Scary Movie (2026)

Okay, admittedly, I was never a big fan of the first couple of Scary Movie releases. I've not really been won over by any of the Wayans brothers movies from the past couple of decades. But I knew I'd still have to watch this eventually. I just didn't expect to see it at the cinema. One free ticket and some bad timing, however, and that's just what I ended up doing recently.

I'm sure that everyone else actually wanting to see this film will go to it and have a good time. They won't think of it as the best in the series, but they'll have enough laughs and claim that anyone who didn't enjoy it is just brainwashed nowadays by the "woke-erati", or whatever the latest buzz-word is. Because this film has been advertised as something that will cross every line and upset those who get easily offended. It doesn't even come close to that. It's lazy, self-satisfied, nonsense. Most importantly, it made me laugh only two or three times throughout the entire 96-minute runtime.

I'll do the courtesy of describing a plot, despite the fact that there really isn't one. A killer is back on the scene, and may be aiming to kill off Cindy (Anna Faris) and Brenda (Regina Hall). That's an excuse for everyone else to join the leads, whether it's Shorty (Marlon Wayans), Ray (Shawn Wayans), Doofy (Dave Sheridan), Greg (Lochlyn Munro), or Gale (Cheri Oteri). There are also some younger characters to be put in peril, such as Cindy's daughters, Sara (Olivia Rose Keegan) and Tuesday (Savannah Lee Nassif), and Brenda's children, including the *sarcasm font required here* hilariously-named DEI (Sydney Park).

I'll begrudgingly excuse some of the laziness here. Considering the main slasher movies being targeted by this series, it's appropriate that this instalment gets the gang back together in the laziest and most implausible way. Because that's basically what happened in Scream (2022). It's also fine to have some fun with the newcomers before ensuring that the older stars get their flowers due to them.

What isn't fine is the laziness throughout. While it may not stoop to the levels of the dire Friedberg/Seltzer movies we endured a couple of decades ago, this is painfully unfunny and unimaginative throughout. A spoof of Sinners is an excuse to make many more gags about the not-so-closeted homosexuality of Ray (a joke that was tired by the second movie). A spoof of Get Out is an excuse for some more sex gags, before transitioning into a rare highlight, a well-animated riff on KPop Demon Hunters. Two gags made me laugh, one referencing Candyman and the other referencing the imagery of Weapons. That's it. More should have been done with The Substance, anything would have been better than the horribly smug fan-service moment it delivers, and there are so many other movies that could have been thrown into the mix. But that would show a love for the horror genre, and I don't think the Wayans brothers have any love for the horror genre. According to the third act of this film, as well as a number of gags elsewhere, the Wayans brothers mostly love themselves. They believe themselves to be some kind of comedy film legends, but their filmography doesn't bear that out.

Faris and Hall are people I really like watching in movies. It's a shame that they've spent so much time stuck in this turgid series. At least they help to lessen my pain while I endure them though, which is more than I can say for Marlon Wayans (Shorty is one of the most annoying movie characters in the entire history of the movies, as far as I'm concerned). The younger cast members generally do well as they gamely work with the weak material given to them, and Keegan is particularly enjoyable when being silly. Nobody can do enough to save the film from the director (Michael Tiddes) or writers though (four of the Wayans brothers and Rick Alvarez), who are all pre-occupied with finding the easiest option for anything they mistake for a punchline.

Despite the advertising, there aren't really any lines crossed here. I'd even say that there are some progressive moments, compared to the first movie in the series anyway. Overall, this is a childish attempt to put together a collage of moments that those involved thought would offend those who don't really like these movies anyway. The only people it really offends are those who want their comedy movies to contain enough actual comedy. Others seem to be buying into the hype though, sadly, and I won't be surprised if this ends up being the most financially successful instalment of the series, to date.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: There's Someone Inside Your House (2021)

Perhaps still best known for the two Creep movies that many keep thinking of as Mark Duplass movies (maybe because of his input, or maybe it's just me), Patrick Brice has been building an enjoyably twisted filmography over the past decade or so. I still wouldn't have considered him as the first choice to direct this teen slasher movie, based on a novel by Stephanie Perkins, but he soon shows that he's more than up to the task.

Someone is killing the students of Osborne High, with the death scene relating to some secret that is then shared around with everyone else at the school. This probably wouldn't worry anyone who manages to live their life without any secrets, but almost everyone has a secret. Makani (Sydney Park) has a big secret, a reason she moved away from where she used to live, so she starts to worry when that will catch up with her. She also has a small group of close friends (Alex, Zach, Darby, and Rodrigo) that expands by one when they welcome bullied football player, Caleb, among them. And she has an attraction to the one boy who is the immediate prime suspect when the killings begin, Ollie (Théodore Pellerin).

