The Curse Of La Llorona (2019)

There's a lot to like about The Curse Of La Llorona, on the surface. I am going to start with that, just in case I get distracted and give the impression that I hated it. I didn't. Hell, it gets bonus points straight away for giving a lead role to Linda Cardellini. So it's just a shame that so many moments that could have worked well just fall surprisingly flat, with all concerned seemingly happier to turn what could have been an impressively fright-filled bit of mainstream horror into something a lot more tame, and sillier, than it needed to be.

The main premise is simple. There's an evil spirit, La Llorona, that frightens and takes away children, once they come under her gaze. Cardellini plays Anna Tate-Garcia, a woman employed in the social service sector, first seen being asked to work on a case involving a fraught mother (Patricia, played by Patricia Velasquez) and two young boys. More importantly, Anna has her own two children, Chris (Roman Christou) and Samantha (Jaynee-Lynne Kinchen). It's only a matter of time until La Llorona catches sight of those two, giving her two new potential victims while Anna tries to figure out just what is going on, and how she can put an end to it.

Cardellini does well with her complex role of "strong, frightened mother", the kids do well while being terrorised and terrified, and Raymond Cruz is the other main cast member, playing Rafael Olvera, a priest on the edge who doesn't necessarily play by the rules but gets things done, dammit. Velasquez is fine, Marisol Ramirez is given a makeover to play La Llorona, and Tony Amendola appears to connect events to Annabelle. Because, yes, it is tangentially linked to that movie, which gives it a head start at the box office, and in the home entertainment market, thanks to the value of the IP, always fairly visible on all of the marketing materials.

Considering this is his first feature, Michael Chaves does a very good job in the director's chair, even if he wraps every main scare sequence in low lighting and murkiness. There are some nice visual touches throughout, but it's hard to remember them once the end credits have rolled after you realise that you spent most of the film squinting at one patch of darkness after another. The jump scares are reasonably effective, but only until you realise that it's the same couple of tricks being re-used every few minutes (either something glimpsed in one part of the frame to then be seen a lot closer to a main character in the next moment or a feigned bit of misdirection while La Llorona gets within reach of her prey), and the third act subsequently suffers because of this. What should have been a sustained helping of tension just becomes a bit tiresome, something you want over and done with at least 10 minutes before you actually get to the end.

Writers Mikki Daughtry and Tobias Iaconis (who previously wrote Five Feet Apart together, this is their first horror movie) seem to know what is expected of them, and I'm curious to know how much of this is their own creation and how much of it was shaped by the producers who wanted another hit entry in the ever-expanding Conjuring universe. They don't do a terrible job at all, considering this is their first foray into the horror genre, although the simplistic plot should have been fertile ground for some much better, scarier, set-pieces.

Far from the worst of these movies (that would still be The Nun), this is also far from the best. It just feels like some kind of place-holder, something to throw out as a treat for audiences in between the titles expected to do bigger business.

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: Self/less (2015)

Warning: some plot spoilers lie ahead, and you may prefer to view this film with no advanced knowledge of the plot.

If I was a megarich businessman who was dying and I had the chance to have my consciousness transplanted into the body of Ryan Reynolds then I would do it, just as Ben Kingsley does here. But I would hope for a much smoother transition. Kingsley believes that he is buying a new body, you see, when it turns out that he's buying something that's already had one careful owner. And that gives him conflicting feelings, especially when the situation endangers a woman (Natalie Martinez) and young girl (Jaynee-Lynne Kinchen) he once loved, when he was still actually Reynolds and not Kingsley-Reynolds. This means that his procedure wasn't necessarily viewed as a success by the doctor (Matthew Goode) who performed it, and the doc has a lot of people ready to hunt Reynolds down and ensure that nobody finds out about the process, known as "shedding".

Written by Alex and David Pastor, who work together very often, Self/less is an enjoyable sci-fi action film that mixes Seconds with a little bit of The Bourne Identity (in enjoyable moments that see Reynolds remembering his army training as he fends off enemies). It's just a shame that there's not much more to it. It's not really thought-provoking or surprising enough throughout, there is certainly nothing here that won't be predicted by anyone with even the slightest knowledge of sci-fi, and the direction by Tarsem Singh is disappointingly lacking in any visual flair. The most unexpectedly entertaining section is a montage showing Reynolds having a great time in New Orleans, just before the trouble really starts for him, and it's then one obvious twist after another on the way to a finale that most will see coming almost right away.

Despite his billing, Kingsley is in the movie for a very brief amount of screentime. He does well in his role, but can largely be forgotten once Reynolds, who I tend to like in most movies, takes over. Martinez and Kinchen are both good, with the former having to be upset and shocked when she sees Reynolds back in her life, Victor Garber gives a great little turn as the best friend to Kingsley who eventually has to be told about, and convinced of, the situation, Goode is calm and cold throughout, and Derek Luke makes a great impression as the first friend that Reynolds makes in his new life.

Self/less is a decent enough watch, the 2-hour runtime passed by quickly enough and I enjoyed it while it was on. It just didn't bring anything new to the table, despite having the potential, and it's not one I will ever rush to rewatch. It's not even close to being the best "body-swap" movie starring Reynolds, considering how many he has starred in.

6/10

Self/less can be bought here.
Americans can get it here.