When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

As much as I have always enjoyed When Harry Met Sally..., I would also slightly dismiss it as a film very much in the shadow of Annie Hall. I'm not wrong to mention that touchstone, I don't think so anyway, but revisiting this has reminded me of how wrong it is to dismiss it. This is a rom-com that easily delivers on both the rom and the com fronts, as well as providing some great autumn/winter atmosphere in a number of great sequences.

Billy Crystal is Harry Burns and Meg Ryan is Sally Albright. The two first meet as they ride-share to New York. It doesn't exactly seem like the start of any long-term friendship. Harry certainly doesn't help when he, unprompted, discusses his theory that men and women can never really be friends because of sex getting in the way. Anyway, time passes and Harry and Sally keep crossing paths, ultimately becoming friends, despite what Harry said during their first encounter. Or is there still a chance of sex mucking everything up for them?

Writer Nora Ephron may not have a filmography full of all-time greats, but she certainly managed an excellent hat-trick of star vehicles for Ryan between 1989 and 1998 (no, I'm not including Hanging Up from 2000 because, well, it's not in the same league). Director Rob Reiner, on the other hand, didn't really put a foot wrong throughout the 1980s, and he came to this after a quartet of features that could easily be said to include three absolute classics. With Ephron having mined material from Reiner and Crystal, as well as her own life, everything was aligned to create a film that allows everyone involved to have fun without ever losing focus of that vital central relationship.

While Crystal is a lot of fun here, and tends to get more of the witty lines as he provides commentary on human nature, and the important differences between men and women, the film belongs to Ryan. This is the film that firmly placed her, for a few years anyway, as "America's sweetheart", and it's easy to see why. She's cute, she does well with the comedy, she's someone to sympathise with at times, and the film allows everyone to fall completely in love with her in sync with her co-star. Carrie Fisher and Bruno Kirby are also great though, playing friends (Marie and Jess, respectively) who allow our leads to discuss their problems and differing perspectives. There are some other people who pop up here and there, particularly in a number of interludes that have people relating stories of how they fell in love, but most of them are surplus to requirements. We only really want to spend time with four people. In fact, we only really want to spend time with two people, but the two others orbiting their lives are funny and interesting enough to help avoid the leads being stuck in any kind of vacuum.

What else do you need to know? There's lovely cinematography from Barry Sonnenfeld, great work from Harry Connick Jr. throughout the soundtrack, and you get a handful of genuinely wonderful quotes to carry in your heart as you go through your own ups and downs in life (and that's not including THAT line, which caps the most memorable scene in the film). The only real criticism I have is the fact that Crystal gets carried away with his schtick a few too many times, which may be more of a problem for anyone who doesn't like him as much as I do, but there's very little else to pick at. It's a comforting, cosy, lovely, funny, rom-com that still sits within nudging distance of the very best.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Occupied City (2023)

Settle down, people, settle down, and make yourselves comfortable. Because it's time for one of those reviews that can feel more like a bit of a rant mixed with a bit of a lecture. I know, I know, you can barely contain your joy.

I debated whether or not to view and review Occupied City. It's always harder to review a documentary than it is to review a traditional narrative feature, and the subject matter here doesn't seem like one that would make for an enjoyable distraction for those who may read it during this holiday season. But sometimes it's not about making things enjoyable, or more palatable. Sometimes making people uncomfortable is necessary, especially as we look around us at a world that is having fires stoked by ill-advised beliefs in all opinions being equal and every story having two sides.

Directed by Steve McQueen, based on the book by his wife, Bianca Stigter (a Dutch culture critic and author, and also the director of Three Minutes: A Lengthening, which feels very much like a precursor to this), Occupied City is a look around modern-day Amsterdam while a narrator (Melanie Hyams) relates many tales of a community ruined and many lives lost in the city. That's all it is, and that's all it needs to be.

I don't like to single out others, and it's good to remember that all film opinions are subjective, but looking at the negative reviews for Occupied City helps to show why it is important, although I appreciate that some may only benefit from it when the full context is hammered home to them. People just think this is a boring and aimless look at a city while someone tells you what happened decades ago, without any connection between the past and the present. Those are the people that should be forcibly sat down and made to watch this again and again, at least until they see that there's no way to disconnect the past and present. Our present, in a number of small and large ways, is formed by the past, and it's becoming harder and harder to remind people of that, as it is also becoming harder to convince people that "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it".

There's a hefty runtime to deal with here, the standard version is 266 minutes (although I remember hearing about a much longer version that was part of an installation somewhere), and there's no change to the format throughout, but it's once again important to understand that THAT is the point. Viewers quickly become relatively immune to the catalogue of horrors, maybe being startled again by an unexpectedly unpleasant detail here and there, but it goes on and on and on. It seems as if it will never end, as I am sure it seemed that way to the people living through WWII. There's a fine short film by Alan Clarke, Elephant, that uses a similar, but not identical, approach to a different bloodshed-filled chapter of history, and I appreciate this way of presenting evil in a way that also shows how banal and boring it can be for those who can be constantly hearing about it without being directly affected by it. That happens today, it happens to many of us almost every day, and if Occupied City makes just one person remember to speak up in protest against any kind of bigotry, abuse, or dehumanisation then it's worth the four and half hour time investment. Actually, it's worth that investment anyway. 

The present is getting away from us in a way that is scarily quick and scarily regressive. Become more familiar with the past, especially while we have people who are allowed to tell us about it without trying to reframe any of the major villains.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: Our Little Secret (2024)

From what I can gather, this is the last of the three-picture deal that star Lindsay Lohan made with Netflix. I think it could be argued that she's saved the best for last, whether coincidentally or on purpose. I think it could also be argued that Miss Lohan may well be interested in making some new deal with the streaming service, considering how well it seems to have worked for both parties.

This film starts with Avery (Lohan) and Logan (Ian Harding) going through a difficult patch in their relationship. It might be okay though, as long as someone doesn't attempt a very public and ill-judged proposal. Oh dear. We then move forward through the years, via a bizarre collage of pop culture moments that seem to remind you of other Netflix successes every so often. Avery and Logan haven't seen each other in a long time. Avery is now in a relationship with Cameron (Jon Rudnitsky), and Logan is in a relationship with Cassie (Katie Baker). Cameron and Cassie are brother and sister, which makes things very awkward when both couples arrive at the family home they're visiting for Christmas. Hoping to avoid any unnecessary drama, Avery and Logan agree to keep their shared history secret. Logan even agrees to help Avery win over the matriarch of the house (Erica, played by Kristin Chenoweth). Unfortunately, circumstances seem to conspire against that happening.

If I listed the first few films from director Stephen Herek then you might be surprised to find him at the helm of this. Writer Hailey DeDominicis, on the other hand, only has this one credit to her name, so far. But the main thing is that both seem to work well together, with DeDominicis writing a fun bit of fluff that Herek treats well. There are a number of decent set-pieces, a few decent attempts to surprise viewers on the way to the predictable ending, and a great cast all doing their bit to help things move along nicely.

