Shudder Saturday: Doomwatch (1972)

A feature film based on a popular BBC drama series that ran between 1970-1972, Doomwatch is a strange mix of tame thrills, overcooked acting, and a central concept that arguably feels even more relevant to day than it felt back at the start of the 1970s.

Ian Bannen is Dr. Del Shaw, a scientist from the Doomwatch organisation (a group monitoring our environment with the hope of keeping it clear of any problems that would affect us) sent to the island of Balfe. An oil tanker sank just off the coast of the island some time ago, and Dr. Shaw needs to find out if things are clearing up. He ends up finding something else in the water, however, and it may have been affecting the island residents for some time.

Clive Exton is credited with the final draft here, but Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis are the writers responsible for the series that provides a lot of the main framework. It's hard to figure out whether the film assumes that viewers will have knowledge of the series or whether it's just written in a way that crams enough information into early scenes before delivering some of the expected drama and tension, but there's certainly a clumsiness to some of the exposition and the interactions between our leading man and the many people who are hostile to his presence.

Director Peter Sasdy isn't the best of the British directors working consistently at this time (having delivered a few Hammer movies, as well as many other works on TV, before this Tigon production), but he tries to do his best with material that could easily veer between silliness and sensationalism. The fact that it often feels removed from either extreme may disappoint some film fans, but it's an admirable approach to the whole thing.

Bannen is perfectly fine in his role, and Judy Geeson stands out as Victoria Brown, a lovely young woman who ends up caught up in the unfolding horror. John Paul, Simon Oates, Jean Trend, and Joby Blanshard reprise their roles from the TV show, which helps with the continuity for anyone who also watched the show (I have not, and I believe it's one of those shows that now has a number of sadly lost episodes), and there's a cameo appearance by the always wonderful George Sanders.

While it may be too restrained, and perhaps just a bit too quaint, for many modern viewers, Doomwatch is very much worth your time. If anything, the problems of environmental pollution being caused by, and worsened, by those in positions of power who keep trying to maintain a cover-up while denying any harmful consequences is absolutely on par with a lot of what we see around us today, from the pollution of many lakes and rivers in the UK to every avoidable move to keep using fossil fuels that are contributing to the growing problem of global warming. There may have been a time when this film seemed to be nothing more than a cute curio from the past. It's now sadly a very prescient look at how a handful of individuals have to struggle to change the ways of corporations, as well as changing the mindset of people who have just become used to living with what they deem an acceptable level of harm, as long as they get to live in relative peace.

7/10

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Prime Time: Adventures Of A Taxi Driver (1976)

You know what it's like, don't cha. You want to have a great life, get a bit of cash in your pocket, get a nice little bird to have some fun with every now and again, and generally live a bleedin' charmed life without any worries. But you are living at your mum's gaff, you have an on-off girlfriend who wants something serious, while you're just keeping her as an option in between pursuing others, and most of your taxi fares end with you owing money because you got your head turned by some nice piece of skirt.

No, I've not regressed. The paragraph above sums up the outlook of the main character in Adventures Of A Taxi Driver, a very successful British sex comedy from the 1970s that came along after the popular "Confessions Of..." series and the much more enjoyable Eskimo Nell (if you ever explore these movies then that is one I recommend you make a top priority).

Barry Evans plays the main character, you won't be surprised to learn that he is a taxi driver, Joe, in a film that also has room for Robert Lindsay, Judy Geeson, Diana Dors, and one or two special cameo appearances. The opening minutes, with an amusingly sarcastic litany of praise for the good ol' British cabbie, bodes well for what you might get from the rest of the film, but things quickly go from bad to worse as viewers are left in the care of a cheeky chappie supposedly able to charm the ladies. He seems more like either a predator or a spoiled child for most of the runtime, and everything becomes even more tiresome when you get a final act that puts the main character in the middle of a robbery that allows him to be the best of a bad bunch (I suppose).

Very much a product of its time, this doesn't hold up well at all. Director Stanley A. Long, who also came up with the idea that was turned into a screenplay by Suzanne Mercer, a frequent collaborator, puts everything together like a late-night comedy sketch show with licence to show some gratuitous nudity. You get the married woman who is interrupted by her oblivious husband while she tries to enjoy the company of the cabbie, you get one young woman who seems suicidal until she starts responding to the warmth of Joe (yes, it is as horribly uncomfortable as it sounds), and you get the obviously hilarious moment in which Joe doesn't realise his latest passenger is a female impersonator. There's nudity and a nun, a happy-go-lucky hooker who likes to treat her clients while being driven around in the cab, and more.

