Monster Island (2004)

Carmen Electra stars as . . . Carmen Electra in this goofy homage to big bug movies of yesteryear, and you could do a lot worse than checking this out if you want a decent time-waster that doesn’t make you think too hard.

Daniel Letterle is Josh, a young man who has won a competition that sees him and some of his schoolmates attending an Electra gig on a small island. Josh didn’t enter the competition though. His sister (Chelan Simmons) did. But Josh cannot refuse the prize, despite wanting time to move over his ex, Maddy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Everyone else is ready to party, which would be all well and good if it wasn’t for the fact that the island is home to a number of oversized creepy-crawlies.

Written and directed by Jack Perez, what you have here is an attempt to appeal to MTV fans with elements and tropes that will be very familiar to older viewers who grew up enjoying the exotic creations of Ray Harryhausen (namechecked as a character played by Adam West). It works for many scenes, the first half sets everything up nicely enough, there are some cute creations, and one shot showing what was clearly a toy boat in a miniature water setting definitely gave me a big grin, but the combination is also clumsy, and the third act fumbles things in a big way.

Letterle is a decent young male lead, Winstead is quite likeable in an early role, and Electra is very cute in a role that used her appeal well, and lets her try to subvert assumptions as she surprises the main character with how she is in “real life”. West is fun in his small role, C. Ernst Harth makes a good impression as Eightball (basically the main security officer for Electra), and even the likes of Joe MacLeod and Chris Harrison do well with roles that aren’t exactly fleshed out to any great degree.

What works outweighs what doesn’t work, but only just. Perez clearly has affection for the monster movies that he is paying homage to, and that comes across in every scene that has a bug looking as if it was made from a posable skeleton and modelling clay. He seems less interested in finding a way to satisfyingly resolve everything, and doesn’t manage it. Although, to be fair, the ending is in line with some of strange and/or abrupt endings of the Hammer and Harryhausen movies.

A good time, but not a great time. I am happy we got it though, even if it was from the MTV stable.

6/10

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Christmas Bounty (2013)

The Miz. Do you know him? If you're a wrestling fan then the chances are that you do. Or if you have watched any of the many WWE movie products released over the past 5-10 years. The Miz is one of their stars that they have decided to give a helping hand with by building him a movie career. Good for The Miz, but is it good for viewers? Well, he's not that bad onscreen. He has a bit of personality, an ability to engage in moments that show he has a sense of humour (particularly in Santa's Little Helper), and the obvious physicality for the action roles (which I am assuming is on display in his starring role in The Marine movie series).

But Christmas Bounty, while featuring The Miz in a large supporting role, isn't really about him. It's about a character played by Francia Raisa. She plays a schoolteacher who is trying to escape her bounty hunter past. She's so ashamed of her roots that she hasn't explained any of it to her fiance, James (Will Greenberg). Which causes some confusion when she ends up returning home to tie up some loose ends. James follows her, he meets her mother (April Telek) and father (Michael Hanus), and he starts to realise that she may not be who she says she is. While viewers simply keep thinking about how she isn't The Miz.

Director Gil Junger (who many years ago gave us the wonderful 10 Things I Hate About You) takes this silly premise, a silly premise crafted by no less than three writers (Andrew Black, Claudia Grazioso, and Vivian Lee), and does the minimum required to keep it all moving along briskly enough from start to finish.

Junger is helped out a lot by the cast. Raisa is fine, The Miz is just about charismatic enough to warrant his move up the movie career ladder, and Greenberg just has to look suitably bemused and out of place. There's also a small supporting role for Chelan Simmons, and Alexs Paunovic playing a heavy with a vendetta, and Telek and Hanus are a lot of fun as the parents proud of a daughter who now feels a bit embarrassed by her background.

The script isn't as funny as it should be, and the action is lacking, which is a shame. This is a film that could easily be improved by a) some more action beats, and b) a better blend of laughs with the fights, as characters struggled to resolve their different issues and avoid receiving extra bruises.

If you collect films starring WWE alumni then this is one to make a very low priority. If you are after something seasonal to enjoy during the holidays then, again, this should be a very low priority. Despite the timing of the events, it doesn't ever really feel too Christmassy, and you don't get much ho ho ho for your money.

4/10

American readers are lucky enough to be able to buy this here.

See No Evil 2 (2014)

It's not often that you get your hopes up for a horror movie sequel, but that's what happened here. This sequel follows on directly from the events of the first film. Many corpses have been found at a major crime scene, including that of an eyeball-gouging killer named Jacob Goodnight (played, once more, by Glenn Jacobs AKA Kane). The bodies are taken to a city morgue, as expected, but that morgue is actually full of some young revellers all helping young Amy (Danielle Harris) to celebrate her birthday. It's not long until Goodnight manages to get up off the mortuary table, and the death toll starts up again.

Written by first-timers Nathan Brookes and Bobby Lee Darby, the main draw here, apart from certain cast members, was the fact that Jen and Sylvia Soska were hired to direct this film. Having enjoyed both of their previous features, I was hoping they could do something fun and interesting with a thin, tired premise. Unfortunately, the weak script really leaves them little to work with, and the only real fun to be had is during the first 20-30 minutes. Once the killing starts, it all starts to slide downhill.

Kane is still a decent choice for Jacob Goodnight, with his obvious physical presence and ability to break most people in two with minimal effort. Harris is okay in her role, she's been a fan favourite for years and makes up for her standard genre acting range with familiarity and likability. Katharine Isabelle, playing a friend, and reveller, who has a bit of a fetish for psycho killers, is much better, but she's not onscreen for long enough. And then there's Chelan Simmons, who I always tend to enjoy in horror fare, mainly because she often plays characters who add a bit of fun or humour to the proceedings. The men fare far worse, with only Kaj-Erik Eriksen making a good impression, playing a colleague who has a crush on Harris (completely understandable). I'll mention Greyston Holt, Lee Majdoub and Michael Eklund, but I won't waste my time trying to think of anything positive to say about their performances, although they're far from the worst that I've seen acting in the genre.

What really sinks this film is just the disappointing lack of energy. Even the kills aren't very memorable or inventive, something that the original film at least tried to get right. If you have a slasher movie without any impressive death scenes then what's the point? Does it get some stuff right? Yes. The Soska twins are competent enough to put together some polished camerawork and stylish moments, but that's about it.

If you like Kane, Harris and Isabelle then this is worth a watch, but only just. If you dislike any of those performers then I recommend just leaving this one well alone. Because they're the main plus points in a movie that's otherwise insipid and uninspired.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/See-No-Evil-2-Blu-ray/dp/B00M6X9ZI2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1412881347&sr=8-1&keywords=see+no+evil+2

Yes, I went for this picture to accompany the review. And I'd do it again, I tells ya.