Netflix And Chill: BlackBerry (2023)

Some technology stays with us for what seems like forever. Some of it comes and goes, having a shining moment before becoming an obscure novelty, and becoming the modern version of a tech antique within just a few years. Show someone a portable CD player nowadays and explain it to them. In fact, show someone the Sega Mega-CD. Remember that? My old flatmate had one. I'm not sure anyone else did. The world of the mobile phone is littered with other prime examples. Models that were once so ubiquitous, but are no longer around (unless re-released to appeal to nostalgia). The sturdy Nokia 3310 is one example. The Motorola Razr V3i is another. And there's the BlackBerry, the first device that I saw sold as letting you have the power of a computer in your pocket. I never had one, but I used to view all mobile communication devices as nothing more than accessories for yuppies and/or wankers.

Speaking of those kinds of people, here we are with a movie that tells us about the incredible rise, and just as incredible fall, of the device. Directed by, co-written by, and starring Matt Johnson, it shows how a couple of men (Mike, played by Jay Baruchel, and Doug, played by Johnson) were able to make their mark on the world once they allowed a wolf (Jim, played by Glenn Howerton) into their metaphorical hen-house.  

Based on a book, "Losing The Signal", written by Jacquie McNish and Sean Silcoff, BlackBerry benefits from a great script co-written by Johnson and Matthew Miller, and a trio of fantastic lead performances from Baruchel, Johnson, and Howerton, the latter an absolute bulldog in human form. There's also the inherent nostalgia factor, of course, and it helps that the true story has enough fascinating twists and turns to build a movie around.

Howerton is the individual overshadowing all others here, and his constant aggression is very entertaining, mainly because of how others struggle to deal with him. While there are elements of the character that you know would appeal to Howerton, it also forces him to leave any comedic instincts at the door as he depicts someone so strong-willed and single-minded that he becomes quite monstrous. Baruchel does his usual slightly awkward schtick, but also convinces as his character ages up and loses most of his innocence and naivete. Johnson might give himself the role of the most sensible one of the three, but that also allows him to stay present throughout most of the runtime without usually being the focus of any one scene, which may have helped him to focus on his role behind the camera. Martin Donovan turns up for a scene or two, as do Saul Rubinek, Cary Elwes, Michael Ironside, and Rich Sommer, and everyone else does what is necessary to make the environment onscreen feel as busy as it needs to be.

I didn't think I would enjoy this, despite hearing some good word about it when it was released a couple of years ago. Considering my own views of the BlackBerry device, I wasn't sure what the film would offer me. It turns out that it's a bittersweet look at people trying to maintain some integrity and optimism in a world that only holds those values for as long as the profit margins remain high enough. BlackBerry celebrates innovation and the blood, sweat, and tears that workers put into a product they had faith in, but it also makes clear from the earliest scenes that innovators and hard workers need someone to get out there and negotiate with businesses, and sell the product, to make it a real success. It's a great shame that everyone can't share the same principles, but maybe that's why certain products crash down so low after such unexpeted highs.

Anyway, I'm off to use an online game emulator to play Snake. Because some days I am reminded of how much I used to enjoy playing Snake on my Nokia 3310. 

8/10

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Prime Time: The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)

I believe I have said this before, and probably quite recently, but Guy Ritchie has moved into a phase of his career where he seems quite accomplished at delivering what can be commonly referred to as "dad films". There's often a central mission at the heart of things, a band of talented individuals are thrown together, and The Ministry Of Gentlemanly Warfare also presents things in the setting of WWII, which immediately calls to mind films like The Dirty Dozen and The Wild Geese, two titles it is definitely happy to sit alongside.

Things are tough, with the German forces looking set to retain the upper hand in the war due to their dominance of the sea, thanks to their many U-boats. It would be good if the U-boats could be taken out of the equation, or at least minimalized, but that's unlikely. The big ship that supplies the U-boats, however, could be a viable target, although it's docked in a harbour that cannot be the target of an officially-sanctioned military mission. But if a team could be assembled and convinced to do something that wasn't official . . . that could be a good chance to strike a blow against the Nazis. Which is why we end up spending a lot of time in the company of Henry Cavill, Alan Ritchson, Alex Pettyfer, Eiza González, Babs Olusanmokun, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, and Henry Golding.

