Elf-Man (2011)

A Christmas vehicle for Jason 'Wee Man' Acuña (who will already be familiar to fans of the Jackass franchise), Elf-Man is a bit of silliness that makes up for the low budget and cheese with a couple of fun performances and some little jokes that actually work as intended.

It's coming up to Christmas, of course, and Eric Harper (Mackenzie Astin) has to get some last-minute errands done before settling in at home. Eric has been very busy making a scientific breakthrough that could change the energy usage of many homes. This makes him a target of a trio of robbers (Jeffrey Combs, Dave Coyne, and Larry Nichols), which also endangers his children (Ryan, played by Blake Kaiser, and Kasey, played by Carly Robell), grandma (Marty Terry), and the woman he is hoping to start a new relationship with (Amy, played by Mirelly Taylor). Things don't look good. Fortunately, there's an elf (Acuña) available to help them, but only if he can believe in himself as much as the others believe in him.

I'm not going to tell you that Elf-Man is actually any good. It cannot do enough to distract from the lack of resources, especially when there's a need for some special effects, and the acting is a mix of complete amateurism and absolute ham (Combs being the hammiest, and I don't mean that as a criticism). The simple tale tries to have a bit of something for everyone, considering the central message, the jokes, and the cast, but there's a chance that most end up hating it. Except me. I didn't love it, but I was amused by a few moments.

Director Ethan Wiley has a few other movies under his belt, having started his directorial career with a couple of horror sequels, as does his screenplay co-writer Richard Jefferies, but it's hard to think of anyone being able to do much better with what's available here. Considering this is a vehicle for him, a big hurdle is the limited acting ability of Acuña. I like the guy, but he's definitely not a great actor.

A few other cast members do better though. Combs is the star, showing why he's had such an enduring career that has gained him a loyal fanbase. He's aided by fun turns from Coyne and Nichols (the villains are often the most fun parts of this kind of film). Kaiser and Robell do okay as the two children, Taylor and Astin aren't too bad, and Terry just has to spend the majority of the film looking a bit bemused. She's not great, but she's saved from being the worst in the film by Acuña, who is completely unable to both act and react naturally within any scene.

There's the expected sweetness here, but the most fun comes from a running gag about the quality of grandma's baking, as well as any scene that has Combs overacting in a way that takes him closer to being a fun cartoon. Coyne being hilariously inept at disguising himself is also fun, as is an interaction between Nichols and a friendly police officer. None of these little positives are enough to make the film one I could recommend to many others, but I definitely didn't find it as painful as expected. Regardless, I'll be a bit generous with my rating. It is Christmas, after all.

4/10

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Prime Time: 12 Toys Of Christmas (2025)

If you think that it's easy to make a cheesy Christmas movie then you should try to watch a bad cheesy Christmas movie. There are many of them to choose from, and I guarantee you that most of them are made by people who thought they could do the job in their sleep. 12 Toys Of Christmas is one of the bad ones. It's kept watchable, just, by the fact that Stephanie Perk is a perfectly fine, if bland, lead. There's very little else to make this worth your time though.

Perk plays Olivia, a woman who heads off to visit her grandmother, Magdalena (Debbie Javor) in Hungary.  Not bothered by the fact that her Hungarian grandmother has no Hungarian accent, because why would she, Olivia spends her time finding out about her decased grandfather, and his Christmas tradition of doling out hand-made toys to select individuals. Olivia is helped by Andras (Gábor Kékessy), which helps to distract her from the fact that she also has a job to do for her demanding boss, Francesca (Nina Josephs).

Writer Alys Murray has a few other Christmas movies to her credit, which puts them on a better footing than writer Ric Forster, who seems to have made use of a familiar cast to churn out a whole heap of what seem to be live-action teen magazine stories in features that he also directed. As for director Adamo Halmo, this is their first feature. I doubt it will be their last, but we can live in hope. No, that is not me being nasty for the sake of being nasty. This is a film that reeks of laziness and disdain at every turn. You can almost hear Halmo saying "cut, that take will do, people who watch these movies will put up with any shit." Admittedly, there's some truth in that, but it's still nice to think of people actually making even the minimal effort to present something cheering and sweet.

The best Christmas films, whether they are cinematic features or Hallmark movies, give us an idealised version of the season. There's a good helping of cold snow, good helpings of warm cookies and hot chocolates, plenty of seasonal lights and trimmings adorning the buildings, and characters that at least feel as if they belong in the onscreen world. 12 Toys Of Christmas somehow gets too much wrong in a way that leaves nothing feeling right. The characters never feel natural, which may be the biggest problem, and that means that everything around them just feels like exactly what it is: set dressing.

As I already said, Perk is fine in the lead role. And when I say fine I mean mostly harmless. And when I say mostly harmless I mean . . . present. Kékessy is a bit weaker, but just has to remain handsome and kind throughout. Javor feels like she was asked to join in for a day or two, not told anything about her character, aside from the fact that she was a grandmother, and then wandered through an extra scene or two without any decent direction. Ferenc Köles isn't bad as the comic relief, although he doesn't live up to the name of his character, Hilarius, and Míra Korb is thankfully not overused as the obligatory "sweet" child.

