The Munsters (2022)

Yes, the trailer for The Munsters was terrible. Yes, having Rob Zombie at the helm meant that many people were wary of the project. Yes, I knew I would have to watch it one day anyway. That day was today (theoretically . . . reviews are sometimes scheduled a long time after particular viewings). While I would never class this as a new favourite, and while I wouldn't put it at the top of any ranked list of Rob Zombie movies, I had much more fun with The Munsters than expected. Love or hate it, Zombie has delivered something more in line with the spirit and tone of the TV show than any other attempts to reboot or revamp it over the years. 

The film is split into roughly three sections. First of all, Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) seems unable to find someone decent to fall in love with, despite the advice of her father, The Count (Daniel Roebuck). Meanwhile, Dr. Henry Augustus Wolfgang (Richard Brake) and his assistant, Floop (Jorge Garcia), are busy working on what the doctor hopes will be an astonishing creation. That creation turns out to be Herman Munster (Jeff Daniel Phillips), a bit less astonishing than hoped, due to the fact that his piecemeal body has been reanimated with a less-than-stellar brain implanted in his skull. The second section has Lily and Herman falling in love, all thanks to Herman charming her with his mix of rockstar attitude and entertainingly lame "dad jokes". Third, it's time for The Munsters to find a new home, and fans may already know the address they will end up making their own.

This isn't necessarily going to win over people who dislike the films of Rob Zombie, and it's not guaranteed to change your mind if you decided to give it a chance after hating the awful trailer, but I'll take a chance on saying that fans of The Munsters may be pleasantly surprised by how much this gets right. The cast, with one notable exception, feels pretty perfect, helped by superb make-up on everyone, and the script is unashamedly cheesy and creaky in a way that emulates the TV show without being slavishly obsessive about trying to deliver a carbon copy.

There's plenty of people ready to criticise Sheri Moon Zombie, a woman who has her husband to thank for the great majority of her acting career, but she's not actually a bad fit for the role of Lily. She makes some strong choices in her performance, a lot of hand movement being the most obvious, and she's the weakest of the leads, but she works quite well. I also enjoyed her small secondary role, as I enjoyed the secondary roles for Phillips (who actually plays three characters here), Roebuck, and Brake. Moving from the weakest to the strongest, Roebuck is so good as The Count that you can imagine Al Lewis giving his blessing to the performance. Phillips arguably has the toughest task, nobody can ever truly replace the beloved Fred Gwynne, but his version of Herman Munster is an enjoyable mix of the familiar - his childishness and sense of humour - and the ever-so-slightly new - the performer - that still embodies the spirit of Herman. Brake has a lot of fun (particularly as Count Orlock, in some scenes throughout the first act that are some of the funniest moments in the film), Jorge Garcia and Sylvester McCoy are the kind of assistants/employees you expect to be alongside these characters, and there are some enjoyable cameos from Catherine Schell, Cassandra Peterson, and a few others you really have to keep your eyes, and/or ears, open for.

Feeling more like a TV movie than a, well, non-TV movie, The Munsters cannot ever make you forget that you're watching something quite cheap. That's fine though. Adapting the show into a film doesn't mean throwing money at it. Zombie and co. make use of well-dressed stages, plenty of accessories you would find in any Spirit Halloween store, and a nice selection of brightly-coloured lights, including some fun neon signage (and I'm referring to Count Orlock again). Everyone involved knows that they're not trying to make a classic slice of cinema. They're trying to make a Munsters movie. While not getting every single decision right, they largely succeed.

Would I watch this over the original TV show? No. Would I rush to rewatch this? Also no. I would rewatch it though, and I suspect I will enjoy it a bit more during a repeat viewing, especially knowing that I don't have to worry about anything being as bad as that trailer implied.

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

I have been a fan of writer-director Joe Begos for some time now, watching him improve with every film he's made over the past few years, and when I saw the trailer for Christmas Bloody Christmas I assumed that this would be the peak of his career. It is, after all, the tale of a homicidal, axe-wielding, robo-Santa. Considering how much I'd enjoyed VFW, this seemed like it could become a new festive favourite.