Working this time with writers Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson, and Arash Amel, and helping to adapt the book by Damien Lewis, Ritchie cannot really be faulted here for taking the bones of a true story and using it as a frame upon which to hang some enjoyable tension and violence. While it's another Ritchie movie that doesn't really feel like it's full of his style, the argument can be made nowadays that he's simply showing one or more strings that he's added to his bow. Not that any of this is a radical departure, especially in the scenes that have the characters engaging in witty banter with one another as bullets and shells fly around them, but the period setting and the tally-ho spirit of the whole thing helps it to feel a step removed from many other Ritchie films.

Cavill is having a whale of a time, portraying the fearless leader of this merry band of killers with a fine swagger and a readiness to often let out a hearty laugh. Ritchson is savage, killing off people with knives, arrows, and, in one memorable sequence, a fire-axe, and he is also always ready to grin and chuckle while turning his foes into corpses. Eiza González and Babs Olusanmokun are eminently watchable as they work on the ongoing intelligence side of the operation, keeping themselves close to the open jaws of the lion (personified by Heinrich Luhr, played brilliantly by Til Schweiger) in a way that nicely builds the tension in between the scenes of fighting and Nazi bloodshed. While Tiffin, Pettyfer, and Golding are slightly sidelined, they each get at least one moment to make a solid impression, and that also leaves room for enjoyable supporting turns from Danny Sapani, Cary Elwes, Freddie Fox, and Rory Kinnear (the latter two portraying Ian Fleming and Winston Churchill, respectively).

The performances are all good, the music by Christopher Benstead has some key pieces that are fantastic, and the overall look and design of the film makes it feel as if a decent budget has been well-used by everyone involved. This aims to entertain, and it succeeds. It's a bit uneven, especially when the third act fully kicks in, and the action becomes less interesting as it grows in scale, but there are enough great individual moments to satisfy viewers who are prepared for a standard "men on a mission" adventure

Considering that we live in a world where you can now get your social media content flagged for being "inappropriate" or "hatespeech" when you remind people that it's always moral and justifiable to punch a Nazi, The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare gains a lot of goodwill for unapologetically keeping us onside with characters who want to do just that. Sometimes you may sigh as you watch the news headlines recently, and this might be just what you need to remind you that good people are still out there, willing to get their hands dirty in any battles they need to win to keep themselves on the right side of history. Of course, I know that "the right side of history" is a very subjective thing, but not so much when you're talking about those who helped defeat Hitler and co. in WWII.

7/10

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Netflix And Chill: A Castle For Christmas (2021)

Okay, these films still woerk within the Christmas movie formula, but there have been various extra tropes that have become popular over the past decade or so. Instead of just focusing on a successful businesswoman holidaying in a small town where she falls for a man who spends his time looking ruggedly handsome and chopping trees (replanting at least two for each one he cuts down, of course), there are many films that have our lead character falling for a charming royal, spending time in a grand estate/castle, and/or being amusingly bamboozled and warmly welcomed by the residents of a small Scottish town. A Castle For Christmas is one of these films.

Brooke Shields plays Sophie, a very successful author who has just upset most of her fanbase by killing off a very popular character. Needing to get away from everything for a while, to keep away from the angry mob and spark her creativity again, Sophie heads to Scotland, visiting a castle that she remembers being a big part of her family many years ago. The good news is that the castle is up for sale. The bad news is that it is currently owned by a grump Duke named Miles (Cary Elwes). Sophie and Miles butt heads as they negotiate moving ahead with a sale that the latter doesn't really want to see through to completion, but there's also a spark of romance there.