Lohan still feels as if she is finding her feet as an actress returning to leading roles, but this allows her to get that little bit closer to the likeable presence she conveyed throughout her biggest hits. She's helped enormously by the fact that she's paired up with Harding, who does a fantastic job of being quite funny and appealing without being as painfully bland as male leads in this kind of film so often are. Rudnitsky and Baker do fine, both playing the characters that viewers know must be somehow pushed out of the way before the whole thing ends, Jake Brennan is fun as the third sibling who hopes to profit from the whole situation, and there's time for some fun with the likes of Dan Bucatinsky, Tim Meadows, Judy Reyes, Chris Parnell, and Henry Czerny. Chenoweth is the other main star player though, given a lot of screentime and plenty of opportunity to revel in her ability to strike fear into the hearts of those who don't do things the way that she likes them done. She's a suitably tricky problem for Lohan to try and work around, and the difficulty of staying on her good side helps Lohan and Harding to reconnect as they work together on their secret plan.

The strange opening credit sequence aside, this generally works better than many other Christmas rom-coms I have watched this year. A lot of that is to do with the cast, particularly Lohan and Harding making such a good pairing to root for, but it's also the screenplay and direction. It avoids feeling too cheap, often getting very close to looking and feeling like *gasp* a proper movie at times, and fans of the main cast members should find plenty to keep them entertained. It's not a "proper" movie though, not really, and there are still moments interspersed throughout the runtime that serve as a strong reminder of that.

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Carnage For Christmas (2024)

Australian writer-director Alice Maio Mackay (working here once again with co-writer Benjamin Pahl Robinson) is a ridiculously young and prolific film-maker. She's also transgender, which helps to inform and layer her filmography. It's just a shame that her talent doesn't yet equal her enthusiasm, BUT Carnage For Christmas shows how far she has come since her debut feature, So Vam. There continues to be something to be said, however, in favour of the past times when young aspiring film-makers would have more time to learn the craft as they struggled and hustled to find the funds and resources to get their films made. The worst elements of Carnage For Christmas are the ones that feel as if Mackay took the quickest and cheapest option when a bit of time and care might have reaped greater reward.

Jeremy Moinea plays Lola, a true-crime podcaster who heads home for the Christmas holiday. Heading home at that time of year can be stressful, even more so when you're a trans woman, and things get worse when someone starts a killing spree, endangering those in the present, many of them also being aware of similar killings that happened some time in the past.

It's very frustrating to see how Mackay seems content to churn out features that don't feel properly finished. The acting, the special effects, and even the plotting and dialogue all feel wildly varying in quality and half-assed. She has improved in a number of ways, mainly in the strength of the main ideas being explored, but has remained disappointingly stuck in other ways. 

Moineau is a decent lead, which helps the movie immensely. She's not the best at the actual acting, but her presence and attitude more than makes up for that, and she's someone worth rooting for as she wades into increasingly dangerous waters. Dominique Booth isn't bad, playing Lola's sister, Zarif does enough to make his few scenes work, and Tumelo Nthupi and Joe Romeo manage to stand out from a surprisingly crowded supporting cast.

It's a shame that there isn't a bit more done here to comment on the very popular true-crime podcasting bubble, although other films have already made good headway through that fertile ground, but at least Mackay uses some of the brief runtime (this clocks in at just about 70 minutes) to explore another side of the trans experience. I won't detail any more here, I don't want to spoil anything that majorly contributes to the plotting, but Mackay feels like a stronger voice when depicting specific issues that surely come from a place of personal experience.

I still have a few other features helmed by Mackay to watch, but I'm not optimistic about any of them feeling fully-formed and fully worth my time. The slight upward trajectory of her abilities have helped me become just a little bit more enthusiastic though. I'll keep supporting her for a while yet, and I'll be absolutely delighted if she one day realises that she can help herself immensely by learning to walk more steadily before trying to run.

4/10

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The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024)

I've seen two films this year that deliver a premise of Christmas potentially being ruined by an unruly group of siblings. The first one was Nutcrackers. The second one is this, based on a novel by Barbara Robinson that was previously adapted into a TV movie back in the early 1980s. This is the better of the two films, but it's a surprisingly close call, considering how the third act almost undoes the goodwill earned throughout the first two acts.

Judy Greer plays Grace, a woman who ends up inadvertently in charge of her town's Christmas pageant. It's kind of a big deal, and looks to be thrown into chaos when the Herdmans decide they want to participate this year. The Herdmans are a group of brothers and sisters who have a reputation for causing mischief and mayhem wherever they go. They bully other kids and sneer at most adults. But maybe having them be part of the pageant will help others in the town remember the real meaning of Christmas. Or maybe it will just provide extra stress for Grace, her husband (Bob, played by Pete Holmes), their daughter (Beth, played by Molly Belle Wright as a youngster, and Lauren Graham when older/in her capacity as narrator), and their son (Charlie, played by Sebastian Billingsley-Rodriguez).

Now that I have browsed through the filmographies of writers Ryan Swanson, Platte F. Clarke, and Darin McDaniel, as well as that of director Dallas Jenkins, it's easier to see why The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is how it is. What could have been an entertaining mix of comedy, emotional manipulation, and Christmas cheer ends up eventually locking in on the messaging, to either preach to the converted or try to win others over. You still get some emotional manipulation, as expected, but the early promise of laughs being mixed in to sugar-coat the religious pill is discarded for most of the second half of the movie.

The real shame here is how the cast seem to be wasted, especially when they have so much fun with the scenes setting things up in the first half of the movie. Greer and Holmes work very well as the parents, both Wright and Billingsley-Rodriguez are fantastic as the kids initially overwhelmed by, and afraid of, the Herdmans, and Beatrice Schneider is fantastic as the young girl, Imogene, playing mother hen to her chaotic cluster of siblings. The fact that these main cast members all do so well throughout, as does the rest of the supporting cast (special mention for Kyle Heiman being great as young Gladys), is part of the reason why the film still works well enough, but it's a real shame that they end up feeling rather subdued as the message of the movie starts to overshadow the performances.

Some will enjoy this a lot more than I did, and I'm well aware of the fact that me wishing the movie was something a bit different won't seem fair to those who wish for something Christmassy that, well, remembers to put the Christ back in Christmas (for want of a better phrase). It still needed a bit more though, and Jenkins isn't a good enough director to distract viewers from the times in which the movie grinds to a halt to hammer home the main point. There's still plenty to enjoy here, but a lot of people might feel as if they've been forced to attend a sermon as the end credits roll. Which wouldn't be entirely incorrect.

