The Empty Man (2020)

Like many people, I had heard good things about The Empty Man over the past year or so. Also like many people, I didn't hear any of those good things while it was being messed about with a half-assed release schedule before basically being dumped straight to a streaming service. I really can't even recall if it had any kind of UK cinema release, between the non-existent marketing campaign and the pandemic that put so much on hold.

Written and directed by David Prior, adapting a graphic novel by Cullen Bunn, The Empty Man is a strange beast. It's overlong, for a start, clocking in with a runtime of 130+ minutes, and it doesn't really draw things together in a way that is satisfying enough for a big finale. That's okay though, because it is impressively consistent with the spooky atmosphere and scares, helped enormously by a sound department that has created arguably the best audio tapestry I have heard in a horror film in the past few decades.

Things start with a group of people trekking through some snowy mountain region. It is 1995. One of the party, Paul (Aaron Poole), ends up affected by a strange skeleton that he encounters. Things don't end well.
We then move to present day. Well . . . 2018. James Badge Dale plays James Lambrosa, a former detective who now makes a living selling home and personal security equipment. He is still grieving the loss of his wife and child, both having died in a car accident a year before, but ends up being able to keep himself busy when a friend enlists his help in locating her missing daughter, Amanda (Sasha Frolova). This leads James to discovering the idea of The Empty Man, a mythical entity at the centre of a fiercely loyal cult. 

Unsettling from start to finish, The Empty Man is probably harder to sell to anyone who has seen the poster/tagline. "THE FIRST NIGHT YOU HEAR HIM. THE SECOND NIGHT YOU SEE HIM. THE THIRD NIGHT HE FINDS YOU." It brings to mind the lesser horror movies we've had to endure, such as Slender Man or, urgh, Smiley, or any other number of films that have people doing silly things to call upon a spirit that will then cause harm and death. It's not like any of those films, with the spooky central figure something only really seen in a couple of enjoyable set-pieces. For the majority of the movie, considering his grief and views on the world around him, James could easily be said to be the empty man of the title. Things become even clearer as he moves closer to the truth, but it's also quite obvious in every scene.

Prior knows what he's doing when it comes to the pacing. Although the runtime is hefty, including that snow-covered intro that is just over twenty minutes long, before we even see the main title screen, it doesn't feel like a slog to get through. Big moments are impactful, small details are strewn throughout the film to keep you on your toes, and that impressive sound design and musical score (I wouldn't be able to single out when noise becomes music and vice versa) underlines everything with a perfect eerieness.

Dale gives one of the best performances I have seen from him, always looking competent but far too quick to jump out of his depth, and he carries the film effortlessly. The script and performance allow his character to be a potential "hero" without trying to smooth off all of the rough edges. Frolova is fine as Amanda, although she isn't onscreen for a very long time. The same goes for Poole. Both of these actors play characters who cast a long shadow over the proceedings with their absence, which also ties in nicely with the entire idea of The Empty Man. Ron Canada is always a welcome presence, and here plays a perplexed detective, and Stephen Root manages to be strangely charismatic and unnerving as Arthur Parsons, a man with a high position in the cult hierarchy.

Despite knowing how well it does much of what it is aiming for, it's easy to see why The Empty Man could remain a "hard sell" to horror movie fans. It's a hard one to categorise, it doesn't have an easy "hook", and it takes time to unravel the interesting ideas at the heart of it. But that's also why more people should seek it out. It's just a bloody good horror movie.

8/10

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The Kitchen (2019)

Based on a comic book series, by Ollie Masters and Ming Doyle, The Kitchen feels more like something so strange and unbelievable that it must be based on a true story. I'm slightly disappointed that it isn't true, considering how badass the main characters are.

Melissa McCarthy is Kathy Brennan, Tiffany Haddish is Ruby O'Carroll, and Elisabeth Moss is Claire Walsh. These three women are friends and they are married to men who are part of a rather illegal lifestyle. Basically, they're gangster's wives, but with none of the rewards that you normally see heaped on women in this kind of situation. And things get worse when their husbands are arrested and jailed, leaving the women to fend for themselves. After being given an insulting amount to live on, they decide to help the local criminals collect their protection money. Then they end up deciding to run some of the territory themselves.