Evans is at least okay in the main role. It's not easy to make his character any more appealing, considering the script working against him, but he tries his best. Geeson is as lovely as ever, Lindsay is there to often be a sounding board, and Adrienne Posta is horribly mistreated as Carol, the woman who Joe thinks is getting far too clingy. On the plus side, she at least gets to sing the main title song (even if it's not a very good one).

I used to hate this. I remember rating it even lower the last time I saw it, and I have no idea why, or how, I watched it before. But now I can't help view it with a little more affection. The attitude on display is still horrendous, the comedy doesn't really work, but it's just as fascinating a a number of other British movies from this time, many of them trying to make a splash at the box office by translating saucy postcard humour into something a bit more daring for adults to enjoy at their local cinemas.

4/10

The print currently available on Amazon Prime (UK, not sure about other territories) is actually very good.

Prime Time: Inseminoid (1981)

There's a crew of people working in space. Exploring unknown terrains. Taking notes on their findings. It's a familiar scenario. Unfortunately, one of the crew members (Sandy, played by Judy Geeson) is raped by an alien, becoming pregnant very quickly, and also then setting out to kill all of the people around her in a fit of alien-induced-hormonal-bloodlust.

Director Norman J. Warren made some fun, and even interesting, movies over the course of his career. Many of them were peculiarly ambitious despite remaining essentially British. Inseminoid is not one of them. It is, instead, a bit of an Alien rip-off that throws in a bit of gore and nudity to try and make up for the lack of any logic, or even any shred of interest in the main characters. Which isn't to say that I hate it. Thanks to the fact that Warren at least tries to push things as far as he can in a number of scenes this is hard to truly dislike. It's just a shame that it ends up being a lot more boring than it should be.

I put the blame for that squarely on the shoulders of the writers. Nick and Gloria Maley had worked for a number of years as makeup artists, involved in movies as big as Superman and The Empire Strikes Back, but this was the only script that they ever wrote, and we can count that as a blessing. It's not all their fault though, I'll grudgingly admit. Warren said that, due to the finances potentially being available already, he needed a script in four days. I guess this is what happens when you ask a pair of married makeup artists to give you a workable sci-fi horror script in four days.

The fact that it's most notable for scenes in which Geeson lies naked on a table, understandably distressed, while an alien tries to live up to the title should tell you all you need to know. And Geeson is, for better or worse, the only cast member you'll remember for her onscreen performance once the end credits roll. You will remember that Stephanie Beacham is also in the movie, and it's always novel to see Victoria Tennant in roles that she had before I knew of her, but nobody else gets to make much of an impression (with the exception of Dominic Jephcott and the moment in which his corpse very obviously blinks). I could namecheck Jennifer Ashley, Robin Clarke, David Baxt, Trevor Thomas, and the others, but I'd be struggling to tell you who played which character in the film, and what they brought to their roles.

At least some of the design work is good, with the production making use of Chislehurst Caves as a location they could then create the space base sets in. And you get occasional servings of gore, as well as puppet aliens. So it's not all bad, even before you consider the bravery of Geeson putting herself through the discomforts that the role required of her.

Inseminoid is sci-fi horror trash, but it's trash of the highest (or should that be lowest?) order.

5/10

You NEED this set in your life.

Fear In The Night (1972)

A psychological thriller by Jimmy Sangster, Fear In The Night is yet another in the long line of Hammer movies often overlooked by fans of their horror movies featuring the archetypes of the genre. I was looking forward to seeing this one, not expecting anything great as I had heard nothing about it beforehand, but I was definitely intrigued.

The plot sees young Peggy (Judy Geeson), recently recovered from a nervous breakdown, joining her husband (Ralph Bates) on the grounds of the school where he works. The school is presided over by Michael Carmichael (the ever-watchable Peter Cushing), who stays there with his wife (Joan Collins). As fragile as she is, Peggy is made even worse when attacked by a mystery assailant. And the worst thing is that nobody will believe her, simply putting it down to recovering, shaky nerves.

