Monster Island (2004)

Carmen Electra stars as . . . Carmen Electra in this goofy homage to big bug movies of yesteryear, and you could do a lot worse than checking this out if you want a decent time-waster that doesn’t make you think too hard.

Daniel Letterle is Josh, a young man who has won a competition that sees him and some of his schoolmates attending an Electra gig on a small island. Josh didn’t enter the competition though. His sister (Chelan Simmons) did. But Josh cannot refuse the prize, despite wanting time to move over his ex, Maddy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Everyone else is ready to party, which would be all well and good if it wasn’t for the fact that the island is home to a number of oversized creepy-crawlies.

Written and directed by Jack Perez, what you have here is an attempt to appeal to MTV fans with elements and tropes that will be very familiar to older viewers who grew up enjoying the exotic creations of Ray Harryhausen (namechecked as a character played by Adam West). It works for many scenes, the first half sets everything up nicely enough, there are some cute creations, and one shot showing what was clearly a toy boat in a miniature water setting definitely gave me a big grin, but the combination is also clumsy, and the third act fumbles things in a big way.

Letterle is a decent young male lead, Winstead is quite likeable in an early role, and Electra is very cute in a role that used her appeal well, and lets her try to subvert assumptions as she surprises the main character with how she is in “real life”. West is fun in his small role, C. Ernst Harth makes a good impression as Eightball (basically the main security officer for Electra), and even the likes of Joe MacLeod and Chris Harrison do well with roles that aren’t exactly fleshed out to any great degree.

What works outweighs what doesn’t work, but only just. Perez clearly has affection for the monster movies that he is paying homage to, and that comes across in every scene that has a bug looking as if it was made from a posable skeleton and modelling clay. He seems less interested in finding a way to satisfyingly resolve everything, and doesn’t manage it. Although, to be fair, the ending is in line with some of strange and/or abrupt endings of the Hammer and Harryhausen movies.

A good time, but not a great time. I am happy we got it though, even if it was from the MTV stable.

6/10

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Blast Vegas AKA Destruction: Las Vegas (2013)

Or, the alternative title that I gave it, Malcolm In The Maelstrom.

Sometimes I already know, just from the title and the stars, that I'm going to love a film. It usually happens with films that turn out to be genuinely great movies, but it also happens with films that make me laugh from start to finish because of how inept they are.

Blast Vegas falls into the latter category. It's horrible. It's full of characters that you will struggle to care about. The special effects are pretty dire. Yet I loved it (never fear, my rating reflects the reality, as opposed to the fun I had, pointing and laughing at everything).

Frankie Muniz (oh dear, oh dear, how did he slide so far so quickly?) stars as Nelson, a young man on holiday in Las Vegas with a bunch of guys who will put up with him just because he can be their designated driver. Those same guys take some Egyptian relic and fool around with it for a while, bringing about some REALLY bad weather and the beginning of the end of Las Vegas. Nelson, amidst the chaos and carnage, wants to find a girl that he's taken a shine to (Olive, played by Maggie Castle) and is helped along the way by a club singer named Sal (Barry Bostwick).

I had fun with Blast Vegas, I can't deny it, but I'd only ever recommend it to someone who could approach the film in the same way that I did, ready to point and laugh at the thing and then never want to watch it ever again. The screenplay, by Joe D'Ambrosia and Tom Teves, is suitably silly. Nobody is going to watch this and expect to hear any memorable dialogue, but it's good to watch the events unfold, with the script embracing the ludicrous premise as an excuse to get some easy laughs (yes, there's an Elvis or two in the mix).

Director Jack Perez is, of course, also responsible for promoting the fun factor of the movie, helped no end by Barry Bostwick, who seems to enjoy himself immensely in his cliched, comedic role. Muniz and Castle are appealing leads, while Michael Steger, Andrew Lawrence, Summer Bishil, Jillian Nelson and some other people should all be remembered for . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ummmm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . also taking part in the proceedings. Okay, none of the supporting cast members really stand out, but they do what's asked of them. I think.

If it sounds like I had LOTS of fun with this movie, people may be wondering why I still rate it so low. Well, none of the fun really makes up for the ridiculousness that fills almost every scene, whether it's an opening sequence that features a cameo by John Landis for no apparent reason, some typically dubious special effects, or even the same stretch of road being used - albeit shot from different angles - when people need to try driving through the extreme weather. And, for anyone else who manages to watch the entire movie, if you can explain to me why people keep running in front of the ONE VEHICLE on an otherwise empty street, while a deadly storm keeps raging on, then please send answers on a postcard. Or, y'know, just post a reply below.

I've seen much worse than Blast Vegas, but that's mainly because I watch a lot of terrible, terrible movies.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Blast-Vegas-Frankie-Muniz/dp/B00HRD0FHQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389654599&sr=8-1&keywords=blast+vegas

Wild Things 2 (2004)

Six years after the cool and sexy first movie, along comes this sequel to show how you can take almost exactly the same material (in some instances even the scene structure is almost EXACTLY the same as in the first movie) and turn a winning formula into complete sewage.

If you've seen the first movie then none of the twists and turns will surprise you. If you haven't seen the first movie then why the hell are you considering even watching this instalment?

Jack Perez directs and I can't help thinking that all he did was watch the first movie. Of course, this isn't the worst thing he could have done. After all, Perez is now the man perhaps best known for giving the world the supreme and jaw-dropping Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus. (best sold to anyone who has yet to see it with THIS clip). Ross Helford and Andy Hurst wrote the screenplay for this and the next outing in the series so no worries there. Of course, they also wrote the screenplay for Single White Female 2: The Psycho. Oh dear.

Which means that we have nothing but a rehash of the first movie from a group of untalented people behind the camera. Hopefully, a few good stars onscreen could pick things up a bit. Well, not really. There are some decent people in front of the camera (Susan Ward is just too cute for me to dislike and Isaiah Washington is a very good actor and certainly the best thing in this film) but there are also just as many folk you won't care about one little bit. Leila Arcieri as Maya King is just annoying, Joe Michael Burke is far too bland, Linden Ashby is okay and that's about it, nobody else really gets to make any impression.

Overall, Wild Things 2 is just like Wild Things (even the dvd cover is almost a carbon copy). Without the talented cast. Or smart script. Or style and sexiness. Or any trace of originality. Despite so many failings, however, it's still a bit of an entertaining watch thanks to the way it follows the structure of the original so closely. There are even a number of reveals during the end credits which end up being almost as much fun to watch as the revelations in the first movie. Almost.

4/10

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