Written by first-timer Ally Carter and the more experienced Kim Beyer-Johnson, A Castle For Christmas is absolutely everything you want/expect it to be. It allows the stars to shine, keeps things moving towards a very Christmassy finale (of course), and fills the screen with a number of supporting characters who see the reality of the central situation before our leads do. Director Mary Lambert knows what she needs to do, and she gets the job done, helped by a cast that approach the material with plenty of enthusiasm.

Shields has fun in her role, and gets to establish her character believably enough with an appearance on The Drew Barrymore Show in the opening sequence (featuring a cameo from . . . Drew Barrymore). Elwes also has fun, his amusing grumpiness almost making up for his attempt to deliver his dialogue in a Scottish accent. Almost. The other good thing is that the two look well-suited to one another, and it's somewhat refreshing to watch this kind of tale based around a couple who are in their late fifties/early sixties (not that either Shields or Elwes look as rough as I will at that age). Lee Ross is good value as Thomas, a helper to the Duke, a tour guide, and general handyman, and extra fun comes from some local knitting club members who befriend our lead (the knitters played by Andi Osho, Tina Gray, Eilidh Loan, and Stephen Oswald).

It's quite bland and safe, as so many of these films are, but it's also good enough to make you smile and enjoy the distraction while you get everything prepared for your own festive celebrations. I've already watched it twice, because I first watched it last year and forgot to write up a review, and neither viewing made me resent giving it my time, although I should note that I didn't find it as enjoyable and cute to see the Drew Barrymore scenes this time around (considering her woeful lack of judgement during the recent major strike action).

6/10

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Prime Time: Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023)

Guy Ritchie has certainly settled into a new groove in recent years. His output has increased, and he seems to enjoy moving between comedy capers, like this one, and darker fare (such as Wrath Of Man and his upcoming film, The Covenant AKA Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant). Working again with Ivan Atkinson and Marn Davies on the screenplay, Ritchie and his cast probably had a lot of fun making this. It’s a shame that viewers don’t get to enjoy themselves quite as much as those onscreen.

Something has been stolen, and it is due to be sold off to the highest bidder. It’s not important to know exactly what the stolen item is. It’s important to know that it is very dangerous. The person most likely to be brokering that deal is the super-rich and super-dodgy Greg (Hugh Grant). A team is assembled to get close to Greg. That team is made up of action man Orson (Jason Statham), tech whizz Sarah (Aubrey Plaza), and a man who can support both, JJ (Bugzy Malone). Cary Elwes plays Nathan, the man trying to remain in charge of this small team, and problems arise when he realises that they aren’t the only ones assigned to this job. But they are the only ones who come up with the idea of getting close to Greg by introducing him to his favourite actor, Danny (Josh Hartnett).

I am not going to use this review to try and pretend that I didn’t enjoy this film (and to hell with typing out that unnecessarily unwieldy title every time I am referring to it). This is a fun time, thanks largely to the cast obviously having fun in their roles, but it’s an insubstantial and lesser fun time than many other films directed by Ritchie.

Timing is a big part of that, especially when the central idea is so close to the plot of The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent (which had the added bonus of letting Nicolas Cage playing a version of Nicolas Cage), but there’s also a script issue. This is an action comedy that doesn’t quite have enough action or comedy in it, and I cannot imagine how people will react to this if they aren’t already fans of the cast.

Statham is on good form in the lead role, doing what he does well (being charming, cocky, and good at punching people in the face), and both Plaza and Malone work well alongside him, the former getting more of the laughs with her constant playfulness and teasing. Elwes has to roll his eyes often as he tries to keep his team in order, and he is subsequently ordered around by Eddie Marsan, fun in an all-too-small role, while Peter Ferdinando does well as the head of the secondary team. Hartnett has a great time portraying a slightly precious actor, roped into a scheme he would rather know nothing about, and Grant delivers yet another hilarious rogue that seems to be his forte nowadays.