6/10

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Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl (2024)

I cannot fully convey to everyone just how excited I was when I heard that we were getting another feature-length Wallace & Gromit adventure. Not just another outing for the pair, but a feature. I have loved this animated duo ever since watching them have a little trip to the moon, and their last feature remains a favourite of mine. The fact that The Wrong Trousers has some gags that never fail to make me chuckle also increased my enthusiasm for this, considering that it continues a story started in that near-perfect short.

Life has settled into a fairly content and settled pattern for our two main characters. Yes, the bills are starting to pile up, but Wallace thinks he can ease their situation with another cracking invention. He invents a smart gnome, Norbot (voiced by Reece Shearsmith), and soon gets some attention from those wanting to make use of the gadget. Not everyone wants to use Norbot for good though. Feathers McGraw, imprisoned for his attempted diamond theft, figures out a way to access some computers and hack into the smart gnome operating system. 

Although it's now Ben Whitehead voicing Wallace, Peter Sallis (aka Wallace Prime) passed away back in 2017, everything here feels reassuringly familiar and consistent. Nick Park is once again a stickler for detail, something that comes through in his co-directing with Merlin Crossingham and the story shaped into a full screenplay by writer Mark Burton. All three men are familiar with the characters, and the Aardman Animations house style (especially when it comes to the many visual gags, the puns, and the wonderfully British filter on common Hollywood movie tropes), and the commitment to making every scene and sequence the best it can possibly be shines through every single minute of the 79-minute runtime.

Aside from Whitehead, who is a great fit for Wallace, and the fun robo-voice provided by Shearsmith, there's room for the vocal stylings of Peter Kay and Lauren Patel (playing two representatives of the long arm of the law), Diane Morgan (playing a TV news reporter), Muzz Khan, Lenny Henry, and one or two others. Of course, the non-speaking parts are just as amusing, if not more so, and it's a real treat to once again have a big chuckle surprised out of me by the facial expressions of an exasperated Gromit and the nefarious Feathers McGraw.

Composer Lorne Balfe provides the score this time around, although the transition is so seamless that you'd be forgiven for thinking it was still in the experienced hands of Julian Nott (responsible for the music in every past main Wallace & Gromit adventure), and both the music and various sound effects perfectly complement the visuals, which are stuffed full of details, jokes, and delightful references to other movies.

It may not be their VERY best, but this is easily another animated outing that shows why Aardman Animations has long been a deserving part of any conversation about films that constitute the crème de la crème of family entertainment.

8/10

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Prime Time: A Christmas Karen (2022)

I saw the title of this film, I watched the trailer for it, and I still chose to watch the full thing. Sure, it was a gimmick, but so was Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever, and I kind of enjoyed that. It turns out that I was also able to enjoy this one.

Michele Simms is Karen, a woman defined by her very Karen-ness. She spends her days complaining and judging others, asking for the manager, acting hard done by after every slightest inconvenience, and generally making life difficult for those around her. It's time for an intervention, one that will have her spending time with three spirits. Gary (Rolin Alexis) will show her the past, Joy (Leyla Lawrence) will make her aware of other things happening in the present, and Damon (Lee Karlinsky) will show her a possible future. I'm sure you can guess how everything ends, especially when you find out that there's an estranged gay brother (Todd, played by Clint Robinson), and a young girl with leukaemia (Nia, played by Amina Massai).

Written by Jon Binkowski, who also co-directed with Lisa Enos Smith, this is an enjoyable and fun reworking of the classic, and malleable, Charles Dickens tale. Instead of being greedy, our central figure is extremely privileged, but everything else feels absolutely in line with a typical Scrooge. Karen may fill herself up with wine at every opportunity, but it doesn't help her to have enough Christmas spirit.

Simms is a lot of fun in the main role, making the most of the many little comedic touches to keep her character enjoyable even as she spends some time hanging on to the mean part of herself that needs to change in time for Christmas. Massai is a sweet and lovely Tiny Tim substitute, and her parents (played by Ashley Jones and Chris Greene) also do their bit to exemplify the best of human nature. As for the important ghosts, who all come along after a fun announcement from a harbinger named Jackie Morley (Meghan Moroney), Alexis and Lawrence are both a real hoot. Karlinsky is fine, but is stuck playing his character as someone slightly bored and impatient with people who don't always get the obvious message as quickly as they should.

While it has some of the flaws I expected, such as sometimes struggling to fill the many supporting roles with people who feel natural onscreen, A Christmas Karen is surprisingly easy to praise. The biggest problem it has is the pacing, which is mainly down to the script feeling a bit unimaginative with the ghost of Christmas future and then taking too long to show the post-ghost resolution for the main character. Otherwise, kudos to the film-makers for sprinkling everything with some pretty solid gags, having some key players in pivotal roles (Simms, Alexis, and Lawrence being the highlights), and even managing to make the world of the movie feel more real and properly populated than most low-budget movies manage.

It's a shame that this stumbles along for so much of the third act, because so much was going well before that. I still recommend it, especially to those already chuckling at the title alone, but it doesn't do enough to get way ahead of the more traditional Christmas movies you can choose from at this time of year.

6/10

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Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin' Out (2024)

Recently making up for lost time, I managed to treat myself to a double-bill of Adult Swim Yule Log and this sequel. While I knew this was a sequel, I didn't expect it to actually lead on from the events of the first film. I mistakenly assumed that both films would just make use of the traditional yule log visual to frame whatever story writer-director Casper Kelly wanted to tell. What Kelly has instead delivered is something much more impressive, two separate instalments working in different ways, but also perfectly complementing one another to provide one brilliant tale of Christmas madness.

Andrea Laing is Zoe, a woman quite rightly terrified and scarred by the traumatic events of Adult Swim Yule Log. Still believing that she is in danger, she is convinced to get herself away for the holiday season, somewhere she can just lay low and avoid the trappings of Christmas. That looks far less likely when she ends up stranded in the little town of Mistletoe, a place that pretty much positions Zoe in the middle of a standard Hallmark Christmas movie. There are a number of clumsy hunks, a nice man who owns a small business (played by Michael Shenefelt), and an irritating influencer (Jesse Malinowski) who might be useful as Zoe tries to find a way out of the town. To say any more would risk spoiling some of the dubious delights here, and there IS a lot more packed into this.

With different targets in sight this time around, Kelly shows how good they are at crafting material informed by the style and genre tropes being played around with. This has a number of obvious gags and plot points, but also makes use of standard aesthetics to push things further (we have changes in lighting, music, and even aspect ratios as our lead character moves from potential horror to potential Hallmark moments). Arguably the most impressive part of the whole thing, however, is how it manages to feel like such a natural progression from the first film while also including even more head-spinning turns and tangents.

Laing is very good in the main role, playing her part as a pretty straightforward potential final girl, even when in the Hallmark festive rom-com scenes. She's the heart of the movie, and it helps that she is just as much aware of the tropes swirling and clashing around her as the viewers are. Shenefelt is good fun as he plays up the unbelievable sweetness of his character, Malinowski is a fun and brash presence, and Sharon Blackwood (playing Nana), Asher Alexander (as Jason), Chase Steven Anderson (as Jakester), and everyone else excel, whether they're providing comic relief or at risk of being caught in the middle of the surreal yule log terrors.