The star of the show is Riley Dandy, playing Tori, a record store owner who wants to spend Christmas Eve getting drunk and laid. Unfortunately, she seems to have swiped right on the wrong Tinder profile, as pointed out to her by her employee/friend, Robbie (Sam Delich). Robbie assures her that she can have a much better time in his company. Tori eventually agrees, which leads to the two of them drinking plenty of whisky, arguing over wildly divergent opinions on music and movies, and eventually heading back to Tori's place for an enjoyably hot 'n' heavy time. Meanwhile, an animatronic Santa figure has malfunctioned. After killing various people en route, it is determined to kill Tori, and anyone else who gets in his way.

Because I knew the main premise of the movie, I was being more patient than I otherwise may have been during the opening act. It's a bit of a slog though, with Begos seemingly more interested in filling the script with references than creative kills and bloodshed. The runtime is about 87 minutes, but it feels a bit longer than that, due to the time taken to get things properly started, as well as a finale that slightly outstays its welcome. Things do improve, thankfully, and there's a great 20-30 minutes in the second act of the film that makes it all worthwhile.

It's also worth mentioning that Begos once again shows how well he uses whatever budget is available to him. He has a lo-fi, grunge (although maybe best to say punk), aesthetic throughout, as usual, but that fits in with his sensibilities, making you feel as if you've just discovered this gem in the Horror section of a local VHS store. The colour scheme is the expected mix of green and red throughout, and Begos makes great use of festive lighting to frame and filter a lot of the action. Almost every set-piece is infused with the pulsing glow of lights, whether they're the ones decorating a house or the blue and red bulbs atop a police car.

Dandy and Delich are fun people to spend time with, and the former is set up from the very beginning as a potential final girl well worth rooting for, and Abraham Benrubi is effective as the killer Santa, his plodding and determined movements accompanied by the whirring and ker-chunk noises you'd expect to hear from such a figure. I looked up a dictionary of technical terms, ker-chunk is definitely the correct word there. There's a fleeting appearance from genre stalwart Graham Skipper, and local law enforcement is played by Jeff Daniel Philips and Jeremy Gardner, both as equally familiar and welcome to horror fans as Skipper. Everyone does a good job in the acting department, especially when considering how enjoyably daft the material is.

Begos does give viewers what they will expect from this, it’s just a shame that he didn’t figure out a way to streamline the script a bit more. But when it is fully into the whole Santerminator mode in the third act, including some fantastic vehicular stuntwork, it’s impossible not to enjoy what’s happening onscreen and admire Begos for achieving what he set out to do. And the visuals are accompanied by yet another excellent synth score from Steve Moore (a long-time collaborator with Begos, as well as the man who gave us that superb score for The Guest).

Maybe not the instant holiday horror classic I was hoping for, Christmas Bloody Christmas is still a bloody good time, it’s a nice mix of fun and mean-spiritedness that I can see myself returning to next year, even if only to spot more of the many little references and homages dotted throughout almost every scene.

6/10

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3 From Hell (2019)

Here's the one thing that I know about the feature film career of Rob Zombie. I am one of the many voices making up part of the problem. I LOVE his first film, he still hasn't topped it for me. It's a carnival sideshow experience in which you are taken by a variety of eye-catching grotesqueries by someone you don't entirely trust. Unfortunately, every movie he has given us after that one has been more of the same, with the exception of two movies that many fans didn't care for. I love The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto. I didn't love The Lords Of Salem. Sadly, the more that Zombie retreats back into his comfort zone, the more I appreciate him trying to channel Ken Russell in The Lords Of Salem, and the less likely it is that we will ever see him try that again.

Which brings us to 3 From Hell, a film that continues the saga of "the Firefly family", the notorious and nasty criminals we last saw being abruptly halted by a hail of bullets as they headed towards a police roadblock. The basic plot is similar to The Devil's Rejects, it's three bad people doing bad things until a final encounter leads them towards either another victory or potential death.

Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Moseley, and Sid Haig in place? Check (although the role for Haig was greatly reduced, he has only one main scene, when news of his illness came along just before his death this year). A decent soundtrack? Check (note - it's still a bold move for ANY film to use In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida even all these years after Manhunter). Maniacs who like to deliver verbose dialogue before they commit their atrocities? Check. A '70s aesthetic throughout, no matter what time the film is supposed to be set in? Check. The baddies being a lot smarter/luckier than anyone with their M.O. would be? Check.