A lot of people will enjoy this. There certainly isn’t much here to hate. It just doesn’t do anything as well as expected though, sadly, with the 114-minute runtime feeling overlong, the soundtrack disappointingly sticking very much in the background, no major set-pieces, and a third act that lacks real tension. Nobody ever feels as if they are ever in proper danger, which means that you never get the sense of the stakes being very high. I don’t regret passing some time with this, especially as I like every main player, but I would rewatch either The Gentlemen or Wrath Of Man ahead of it, and I highly recommend both of those films to anyone who hasn’t seen them yet. The former is in line with the tone of this film, the latter is quite a bit darker and more violent.

6/10

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Last Train To Christmas (2021)

Written and directed by Julian Kemp, Last Train To Christmas is an enjoyable way to update A Christmas Carol. It mixes things up slightly by setting the tale on a train. And there’s the additional peril of the butterfly effect, as our lead character figures out that moving to the forward carriages takes him into his future while moving back takes him into his past.

Michael Sheen stars as Tony Towers, a character best described as a cross between Peter Stringfellow and Pete Waterman. About to open a number of extra new clubs, and about to celebrate his engagement to Sue (Nathalie Emmanuel). He has a strained relation with his brother, Roger (Cary Elwes), but is about to realise that it might make sense to listen to his words of caution, especially when he moves into his future and realises that his club empire is doomed to fail after he overspends and tries to expand too quickly. Attempting to fix things in the present, Tony soon figures out that he might do better to improve things by changing past decisions. And things start to go a bit wrong.

Although almost entirely set on a train, and with a fairly small central cast, Last Train To Christmas doesn’t feel small in scale, or inhibited in any way. It helps that the main characters are shown in so many different iterations (played well by a variety of actors, but Sheen and Elwes are the undeniable stars of the show) and the whole thing has a building momentum that energises the material. And, yes, keeping some money from the budget to spend on some popular, proper, Christmas hit songs also helps.

Kemp has come up with a wonderful way to mix the familiar with something a bit fresh, unafraid to take things to a very dark place (in line with the classic tale influencing it), but managing to keep viewers seeing the chance for even the smallest ray of hope. A light at the end of the train tunnel, as it were.

Sheen has a blast in his role, sporting a variety of looks that see him going from glitz to pure business, from prime ‘80s TV presenter to someone who has decided to age with the help of cosmetic surgery. Every actor portraying his character does a good job, but Sheen is the heart of the film. Elwes is equally good though, and almost unrecognizable for most of the runtime. Emmanuel is sadly underused, but as welcome as ever, and there are small roles for Katherine Kelly, Phyllis Logan, Danny Ashok, and John Thomson, as well as cameo appearances from Robin Askwith and Hayley Mills.

While the performances make the most of the material, the script deserves more praise than most Christmas movie scripts. First of all, it’s interesting to have a central character who isn’t necessarily an oblivious villain at the start. Tony Towers is egotistical and a bit selfish, but he’s no monster. Secondly, there are a number of little details that are nicely worked throughout the script to build the bigger picture, yet viewers are also asked to extrapolate whatever chain of events has changed the ripples of time as Tony moves from carriage to carriage. It’s very clever stuff.

This is a really enjoyable film to watch in the run up to Christmas. Maybe not as funny as some might expect, but it blends everything together really well. And you certainly get plenty of Michael Sheen for your money.

8/10

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MTOS: What A Cary Carey Carrie Carry On.

 #MTOS is Movie Talk On Sunday, something we try to have happen every week on Twitter, at 2000 BST.

Feel free to join in, always great to see people there. This week, it's a right Cary Carey Carrie Carry On. Look, it gives me a theme, but also allows for a great variety of movies to chat about.

Q1. What is your favourite serious Cary Grant film role?

Q2. What is your favourite comedic Cary Grant film role?

Q3. If you could drop Cary Grant into one modern movie, what would it be, and why?

Q4. It may seem simple to name your favourite Cary Elwes role, but I am asking you to leave The Princess Bride aside.

Q5. But we now have to give The Princess Bride some space here. As you wish. Are you a fan, or in the minority? Favourite cast member, and/or favourite moment?

Q6. Favourite Carey Mulligan role?