Absolutely superb stuff from start to finish, although it often feels a bit more subdued and traditional with how the narrative plays out (compared to the first film), Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin' Out is further proof that people should keep giving Kelly the resources and opportunities to make any kind of films that he wants to make. Because the results have been consistently brilliant so far.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Malcolm X (1992)

The more films I watch, or rewatch, from Spike Lee, the more I am inclined to shout at everyone around me about him being one of the most sadly under-appreciated master directors of modern cinema. I'm not saying that every film he does works, and there are many elements that you can dissect and argue over in even his best films, but, more often than not, the man knows how to make his points. That sometimes means bringing the film to an end with a number of people addressing the viewer directly in a plea for them to understand the point, to empathise with long-held grievances against social injustices and racism that are, despite being given some modern alterations, just as painful today as they have been decades ago.

Malcolm X is a biopic of the titular figure, but it's also so much more than that. It's a celebration of a man who had his fair share of problems, and it's another scorching statement from Lee on the need to accept human flaws when those humans end up working hard to embolden and progress people who have spent too many years abused and held down.

Denzel Washington takes on the title role, and he delivers a performance that may well be the best he's ever delivered. If you're at all familiar with his work then you'll know that is no slight compliment. Malcolm X is shown from the earliest scenes to be a charming and magnetic presence. He's also shown to be a bit of a criminal, and quite fearless about it. This puts him in the orbit of West Indian Archie (Delroy Lindo), but also eventually puts him in prison. That's when his life starts to change, eventually, and he grows more fully into the man that would make such an impact on the African American community, and a major impact on the life of Betty Shabazz (Angela Bassett).

It’s hard to be even-handed in praising Malcolm X, as it is hard to be even-handed with so many other Lee films that feel unfairly forgotten or neglected nowadays. Is this his masterpiece? Maybe. It’s definitely a strong contender, and the only reason I cannot rate it here and now as his very best is due to the quality of his output throughout his career. It’s certainly not perfect, but that feels nicely in alignment with the imperfect figure at the centre of it.

Everyone onscreen is doing great work, which is to be expected when you read through the cast list, but even the brilliant Lindo and Bassett are overshadowed by the brilliance of Washington here. It doesn’t unbalance the film though, and is no criticism of their performances. It is exactly how it should be, considering the power this man had over so many others, and the energy he could pass along to motivate others.

The pacing is the only main issue I have with this, but it’s easy to see why Arnold Perl and Lee would have a problem deciding what to leave out of any screenplay adaptation of the autobiography of Malcolm X. I am happy that they tried to give us too much as opposed to not nearly enough.

Like so many other Lee features, this is riveting, passionate, angry, intelligent, and quick to underline major problems that continue to affect people every single day. I am sure that it’s not a coincidence that the same words could be used to describe Malcolm X himself.

9/10

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Netflix And Chill: That Christmas (2024)

If you rolled your eyes and had to stop yourself from vomiting when you heard that there was another Christmas movie coming from Richard Curtis, and one that yet again made use of different intertwining and intersecting storylines, then you wouldn't be alone. There are many people who will probably never forgive him for Love Actually (although I quite like that one, mainly thanks to Hugh Grant and Bill Nighy), but maybe this animated feature will allow you to view him in a slightly better light.

Based on children's books written by Curtis, collaborating with illustrator Rebecca Cobb, this has a screenplay co-written by Curtis and Peter Souter and direction from Simon Otto. There's also a voice cast that includes Brian Cox, Guz Khan, Fiona Shaw, Bill Nighy, Lolly Adefope, Rhys Darby, and Jodie Whittaker, as well as many others (familiar and not so familiar). If you're interested already then you shouldn't end up disappointed.

The main story is told to viewers by Santa (Cox). He's visiting a small community that could potentially be about to have a very bad Christmas. A number of children have been left alone while their parents are stranded elsewhere, one young lad (Danny, voiced by Jack Wisniewski) is upset by the fact that he won't see his dad, as well as his mum (Whittaker) having to head off to her nursing job, and a stern teacher (Mrs. Trapper, voiced by Fiona Shaw) might have her own sadness and problems buried underneath a stern and prickly exterior.

Curtis has been quite vocal over the past few years in agreeing with criticisms of his own work. He doesn't exactly present anything very diverse, and most of his characters have been white and privileged. While That Christmas tries to show more variety, as do the storybooks, there's still a feeling that it's impossible for Curtis to figure out how to show the true range of human experiences, whatever the age, in modern Britain. Whether he cannot consider them, or whether he is simply unable to fit them into something that he wants to keep essentially cosy and sweet, he has never been able to present a character who doesn't have a safety net and support in place. This is a movie aimed at younger viewers, of course, and it's fine to keep things cosy and sweet. It just feels strange to see Curtis strive to some kind of halfway marker and think he's conquered his personal Everest. Or maybe that's just me projecting.

Anyway, the script from Curtis and Souter is perfectly fine, albeit also perfectly predictable. It would have been nice to have some more tension and surprises, and a few more laughs in between the emotional manipulation would have also been welcome, but it succeeds as it is intended. Think of it as a moving slideshow of various Christmas cards strung up above your fireplace and you won't be far wrong.

Otto directs everything well enough. The visual style is quite lovely throughout, and especially good when presenting aerial shots or just showing off the geography of the small town. It may not be at the very best level of animation we have seen in recent years, but it suits the material. Otto knows that he's in charge of a delicate ornament, and he treats it with the care and tenderness it needs.

A number of child actors do good work, including Wisniewski as the nominal young lead, but it helps to be able to recognise the many great names I mentioned earlier. Cox is a very good Santa, Khan is amusing as his main reindeer, Darby, Adefope, and others provide more of the comedy, and both Whittaker and Shaw add to the emotional heart of the whole thing.

This is a great, easy, choice for family viewing time. It's very Christmassy, very playful, very bright and twinkly, and full of the kind of snow-blanketed landscapes that we rarely see here in the UK. It also feels very disposable though, and I doubt it will endure for as long as the previous major Christmas movie penned by Curtis.

7/10

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Shudder Saturday: Bloody Oranges (2021)

While people may check this out because it is labelled, in some places anyway, as a comedy horror, I'd warn people against using that as an indicator of what they may be in for. Personally, there's nothing here that feels like real horror, not when thinking of most of the genre standards anyway, and the comedy is about as twisted and black as you can get. Bloody Oranges is best considered a dark comedy that is SO dark that you can't always see the humour. I'm not sure whether I will ever watch it again, and it took a while for everything to click into place on this viewing, but I am sure that I'm now intrigued by the (currently quite small) filmography of director Jean-Christophe Meurisse, who also co-wrote the thing with Yohann Gloaguen and Amélie Philippe.