On paper, this should be another easy win for Zombie. It's not though. Although it fails in different ways to 31 (which remains arguably his worst film), it still fails. Some fans may disagree with that, and I'm happy that Zombie is at least keeping his core fanbase happy. He seems to have a good relationship with them, and often delivers just what they want. It's just a shame that he doesn't take a chance nowadays on exploring other genre styles that will allow him to grow more, and potentially surprise audiences.

Most, but not all, of the problems here like with Zombie himself. The script is more of the nonsense that he likes to hear being delivered by his favourite actors, always a mix of gleeful nihilism and purported wisdom from those who are savvy enough not to be constrained by the laws imposed upon society by men who just weren't brave enough to give in to their base desires at all times. It also all starts off on the wrong foot, a double whammy of viewers being told a time period that never feels right and an air of sympathy for the main characters that you just can't see ever happening. EVER. Nobody onscreen is worth supporting.

The second main problem, aside from anything done directly by Zombie, comes from the main performances. Few people onscreen are actually bad, but they're rarely actually good either. Moseley is pretty much in self-parody territory now, pushed into that area by Zombie, and every moment he's onscreen feels a bit silly. Richard Brake, stepping in to the void left by Haig, has the potential to make a better impression in the role of Winslow AKA "Foxy", but he ends up looking and sounding far too much like Moseley. That leaves us with Mrs Zombie, who is the worst of the three, and suffers the most from the script. There's just no way anyone would consider her for a parole hearing, for example, given her history of constant unpredictable madness, and she's getting a bit too old to play the role in the same giggling and coquettish way she did back in House Of 1000 Corpses. You get supporting roles for people such as Daniel Roebuch, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Dee Wallace, Bill Oberst Jr, Danny Trejo, Pancho Moler, Emilio Rivera, and many others, although some are little more than the most fleeting of cameos it is some light relief to spot some of the familiar faces dotted around.

With House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects, Zombie delivered one hell of a double-bill. That hasn't changed. It's just that some people will have an inferior third instalment they can choose to watch at the end. Or, and bear with me, we can all forget it exists and just stay a lot happier. This film says nothing worthwhile, does nothing new, and deserves, well, I am sure you can guess.

3/10

Here's the movie available from Rob Zombie's site (because he needs the clicks more than I do . . . the blogger typed sarcastically).

Satanic Panic (2019)

Written by Grady Hendrix (arguably best known for his outstanding work on the wonderful Paperbacks From Hell book), Satanic Panic is the feature directorial debut from Chelsea Stardust, after a number of years directing shorts, as well as a number of various roles in the movie industry. All I can say is that I hope she is already developing her next feature, because this is an absolutely brilliant bit of entertainment, happy to take a diversion or two into some very wild territory indeed.

Hayley Griffith stars as Sam, a young woman at the start of her career as a pizza delivery driver. That start is not looking too promising. She doesn't get any tips, she ends up roped into helping customers with small tasks that shouldn't be any of her concern, and then, worst of all, she ends up the potential virgin sacrifice at the heart of a ritual being led by a ruthless and powerful coven leader (Danica Ross, played by Rebecca Romijn). Can she survive the night? And will anyone actually give her a decent tip?

With a script full of great lines of dialogue, in the form of both venomous one-line insults and amusing exchanges between characters, and a fantastic brisk pace from start to finish, Satanic Panic is a film full of easy pleasures, and a lot of laughs. Thankfully, and to the relief of many horror fans, it also delivers on the satanic part of the title. Although not ever really scary, it's nice to see something put together that feels as if equal care has been given to the moments of horror and gore in between the many chuckles. At least one set-piece has an impressive commitment to what is being shown that should make viewers squirm and wince, and the infrequent gore gags are expertly realised to show plenty of blood flowing without churning any stomachs.