Q7. Without spoilers, Promising Young Woman sparked a LOT of debate when it was released. What did you think about it?

Q8a. Who is your favourite member of the Carry On team?

Q8b. What is your favourite Carry On film? This IS an excuse for quotes.

Q9. Carrie has been adapted into films, sequels, and stage musicals. How many incarnations of the material have you seen, and what highlights would you recommend to others?

Q10. Let's end with some love for Carrie Fisher. Please share your favourite non-Star Wars turn.

And that's it. Until next week. . . keep calm and carry on.

The Unholy (2021)

There are far too few movies based on the excellent novels of James Herbert, who gave us The Rats trilogy, The Fog (not the same story as the John Carpenter movie), The Magic Cottage, Creed, and many others. From what I can recall, movie-wise, we’ve had a film that just happened to be about killer rats and the nice-but-dull Haunted. So I was very excited when I discovered that The Unholy is a film based on Shrine, a Herbert novel I read many years ago. It’s not exactly a great movie, but it is easily the best adaptation of Herbert’s work so far.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays Gerry Fenn, a newspaper reporter who has ruined his reputation by fabricating a story. So he ends up taking on the smaller jobs, the thankless jobs, for lower rates or pay. That is how he ends up in a small town trying to make a decent story around a marked cow. He then almost hits young Alice (Cricket Brown) with his car. Alice speaks, despite the fact that she hasn’t spoken before. Gerry senses there may be something to explore, and then he ends up with the chance to present what could be the biggest story of his career. Alice is seeing the vision of a spirit. And miracles are happening. As Gerry investigates things further, however, he discovers that the spirit may not be what it claims to be.

Written and directed by Evan Spiliotopoulos, The Unholy is a solid story marred by the addition of some CGI and jump scares. It manages to deliver some excellent moments though, making use of a decent cast to tell a story that unfolds in a genuinely interesting, albeit slightly predictable, way. The destination may be obvious, but the journey of the flawed main character is better than that shown in many other mainstream horror movies.

Morgan is on good form in the lead role, his obvious charm no longer working on people who were “burned” by his past behaviour. He conveys determination and insight when he is finally moved to go back to doing his job properly, and he’s easy enough to like even when he’s acting like a bit of a lowlife in the first few scenes. Brown is a believable innocent caught up in some very strange events, she does well alongside both Morgan and William Sadler, the latter playing a caring priest who views the miraculous with caution, knowing that evil can use good to get a foothold within the minds and souls of unsuspecting victims. Cary Elwes and Diogo Morgado turn up to make the most of the opportunity to increase the numbers of a potential global congregation. And Katie Aselton is absolutely fine as a local woman who starts to help Morgan, after an initial meeting that doesn’t endear him to her (of course), and plays an important role in helping piece everything together in time for the grand finale.

Although I have complained here about some CGI and jump scares, I should clarify that it’s not all something to hold against the film. The effects are generally pretty well done, it would just have been better to see more practical work at times, and a couple of the jump scares are executed well enough to make them worthwhile. But the best thing here is the story, a journey for a central character that allows him a chance to truly face up to his past, and indeed even use his sullied reputation in a way that could end up saving lives. Everything at least feels as if it was put together by people really wanting to present audiences with something entertaining that doesn’t overstay its welcome. They succeeded, even if this may be destined to be forgotten a few months from now.

6/10

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Black Christmas (2019)

So here's the thing, Black Christmas is a bad movie. It just is. Sorry for those about to rush to defend it, I am about to quantify my judgement very shortly.

The third incarnation, I believe, of this horror tale of a group of sorority sisters being stalked by a mad killer, Black Christmas both stands and falls due to the way the material has been turned into something different from both of the previous movies bearing the same name.

Imogen Poots plays Riley, a young woman attending a college that seems to be gaining a bit of a reputation for sexism and misogyny. There's even a petition to protest the teaching tools of one Professor Gelson (played by Cary Elwes). There are other characters, and other plot elements, but the only one worth bothering about is Riley, and viewers learn that she survived an assault in her recent past by a boy who went on to continue living his life without a care in the world.

