Queen Of The Blues (1979)

It’s been a while since I continued my journey through the filmography of British adult superstar Mary Millington, but Queen Of The Blues makes me think that the best of her outings are already behind me. Because this is quite a terrible film, with a premise even slimmer than any of the previous vehicles planned around an appearance by Millington.

A pair of brothers are helped by an uncle to own a new business enterprise, that business enterprise being a lucrative adult entertainment bar. The fact that the bar also has appearances from the Queen Of The Blues (Millington) makes it an even more appealing business prospect, which brings it to the attention of a major crook, who sends some henchmen (Felicia Bowness and Milton Reid) to gain ownership of the club.

Once again delivered by writer George Evans and director Willy Roe, Queen Of The Blues barely has enough content contained within it to qualify as a movie. What you get feels more like a terrible documentary that simply allows you to experience a typical evening as an audience member in this kind of venue in 1970s Britain. There are lots of dull patches, some terrible humour from a compere who simply gets in the way of the attractive women, and then some unerotic nudity.

If you like Millington then you at least get to see her as the star attraction she is, at one point, but there’s very little else here to recommend this. Bowness and Reid are relatively fun in their small roles, being the best cast members used in the slim plot, and Ballard Berkeley is enjoyable in the couple of scenes that feature his character, Uncle Fred. Rosemary England is the other name that may be of interest to connoisseurs of this kind of entertainment, but that’s where all interest ends.

There’s not much else to say about this. It is what it is, and that happens to be more of a recreation of a night out in a particular type of venue than a decent movie experience. Millington was able to shine more in past roles, but she’s still the main reason for anyone to watch this. People who are unaware of her should stay far away from this, there’s no other reason for it to be of interest to you. 

2/10

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Confessions From The David Galaxy Affair (1979)

Another Mary Millington vehicle directed by Willy Roe and written by George Evans, Confessions From The David Galaxy Affair is at least, similar to The Playbirds, a piece of adult entertainment that attempts to thread the minimal semblance of a plot through things.

Alan Lake plays David Galaxy, a playboy lover man who finds himself in hot water when he starts to be investigated by Chief Inspector Evans (Glynn Edwards). The police are wanting to know where Alan was on the day of a robbery, and he needs to get someone to give him an alibi. But that could turn out to be a lot harder than expected, with Alan not really surrounded by good friends. He does have people rooting for him, however, when it comes to his sexual exploits, especially when he is challenged to please a woman (Millington) who is said to have never before had an orgasm.

If tweaked here and there, this could have been a comedic crime paper with some enjoyable sauciness. You could have had more flashback scenes, and more time spent with Lake trying to keep his head above water. But it is sold on Millington’s name, which means you get the sexual escapades throughout, interrupted by some of the crime caper plot.

Roe directs just fine, for what the film is aiming to do, and the script has some minor highlights, despite being massively problematic here and there. But I cannot be sure how many of the worst moments are down to the script and how many are down to choices made by actors. Lake seems to be enjoying himself when he is allowed to change his character for a couple of scenes, portraying both an Asian gentlemen and a gay man at different times, with the sensitivity and nuance that you might expect from a film like this. None.

Lake isn’t bad in the lead role though, and somehow stays quite likeable as he skips from one but of nookie to the next. Edwards is good to see, and brings some weight to things, never allowing you to doubt that he is serious in wanting to apprehend the lead. Millington has one key scene, obviously, and does what you expect, and I enjoyed the small amount of screentime allotted to Diana Dors and Bernie Winters. There are other people involved - Anthony Booth, Kenny Lynch, Milton Reid, Sally Faulkner, Rosemary England, etc - but none of those make as strong an impression as those already mentioned (even if Faulkner is involved in an amusing scene in which she is offended by David breaking wind in bed).

Another movie of this kind, and from this time, that is hard to imagine keeping enough people pleased for the runtime, with the softer sex scenes, clumsy humour, and plot strand about the criminal investigation, it ends up being a bit more enjoyable to everyone who may simply be watching it nowadays to satisfy their curiosity.

4/10

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The Playbirds (1978)

Here it is, at long last. My second Mary Millington film experience, and a vehicle that fans of the star often cite as her best work. Which makes it very odd to watch nowadays, especially when you have a scene in which a woman wakes up to find a stranger in her home and cheerily utters "oh goody, I'm going to be raped." Yeah, that really happens.

