Subservience (2024)

AKA M3GAN FOX. AKA FAITAL ATTRACTION. Those would have been my suggestions anyway.

You know how it is. When your wife ends up spending some time in hospital, with no guarantees of necessarily surviving the whole ordeal, then it can become difficult to balance your work and home life, especially when you have two small children. So you may end up investing in an advanced household "server bot" in the guise of Megan Fox. 

That's the plot of Subservience, basically, but with the added wrinkle of M3GAN FOX then becoming dangerously obsessed with her new owner, Nick (Michele Morrone). That gives Nick some problems, of course, but also upsets his wife, Maggie (Madeline Zima), and puts his children (Isla and Max) in potential danger.

Director S. K. Dale made his feature debut with Till Death, also starring Megan Fox, in a film that generally received some good reviews for both concept and star. That was more fun than this, thanks mainly to the efficiency of a great premise worked into a fun and tense script. The writers of this film, Will Honley and April Maguire, know what they're aiming for, although they sadly never push things too far into the world of the wonderfullly bonkers, but are hampered by a couple of big problems.

The first big problem stems from their own writing. There's a sub-plot here that comments on the lives being changed, and potentially ruined, by the progress of technology. Nick has a friend/ex-colleague, Monty (Andrew Whipp), who finds himself, along with many others, no longer needed at his place of employment. It's not necessarily bad to explore that tension, but it doesn't work in this movie. What works are the moments that are enjoyably trashy and focusing on the increasing tension of the main situation.

The other big problem is Morrone, who just isn't a strong lead. I'm not saying that it's the easiest job in the world to convey conflicted emotions and confusion while being attracted to a Megan Fox android, but Morrone needed to do much better here. His weak performance is especially disappointing compared to the good work from Fox and Zima, the former exuding an air of constant menace while not always overtly doing anything wrong and the latter being a vulnerable woman hoping to get her strength and health back before she loses her place in the family unit. Whipp is okay, I guess, but he just has to be angry and vengeful, and young Matilda Firth is sweet enough as Isla (with her even younger brother, played by Jude Greenstein, easily inhabiting his baby role by simply being a a baby).

I wanted this to be better, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't have fun with it. Everyone involved tries to hit the brief, as it were, and there are times when it does exactly what you want it to do. Unfortunately, there are too many times when it seems to think it needs more substance. Get a better lead actor in here, strip away the sub-plot commentary on the global situation, and you have a fine piece of sexy sci-fi silliness. As it is, Fox has the star power and the acting ability to still make this worth your time, but that really depends on whether or not you like Fox in the first place.

6/10

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Expend4bles (2023)

If there was ever a prime modern movie example of nominative determinism then I suggest you can find it here, where a fourth Expendables movie has been co-written by someone named Tad Daggerhart. He sounds like he should BE one of The Expendables, never mind writing their adventures. And, judging by this mess, maybe he could have improved things.

This is another film in which Sylvester Stallone leads a team of tough guys on a dangerous mission. Except he sort of doesn’t. So it is a film in which Jason Statham is put front and centre as the new leader. Except he sort of isn’t. So it’s up to Megan Fox to be sexy and badass, which she sort of . . . you get the picture. Nothing here works, nothing, and any further attempt to summarize the plot would simply give you false hope. Let’s just all be clear that this is a film that starts with Stallone getting his tough mate to confront and beat up a bar full of guys because he lost his ring in a gambling session. It wasn’t stolen. He wasn’t duped. He got drunk and sloppy, lost his precious ring, and now storms back in like some kid who has made up a story about another kid he wants to see cry when his dad gives him a telling off.

As well as Daggerhart, this mess was co-written by Kurt Wimmer (who at least did much better with Statham on his most recent film, The Beekeeper) and Max Adams. I am not sure if they had much freedom with the writing, a lot of these movies seem to be plotted around the stars and their screen presence, but they have to now shoulder the blame nonetheless.