Directed by Sophia Takal, who also co-wrote the thing with April Wolfe, this version of Black Christmas is a film designed to display the everyday battles that women have to be involved in, just to have their views acknowledged, to maintain/gain their rights, and to stay safe. It's a horror film reflecting the "me too" movement, and one that also ensures you remember how pathetic it is to have to state "not all men". There are moments when that works well, it's not subtle about it, but it's also depressingly not unbelievable. Then the third act happens, and everything goes horribly wrong. The explanation of events is absolutely terrible, like something written by a child who didn't know how to end their story, and the more straightforward horror sequences completely lack tension or thrills.

This would have been much better if it hadn't been marketed as a Black Christmas movie. Make it a socially-conscious horror movie. Better yet, remove the traditional horror element, and show how life as a female college student can still be a complete horror movie. Any attempts to incorporate familiar elements are completely mishandled, and just fall flat. You don't get terrifying phone calls, you get text messages from anonymous numbers. You don't get impressive kill scenes, you get what feels like a number of sanitised, bloodless, ones.

Poots is good in the lead role, and is at the centre of all of the best scenes (while the makers understand what they're doing), but even she can't do enough to improve the awful mess that drags everything down as the plot unfolds. Aleyse Shannon, Lily Donoghue, and Brittany O'Grady are a number of the sisters, with none of them really standing out (certainly not for the right reasons), and Caleb Eberhardt is a good guy proving that there are one or two around, and they don't stand up to shout "not all men". Elwes is given a role that feels right for him, so that works, but nobody else is worth mentioning.

Although made with a degree of technical competence, and although I have mentioned the good points that are made, particularly in the first half, Black Christmas still ends up being one of the worst mainstream horror movies of the past year or two. It's a step down from Takal's previous effort, Always Shine, and I hope she does something next that can help us forget this one. It's so inept that it made me think fondly of the Glen Morgan remake, and that's saying something.

3/10

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Prime Time: Twister (1996)

As a director, Jan de Bont started strong (with Speed). Things were looking promising. The man who had provided such impressive cinematography for the likes of Die Hard and Basic Instinct showed that he had good instincts. Speed remains the high point of his directorial gigs. Twister, the second movie that had him sitting in the big chair, is the next best one, but it is a major step down.

Helen Hunt is Dr. Jo Harding, a woman who chases tornados and hopes to find out more about them to create a better warning system. Bill Paxton is Bill Harding, her sorta-ex, who needs divorce papers signed so that he can get married to Dr. Melissa Reeves (Jami Gertz). As Bill and Jo try to finalise the end of their relationship, a lot of exciting tornado action takes place. The chasers give chase, trying to stay out of danger while getting closer than most people would like to be, and also trying to stay ahead of sneaky rival, Dr. Jonas Miller (Cary Elwes).

Co-written by Michael Crichton and Anne-Marie Martin, Twister is obviously a film thought up by people who figured that tornadoes were fascinating, and that they could make a thrill ride of a movie. They were half right in both instances.Making use of the latest CGI, as well as plenty of practical effects, De Bont tries to provide movie entertainment that feels designed for a gimmick-laden immersive experience. Twister is the one movie I might consider watching in one of those awful-looking 4DX cinema screens.

The cast is generally pretty good, and generally deserve better than they get from the script. Hunt and Paxton are two likeable leads, given just the one note to work with each (she NEEDS to succeed in her main quest to get a research device inside a tornado, he will help and also show that he still has feelings for her), but I can imagine better choices, and I say that with lots of love for Paxton. Their friends/colleagues include Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alan Ruck, Sean Whalen, and a few other familiar faces. Elwes does well as the non-tornado villain of the movie, and Gertz does her best to look bemused/interested/exasperated while being the sounding board for all of the exposition audiences need about tornadoes, and the strange ways they can behave.