The main players here are an elderly couple (played by Olivier Saladin and Lorella Cravotta) who are hoping to win enough money in a dance competition to help them clear the debt they have accrued, a lawyer (Alexandre Steiger) who is trying to make the world a better place, a government minister (Christophe Paou) who isn't, and a young woman (Lilith Grasmug) nervous about potentially having sex for the first time. There are also a couple of important characters played by Pascal Tagnati and Fred Blin. All of these people, some related to one another and some not, find their lives interconnecting in a number of ways, and they're all about to go through various ordeals.

Starting off in a slightly quirky way that could lull unsuspecting viewers into a false sense of security, Bloody Oranges tilts into full-on madness about halfway through the runtime. While it doesn't go as far as the titles I am about to mention, there's a feeling of this having tissue connected to films as uncomfortable and brutal as A Serbian Film and Salò, or the 120 Days Of Sodom. Many of the main characters here feel as if they are trapped in a dehumanising and devouring society that has too many holes in what should be a giant safety net for all. Whether abuser or victim, the resulting damage has the same repercussions through the lives of people who are only a few degrees separated from people they may not even be aware of.

All of the cast members are excellent, and everyone pitches their performance towards the seriousness of their actions, leaving Meurisse to deliver any potential comedy via juxtaposition and the commentary that weaves through many of the main scenes. Steiger and Grasmug are the standouts, although both Tagnati and Blin steal a couple of moments, but there's nobody onscreen I can fault.

This is one of those films that keeps reminding you that somebody is puppeteering everyone onscreen though, and Meurisse is the one pulling the strings. He doesn't seem to have mastered every move, but his anger and cynicism make up for the narrative mis-steps and pacing issues. This feels like a balled fist. The eventual punch may miss the mark, but it still manages to clip you on the chin and leave you a bit taken aback by the impact.

7/10

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The Christmas Train Parade (2023)

AKA Meet Me At The Christmas Train Parade.

A small town. A person looking to change that small town with some big development money. A tradition that ended some time ago, but could be ripe for resurrection. The Christmas Train Parade has exactly what you expect this kind of film to have. There's also the nice atmosphere that is both chilly and cosy, a pair of leads who start to grow closer very quickly, and no jagged edges to interrupt the big hug that it delivers in the predictable finale.

Emma Johnson is Charlotte Atkins, our lead character, who is spurred on by her son, Benny (Maxwell Jones), to see if there's a way to bring back the Christmas train ride tradition that used to symbolise the strong connection between the town and those neighboring it. If she can make it work then that will also show a united front against the developers who want to muscle in. Thankfully, she will be helped by a local teacher, Zackary (Ryan Northcott), who has a lot of knowledge about the history of the town. More importantly, he also has a friend, Oliver (John Hudson), who seems to know a thing or two about repairing trains.

Writer Nathan Usher may only have two full features and a short to his name, but he knows what is needed in this piece of fluff. It helps that Dylan Pearce is directing, considering he has, like a number of others, made quite a few of these snowy sweet treats. I'm amazed that I've not actually seen any of the other titles directed by Pearce, not YET anyway, but most of them look as if they could comfortably fit on that Letterboxd list titled "Christmas movie posters with white heterosexual couples wearing red and green." Which feels like an endorsement when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Johnson and Northcott are perfectly fine in their roles, but this film managed to help me figure out the problem that films like this sometimes have. When the plot makes use of a child in the way that this does then these Christmas films tend to infantilise the adults, at least in the scenes that have them sharing screentime with the special and wise youngster. Which wouldn't be so bad if the child actors were exceptional, but they rarely are. Jones is in line with many other child actors I've seen in these movies AKA not exceptional. Michelle Todd, Sue Huff, and Will Brisbin don't do too bad as the three mayors who need to be convinced on the merits of bringing back this particular tradition (all three have various reasons for being hesitant), and Maureen Rooney shows her face whenever the film needs to add kindly grandma to any scene, reminding viewers that this is a quest to help the town, a family, and multiple generations.

While this isn't great, not by a long shot, it's mainly cute and harmless enough to make it the ideal background fodder that most of these schedule-fillers aim to be. Nothing ever feels as if it will be a problem for long, lessons are learned along the way, and train enthusiasts may enjoy the few actual shots of the train. Please note, however, that I am already at the point this month when I cannot be sure if I actually enjoyed a movie . . . or if I was just relieved that it wasn't as bad as some of the worst ones I decided to put in front of my eyes this year.

4/10

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Adult Swim Yule Log (2022)

Writer-director Casper Kelly may be some kind of demented genius, although I appreciate that not everyone will agree with me. And not everyone will enjoy Adult Swim Yule Log, a film created by someone who just thought "what if you were watching one of those burning yule log videos and someone walked into the shot?", but those who enjoy it should REALLY enjoy it.

It all starts with that standard burning log footage. Then a woman comes in and starts to clean the floor, getting everything ready for people who are booked to stay in the log cabin. Then something happens. It's not necessarily the focus of the film though, as the log continues to burn and viewers continue to watch it in the centre of the frame. Then Alex (Justin Miles) and Zoe (Andrea Laing) arrive, and things eventually get more and more bizarre from that point on. The camera eventually pulls back to show the bigger picture, and we are shown different viewpoints, and even different time periods, but that burning log is at the heart(h) of everything.

In case I forget before ending this review, let me praise the cast. Miles and Laing are excellent in what you could call the lead roles, and they are given enough to do in their first scenes to establish their characters well enough before things go completely bonkers. Tordy Clark and Brendan Patrick Connor make a strong impression with their characters, I won't tell you who they are (the constant surprises are part of the pleasure), Mark Costello and Jonathon Pawlowski are a couple of law enforcement individuals who stop by at the cabin, and Michael Reagan, Jessica Fontaine, Sean Hankinson, Hannah Alline, Skye Passmore, Danielia Maximillian, Thy Bui, and Charles Green play a wide variety of characters who end up dragged into the unfolding madness.

The real star here is Kelly though, someone who has a real knack for walking a line between comedy and horror, making use of surreal touches to comment on, but also still deliver, popular TV and movie tropes. If someone was to describe the opening scene and the final scene of this movie to you then you would laugh at the ridiculous distance between the start of the journey and the final destination, but Kelly crafts something that actually feels as if it moves logically from one step to the next. Nobody watching this will feel suddenly shocked, we're all frogs sitting in a pot as Kelly slowly and steadily turns the heat up to boiling point. 

The dialogue doesn't always feel as if it is more than filler in between a number of highlights, but the second half delivers a number of pay-offs that emphasise just how dense and smart the script is. Many horror fans may be put off by the silliness of certain moments, but there's a good selection of gory moments and nastiness throughout to satisfy those who can enjoy the ride.

The more I think about this, the more I love it. It's unlike anything else I have seen in recent years, and I'm already keen to watch the sequel. I encourage everyone else to check this out, as long as you're prepared for the parade of wonderful oddities that it delivers.

