It's a familiar scenario. Unfortunately, one of the crew members (Sandy, played by Judy Geeson) is raped by an alien, becoming pregnant very quickly, and also then setting out to kill all of the people around her in a fit of alien-induced-hormonal-bloodlust.

Director Norman J. Warren made some fun, and even interesting, movies over the course of his career. Many of them were peculiarly ambitious despite remaining essentially British. Inseminoid is not one of them. It is, instead, a bit of an Alien rip-off that throws in a bit of gore and nudity to try and make up for the lack of any logic, or even any shred of interest in the main characters. Which isn't to say that I hate it. Thanks to the fact that Warren at least tries to push things as far as he can in a number of scenes this is hard to truly dislike. It's just a shame that it ends up being a lot more boring than it should be.

I put the blame for that squarely on the shoulders of the writers. Nick and Gloria Maley had worked for a number of years as makeup artists, involved in movies as big as Superman and The Empire Strikes Back, but this was the only script that they ever wrote, and we can count that as a blessing. It's not all their fault though, I'll grudgingly admit. Warren said that, due to the finances potentially being available already, he needed a script in four days. I guess this is what happens when you ask a pair of married makeup artists to give you a workable sci-fi horror script in four days.

The fact that it's most notable for scenes in which Geeson lies naked on a table, understandably distressed, while an alien tries to live up to the title should tell you all you need to know. And Geeson is, for better or worse, the only cast member you'll remember for her onscreen performance once the end credits roll. You will remember that Stephanie Beacham is also in the movie, and it's always novel to see Victoria Tennant in roles that she had before I knew of her, but nobody else gets to make much of an impression (with the exception of Dominic Jephcott and the moment in which his corpse very obviously blinks). I could namecheck Jennifer Ashley, Robin Clarke, David Baxt, Trevor Thomas, and the others, but I'd be struggling to tell you who played which character in the film, and what they brought to their roles.

At least some of the design work is good, with the production making use of Chislehurst Caves as a location they could then create the space base sets in. And you get occasional servings of gore, as well as puppet aliens. So it's not all bad, even before you consider the bravery of Geeson putting herself through the discomforts that the role required of her.

Inseminoid is sci-fi horror trash, but it's trash of the highest (or should that be lowest?) order.

5/10

You NEED this set in your life.

Flowers In The Attic (1987)

Here is what I used to know about Flowers In The Attic. It was based on a very popular book, the first in a series, by V. C. Andrews (AKA Virginia C. Andrews). It had something to do with family members being a lot more familiar with one another than they should be. And it probably wasn't something I would be very interested in.

I was right on the first two points, but oh so wrong with my last assumption. Although I have never read any of the original novels, I have finally (thanks to a recent release from Arrow Video) seen the film version and it is quite the experience. Sometimes dark and twisted, sometimes unintentionally hilarious, it's an entertainingly bonkers presentation of a story that isn't exactly safe and dull to begin with.

Victoria Tennant plays a woman who moves back home with her four children (the two eldest played by Jeb Stuart Adams and Kristy Swanson) after the sudden death of her husband. It's the only way she can think of keeping everyone in line for a comfortable lifestyle, as she hopes to regain the love of her dying father just in time to get some of that nice inheritance money. Her mother (Louise Fletcher) is unimpressed, and certainly doesn't seem to have any warm and fuzzy feelings towards her grandchildren, for reasons that are soon made clear. It's not long until the kids are spending most of their time in the attic, initially happy to be left alone until it starts to feel as if they are being left up there to rot.

Directed by Jeffrey Bloom, who also adapted the source material into screenplay form, Flowers In The Attic knows exactly what it wants to be and admirably does just that. There's no pretension here, no attempts to twist the major story events into something more palatable and polished, and the fact that it isn't often very cinematic doesn't detract enough from the sheer fun of the outrageous melodrama.

And Bloom made sure that all of his cast were on the same page. Tennant gives one of her most enjoyable turns as the scheming parent, arguably even more fun here than she was while being deliberately comedic in All Of Me. Fletcher gives another fantastically cold performance, and Swanson and Adams always look suitably victimised and affected by their strange, restrictive, upbrining. Ben Ryan Ganger and Lindsay Parker play the two younger children, and do what is asked of them.

Although it's hard to watch this film with a straight face, it's also hard to disagree with how all of the ingredients are mixed into such a gothic-tinged, heady brew. Bloom knows the audience, knows to keep the characters emotionally overwrought, and knows that the dark concepts at the heart of the story are strong enough to offset any potential pacing issues in the middle section.