It also helps that the casting here is practically perfect. Although Griffith is very likable in the lead role, and is given a great co-star to work with in the shape of Ruby Modine (who plays a young woman who was the original potential sacrifice), there is an impressively large shadow cast over the proceedings by Romijn, giving the best performance I have seen from her as a leader who has to balance the black arts with social standing, rivalries, and her own family. Arden Myrin is also a lot of fun, the number two who may hope to one day be number one, and there are great supporting turns from the likes of AJ Bowen, Jordan Ladd, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Jerry O'Connell, and others.

Although it can feel like 90% of horror film festival highlights are horror comedies (and I first heard about this after it was received very well at a number of festivals), Satanic Panic also deserves some extra brownie points for not being another of the seemingly unending comedic riffs on slasher or zombie movies. I also enjoy many of those, don't get me wrong, but it's always good to see something willing to take a path less traveled.

8/10

You can buy the movie here.

The Lords Of Salem (2012)

Damn you, Rob Zombie, damn you. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to fall while stretching beyond your normal reach, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating when the end result is such a mess. I always think that a discussion of any Rob Zombie movie somehow requires an opening statement making clear exactly where I stand on the filmography of the man. I loved House Of 1000 Corpses and I loved The Devil's Rejects, and then it started to slip and slide downhill. I actually enjoyed the Halloween remake and I thought The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto was as hilarious as it was juvenile. It all started to go wrong with Halloween II (which I still gave a respectable 6/10). The Lords Of Salem is, without a doubt, his worst movie. The fact that it's so unoriginal isn't a problem. The other movies that he's done have all allowed Zombie to wear his influences on his sleeve. It's the fact that is so unoriginal without his own twist on the material, the fact that it's so visually inept and ugly and the fact that it's just inexcusably dull from start to finish. Zombie shows no progression whatsoever as an artist, and has actually gone backwards since his fantastic debut feature.

The story is all about a radio DJ named Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) who receives a record from a mystery band, simply calling themselves "the lords". When she plays the record she starts to feel funny, eventually experiencing strange visions that may be flashbacks to more violent time in Salem's dark history. Her colleagues (played by Jeff Daniel Phillips and Ken Foree) don't really notice anything unusual initially, but as things get worse they start to worry that Heidi has gone back to a drug habit after a long period of being clean. The one person who starts to piece things together is Francis Matthias (Bruce Davison), a bit of an expert in the local history. Unfortunately, Heidi is soon being "looked after" by three women (Judy Geeson, Dee Wallace and Patricia Quinn) and she seems to be heading towards some big trouble.

There are some individual, good moments in The Lords Of Salem. It's not an irredeemable disaster, and it's not something that I'll refuse to ever rewatch, but those overlooking the many major flaws to praise it as Rob Zombie's homage to Euro-horrors are setting a lot of future newcomers up for a big fall. Zombie himself described it (in this clip) "as if Ken Russell directed The Shining" and mentions Polanski as another influence. He's not actually far off the mark, but none of those filmmakers would have a transition quite as clumsy as the sequence that introduces Heidi's place of work and colleagues and treats the audience like hyperactive children. Frustratingly, he shows in some other shots that he can do much better. Some moments do have a nice, controlled approach to both the shot composition and camera movement, but it's usually not long until he slips back into his old habits.

A lot of detractors of the film, or Zombie in general, have been quick to criticise Sheri Moon Zombie in the lead role. She's not that bad. Indeed, none of the actors (many of whom are firm favourites among horror fans, surprise surprise) do a bad job. Geeson, Wallace and Quinn, in particular, provide the most fun and seem to attack their roles with relish. Meg Foster also appears in a small, but vital, role and Sid Haig and Michael Berryman put in cameo appearances.

The soundtrack is pretty good, with one or two standout tracks, and the quality of the sound design serves as a reminder that this is a film from a man who knows what he's doing by now (in terms of the basic technical aspects, at least).

I enjoyed a few scenes, I was impressed by one or two creepy moments and in the first half hour of the film I was hoping that it would improve and build to something truly memorable. That didn't happen. The fact that it all came so completely undone didn't make me angry, it just left me disappointed. Other people already gave up on Rob Zombie a few years ago, but I keep giving him one more chance. I know that he's capable of some great stuff. The Lords Of Salem sees him trying hard to refute that.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lords-Salem-Sheri-Moon-Zombie/dp/B00BIODT0A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370338335&sr=8-1&keywords=the+lords+of+salem