Although it's very familiar territory, The Kitchen differentiates itself from other films like this by showing the women moving into power, and also by showing how they don't necessarily have to copy everything that the men do. They work smart, they use the right connections, and they often decide to show a little compassion when others may have been ruthless. The men they married seemed to enjoy their lifestyle, whereas the women are forced into their position, growing into their roles as certain characteristics become necessary.

Writer-director Andrea Berloff makes her debut in the big chair, and does a great job of things. She's written a number of screenplays before this one, but this feels like a project with material that she finds more to connect with, in terms of the interesting mechanics of how someone develops a reputation in the criminal world, and in terms of the female angle.

All three leads are excellent, and all have a very different view on their predicament. Moss takes time to ease into her role, having arguably suffered the most from her husband, but grows with confidence as she befriends the dangerous Gabriel O'Malley (Domnhall Gleeson, doing a decent job). McCarthy is the one who seems the most well-balanced, doing what needs to be done and trying to manage the growth in ways that don't exceed their aims, and Haddish has fun as the woman who becomes the most at ease with her new lifestyle. Margo Martindale is an entertainingly horrible mother-in-law, and everyone else onscreen does just fine.

With everyone, and everything, in place, it's worth mentioning how well Berloff also does at pitching the tone perfectly. This is an entertaining film, but it neither makes too much light of the choices being made, and nor does it wallow in one bleak scene after another. It creates a movie world that allows for serious moments, some lightness, and a building of tension as viewers wonder just how dangerous things might get for the women doing a much better job in "a man's world" than the men who wanted to keep them in their place.

And with a pretty great dramatic turn from McCarthy, it also allows me to say that even if you can't stand The Heat, try getting into The Kitchen.

8/10

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Stretch (2014)

It's the kind of thing that we've seen many times before. A film that features a character having one helluva bad night. This particular misadventure is written and directed by Joe Carnahan (who hasn't done wrong by me yet), and stars Patrick Wilson as the poor sod whose night just looks set to go from bad to worse to absolute worst ever.

Wilson is a stretch limo driver, hence the name of the movie. He actually wanted to be an actor but that doesn't seem to be panning out for him. Which leaves him driving a limo, struggling to make enough from each pay check to pay back the debts that he incurred when he was addicted to alcohol and gambling. As someone new has taken over the ownership of those debts, Stretch (as he is nicknamed) suddenly has until midnight to get together $6,000. Or things will be broken. That's not good. His one chance to make some big money lies in keeping a big customer satisfied. Roger Karos (a bearded Chris Pine) is an eccentric who can often drop some major tips. Unfortunately, he also requires people to sometimes go way above and beyond the call of duty to earn their money. Which leads to Stretch getting thrown in to a few dangerous situations. Perhaps his acting skills can actually start to help him now.

Stretch starts off strong and never really lets up once the premise is established. Carnahan has obviously set out to have as much fun as possible, and that fun is infectious, thanks to the direction, pacing, and cast. It plays out, I guess, much like an action comedy created by John Hughes. This is wish-fulfilment stuff, but that doesn't make any of it any less satisfying. The soundtrack, often sounding like some alternate tracks considered for Drive, also helps to make this an easy pleasure.

There are a couple of fantastic cameos (including one that I can't possibly mention here because the surprise factor helps it to be even funnier than it already is), a rare decent turn from Jessica Alba, playing the main office controller trying to help Stretch achieve his goals for the night, and James Badge Dale is perfectly fine as Laurent, a man who could either help or seriously hinder Stretch in his attempts to keep Karos happy. The two performances from Pine and Wilson allow them to go over the top and entertain in a way that they haven't really been allowed to before now. Okay, Pine had his fantastic turn in Smokin' Aces, which this film should remind you to check out, but I've not enjoyed Wilson this much since he made such a strong impression on me in Hard Candy. Ed Helms, playing the spirit of a deceased limo driver, also does well, despite the fact that his character feels like one quirk too many.

Don't think, however, that I'm overlooking its flaws. Oh no. I've just mentioned that "one quirk too many" problem, which will irritate others much more than it bothered me, and there's also the feeling of overfamiliarity with this kind of scenario. Also, the ending is just a bit too neat and tidy, another factor that makes this feel like a John Hughes movie aimed at an audience just a bit older than the usual selection of teenagers.

