Prime Time: The Eye (2008)

Although not from Japan, The Eye (2002) was one of many horror movies to be lumped in with the hits that were coming thick and fast in the J-horror boom at the start of the 21st century. It holds up as a superb horror movie, and it's a shame that the makers of it, the Pang brothers, didn't do anything else that came close to it.

The remake was probably inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept, especially with so many things wrong.

Jessica Alba stars as Sydney Wells, which is the first major error (more on that later). Sydney is a talented violinist, and she's blind. After undergoing a cornea transplant, Sidney has to get used to seeing the world around her, but it takes her a while to realise that she's not seeing the world the way that everyone else sees it. Much like a young Haley Joel Osment, she sees dead people. She sees so many of them, at times, that it's almost as if she's receiving an important message.

Okay, I may as well address my first complaint right here. I don't hate Jessica Alba, and I've enjoyed her in a number of roles, but she's not always the best choice for some of the lead roles that she's been given over the years, and I think her inclusion here just feels wrong. She's not convincing, whether playing the violin or reacting to the environment around her. Sadly, the rest of the cast don't do much better, which is more surprising when it comes to the likes of Alessandro Nivola (playing Dr. Paul Faulkner), Parker Posey (playing Sydney's sister, Helen), and Chloë Grace Moretz (playing a young hospital patient named Alicia).

The cast aren't helped by either the script, by Sebastian Gutierrez, or the direction, from David Moreau and Xavier Palud. None of these people manage to stick close to the atmosphere and style of the original, despite sometimes trying, which is a massive disappointment for those familiar with the 2002 film. Those seeing this story being told onscreen for the first time might be a bit easier to please, but even the most casual horror fan may start to feel that something is lacking. You get a number of jump scares, a load of messy CGI, and a third act that takes things in a direction that was not only done better the first time around, it was also done better in another fantastic 2002 horror movie (that I won't name, in order to avoid spoiling things for anyone).

It would be easy to go on and on about more of the things in this remake that irk me so much, and I do like a rant every now and again, but it's not really worth the time or energy. The Eye is simply a typical example of the laziest kind of remake. It's the kind of film we can all point to as an argument against remakes, despite the fact that there have been (thankfully) a number of modern remakes that have managed to get things very right.

3/10

https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews

Little Fockers (2010)

The third, and final (and I assume it is going to stay that way), instalment in what we can now refer to as the Fockers trilogy, Little Fockers is a perfect example of something perfectly competent, yet also perfectly in line with the law of diminishing returns.

All of the main cast members return. Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) and Pam (Teri Polo), his wife, now have some children of their own, and father/grandfather Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro) visits to discuss the potential of making Greg the next family patriarch. This comes about after Jack has had a "mild" heart attack, the timing is as bad as it can be, making things more stressful for Greg as he tries to juggle a number of different responsibilities.

Paul Weitz takes over the directing duties, a talented director in the field of comedy who I wish would recapture the touch he had when dealing with 3/4 of his first four movies, and he seems to be happy enough to go through the motions set out by the script, written by a returning John Hamburg, and Larry Stuckey (who was an associate producer on the previous instalment). That wouldn't be so bad if the script had any life to it, but it's almost as if everyone knows they used up all of the gags in the first two movies. All that is required is to get everyone into place, to set up a couple of comic misunderstandings, and to let the actors all do their thing. And that's what happens. It's not funny. It's not entertaining. It's just dull. Really dull. It's even worse when it sets up obvious strands that don't play out to anywhere near their full comic potential (such as potential chemistry between the lead and a character played by Jessica Alba).

What saves it from being completely unwatchable is the cast. Although the leads look like they could sleepwalk through the whole film, and some might say they do, there's still some fun to be had from just watching De Niro and Stiller play off one another. Polo and Danner are sidelined even more here than they were in the previous films, Hoffman and Streisand are also underused, and the same can be said for a returning Owen Wilson, as well as newcomer Alba. The second instalment in the series added more characters in the mix, but at least it had things for them to do. This one just hopes that having enough names in the cast list will distract from the . . . redundancy of it all.

Everybody knows how easily pleased I am, it's clear from most of my reviews, as well as the fact that I repeat that statement often enough, and I know that I enjoyed both Meet The Parents and Meet The Fockers more than most people. So you should probably bear that in mind when deciding whether or not to give your time to this, a relatively innocuous mainstream comedy that somehow made me determined not to seem too generous with my rating of it. It's the epitome of Hollywood laziness from start to finish.

3/10

https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews

Stretch (2014)

It's the kind of thing that we've seen many times before. A film that features a character having one helluva bad night. This particular misadventure is written and directed by Joe Carnahan (who hasn't done wrong by me yet), and stars Patrick Wilson as the poor sod whose night just looks set to go from bad to worse to absolute worst ever.

Wilson is a stretch limo driver, hence the name of the movie. He actually wanted to be an actor but that doesn't seem to be panning out for him. Which leaves him driving a limo, struggling to make enough from each pay check to pay back the debts that he incurred when he was addicted to alcohol and gambling. As someone new has taken over the ownership of those debts, Stretch (as he is nicknamed) suddenly has until midnight to get together $6,000. Or things will be broken. That's not good. His one chance to make some big money lies in keeping a big customer satisfied. Roger Karos (a bearded Chris Pine) is an eccentric who can often drop some major tips. Unfortunately, he also requires people to sometimes go way above and beyond the call of duty to earn their money. Which leads to Stretch getting thrown in to a few dangerous situations. Perhaps his acting skills can actually start to help him now.