Although it's pretty awful as a movie, Twister holds up as a shallow blockbuster. The effects may not seem as impressive nowadays as they seemed in 1996, when it comes to the CGI (the practical work is still top notch), but it's always working on the remit of entertaining audiences with spectacle and thrills. And you'll probably smirk when you see the cow flying through the air. Personally, I will always prefer other weather-based action movies like The Day After Tomorrow and The Perfect Storm. Even The Core would be a better option. But not Geostorm though. Never Geostorm.

5/10

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Kiss The Girls (1997)

I had seen Kiss The Girls some years ago, or had at least seen enough of it to know how everything played out. And then I forgot everything that happened in it. Or so I thought. As the opening credits started to play out, I remembered one or two important plot points, making my revisit a fairly disappointing and pointless experience.

It's not that this is a bad film. It's just a textbook example of this kind of '90s thriller. They may have tried to get a bit darker and edgier after the success of Seven, almost exactly halfway through the decade, but the basic ingredients were the same. You had a smart detective who could think more steps ahead than the other officers around him (and, yes, it was more often than not a male character in the lead), you had a couple of decent players in supporting roles to provide a red herring or two, and also a main villain, and you had a female who either escaped the killer or assisted the detective, or indeed both. Most, if not all, of these tropes can be found in this film, and in films such as The Bone Collector, Color Of Night, Insomnia, Striking Distance (Willis again), and in a few others. The tropes could be subverted for erotic thrillers (e.g. the detective often being the character a couple of steps behind everyone else), and there are an equal number of movies that are notably different (mainly with female leads, such as The Silence Of The Lambs, Copycat, and Blue Steel), but you get the gist of what I am saying.

Morgan Freeman plays Detective Alex Cross, a forensic psychologist who becomes very personally involved in a major case when his niece goes missing. She is one of a number of girls taken by a criminal who goes by the name of Casanova. Helped by local law enforcement (Bill Nunn and Cary Elwes are here, Brian Cox is the Chief), the investigation doesn't seem to be moving forward until one of Casanova's most recent victims (Ashley Judd) manages to escape from his lair. She's determined to help bring her captor to justice, but can she trust her own memories of that traumatic episode?

Based on the best-seller by James Patterson, Kiss The Girls succeeds most in the casting department. The script by David Klass is servicable enough, admirably ticking all of those boxes mentioned above, but a lesser cast would, I suspect, have left this struggling to find an audience. Freeman and Judd are the leads, the former trying to piece together the puzzle while the latter uses her special position to help the investigation maintain momentum. Cox, Nunn, and Elwes all do well enough in their roles, and there's also a small, but impressive, turn from Tony Goldwyn and an even smaller role for the always-welcome Jeremy Piven.

The second theatrical feature for director Gary Fleder (who had previously done some TV work before delivering the highly enjoyable Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead), this is a safe and competent film that creeps close to darker territory at times before deciding not to wade in any further. That fault may lie with the source material, Patterson is certainly one of those prolific crime writers I can imagine does so well because he doesn't scare away all of his readers but I am sure it's easier to describe something grisly on the page than it is to show it onscreen, but it's a shame that neither Klass nor Fleder decided to push things a bit. Even the one moment that shows Alex Cross being affected by someone who gets under his skin hints at missed opportunities, considering how personal the case is for him (something all too easy to forget for most of the runtime).

I don't think I ever saw Along Came A Spider, which sees Freeman returning to the role, and I know I haven't yet seen Alex Cross. I'll be marking them off the list in the next few weeks.

6/10

You can buy a double-bill of Freeman Alex Cross movies here.
Americans can get a blu here.

Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013)

A fun, modern take on the classic fairytale, with more than a dabble of weed sprinkled through it, Hansel & Gretel Get Baked isn't a movie that I could ever call a great movie, but it's certainly much better than I expected it to be.