Judging by the word of mouth, Stretch is finding a decent little fanbase since arriving in download/shiny disc form. It deserves it. Nothing ground-breaking, by any means, but there are plenty of laughs provided here. And that's all it really sets out to do.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Stretch-Patrick-Wilson/dp/B00NG3YQXU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1419278908&sr=8-2&keywords=stretch+movie

The Lone Ranger (2013)

Here's an anecdote that will make sense to nobody outwith Scotland. When I was quite young I wrote in to the letters/joke page of the Oor Wullie section of The Sunday Post. I sent in a joke and received, if I remember correctly, a £5 gift token, and my name in print. The joke wasn't great, but I still kinda like it. See what you think.

Tonto is riding through the countryside one day and sees The Lone Ranger coming towards him, with a bin bag over his shoulder.
"Where are you going?" asks Tonto.
"To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump."

I admit, it may not work quite as well when written down. Anyway, let's move on.

There are some movies that just don't stand much chance with the critics. That can happen for a variety of reasons. The subject matter. The budget. Bad casting choices. And much more besides. The Lone Ranger was one of those movies. And I can think of two main reasons for the knives being drawn. One, the budget, which apparently went just over $200M. Two, the casting of Johnny Depp in the role of Tonto, the Native American sidekick to the main character. I don't care about the budget for blockbuster movies, personally. Once you're over $100M then everything tends to blur into one big, fat wad of cash anyway. I do agree with everyone who thought that casting Johnny Depp as Tonto was ridiculous, however, but realise that he's the only BIG name in the cast. That means that the decision is still dubious, but a bit more understandable. Yet it's still not a good enough reason to completely drub a film that actually has some moments of rollicking entertainment.

The story is, as if you couldn't guess, all about how a man (Armie Hammer) assumed the role of The Lone Ranger. With Tonto by his side, for better or worse, he eventually comes to realise that his idealistic approach to the law may not be beneficial to his health, especially if the criminals that he wants to capture are just working for more powerful, but hidden, villains.

Directed by Gore Verbinski, there's no denying that the film has a certain Pirates Of The Caribbean vibe to it. There are issues with the pacing, there are some big, entertainingly complicated, action sequences, and there's Johnny Depp being a bit kooky. The script, by Justin Haythe, Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, packs in much more than it needs to. The Lone Ranger doesn't have to be a complex character. He's a good guy, plain and simple. Yet the writers here decide to focus on his steep learning curve, as he grows into the mask, and then amuse themselves with a framing device that allows them more room to play around with the narrative. It does make for a few good moments, admittedly, but could easily have been trimmed to save the movie a good 10-15 minutes, in my estimation.

Hammer is good as the hero. I like him a lot, thanks to his ability to temper the stoic heroic qualities required with some solid comedic talent. Depp - well, we've already covered his performance. He's not terrible, although many will disagree. Ruth Wilson is a tough woman who finds herself in danger, and she's okay, but given short shrift by the script. William Fichtner fares much better, playing the dangerous criminal known as Butch Cavendish, and Tom Wilkinson repeats the kind of decent performance that is often required of British actors in American blockbusters. Barry Pepper proves to be a highlight, once again. As he does in almost every movie that he appears in. And there are also small roles for James Badge Dale, Helena Bonham Carter, Harry Treadaway and Stephen Root, among others.

There are a number of scenes that feel a bit dull and lifeless, yet the movie really shows how great it could have been in a few extended set-pieces that raise up the energy levels and mix CGI, fantastic stunt work, and a healthy dollop of humour to provide the kind of exuberant fun that I wish more blockbusters would strive for. And the finale, accompanied by that rousing theme music (well, it's the final section of the "William Tell Overture" but many grew up with it as "the theme tune from The Lone Ranger"), is a surprisingly great piece of cinema, marred by some excessive FX work and both helped and hindered by a sense of ridiculousness.

I wouldn't be brave enough to say that this is a movie that you may be pleasantly surprised by. Okay, what the hell, I will. Give The Lone Ranger a try some time, and you might be pleasantly surprised. I certainly was.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Lone-Ranger-Blu-ray-Digital-Copy/dp/B00DJYJWVW/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1409322376&sr=1-2&keywords=the+lone+ranger