8/10

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Prime Time: Christmas At Plumhill Manor (2024)

I may have mentioned this before, but there are two names very familiar to anyone who was busy conversing on the IMDb message boards back at the turn of the 21st century. Those names are Nick Palumbo and Brian Herzlinger. The former claimed to have made a notorious and unsettling gorefest or two, and the latter was busy telling everyone about his clumsy and lacklustre movie, My Date With Drew. What they both had in common was a knack for spamming. It was hard to get beyond those irritating/unpleasant interactions and actually rate the movies according to simply the movie itself, but I tried hard. Still . . . seeing either name on the opening credits will always cause me to shudder.

Christmas At Plumhill Manor is directed by Brian Herzlinger, with a screenplay co-written by Megan Henry Herzlinger (who seems to be his wife and seems to, at the moment, exclusively gain work from her husband) and Avery Henry-Bailey. While I wouldn't call it the worst of the worst, it has clarified something in my mind about Herzlinger. He's better at selling an idea of his film than he is at actually making the thing, although I'll have to begrudgingly make the slightest concession towards being complimentary for the fact that he has somehow done enough over the past couple of decades to maintain the career that he wanted when he first started out.

But let's get to the film. A successful American architect named Margot (Maria Menounos) is very surprised when she inherits and old English estate from her Aunt Victoria. Margot never knew this relation, but it turns out that the two might yet forge a strong connection between them. Initially determined to check out the property while she is forced to stay there for one week, Margot soon comes around to the charm of the area and the local people. She is also intrigued by a series of notes/clues left by her Aunt Victoria that end up directing her to . . . well, you'll have to wait and see.

If this premise wasn't written with the idea of naming the film Victoria's Secret Christmas, or maybe Christmas Victoria's Secret, then I'll eat any of the paper party hats that fall out of the Christmas crackers this year. That would be more fun than listening to Menounos read out the various clues here that lead to horribly obvious answers, and a conclusion that makes no sense (although, to be fair, that's a common element in many Christmas movies, but it's easier to overlook in the more enjoyable ones).

Although she's not great, Menounos isn't a terrible lead. She was clearly picked for her availability ahead of her acting talent though, as far as I can tell, and is outshone by a number of her co-stars. Kyle Pryor tries hard as Alfie, the handsome local man who catches her eye, and obviously argues passionately in favour of keeping the estate in the hands of someone who will care enough about it. Caroline Colomei is reasonably fun as Jackie, the driver/helper/local bartender, but her comedy patter feels far too broad and whacky compared to the rest of the film. Stewart Alexander swaggers into a couple of scenes as the American boss, Mr. Calvaux, who is interested in redesigning and rebuilding the estate, and David Shaw Parker is absolutely fine in the role of Thomas, a kind and wise gardener, as well as the father of Alfie.

While it's not good, it has some picturesque footage (even if it rarely feels Christmassy enough), bland leads set to enjoy some chaste romance once they can see eye to eye, some home-made plum cider, and an annoyingly "sweet" child who at least only appears in a couple of scenes. I don't want my opinion of Herzlinger to sway me towards being too harsh on it, but I also don't want my worry about being swayed towards being too harsh on it then sway me towards being too kind to it. What a conundrum. Is it terrible? No, not for what it aims to do. Would I recommend it?  No. There are a lot of better Christmas movies to enjoy ahead of this one.

3/10

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This Is Christmas (2022)

Director Chris Foggin is at the helm of this Christmas movie, another in a line of modern British rom-coms that add all of the festive trimmings, lots of familiar faces, and the kind of busy city life that keeps hustling and bustling without being anywhere near the misery of commuting and working in non-movieland Britain. Writer Alastair Galbraith may not have a lengthy selection of screenplay credits, but he knows how to work his premise around a great central cast.

Alfred Enoch plays Adam, a young man who holds on to the strange belief that commuters might just find their day improved if they chat to one another and communicate about their talents and lives. In fact, he believes that this applies to all people. We'd all have better lives if we just made more connections. And he's willing to throw a Christmas party for his fellow commuters to prove his point. He is helped by Emma (Kaya Scodelario), but everyone has something to bring to the occasion, whether it's a particular skill or a particular story to reveal as the third act plays out.

Although it may seem completely implausible to anyone who has experienced a long train ride through parts of London, Christmas is a time of miracles. That allows This Is Christmas to be an enjoyable and diverting piece of work. It's a complete fantasy, and that much is clear from the very beginning. Commuters DON'T want to make accidental eye contact with one another, let alone start conversing and forging meaningful connections. 

Enoch is a likeable lead, all good manners and good intentions. Scodelario is very good opposite him, feeling like a natural pairing even while both leads have partners who need to be moved out of the picture before everything can be fully consummated (not in THAT way, this is still a Christmas movie, after all). Timothy Spall handles a Liverpudlian accent well enough, and his story pairs him with young Jack Donoghue, both doing much better in the scenes they share than the few moments they go solo, and Joanna Scanlan, Ben Miller, Sarah Niles, and Clinton Liberty do good work when they get to add to the intertwining story strands. There's also a welcome, if far too small, role for Steve Oram, playing a conductor who helps the commuters initially band together against "a common enemy".

It may be a bit overlong at 111 minutes, and some of the more bitter moments feel a bit too spiky for this kind of thing, but This Is Christmas is, overall, a safe and enjoyable bit of winter warmth to enjoy on a cold evening. It won't necessarily make it into the annual rotation for anyone planning their viewing schedule, but it's worth a watch. Once.

6/10

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Mubi Monday: Whisky Galore! (1949)

Known as the film about the little Scottish island that ends up receiving an unexpected windfall of whisky, hence the title, Whisky Galore! holds a place in the hearts of many who have seen it in the intervening decades since it was first release. Like many other Ealing Studios films, it taps into a particularly sweet vein of Britishness, mixed with great comedy and a dash of pathos. But it also has a bunch of Scottish people doing whatever it takes to keep hold of a surprise "delivery" of precious whisky.

The small island of Todday doesn't have too much going on. That doesn't stop Captain Waggett (Basil Radford), commander of the local Home Guard, from trying to keep everything done by the letter of the law. Military maneuvres are practiced, and everyone needs to be ready to do their bit for the greater good. It turns out that Captain Waggett and the islanders have very different ideas of what conssitutes the greater good when a ship containing 50,000 cases of whisky crashes near the island. Waggett wants that cargo kept safe, but everyone else wants to enjoy drinking it.

Based on a real-life incident that happened on the island of Eriskay, Whisky Galore! benefits from a great cast, solid direction from Alexander Mackendrick, and a wonderfully warm and witty screenplay by Compton Mackenzie (adapting his own novel) and Angus MacPhail. It has a brief 82-minute runtime, and brilliantly establishes a large selection of main characters who all end up playing vital roles in the third act set-piece that shows people finding imaginative hiding places for their whisky bottles.

