U. S. Marshals (1998)

Considering the success of The Fugitive, and the fact that a number of scenes were stolen by Tommy Lee Jones working the case with his colleagues, it was inevitable that people would try to come up with a sequel. You can't just frame Dr. Richard Kimble (Harrison Ford) again though, so what do you do? You get someone else who ends up on the run while declaring that they're actually an innocent party. Tommy Lee Jones (as Samuel Gerard) and co. are all back, joined for a large chunk of their investigation by Robert Downey Jr., and Wesley Snipes is the fugitive being hunted.

Neither writer John Pogue nor director Stuart Baird have filmographies full of features that would inspire confidence in anyone knowing that they were given responsibility for this. While the first film took an enjoyably simple premise and interspersed the cat and mouse narrative with some truly brilliant set-pieces (set-pieces that hold up today as prime examples of superior blockbuster movie moments), U. S. Marshals makes things needlessly complicated, scatters around a trail of breadcrumbs that viewers won't care to see followed, and only has one moment that comes even close to anything in the first movie. Pogue makes the mistake of thinking that Jones alone can carry the movie (as much as I like him, he isn't up to that task), and that Snipes can make a decent replacement for Ford (as much as I like him, he also isn't up to that task).

The supporting cast provide all of the treats here, although I am not saying that either Jones or Snipes are bad. They're just stuck with providing a centrepiece for something that doesn't allow them to work at their best. Downey Jr. is fun though, although his character development is as predictable as you might expect Downey Jr. to be saddled with at about this time, and Joe Pantoliano, Daniel Roebuck, Tom Wood, and LaTanya Richardson remain a loyal and talented group working for the determined Gerard. They also seem to be having fun with their roles, in contrast to the two leads who seem far less comfortable working within the confines of the blockbuster requirements.

The best way to describe everything else her is lacklustre. From the plotting and dialogue to the editing and production design, from the cinematography to the Jerry Goldsmith score, there's just nothing here that feels as if it was made with care and enthusiasm. I'm not saying that's the case, it just isn't conveyed to viewers. 

If you have recently watched The Fugitive and you are wondering what to watch next for the same mix of thrills, tension, verbal sparring, and spectacle, I would have to tell you to just rewatch The Fugitive. Or, as I have said before when reviewing it, be sure to make some time for In The Line Of Fire (which is a bit darker, but no less brilliant in terms of star-powered thriller fare). This sequel is probably already forgotten by most people anyway. If I have reminded you of it just now, and if you're now curious, then I can only apologise and encourage you to forget it again ASAP.

4/10

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Terrifier 3 (2024)

So . . . I didn't love Terrifier. And I certainly didn't love Terrifier 2. I've not really been a fan of the combination of Damien Leone and Art the Clown since All Hallow's Eve. Which means that I can understand why people would question why I would even give Terrifier 3 the time of day. Well, first of all, I keep hoping for the series to reach the potential it has. Second, it's important to actually watch every movie that you want to have an opinion on. If I disliked, or dismissed, Terrifier 3 without even watching it then people could quite rightly ignore my ignorant take on it. Every unwatched movie has a chance to be great, no matter what you thought of any prequels, sequels, or other elements connected to it. Oh, and I saw that it was basically a Christmas horror movie, and I do like to add any new Christmas horror movies to my schedule at this time of year.

In a way that almost completely proves my point, Terrifier 3 turns out to be the best of the series so far. I'm not sure if a full plot summary is required here. Art the Clown (played once again by David Howard Thornton) ends up on another killing spree, accompanied by the seriously mutilated Victoria (Samantha Scaffidi). It's surely only a matter of time until they relocate the plucky Sienna (Lauren LaVera), who is now living with her uncle and aunt (played by Bryce Johnson and Margaret Anne Florence, respectively).

Whether Leone now has more freedom and scope to play around, or whether the film is simply helped enormously by juxtaposing the bloodshed of Art with the festive decor of Christmas, Terrifier 3 is almost as great as I always wanted the series to be. The gore and nastiness are still there, and those seeking it out will be satisfied, but there's a gleeful tone to the carnage that makes it a much better viewing experience. While I have been impressed by the extended torture and kill scenes in previous instalments in this series, they were often undeniably grim. This has a playfulness to it that helps to break up the vomit-inducing gore gags. The script still needs some work, it's too long and gets a bit tiresome when interrupting the flow of the whole thing to build the mythology of the series, but it's a step up from everything else that came before it.