While occasionally competent, this is an ultimately joyless experience, and if there's something you want to avoid in your Christmas movie then it's a feeling of joylessness. Even when compared to the many other movies this wants to sit alongside, 12 Toys Of Christmas is poor. Choose from one of the hundreds of better options instead.

2/10

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Bad Tidings (2024)

2024 was a very good year for the stars of Bad Tidings, which meant the timing seemed perfect for this Christmas movie. Chris McCausland was very popular on Strictly Come Dancing, raising his own profile as well as challenging perceptions and inspiring others by becoming the first blind winner, and Lee Mack seemed to become a permanent household fixture on TV, thanks to his presence on one or two comedy panel shows and his stint hosting The 1% Club. Putting them in a movie that had one being a capable blind man and one being a bit of a sarcastic grump didn't seem like a bad idea.

Co-written by Laurence Rickard, Martha Howe-Douglas, and McCausland, this is best described as a cross between Home Alone and any film about feuding neighbours. Mack plays Neil, a man who becomes more and more obsessed with his neighbour, Scott (McCausland). Neil believes that Scott is deliberately trying to wind him up, especially when it comes to his Christmas decorations. He can't complain too much though, because then everyone would accuse him of picking on an innocent blind man. Scott isn't as innocent as he appears though. Whatever their differences, Neil and Scott need to team up and work together when the plot contrives to have them being the only two people at home as their street is targeted by some opportunistic robbers.

While there are a few chuckles here and there, especially in the third act, I was really hoping for a bit more from Bad Tidings. It's good enough, but it just never hits the heights you might expect from the two talented leads, especially considering the fact that the film feels tailored to play to their strengths. A major factor may be director Tim Kirkby, who has spent a large part of his career filming TV comedy and stand-up work. Kirkby struggles to keep things moving smoothly enough, making the 80-minute runtime feel a bit overlong when you think of the wasted potential.

Both Mack and McCausland do well enough in the main roles, both very comfortable in roles that don't require them to stray too far from the onscreen personas they have presented for years now. Rebekah Staton, Ben Crompton, Emily Coates, and Josiah Eloi play the family of robbers, and they're fine, and the only other cast members worth mentioning are Sarah Alexander and Millie Kiss. 

Maybe my lukewarm response to this is due to me getting my hopes up. I'd seen the advertising and thought I'd be in for something a bit superior to other TV movies of the season. While it's certainly a step away from the star vehicles we get from America, it still aims to be a relatively inoffensive distraction for those just wanting something that can be viewed while wrapping presents and/or sitting down with a nice big cup of hot chocolate. I enjoyed the Christmas special of The 1% Club Christmas Special more though.

6/10

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Mubi Monday: Babyteeth (2019)

I have found myself saying this quite often lately, but here we have another movie that takes some very familiar elements and blends them in a way that allows them to feel relatively unique. Babyteeth has a married couple who are going through a rough patch, it has a young woman being quite captivated by the personality of someone who would be labelled as "from the wrong side of the tracks", and there's also a storyline about someone struggling to live a normal life while being affected by cancer.

Eliza Scanlen plays Milla Finlay, a schoolgirl unlikely to see full adulthood, thanks to the cancer attacking her body. Her parents (Anna, a musician, played by Essie Davis, and Henry, a psychiatrist, played by Ben Mendelsohn) are struggling to find the right balance between protecting their daughter and allowing her to enjoy all that she can in her life, which is why they end up being more patient and considerate when Milla brings home a new friend, an older drug dealer named Moses (Toby Wallace). A number of the main characters here use drugs for different reasons, but there might be a time when they can instead find their high/calibration in some other way. 

The first, and only (at this time), film directed by Shannon Murphy, working from a screenplay by Rita Kalnejas, adapting her own play, Babyteeth is one of those little films that seems unremarkable, and perhaps even a bit trite, until you start to be won over by the power of the many effective moments scattered throughout the runtime. On the one hand, I wish someone had pared this down by a good 10-20 minutes (it clocks in close to the 2-hour mark). On the other hand, there are no scenes I would necessarily vote to throw on the scrapheap. This is a story that is crafted well and lifted up by a great cast.

Davis and Mendelsohn are almost so appreciated nowadays that it seems redundant to praise their performances, but they absolutely make the most of material that gives them great individual moments, as well as some great moments together. There's no way to single one of them out, and they somehow manage to even take things up a notch in some powerful final scenes. Scanlen is perfect in her role, managing to convey her positivity and quirkiness without being stuck in a "manic pixie dream girl" rut. The constant presence of her cancer works against that, of course, but that shouldn't take away from how well she pitches her performance. Then we have Wallace, giving the kind of performance that makes me immediately want to check out more from his already-surprisingly-expansive filmography. Emily Barclay also does well to make a strong impression with her relatively small amount of screentime.

I enjoyed Babyteeth for every minute of the runtime. It sets everything up quickly enough, allowing viewers to spend most of their time watching the main characters connecting and interacting in both good and bad ways. The best thing about it is the way that it seems to hold back from judging people who find themselves in an unimaginably difficult situation, creating space and time for self-reflection as we ponder the beauty and ugliness of a universe that contains more wonders and delights than any of us could hope to see in a century, never mind whatever limited lifespan we're allotted by a cosmic roll of the dice.

9/10

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