Although he's mainly the villain of the piece, Radford is quite a delight in the role of Waggett. He's all about the precision and standards, no matter how unpopular that makes him on the island. Wylie Watson is also very good as Joseph Macroon, the father of two daughters, Peggy (Joan Greenwood) and Catriona (Gabrielle Blunt), who have caught the hearts of Sergeant Odd (Bruce Seton) and George Campbell (Gordon Jackson), respectively. Greenwood and Blunt light up the screen, Seton gets to break away from the stiffness of his character as he sides with the islanders, due to being compromised by his feelings, and Jackson is fantastic as a man living in fear of his domineering mother (Jean Cadell, delivering one unforgettable matriarchal turn).

There's a wonderful score, an occasional blast of the bagpipes, some traditional dancing, and some trickery employed to try and make the sinking ship and precious cargo seem as real as possible. The comedy is gentle, but there's no real tension (although that may be down to familiarity with the material). It doesn't matter though. You get to spend time with a great assortment of characters that you want to see achieve a small, but meaningful, victory for "the little man". Sometimes you need one stroke of good luck to turn your fortunes around. Sometimes you need much more than that. And sometimes you just need a wee dram.

9/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Merry Gentlemen (2024)

Nothing says Christmas quite like a struggling small-town bar that ends up using some amateur male strippers to help turn fortunes around. Yes, that is the main premise of The Merry Gentlemen, the latest cheesy Christmas movie that I decided to watch this year. And scoff as you may, it wasn't too bad.

Britt Robertson plays Ashley, a young dancer who has had her career ended prematurely by the fact that she's now not quite as young as the limelight-stealing newcomers. So she finally heads back home to visit her parents (played by Michael Gross and Beth Broderick) and soon learns that their little bar, once a thriving hub of music and activity, has been in a slump for a while. A lot of money is owed, and the future isn't looking bright. Thankfully, a hunky local handyman (Luke, played by Chad Michael Murray), Ashley's fit brother-in-law (Rodger, played by Marc Anthony Samuel), a handsome bartender (Troy, played by Colt Prattes), and a dancing cabbie (Ricky, played by Hector David Jr.) are all roped in to Ashley's money-making idea: a choreographed show that features the men doing some very tame teasing. It's obvious that not everything will run smoothly though, and there may still be a chance for Ashley to be lured back to her full-time job in the big city.

As is so often the case, director Peter Sullivan has a large number of TV movies similar to this in his filmography, many of them co-created with Jeffrey Schenck (who is given a story credit here). He has also worked before with Marla Sokoloff, who wrote the screenplay for this and stars onscreen as Ashley's sister, Marie. Despite the opportunity for some extra raunch, everyone involved ensures that this remains cosy Christmas viewing, albeit with a few more abs on display than usual. They know the required story beats, and they hit every one.

Robertson is a decent lead, although I was a bit taken aback to see her in this (considering how much I have enjoyed her in some bigger movies, even if they, admittedly, didn't seem to perform as well as expected). She's appealing enough, and she can also do the occasional bit of clumsiness needed to keep her jostling up against our leading man. Murray is fine, delivering his now-softened-and-bland charm with a side-order of muscular torso, and Samuel, Prattes, and David Jr. all seem to be having fun. Gross is always a welcome sight, and Broderick pairs nicely with him, and it's great to see a small, but worthwhile, role for the charming Maxwell Caulfield (known to most people as either Rex Manning or the Cool Rider).

If you see the trailer for this and like the tone of it then you'll enjoy the film. It does what you expect. There are times when you can still sense the lower budget and rough edges (especially during "crowd" scenes that never feel too crowded), and you have to go with the flow of everything, rather than thinking about how ridiculous it is, but that's easier to do with a Christmas movie than it is with other types of movies. Good fun, and you can always follow it up with some proper raunchiness from the Magic Mike troupe.

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: The Christmas Spirit (2023)

In the way of many traditional slasher movies, The Christmas Spirit begins with a tragic accident that leaves someone burdened with a load of guilt to carry around with them for the rest of their life. The guilty individual is young Cole (Jordan Kronis), a broken soul who grows up to be a troubled adult (played by Zion Forrest Lee). Cole wants to make something special happen that should undo the torment he feels, and he's constantly prompted by The Christmas Spirit (Nicolas Grimes). What will it take to make something special happen? Well, it involves kidnapping a teenage girl (Maggie, played by Matia Jackett) and waiting for some miracles to happen.

While I have started this review with mention of a slasher movie trope, it's important to note that The Christmas Spirit is certainly not a slasher movie. It's not even a horror movie, for those who may be tempted by the poster and plot summary. It's partly a thriller and partly a very dark comedy, with the comedy coming to the fore in a wonderful middle section.

Working with a number of people he seems to value as frequent collaborators, writer-director Bennet De Brabandere arranges everything into an enjoyably subversive Christmas movie. When you think about each individual element - the "imaginary" friend, the plan to save Christmas/fix the past, a lead being targeted by others because of a strange belief - then you can see how well this plays around in the Christmas movie sandbox.

Lee is very good as Cole, a man who spends a lot of time arguing with himself, and someone only he can see, as he wrestles with his conscience while trying to correct a horrible mistake. Jackett is even better, particularly in the earlier scenes that have her character playing along with the kidnapping as she thinks it's a bizarre, but safe, way to make a point on social media. She's endearingly oblivious for a while, but comes around quickly enough to avoid looking like a complete idiot for the entire runtime. Grimes is perfectly gruff and direct as the titular spirit, Eman Ayaz (billed here as Charlotte Ayaz) is a lot of fun as Maggie's friend, Gina, and there are assorted supporting players, such as Alexander Nunez, Chris Handfield, Christian Potenza, Tavaree Daniel-Simms, and Enzo Massara (billed as Enzo Campa), all doing good work.

It's rough around the edges, and cannot always hide the low budget, but this does what it sets out to do very well. Okay, I didn't care so much about how things played out in the third act, but the very last scenes are as sweet and satisfying as any you will find in a thousand other Christmas movies, ensuring that I still had a smile onn my face as the end credits rolled.

7/10

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The Holdovers (2023)

Considering the fact that it's a Christmas movie, it's no surprise to see that The Holdovers was released in the USA just over a year ago (the wide release was in November 2023). What IS surprising, but sadly not unexpected, is the fact that the UK release was delayed until mid-January. As good or bad as the movie may be, few people feel the urge to rush out and see a Christmas movie once the main holiday season has been and gone. Now is the right time to watch The Holdovers, if you want the best experience with it anyway, but you can then choose to rewatch it whenever you like.