The cast, aside from Thornton, Scaffidi, and LaVera, are largely irrelevant. They're not bad, far from it, but they're all available to be potential victims of Art, and they just don't get any chance to steal any scenes away from the three main cast members who spend the majority of the runtime as sides of a triangle that viewers know will be fully formed before the end credits roll. There are also some fun cameos, including Jason Patric, Tom Savini, and Chris Jericho, but the other names worth mentioning are the legendary Clint Howard and Daniel Roebuck, with the latter portraying the Santa actor who finds himself in big trouble when Art takes a liking to his beard and traditional garb.

If Leone can find a way to do this again, make use of Art in a way that skewers something traditionally full of good feeling and warmth, then he might be able to take this series from strength to strength. Maybe have Art hiding out in a religious community, or pretending he has been asked to teach mime to kindergarten kids, or maybe interrupting dates on Valentine's Day with people thinking he is about to deliver a message of love before he instead delivers painful death. You get the idea. Art works best when he is being dark AND silly, and dark and silly works best when shown alongside something light and earnest.

7/10

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The Munsters (2022)

Yes, the trailer for The Munsters was terrible. Yes, having Rob Zombie at the helm meant that many people were wary of the project. Yes, I knew I would have to watch it one day anyway. That day was today (theoretically . . . reviews are sometimes scheduled a long time after particular viewings). While I would never class this as a new favourite, and while I wouldn't put it at the top of any ranked list of Rob Zombie movies, I had much more fun with The Munsters than expected. Love or hate it, Zombie has delivered something more in line with the spirit and tone of the TV show than any other attempts to reboot or revamp it over the years. 

The film is split into roughly three sections. First of all, Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) seems unable to find someone decent to fall in love with, despite the advice of her father, The Count (Daniel Roebuck). Meanwhile, Dr. Henry Augustus Wolfgang (Richard Brake) and his assistant, Floop (Jorge Garcia), are busy working on what the doctor hopes will be an astonishing creation. That creation turns out to be Herman Munster (Jeff Daniel Phillips), a bit less astonishing than hoped, due to the fact that his piecemeal body has been reanimated with a less-than-stellar brain implanted in his skull. The second section has Lily and Herman falling in love, all thanks to Herman charming her with his mix of rockstar attitude and entertainingly lame "dad jokes". Third, it's time for The Munsters to find a new home, and fans may already know the address they will end up making their own.

This isn't necessarily going to win over people who dislike the films of Rob Zombie, and it's not guaranteed to change your mind if you decided to give it a chance after hating the awful trailer, but I'll take a chance on saying that fans of The Munsters may be pleasantly surprised by how much this gets right. The cast, with one notable exception, feels pretty perfect, helped by superb make-up on everyone, and the script is unashamedly cheesy and creaky in a way that emulates the TV show without being slavishly obsessive about trying to deliver a carbon copy.

There's plenty of people ready to criticise Sheri Moon Zombie, a woman who has her husband to thank for the great majority of her acting career, but she's not actually a bad fit for the role of Lily. She makes some strong choices in her performance, a lot of hand movement being the most obvious, and she's the weakest of the leads, but she works quite well. I also enjoyed her small secondary role, as I enjoyed the secondary roles for Phillips (who actually plays three characters here), Roebuck, and Brake. Moving from the weakest to the strongest, Roebuck is so good as The Count that you can imagine Al Lewis giving his blessing to the performance. Phillips arguably has the toughest task, nobody can ever truly replace the beloved Fred Gwynne, but his version of Herman Munster is an enjoyable mix of the familiar - his childishness and sense of humour - and the ever-so-slightly new - the performer - that still embodies the spirit of Herman. Brake has a lot of fun (particularly as Count Orlock, in some scenes throughout the first act that are some of the funniest moments in the film), Jorge Garcia and Sylvester McCoy are the kind of assistants/employees you expect to be alongside these characters, and there are some enjoyable cameos from Catherine Schell, Cassandra Peterson, and a few others you really have to keep your eyes, and/or ears, open for.

Feeling more like a TV movie than a, well, non-TV movie, The Munsters cannot ever make you forget that you're watching something quite cheap. That's fine though. Adapting the show into a film doesn't mean throwing money at it. Zombie and co. make use of well-dressed stages, plenty of accessories you would find in any Spirit Halloween store, and a nice selection of brightly-coloured lights, including some fun neon signage (and I'm referring to Count Orlock again). Everyone involved knows that they're not trying to make a classic slice of cinema. They're trying to make a Munsters movie. While not getting every single decision right, they largely succeed.

Would I watch this over the original TV show? No. Would I rush to rewatch this? Also no. I would rewatch it though, and I suspect I will enjoy it a bit more during a repeat viewing, especially knowing that I don't have to worry about anything being as bad as that trailer implied.