Both the best and the worst thing about There’s Someone Inside Your House is the fact that it is a very straightforward, non-ironic, slasher movie. You don’t get a lot of winks and gags, which means the pure and serious approach actually feels more interesting and unique now, compared to the many slasher movies we have seen that need to be loaded with references to past glories.

Henry Hayden’s screenplay puts everything together well enough, despite not throwing around enough red herrings, and you have a good selection of characters who manage to stand out from the crowd without ever seeming invulnerable. Brice works well with what he’s given, setting up the deaths as the set-pieces they should be and building up a head of steam towards a third act where we get the expected “unmasking” and final battle. The killer isn’t ever all that menacing or convincing when all is finally revealed, but that is compensated for by the messages running throughout the rest of the film, and the gory kills.

Park is a decent lead, a young woman with a troubled past who could also be a suspect in a killing spree, and Pellerin is enjoyable as the misfit who probably isn’t the evil sociopath that everyone takes him for. Elsewhere, Ashjha Cooper, Dale Whibley, Jesse LaTourette, and Diego Josef are a good selection of actors playing the core group, and Burkely Duffield is easy to like as the footballer who ends up joining their group. There are other people here, all doing good work, but the focus stays on the main group of friends trying to act as if they don’t have any secrets while avoiding a killer who could prove otherwise.

Satisfyingly bloody, and enjoyably teen-oriented without feeling too inconsequential or silly, There’s Someone Inside Your House turns out to be one of the better slasher movies of the last few years. And it doesn’t end with an obvious attempt to stretch things out into a series (famous last words).

7/10

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Wish Upon (2017)

Here are some things that can almost guarantee I watch a film: zombies, sharks, time travel, Diora Baird, and wishes that are granted in deviously twisted ways. So I knew that I would see Wish Upon eventually, despite hearing plenty of negative opinions on it, and it was only the concept that sold me. I was unaware of writer Barbara Marshall. I wasn't exactly blown away by the filmography of director John R. Leonetti (who bagged the Annabelle gig, and scored a hit there). And although I recognise lead actress Joey King, I don't know her well enough to seek out or avoid anything that she stars in.

King plays Clare Shannon, a young girl who isn't doing too well in life. Her schooldays are quite miserable, her father (Ryan Phillippe) spends most of his days scavenging from bins for items to renovate or sell on (I guess), and she gazes lovingly at a hunky fella (Paul, played by Mitchell Slaggert) who hasn't looked her way in years. She does at least have two loyal best friends (played by Sydney Park and Shannon Purser) but not much else. But everything changes when she finds a magical box that grants wishes. Those wishes come at a cost, of course, but Clare has already been seduced by a better life by the time she realises the big picture.

Starting off with an enjoyably twisted wish (Clare just wants someone to rot away), things start subtly enough to allow the film to build and build with each wish. The fact that the main characters go throughout approximately half of the movie just thinking everything is the result of an overdue deluge of good luck is ridiculous, and writer Marshall could have tried harder there, but it's easy to forgive the failings of the film as we start to watch one tease after another, wondering if people will live or die in sequences that wouldn't feel out of place in a Final Destination movie. Admittedly, tension is diluted while viewers can laugh at people sliding their hands into garbage disposal units, moving under cars that are jacked up while a tyre is being changed, or just helping someone go to work on a tree branch with the most unsafe chainsawing set-up possible, but it's all still good fun.

King is okay in the lead role, with Park and Purser both likable enough as her friends, and Slaggert does okay in a role that really sees him unwittingly under the spell of one of the wishes. Ki Hong Lee is also enjoyable enough, playing a student who ends up helping Clare try to solve the mysterious origin of the box. It's odd to see Phillippe in the dad role, despite the fact that he may have been in that age bracket for a few years now, but he does well enough, and Sherilyn Fenn gets some screentime too, which will always make me happy.

Leonetti keeps things pretty teen-friendly, neither elevating nor dragging down the average script, and the concept should please anyone who, like me, already thinks they might derive some pleasure from it. Once past the first third, which sets up the characters and shows the box starting off small before growing and growing, in terms of the price paid for wishes, this provides solid entertainment.

Oh, and if anyone ever makes a movie in which a time travelling zombie shark tries to entrap the soul of Diora Baird by offering her a number of wishes that won't pan out as she wants them to . . . . . . show me where to buy my tickets.

6/10

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