Paul Giamatti plays Paul Hunham, a teacher at an all-boys boarding school called Barton Academy. Drawing the short straw in the run up to the holiday season, Hunham ends up staying on the school premises over Christmas with those who aren't able to head home. A few stragglers need supervision, but the central group is eventually whittled down to Hunham, Mary Lamb (the cafeteria manager, and a grieving mother, played by Da'Vine Joy Randolph), and a smart, but depressed and troubled, student named Angus Tully (played by Dominic Sessa). Although these three wouldn't normally spend so much time together, they end up going through some good and bad experiences that bond and change them, for the better. 

You can spend a lot of time praising director Alexander Payne for making such an effort to emulate the look and feel of '70s movies here, helped in no small part by cinematographer Eigil Bryld. You can also praise his relationship with his cast members. Writer David Hemingson also deserves many compliments, especially when it comes to an insult delivered in the third act that is up there with the very best I have ever heard in any movie (and so delightfully unexpected that I burst out laughing the first time I heard it). But it's hard not to just shower this with love because of a perfect trio of central performances being rooted in a low-key tale of Christmas "redemption". Hunham is, in many ways, the Scrooge due to be visited by spirits, but the spirits who do their bit to transform him are still encased in living and breathing human flesh.

Giamatti has been delivering nothing but greatness for decades now, but his portrayal of Hunham easily ranks alongside his very best performances. He may have one lazy eye, achieved with the use of a special contact lens, but nothing else in the role can be described that way. Giamatti has a ball with a fully-rounded and wonderfully-flawed character, the teacher who eventually sees one or two things that he can learn from others. Sessa is almost just as good, and the real heart of the film shows teacher and student butting heads in between discovering common ground, but both men are overshadowed in a couple of scenes that allow Randolph to take your heart and yank it down to your knees as she struggles to contain or direct some of the despair she feels at the loss of her son. Carrie Preston is very sweet in her supporting role, Andrew Garman is the headmaster who gives Hunham his holiday caretaker role, and Gillian Vigman and Tate Donovan come along at the end of the movie just in time to underline the importance of the journey that our main characters have been on.

I've watched this twice now, and the second viewing was just as good as the first, but I am trying to consider one or two very minor criticisms that stop me from rating it as perfect. The runtime could have been cut down by a few minutes, it just never feels as if it has to be 133 minutes long, and one or two scenes don't feel like anything more than fun vignettes. And yet . . . and yet . . . I love every minute of this, and I love every scene. The vignettes still feature details that reveal even more about the characters, and about how their relationships develop throughout the movie. So, on second thoughts, my criticisms are not criticisms. And I'll rate this as perfect.

10/10

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Krampus: The Devil Returns (2016)

A sequel to Krampus: The Christmas Devil, this is also notable for being a complete waste of time. Yeah, that's all I want to say about it, but I'll have to spend some more time and energy coming up with a little bit more. If you don't want to waste your time, however, then just take away that first sentence.

There are a few films that just completely defeat me, and this is one of them. It's not nice to be so disparaging of someone's work, especially when you have to keep considering the many people it takes to get any film made, but a few lazy and cynical efforts deserve nothing more than scorn. If a film treats viewers with contempt then the feeling is allowed to be mutual.

The plot, slight and muddled as it is, concerns the ongoing troubles of an ex-cop named Jeremy Duffin (played by co-writer A. J. Leslie) and his hunt for a child-killing monster. That's all you need to know, and the film puts nothing else of interest in it, making the relatively short runtime feel as if it's stretching out into something epic and epically torturous.

With Jason Hull back for both directing and writing duties (assisted by Leslie in the latter department this time around) you would think that there may be some sign of growth from the first movie. There is not. This is a massive step down, in every way. The cast don't do good work, the writing is awful, and an attempt to make everything worthwhile with a third act twist just compounds the misery.

Aside from Leslie, acting-wise, you get Melantha Blackthorne, Tiffani Fest, Robbie Barnes, Paul Ferm, Ben Berlin, and a cameo from Shawn C. Phillips. None of them make a strong impression, certainly not a positive one anyway, and only Ferm and Berlin stand out thanks to bagging the roles of Santa and Krampus, respectively.

Despite my anger at this, and I AM angry at having wasted my time on this (something I don't feel too often, despite the wide range of movies I watch), I have tried not to resort to personal insults. I must say how happy I am that this currently remains the last feature directed by Hull, as well as the last, and only, feature that gives Leslie any writing credit. The two have worked together to deliver something truly dire, and it's hard to believe that they couldn't think of any ways to improve things even slightly.

Any film is a collaboration, and it's also the sum of a multitude of decisions. The fact that not one decision here feels like the right one is a damning condemnation of the attitudes and skillsets of those in charge. People who know me already should know that I try to see some good in everything. There are just over two dozen films that I have ever given the lowest possible rating to (from a rated selection of well over ten thousand). This joins that elite selection, and I hope others heed this review as a serious warning. Avoid at all costs.

1/10

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Prime Time: The Monster's Christmas (1981)

Let me start this review by saying that I cannot recommend this to anyone. It's too bizarre, and I'm not sure how well it will play to the younger viewers it is aimed at. Having said that, however, doesn't mean that I don't appreciate it. This 47-minute slice of strangeness benefits from having a complete commitment to the central idea that ensures you will know from the very first moments whether or not you will want to watch it to the end.

A young girl (Lucy McGrath) is reading a storybook in bed about a monster. She then sees that monster in her room, which leads her on an adventure involving other monsters, and a witch (Lee Hatherly) trying to do general, but not too scary, witchy stuff.

This is a fever dream. It's a project put together with lots of imagination and very little budget, going by the way the onscreen monsters are depicted, but that imagination and feeling of proper childish curiosity, and relative fearlessness, help it to become something strangely captivating. The Monster's Christmas takes viewers on a journey, and part of that journey passes by childhood moments when you were poised precisely between being awake and being fully asleep. Considering how many films fail to capture this feeling, there's something to appreciate here.

Writer Burton Silver doesn't need to do too much, keeping things very simple and loose. There's no need to maintain any sense of reality or worry about logic here, and Silver throws in whatever is needed to maintain the strange atmosphere that lasts from start to finish. Director Yvonne Mackay works well with the script, and also does a good job of marshalling her young lead through a world of goofy monsters and the mildest hints of danger.

Although overdoing things slightly, McGrath works well in her role because she feels exactly like the character she is portraying, a child at play. There's the moments of her speaking to herself in a way that explains part of her journey, moments of her exaggerating her behaviour to enhance her verbal communication with non-verbal cues, and a general sense of her being happy in a world of oddities she has been acclimatised to in storybook form. Hatherly is good fun as the witch, very much the non-threatening children's TV show version of such a character, and it's also worth applauding all of the performers who portray a few of the main monsters, hidden away under the weird and whacky costumes and make up.

I doubt I'll ever rewatch this, but I'll also never forget it. On the one hand, it's one of the most bizarre Christmas tales I've ever watched (and, believe me, I've watched many). On the other hand, it's absolutely on point when it comes to consistently nailing down the tone and atmosphere of a childish fantasy.

6/10

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