The direction from Scott Waugh doesn’t help. Waugh has a few films under his belt now, none of them are particularly great, but few are as bad as this, and he seems unable to do the best with any material he is given. His best asset here is the cast, because he also has Tony Jaa and Iko Uwais at his disposal, but they are almost uniformly wasted.

Sly does what Sly always does, even if he steps back this time around to let others take more of the strain and the bruises, and Statham is as dependable as ever when he is given a decent amount of screentime. That is the big problem though. A whole host of people are here, with none of them getting to do anything truly worthwhile. Jaa is wasted, Uwais is wasted, Fox is wasted. Dolph Lundgren? Levy Tran? Andy Garcia? All wasted. But at least there’s time for Randy Coutoure and Jacob Scipio to have some unfunny and unwanted banter together, and 50 Cent gets to be part of the team long enough to be involved in a scene that creates a diversion using . . . a 50 Cent song.

I have enjoyed all of these movies, to some degree, and I am quite easily pleased. Not to offend a large group of people, but I think the majority of those who lapped up the blend of nostalgia and action presented in this concept are generally as easy to please as myself. This doesn’t please anyone though. It seems to forget the main reason why anyone would want to see an Expendables movie, which is a real shame. Easily the worst of the lot, and I hope they stop now before figuring out some way to hit a new low.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Night Teeth (2021)

“Ain’t nothing like a fang gang”, as The Sensational Alex Harvey Band almost sang, many years ago. It has so often been the case, in books and in films, that vampires have lived among us, negotiating truces with various factions (be they humans, other vampires, is something else). And those truces always seem to fall apart at some point.

Jorge Lendeborg Jr. plays Benny, a chilled-out student who offers to cover a shift as a driver for his brother, Jay (Raul Castillo). He picks up two young women, Blaire (Debby Ryan) and Zoe (Lucy Fry), and begins taking them from one party to another. What he doesn’t realise, initially, is that Blaire and Zoe are working for Victor (Alfie Allen), and Victor is a vampire who plans to become the head honcho overnight by taking out all of the competition. Blaire and Zoe are also vampires, and they were expecting Jay to be their driver, as Jay is also a target, albeit a human one).

A debut script from Brent Dillon is given some due care and attention from director Adam Randall (delivering his second feature after the excellent I See You), and the end result is an enjoyable, horror-tinged, teen flick. Benny may be in a lot of trouble, and it could end up being his last night, but he gets to experience some good times along the way, achieving a status and level of cool previously unattainable. He also finds himself quite attracted to Blaire, so it’s far from all bad. The threat of being bitten and having his blood drained may put a dampener on things, but there’s always a chance that Benny might eventually be released. He is just the wrong guy in the wrong place, and maybe killer vampires will take that into consideration.

There’s nothing special here, in either the style or the material itself. Locations vary from luxury homes to private members clubs, from a busy nightclub to a villain’s swanky HQ, complete with “blood bank”. And the characters are usually either unfazed and calm, or trying to find the nearest exit once they have seem some bloodshed. It’s all very familiar, but the leads help make it work.

Lendeborg Jr. is very likeable in the role of Benny, a guy so laidback that he could make a fantastic carpet. Ryan and Fry are both fine for their characters, with the former being a bit more sweet and lovely while the latter is the one rushing to enjoy some killing. Allen is a decent head baddie, Castillo is okay, but a bit bland, and there’s a decent little enjoyable cameo for Megan Fox.

If you are after a fun vampire movie then I would recommend many others ahead of this (from Vamp to We Are The Night, with so many others also in immediate contention). But if you’re after a fun NEW vampire movie then I would happily recommend this. It’s an easily enjoyable bit of bitey entertainment.

7/10

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Netflix And Chill: Till Death (2021)

Say what you like about Megan Fox, and oh so many already have, she has often mixed interesting projects into her filmography alongside the movie roles that have her as little more than “eye candy”. It may have taken far too long for people to fully appreciate Jennifer’s Body, but there’s a chance that something like Till Death can find an audience now, especially if people are interested in a fairly straightforward thriller that is happy to throw subtlety to the wind as it depicts a woman fighting to survive an unhappy marital situation.