Molly Quinn is Gretel, a bit of a pothead who starts down a path towards trouble when she goes looking for her pothead boyfriend, Ashton (played by Andrew James Allen). Ashton had been going to pick up some great new weed, something being grown by a little old lady from Pasadena (yes, the song is mentioned). Unfortunately, that little old lady is a witch (Lara Flynn Boyle) who lures in her victims and uses them to help her turn back the clock. Gretel knows that something is up but doesn't realise the full situation. And neither does her brother, the non-potsmoker Hansel (Michael Welch).

Director Duane Journey uses a decent cast, a fun script (by David Tillman), and occasional decent gore effects to put together a fun movie that should please horror fans who don't need every movie to be chock full of tension and/or bloodshed. The way in which the main elements of the classic tale are adapted for the modern setting are fun, though nothing here can be described as subtle or sophisticate. What the hell, people could say the same about me. This is a film to be watched with snacks and the beverage of your choice, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Quinn is a perfectly decent Gretel, Welch does okay even though he's not onscreen that much, and Bianca Saad heats things up a bit as a girl named, well, Bianca who ends up helping Gretel after her own boyfriend also goes AWOL. Everyone else does well enough, including Lochlyn Munro and Yancy Butler as a pair of police officers reluctant to waste any time trying to find someone they simply assume is not where he should be because he's stoned. And then there is Lara Flynn Boyle. She's good, but that's mainly thanks to the script giving her most of the best lines. Other aspects of her performance show that, sadly, her best performances may be far behind her.

It's not going to win over any fans who like their horror dark and smart, but if you're an easygoing, unfussy viewer then you may just find this to be an amusing enough way to kill 90 minutes.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Hansel-Gretel-Get-Baked-Blu-Ray/dp/B00BPGLNXQ/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1398997221&sr=1-2&keywords=hansel+and+gretel+get+baked

Robin Hood: Men In Tights (1993)

A spoof of the Robin Hood legend, this Mel Brooks movie takes the usual scattershot approach, with a lot of specific digs at the big-budget, Kevin Costner-starring Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves.

Cary Elwes takes on the title role, and he's excellent, not least because "unlike some other Robin Hoods", he can speak with an English accent. He starts to cause trouble for Prince John (Roger Rees) and the Sheriff of Rottingham (Richard Lewis) while also winning the heart of the lovely Marian (Amy Yasbeck). Lending Robin some support are a blind manservant named Blinkin (Mark Blankfield), a young man named Ahchoo (Dave Chappelle), Little John (Eric Allan Kramer) and Will Scarlet O'Hara (Matthew Porretta), all willing to become the titular men in tights. Tension rises, fights are fought and everything builds up to a climactic battle in which Robin Hood hopes to right a lot of wrongs.

It may be unfair to compare the later work of Mel Brooks to his earlier successes, but it's inevitable whenever he releases another parody, thanks to Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein remaining perfect examples of the format. This film is not as good as those superb titles, but it's goofy and endearing enough to please fans of the director's style.

The cast is great. Elwes is very funny in the leading role, keeping a straight face while involved in some amusingly ridiculous exchanges. Richard Lewis and Roger Rees do more obvious clowning around, but they have fun with their roles, a fun that's infectious thanks to the enthusiasm of everyone involved. Mark Blankfield is okay, used for a number of obvious gags, while Dave Chappelle is his usual energetic self. Amy Yasbeck makes for a fine Marian and Megan Cavanagh is the maid/nurse trying to keep the lady pure.

Written by Brooks, Evan Chandler and J. D. Shapiro, the script includes some fun musical moments, plenty anachronisms included for comedic effect, a fun, small role for Tracey Ullman (who lusts after the Sheriff of Rottingham) and a wonderful moment that allows Robert Ridgely to reprise his role from Blazing Saddles. Dom DeLuise, Dick Van Patten, Isaac Hayes and Patrick Stewart all join the madness.

This may be a lesser Brooks movie, but it will still make you laugh on a number of occasions. Which is more than can be said about some other spoof/parody films from the past two decades (*cough* Friedberg/Seltzer *cough*).

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Robin-Hood-Men-Tights-DVD/dp/B00004U0MG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1366762288&sr=8-1&keywords=robin+hood+men+in+tights