While it's not a very remarkable entry into the psychological thriller subgenre, this movie does a number of things quite well. Geeson gives a decent performance as the young, nervous, often child-like, wife. Bates is solid and Collins is pretty good. Cushing is, it goes without saying, great. Before the twists and turns start to occur the pacing of the film also works just fine, drawing you into a mysterious atmosphere of unease and doubt while flagging up some, admittedly easy to spot, future plot developments.

It's also surprisingly bleak in places, rather nihilistic and hopeless for a Hammer movie - another point worth noting and another aspect that impresses when weighed against many other films released by the studio.

Sangster is a better writer (he co-wrote this screenplay with Michael Syson) than he is director, from what I have seen of his work, but he's capable enough and frames his material adequately, if nothing else. Fear In The Night ends up as a movie worth seeing, though perhaps not worth seeking out ahead of many other psychological thrillers you could give your time to.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Ultimate-Hammer-Collection-Disc/dp/B000HN31KQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375707468&sr=8-1&keywords=hammer+box+set

The Lords Of Salem (2012)

Damn you, Rob Zombie, damn you. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to fall while stretching beyond your normal reach, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating when the end result is such a mess. I always think that a discussion of any Rob Zombie movie somehow requires an opening statement making clear exactly where I stand on the filmography of the man. I loved House Of 1000 Corpses and I loved The Devil's Rejects, and then it started to slip and slide downhill. I actually enjoyed the Halloween remake and I thought The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto was as hilarious as it was juvenile. It all started to go wrong with Halloween II (which I still gave a respectable 6/10). The Lords Of Salem is, without a doubt, his worst movie. The fact that it's so unoriginal isn't a problem. The other movies that he's done have all allowed Zombie to wear his influences on his sleeve. It's the fact that is so unoriginal without his own twist on the material, the fact that it's so visually inept and ugly and the fact that it's just inexcusably dull from start to finish. Zombie shows no progression whatsoever as an artist, and has actually gone backwards since his fantastic debut feature.

The story is all about a radio DJ named Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) who receives a record from a mystery band, simply calling themselves "the lords". When she plays the record she starts to feel funny, eventually experiencing strange visions that may be flashbacks to more violent time in Salem's dark history. Her colleagues (played by Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ken Foree) don't really notice anything unusual initially, but as things get worse they start to worry that Heidi has gone back to a drug habit after a long period of being clean. The one person who starts to piece things together is Francis Matthias (Bruce Davison), a bit of an expert in the local history. Unfortunately, Heidi is soon being "looked after" by three women (Judy Geeson, Dee Wallace and Patricia Quinn) and she seems to be heading towards some big trouble.

There are some individual, good moments in The Lords Of Salem. It's not an irredeemable disaster, and it's not something that I'll refuse to ever rewatch, but those overlooking the many major flaws to praise it as Rob Zombie's homage to Euro-horrors are setting a lot of future newcomers up for a big fall. Zombie himself described it (in this clip) "as if Ken Russell directed The Shining" and mentions Polanski as another influence. He's not actually far off the mark, but none of those filmmakers would have a transition quite as clumsy as the sequence that introduces Heidi's place of work and colleagues and treats the audience like hyperactive children. Frustratingly, he shows in some other shots that he can do much better. Some moments do have a nice, controlled approach to both the shot composition and camera movement, but it's usually not long until he slips back into his old habits.

A lot of detractors of the film, or Zombie in general, have been quick to criticise Sheri Moon Zombie in the lead role. She's not that bad. Indeed, none of the actors (many of whom are firm favourites among horror fans, surprise surprise) do a bad job. Geeson, Wallace and Quinn, in particular, provide the most fun and seem to attack their roles with relish. Meg Foster also appears in a small, but vital, role and Sid Haig and Michael Berryman put in cameo appearances.

The soundtrack is pretty good, with one or two standout tracks, and the quality of the sound design serves as a reminder that this is a film from a man who knows what he's doing by now (in terms of the basic technical aspects, at least).

I enjoyed a few scenes, I was impressed by one or two creepy moments and in the first half hour of the film I was hoping that it would improve and build to something truly memorable. That didn't happen. The fact that it all came so completely undone didn't make me angry, it just left me disappointed. Other people already gave up on Rob Zombie a few years ago, but I keep giving him one more chance. I know that he's capable of some great stuff. The Lords Of Salem sees him trying hard to refute that.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lords-Salem-Sheri-Moon-Zombie/dp/B00BIODT0A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370338335&sr=8-1&keywords=the+lords+of+salem