6/10

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3 From Hell (2019)

Here's the one thing that I know about the feature film career of Rob Zombie. I am one of the many voices making up part of the problem. I LOVE his first film, he still hasn't topped it for me. It's a carnival sideshow experience in which you are taken by a variety of eye-catching grotesqueries by someone you don't entirely trust. Unfortunately, every movie he has given us after that one has been more of the same, with the exception of two movies that many fans didn't care for. I love The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto. I didn't love The Lords Of Salem. Sadly, the more that Zombie retreats back into his comfort zone, the more I appreciate him trying to channel Ken Russell in The Lords Of Salem, and the less likely it is that we will ever see him try that again.

Which brings us to 3 From Hell, a film that continues the saga of "the Firefly family", the notorious and nasty criminals we last saw being abruptly halted by a hail of bullets as they headed towards a police roadblock. The basic plot is similar to The Devil's Rejects, it's three bad people doing bad things until a final encounter leads them towards either another victory or potential death.

Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Moseley, and Sid Haig in place? Check (although the role for Haig was greatly reduced, he has only one main scene, when news of his illness came along just before his death this year). A decent soundtrack? Check (note - it's still a bold move for ANY film to use In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida even all these years after Manhunter). Maniacs who like to deliver verbose dialogue before they commit their atrocities? Check. A '70s aesthetic throughout, no matter what time the film is supposed to be set in? Check. The baddies being a lot smarter/luckier than anyone with their M.O. would be? Check.

On paper, this should be another easy win for Zombie. It's not though. Although it fails in different ways to 31 (which remains arguably his worst film), it still fails. Some fans may disagree with that, and I'm happy that Zombie is at least keeping his core fanbase happy. He seems to have a good relationship with them, and often delivers just what they want. It's just a shame that he doesn't take a chance nowadays on exploring other genre styles that will allow him to grow more, and potentially surprise audiences.

Most, but not all, of the problems here like with Zombie himself. The script is more of the nonsense that he likes to hear being delivered by his favourite actors, always a mix of gleeful nihilism and purported wisdom from those who are savvy enough not to be constrained by the laws imposed upon society by men who just weren't brave enough to give in to their base desires at all times. It also all starts off on the wrong foot, a double whammy of viewers being told a time period that never feels right and an air of sympathy for the main characters that you just can't see ever happening. EVER. Nobody onscreen is worth supporting.

The second main problem, aside from anything done directly by Zombie, comes from the main performances. Few people onscreen are actually bad, but they're rarely actually good either. Moseley is pretty much in self-parody territory now, pushed into that area by Zombie, and every moment he's onscreen feels a bit silly. Richard Brake, stepping in to the void left by Haig, has the potential to make a better impression in the role of Winslow AKA "Foxy", but he ends up looking and sounding far too much like Moseley. That leaves us with Mrs Zombie, who is the worst of the three, and suffers the most from the script. There's just no way anyone would consider her for a parole hearing, for example, given her history of constant unpredictable madness, and she's getting a bit too old to play the role in the same giggling and coquettish way she did back in House Of 1000 Corpses. You get supporting roles for people such as Daniel Roebuch, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Dee Wallace, Bill Oberst Jr, Danny Trejo, Pancho Moler, Emilio Rivera, and many others, although some are little more than the most fleeting of cameos it is some light relief to spot some of the familiar faces dotted around.

With House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects, Zombie delivered one hell of a double-bill. That hasn't changed. It's just that some people will have an inferior third instalment they can choose to watch at the end. Or, and bear with me, we can all forget it exists and just stay a lot happier. This film says nothing worthwhile, does nothing new, and deserves, well, I am sure you can guess.

3/10

Here's the movie available from Rob Zombie's site (because he needs the clicks more than I do . . . the blogger typed sarcastically).

Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever (2014)

Yes. It begins. It's that most wonderful time of the year. And I thought I'd start off my festive viewings with THIS film.

In case you hadn't heard already, or figured it out from the title, Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever is the first movie to be developed from an internet meme. Which means we may be able to look forward to a second Willy Wonka movie in which he sarcastically asks to hear your opinion on subjects, there's a whole film to be made from Sad Keanu, and perhaps even a horror movie entitled I Don't Always Know What You Did Last Summer, But Even When I Don't . . . . I Do.