Fox plays Emma, who is unhappily married to Mark (Eoin Macken). Mark used to be a lawyer who helped put bad guys away, like the man (Bobby Ray, played by Callan Mulvey) who attacked Emma many years ago, but now he makes a better living by keeping bad guys out of prison. Mark may also be aware that Emma is so unhappy in their marriage that she has recently started an affair with Tom (Aml Ameen). Perhaps that is the reason for him taking them out to an isolated lake house, enjoying one lovely night together, and then blowing his brains out in the morning. With Emma handcuffed to him. It soon becomes clear that Mark has made sure Emma cannot leave, and has made sure that she cannot remove the cuffs easily. He has also invited some dangerous people to come to the lake house, promising them a very hefty reward.

The feature debut of director S. K. Dale, Till Death is a lean, enjoyable, thriller that really starts to become more entertaining once the central dilemma is fully established. Very early scenes are a bit strange and awkward, with both leads showing just how uncomfortable they are around one another in their problem-riddled marriage, but the suicide moment feels like the moment when the film is moved into another gear. Writer Jason Carvey, although without a wealth of experience in his filmography, generally keeps things tense enough to distract viewers from picking at the more obvious plot holes.

Fox is great in her role, carrying a number of scenes on her own (with a corpse attached to her). As the death and trauma actually bring her character to life, she becomes more and more committed to surviving, something that would have seemed impossible to the woman in the opening scenes. It's this performance, in line with the main theme of the movie, that makes the film work so well. Mulvey is a dangerous and menacing presence, as he so often is, and Jack Roth is good as your standard "bad man who will do bad things, but doesn't want to go as far as killing someone". Macken is easy to dislike, while Ameen is easy to like, and that is your main cast sorted.

Although the premise may be looking at someone fighting to break away from a bad marriage/husband, literally, there's also an interesting aspect to Till Death that shows male entitlement, and how so many men think they are doing well by women as long as they're not acting on par with the worst men around. There's really only one potential good guy here, and even he makes the mistake of not listening to a woman who knows more about the impending danger than he does. Which clarifies that, while others may help on occasion, the only one who can really help Emma have a proper life . . . is Emma.

Get through those difficult early scenes and you end up with a solid thriller that is an easy one to recommend.

7/10

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

For anyone with far too much time on their hands, here are reviews for the previous Turtle-tastic flicks.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III.
TMNT.

Yes, it's yet another reboot for our heroes in a half-shell. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have had a long, fruitful life in various guises, from their comic origins to the movies to the cartoon show to lunchboxes, toys and other merchandise, and I can't see that stopping any time soon. Having said that, things didn't look good for this movie. The very first trailer was received with a large amount of disdain, and outright hatred in some quarters. Michael Bay was producing (allowing for more people to rant, once again, about him somehow being the most evil thing to happen to movies since pan & scan). And the director was a man who can claim that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning remains his best movie. Throw Megan Fox into the mix (hey, I like her, but many don't) and you seem to have a recipe for disaster.

April O'Neil (Fox) is a reporter who seems to be stuck with the lighter items, despite working hard to pick up a serious news story. She thinks she may have something special on her hands when she sees some vigilantes taking on the violent Foot Clan, trained baddies who have been terrorising the city. Unfortunately, when she sees them up close she sees four large turtles. Nobody is going to believe her, of course, but that doesn't stop her from pursuing the story. Accompanied by a cameraman (Will Arnett), April heads along to visit local celebrity business mogul, Eric Sacks (William Fichtner). And then Shredder pops up to cause even more trouble. Fights happen. There are big action moments. And viewers may roll their eyes, as I did, at a section of the film showing how the turtles developed into the teenage mutant ninjas that we now know them as.