The plot, and at least this does feel like a proper plot, concerns the murder of a number of porn magazine centrefolds. It's up to Holbourne (Glynn Edwards) and Morgan (Gavin Campbell) to capture the killer before any more women die, but they really struggle to find any decent leads. Perhaps it is the porn magazine mogul, Dougan (Alan Lake), perhaps it is the moralising street preacher, Hern (Dudley Sutton), or perhaps it is any one of the many men who make themselves seem much more suspicious in the presence of the police. The only way to really get a step ahead of the killer is to place an attractive officer (Lucy, played by Millington) undercover. She certainly looks right for the part, which means she is in a lot of danger as soon as her centrefold is about to be published.

The first of three Millington movies directed by Willy Roe, who also co-wrote the script with George Evans (although they are credited under pseudonyms), The Playbirds manages to cut costs and make use of easily-available assets without slapping everything together as carelessly as something like Come Play With Me. The script may not be that sharp, few people watch adult entertainment for the dialogue and characterisations, but what is here actually works well for the plot to hit some decent story beats on the way to scenes of nudity and sex.

Edwards is a reliable performer, and Campbell does well enough opposite him. I'd even go so far as to say that Millington occasionally seems to be rising to the occasion with her performance, although she's hindered by the fact that viewers will be impatiently awaiting the time for her to get naked. Lake isn't too bad either, and Sutton makes the most of his small amount of screentime. You also get very brief turns from Windsor Davies and Kenny Lynch. They may have only one scene each, but they're very welcome appearances in between scenes featuring cast members who are much lesser-known.

Probably not one that many people will be rushing to watch, The Playbirds isn't half as bad as some other adult-oriented entertainment from this time. You still have problematic attitudes, and dialogue, but having a pot that feels like someone gave it more than a few seconds of thought it a big plus. The titillating nudity feels like a secondary consideration, which I understand many may view as a big drawback, but there's still enough to satisfy fans of the leading lady.

5/10

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Come Play With Me (1977)

Curiosity got the better of me, I admit it, and I finally watched Come Play With Me for the first time a few years ago. It was, in many ways, one of the most successful movies in British cinemas (particularly the Moulin Cinema in London) in the late 1970s, and it was sold on the obvious appeal of Mary Millington, despite her having only a relatively small share of the screentime.

The basic plot concerns Clapworthy (played by writer-director George Harrison Marks) and Kelly (Alfie Bass) trying to lay low at a quiet health resort as they attempt to print numerous forged banknotes that are causing quite the impact on the national economy. They're also hiding away from a tough gangster named Slasher (Ronald Fraser), which makes the resort, run by Lady Bovington (Irene Handl), a perfect place to just relax and stay under the radar. Unfortunately, or fortunately, a coach full of lovely ladies arrive, led by Lady Bovington's nephew, Rodney (Jerry Lordan), and they decide to do whatever it takes to drum up extra business for the resort. That usually means getting quite naked, and getting much more physical with the guests.

I wondered if this second viewing would make Come Play With Me a more enjoyable experience, knowing how bemused I had been when first giving it a go. Nope, it turns out that I am still puzzled about the massive success this enjoyed, which must have been the result of Millington's name and a constant marketing campaign in at least one top shelf magazine titles.

Bemused or not, however, there's no denying that this DID enjoy huge success, and I wanted to explore the filmography of Millington (billed as the most popular British porn star of the 1970s, and a woman who ended her life tragically at the far-too-young age of 33). Having watched Respectable: The Mary Millington Story, I purchased a fine box set of her movies, and also have a superb book all about her. The films might all end up being awful, I'll have to wait and see, but it's easy to see why so many were smitten with Millington, a woman with that perfect mix of "girl next door" looks and liberated sexuality.

Let's get back to the film though, which is only really worth watching for Millington, and the faltering performances from Handl and Fraser, as well as an entertaining little turn from Milton Reid. Every scene makes it obvious that this was made as quickly and cheaply as possible, and Marks and Bass, while moderately capable, are very strange choices for the lead roles. The sex is decidedly unsexy, the humour rarely lands, and there's not enough moments focusing on Millington, despite the mix of other women happy to wear very little clothing, or none at all, while the film stumbles from one sequence to the next, with an odd musical number thrown in for good measure.

I'm not bothered if people question my motives for watching these films, the gratuitous nudity at least guarantees I won't be bored for the entire runtime, but I have a strange affection for the British sex comedies of this era. I'm also fascinated by them, whether they are films that were mis-sold to audiences who expected much more sex, or whether they were films trying to use actors with "cheeky charm" moving from one saucy encounter to another. Whatever you think of them as works of cinema, they were relatively successful with audiences, from the Millington vehicles to "Confessions Of...", as well as the "Adventures Of..." movies. They're not essential viewings, by any means, but they shouldn't necessarily be consigned to the dustbin of history, considering the money and reputations that they made for some of the people involved.

3/10

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