Anyway, the slim plot here sees a little girl (Megan Charpentier) making a Christmas wish that allows her to hear the voices of the pets in the mall pet shop that she frequents. Actually, she asked for some friends but this seems to be a strange way of making that happen. One of the pets in the shop is the famous grumpy cat, and the two girls end up working together when a pair of robbers break in to steal a dog that's worth a million dollars.

The plot, however, is incidental to the main focus of the movie, which happens to be Lifetime movies, how to sell things to consumers, and the ridulousness of its own existence. Co-written by Tim Hill and Jeff Morris, with the former also working as director, the film takes almost every opportunity to poke fun at itself, and also the viewers who have tuned in to watch such a ridiculous idea. Grumpy Cat comments on everything unfolding onscreen with the right amount of sarcasm and disdain, which makes this a whole lot funnier than it otherwise could have been.

Aubrey Plaza provides the voice of the famous cat, and it's hard to think of better casting. Famed for playing characters with eye-rolling, sullen attitude, Plaza delivers a most appropriate vocal performance. And she even gets to appear in person very, very briefly. Charpentier does a decent job, essentially playing second fiddle to the cat, and it's good that the script also makes her consider the ridiculousness of things during the earlier scenes. This isn't a small girl who simply believes that Christmas is a time for magic and miracles. She wonders what the hell is happening and then gets caught up in the midst of a dog heist. Daniel Roebuck is a security guard, and Evan Todd and Isaac Haig have fun as the incompetent robbers.

There are moments that don't work. Scenes featuring the mother of Charpentier's character, and her possible blooming relationship with a young man working as a mall elf, seem to do nothing more than take viewers away from the main entertainment, while a scene in which the young girl feels genuinely at her lowest and worst simply feels out of place, considering the tone of the majority of the movie.

Just as easy to hate as it is to enjoy, the movie tries to use that judgment to wring extra laughs from the material. And it kinda works. I'm not going to say that this is a movie I'll rush to rewatch, but it's certainly one of the better Christmas TV movies that I've seen in recent years. I laughed at a number of the lines, fans of Grumpy will be pleased to see her face featured so much, and the scene involving a fast car and some mall doors is a dopey highlight.

Yes, I'd even watch a sequel.

6/10

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April Fools: Trail Of The Screaming Forehead (2007)

Apparently, writer-director Larry Blamire has been churning out a number of enjoyable comedies lovingly spoofing b-movies from the '50s and '60s for a few years now. On the recommendation of a friend, Trail Of The Screaming Forehead was the first one that I finally decided to check out. I'm glad I did. While it's not a great film, because a number of the jokes are overused and many moments are just a bit TOO ridiculous, it is an amusing one, and it manages to skirt close enough to the feel and style of the movies that it's paying tribute to.

Here's the basic, silly, premise. A small, American town is invaded by alien foreheads. Yes, crawling foreheads that plant themselves over human foreheads and end up controlling their human hosts. This happens, coincidentally, at the same time as Dr. Sheila Bexter (Fay Masterson) is conducting her ground-breaking research on foreheads, in an attempt to show that it's the forehead, and not the brain, that houses our intelligence.

Ridiculous? Oh, indeed. But also very funny, if watched in the right frame of mind. The movie revels in a mix of lame gags, all-too-familiar moments that seemed to be present in every film of this type, and daffy special effects created on a low budget.

Blamire may not get everything perfect, but he does a great job of ticking plenty of boxes. Theme song using the title of the movie? Check. Newcomers in town stumbling on to the bad situation? Check. Scientists taking their work too far? Check. Dick Miller? Check. Disbelieving local police? Check. A potential solution to the problem that seems very silly, but also seems to make sense? You may have guessed by now, but . . . . . . check.

The cast are all being deliberately awkward and (slightly) wooden, but they all do a great job with the material. Hmmm, I MEAN that as a compliment, honestly, even if it doesn't seem like it. Daniel Roebuck may be the most familiar to viewers (not counting Dick Miller, James Karen and a fine actor who makes a cameo appearance at the very end of the film), but Brian Howe, Dan Conroy and Alison Martin are the main trio trying to keep the foreheads at bay. Masterson is great as the scientist, Andrew Parks raises numerous laughs as the fellow scientist who agrees to be her guinea pig, H. M. Wynant is great in every scene he gets, and Jennifer Blaire is suitably hard-nosed with a touch of sexy in the role of Droxy Chappelle.

If the title is enough to put you off then don't watch it, it's as simple as that. Give it a chance, however, and you may find that there are a lot of plus points throughout the never-ending silliness.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trail-Screaming-Forehead-Directors-Cut/dp/B004N5UTUO/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1397839879&sr=1-1&keywords=trail+of+the+screaming+forehead