Stretch starts off strong and never really lets up once the premise is established. Carnahan has obviously set out to have as much fun as possible, and that fun is infectious, thanks to the direction, pacing, and cast. It plays out, I guess, much like an action comedy created by John Hughes. This is wish-fulfilment stuff, but that doesn't make any of it any less satisfying. The soundtrack, often sounding like some alternate tracks considered for Drive, also helps to make this an easy pleasure.

There are a couple of fantastic cameos (including one that I can't possibly mention here because the surprise factor helps it to be even funnier than it already is), a rare decent turn from Jessica Alba, playing the main office controller trying to help Stretch achieve his goals for the night, and James Badge Dale is perfectly fine as Laurent, a man who could either help or seriously hinder Stretch in his attempts to keep Karos happy. The two performances from Pine and Wilson allow them to go over the top and entertain in a way that they haven't really been allowed to before now. Okay, Pine had his fantastic turn in Smokin' Aces, which this film should remind you to check out, but I've not enjoyed Wilson this much since he made such a strong impression on me in Hard Candy. Ed Helms, playing the spirit of a deceased limo driver, also does well, despite the fact that his character feels like one quirk too many.

Don't think, however, that I'm overlooking its flaws. Oh no. I've just mentioned that "one quirk too many" problem, which will irritate others much more than it bothered me, and there's also the feeling of overfamiliarity with this kind of scenario. Also, the ending is just a bit too neat and tidy, another factor that makes this feel like a John Hughes movie aimed at an audience just a bit older than the usual selection of teenagers.

Judging by the word of mouth, Stretch is finding a decent little fanbase since arriving in download/shiny disc form. It deserves it. Nothing ground-breaking, by any means, but there are plenty of laughs provided here. And that's all it really sets out to do.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Stretch-Patrick-Wilson/dp/B00NG3YQXU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1419278908&sr=8-2&keywords=stretch+movie

Sin City (2005)

Cool, stylish, almost perfectly cast, and with many frames that look ripped straight from the pages of Frank Miller's original work, it's hard not to consider Sin City as one of the best comic-book movies of all time.

Director Robert Rodriguez, helped by Quentin Tarantino, also wrote the screenplay, and sets out from the very beginning to immerse viewers in a stark, black and white world of anti-heroes and villains. There are splashes of colour here and there, depicting bloodshed, strong feelings, or even just a nice pair of eyes. One other bonus, this was one of the last few films made to star Bruce Willis before he decided to sleepwalk into every paycheck.

There are little extra bits interspersed throughout, but the move iss mainly made up of three tales. In one, Bruce Willis plays an old cop who wants to get his man (Nick Stahl) at any cost. His perp is a sicko, but he's a sicko with a rich, influential father (Powers Boothe). In the second tale we get to meet Marv (Mickey Rourke), a big, brute of a man moves to action when he's set up for a murder he didn't commit. The murder of a woman that he felt great affection for. Clive Owen clashes with Benicio Del Toro in the third tale, leading to a situation that could cause a lot of trouble for the deadly working girls of Sin City. And then it's back to that dogged cop, many years later but no less determined.

As well as those mentioned, Sin City also features Josh Hartnett, Jaime King, Michael Clarke Duncan, Rutger Hauer, Elijah Wood, Rosario Dawson, Brittany Murphy, Jessica Alba, Carla Gugino, Alexis Bledel, Michael Madsen, Devon Aoki, and many more. It's certainly a star-studded cast but, more than that, everyone feels perfect for the role given to them.

Featuring his usual cool soundtrack accompanying the visuals, this manages to feel both like a great Frank Miller film and also a great Rodriguez joint. It's almost a perfect marriage of material and director.

Unfortunately, it doesn't hold up quite as well on repeat viewings. It's still very enjoyable, and consistently gorgeous to look at (seriously, freeze frame it at almost any moment and you get a gorgeous comic panel), but the pacing could have been tightened up slightly to bring the movie in under two hours, with the Owen/Del Toro section of the movie dragging things down badly.

For those who like their movies steeped in traditional aspects of cinema, this is a love or hate film. Shot almost entirely on green screen, with only a few real sets utilised, it's a unique experience, but one that absolutely works, in my opinion, due to the nature of the material.

If you want nuance and realism then feel free to reach for a thousand other movies before this one. But if you want something cool, visually stunning, and with moments of painful ultra-violence, then this might just be the ticket.

8/10

http://www.amazon.com/Sin-City-Blu-ray-Powers-Boothe/dp/B00FAHYNYC/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1408780621&sr=1-1&keywords=sin+city

And UK folks, don't forget to check out a double-bill at the cinema this weekend, while a lot of venues are showing this and Sin City: A Dame To Kill For. Such tickets can be found at sites like this one - http://www.picturehouses.co.uk/cinema/Cameo_Picturehouse/News/item/Sin_City_Sin_City_A_Dame_To_Kill_For/

Machete (2010)

Well, ummm, I actually saw and reviewed Machete ages ago for Flickfeast.

That review is here - http://flickfeast.co.uk/reviews/film-reviews/machete-2010-2/

An easy 8/10 and great fun. But the best news, at this moment in time, is that it can now count as my weekly Seagal and saves my poor, aching eyes from any more punishment this week.

As the end of my Seagal quest approaches (and I've seen every movie that he's made so far with the exception of Clementine, a movie I couldn't get a hold of for love nor money) I have one thought looming large in my mind - the next quest subject is going to be someone or something much more enjoyable.

Does Seagal have some great movies to choose from? Yes he does. Does he have any actual star power? I'd be generous and say that there was a time when he did. Should he have made half of the movies in his filmography? Hell no!

Considering that it's supposed to be an old-school grindhouse flick, and also considering the fact that the Bluray doesn't have any extra features worth shelling out wads of cash for, I recommend picking up Machete on DVD and having a good time.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Machete-DVD-Danny-Trejo/dp/B0049EO130