I am already looking forward to seeing the other filmed version of this tale, as well as the other TV movies adapted from the rest of the novels in the series. Watch this space.

7/10

The shiny new release of Flowers In The Attic can be bought here.
Americans can get this here disc . . . . here.

L.A. Story (1991)

The funny thing about L.A. Story is that I always quite liked it when I saw it back in the early '90s, but a lot of it was unfamiliar to me. Whether L.A.-centric or just soaked in the nuances of modern Americana, this comedy depicted an alien world. That's what it was always supposed to do. There are wonderful modern fairytale elements blended in there, but it's mainly a look at a strange culture/subculture/way of life. Funnily, and some might say depressingly, enough . . . . . . . . . . . . none of it seems so strange any more. None of it seems so absolutely American and/or Los Angelean. Hell, I now know more about the different flavours and types of coffees sold at Starbucks and Costa then I ever thought I would. I hate myself for that fact, but I usually hate myself while enjoying a medium caramel latte. To go.

Steve Martin plays Harris K. Telemacher, a resident of L.A. and a minor celebrity thanks to his whacky weather reports. He takes a lot of the stranger aspects of L.A. in his stride, but is also able to look around him and remember how bizarre his city is. The differences between his world and the world outwith L.A. are highlighted when he meets Sara McDowel (Victoria Tennant), an English newspaper reporter and also spends some time the the young and carefree SanDeE* (Sarah Jessica Parker).

Mick Jackson directs this sun-bathed slice of surreal-tinged comedy from a script written by Martin, and both men do their best by the material. The majority of the film is little more than observational comedy shoehorned into movie form, but it works brilliantly. The other main element, involving Martin receiving advice from a wise freeway sign, may be too ridiculous for some to enjoy but fair play to Martin for using it as something that turns the tone of the whole movie from one that could have been mean and sour to something playful and affectionate.

The cast is overflowing with great choices. While I've never been the biggest fan of Tennant, she's good enough in her role here. Martin is great, as always, and Sarah Jessica Parker gives a spirited and lovely performance. It's so good that I actually had to look back over that sentence after putting the words spirited and lovely so close to her name. Richard E. Grant is enjoyable enough, and Marilu Henner, Frances Fisher, Kevin Pollak and Susan Forristal all do well. Cameos from Patrick Stewart, Rick Moranis, Woody Harrelson and Chevy Chase also add to the fun.

L.A. Story allows people to laugh at L.A. and its many quirks, but it also makes an effort to remind viewers that magic CAN happen there. It might just be movie magic, but magic is magic.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/L-A-Story-Blu-Ray-DVD-Combo/dp/B0082X0XF4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1376570881&sr=8-2&keywords=l.a.+story

All Of Me (1984)

The last of the collaborations between director Carl Reiner and actor Steve Martin, All Of Me is almost as good as any of their previous efforts and holds up as yet another hugely entertaining piece of inspired lunacy from the two men.

The plot of the story is as ridiculous as it is loaded with comic potential. Martin plays Roger Cobb, a lawyer who wants to take his career to the next level. As a bit of a test, he is asked to handle the affairs of Edwina Cutwater (Lily Tomlin). Miss Cutwater is dying, but she has a plan to live on. As she shuffles off the mortal coil, she will have her soul placed in a bowl and then transferred into the body of the lovely, young Terry Hopkins (Victoria Tennant). Roger Cobb finds this idea insane, but it all proves most troublesome when things go wrong and the soul of Miss Cutwater doesn't get to Terry. The bowl is instead knocked out of an open window and lands on . . . . . . . . . . . yes, Roger. When he comes to he soon realises that something is amiss (no pun intended). His body is not entirely his own. The man and the woman will have to work together in the same body to fix the situation, preferably before Roger loses his girlfriend and his job.

The script, written by Phil Alden Robinson and adapted by Henry Olek, from the novel by Edwin Davis, is full of great lines and great characters, but most of the praise has to go to Martin for his physical performance. His turn here holds up, in my opinion, as one of the best physical performances in the modern comedy genre. Tomlin may be heard more than seen, but she's on good form as the spoilt, tired woman who is used to getting everything just how she wants it. Then there's Victoria Tennant. She's okay, nothing more and nothing less. Jason Bernard is great fun as a blind musician who is also a good friend to Martin's character, Dana Elcar is a lot of fun as Martin's boss and Richard Libertini is amusing and sweet as Prahka Lasa, the man with the power to transfer souls into different receptacles.

Reiner keeps things moving along nicely, there's a decent soundtrack (including some nice use of the titular track), and one or two big set-pieces make up for the fact that the script may not be as sharp as their previous works. Well worth your time.

8/10

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