There are one or two things that this film does get right. First of all, the human cast works well. Fox is a decent April O'Neil, and her character is pleasingly proactive throughout the movie, Arnett is always good fun (and provides some amusement here), Fichtner is great, and it was good to see Whoopi Goldberg back in a major release, albeit in nothing more than a cameo role. Tohoru Masamune doesn't do too badly as the main, famous villain, while Minae Noji somehow makes a good impression as his main henchwoman, despite being treated quite badly by the weak script.

Some of the action in the first half of the movie works well. People will undoubtedly complain about the levels of lighting and the editing, but the film IS showing characters who are ninjas. The clue is there in the title, making the flurried fighting under cover of darkness perfectly acceptable, and enjoyable.

And then we have the runtime. At about 100 minutes, approximately, this manages to distance itself slightly from the modern trend of the blockbusters that run for at least two hours. Well, it WOULD, if it didn't feel like a much longer movie, thanks to the interminable dullness of it all.

That's all I can think of. A few of the lines will raise a smirk, but just as many will raise groans from viewers (both familiar and unfamiliar with the characters). The script, by Josh Appelbaum, Evan Daugherty, and Andre Nemec, feels as if it doesn't know what it wants to be. A fun film, in line with the past movies that many enjoyed, or a serious reboot, adding a sharpness and grit to the characters. It subsequently fails to be either.

Jonathan Liebesman directs with some competence, I guess. But he seems to be just as unsure of how to handle the material as the writers. Some of the rapport between the main characters does work, but an awful lot of it just falls flat. And as for the big set-pieces in the second half of the movie. Unfortunately, I think they're some of the dullest and most irritating that I've sat through in some time (in a mainstream cinema release, anyway). Everything soon starts to become tiresome, as those making the film opt to please the audience by just throwing more and more effects and noise onscreen, and hoping that something sticks.

Symptomatic of everything that's wrong with modern, soulless, cinema at its worst, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has already been successful enough to have a sequel greenlit. Which makes me incredibly sad, despite the fact that there are a lot of other world problems I should be focusing on.

4/10

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Jennifer's Body (2009)

Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried star in this hip comedy horror directed by Karyn Kusama from a script by Diablo "writer of Juno" Cody. I think every review of this movie has to mention the fact that Diablo "writer of Juno" Cody was the writer of Juno. This fact may help people decide whether they are going to like or dislike Jennifer's Body because it certainly contains a lot of the highly stylised teenspeak that Diablo peppered throughout her most famous script (to date, anyway).

The plot sees Jennifer (Fox) and her unlikely, and slightly geeky, best friend Needy (Seyfried) attending a rock gig featuring a band with a lead singer (Adam Brody) that Jennifer would like to get to know a lot better. But when a fire burns down the venue things go speedily downhill and Needy simply looks on as Jennifer is taken away in the rock group's van to who knows where. The next day it seems that all is well, weirdly so, but something is different about Jennifer - she's now possessed and likes to terrorise and eat her fellow schoolmates. This causes some understandable friction between the two pals, and as the rift widens it's Needy who starts to uncover the truth behind the recent spate of deaths in town.

A lot of people have had the knives out already due to the lead role being played here by Megan Fox, an attractive girl most associated with the large battling robots of the Transformers movies. But it's with performances like this one and her turn in How To Lose Friends And Alienate People that she proves she's more than just a pretty face. Seyfried is a great asset as the best friend who has to face some difficult decisions and none of the other young actors let themselves down in any way. There really aren't too many older stars given much time but J.K. Simmons stands out in his small, fun role.

Stylistically, the movie reminded me very much of Heathers and also Mean Girls in its skewing of high school hierarchy and the twisting of the stereotypical teen roles. As mentioned before, those who do not like the kind of teenspeak used in Juno, etc. may find the whole thing a bit jarring to the ears but the blend of scares, tension and smart one-liners (my personal favourite being a great "Rocky Horror" gag) should please those who dig the movie's overall vibe.

7/10 

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