Shudder Saturday: Prisoners Of The Ghostland (2021)

Nic Cage delivers some more Nic Cage craziness in Prisoners Of The Ghostland, but it somehow doesn't feel like the right kind of Nic Cage craziness. HE does just fine, but the film itself fails to lean in to the insanity with the commitment required. There's also a lot more to this than the stuff that is there on the surface level though. I'll get to my own interpretation of things shortly.

Cage plays a potential hero, named Hero, who has been thrown in jail after an armed robbery went horribly wrong (thanks to his gun-happy partner, played by Nick Cassavetes). The Governor (Bill Moseley) frees him because he wants to send him on a mission to save a young woman (Sofia Boutella) who has been taken to the dangerous area known as the Ghostland. Hero is placed in a suit that has explosives wired in strategic positions. He has so many days to find the woman and get her to say her name or explosives detonate. Then he has so much time to get her safely out of the Ghostland or explosives detonate. And if he mistreats the woman in any way, yep, explosives detonate. You might think that this device won't mean anything, considering our hero is actually called Hero, but be assured that explosives do detonate. 

I have now seen about four films from director Sion Sono, and I have loved three of them. Cold Fish, Tag, and Antiporno are all fantastic films, and all are very different from one another. The Virgin Psychics, on the other hand, is absolutely garbage, playing up to the tropes that you would list if creating something to epitomise the worst of Japanese cinema. Prisoners Of The Ghostland has lots of gorgeous visual style, something that Sono can deliver when he wants to (but credit to his DP here, Sôhei Tanikawa), and an interesting, murky, screenplay by Aaron Hendry and Reza Sixo Safai (two writers with very little actual writing experience between them).

What is most interesting here is the way in which Prisoners Of The Ghostland defies viewer expectations. It's a mad concept, absolutely, but it may only be a way to explore Japanese history and culture. I may be very wrong here, and others can happily steer me in the right direction if so, but this feels on a comment on Westerners taking advantage of Japan, moving in after major damage has been done to lay claim to an area they can govern while being scared of so many other parts of the country. It also, even more so, feels like Hero is on a bit of a doomed journey. Despite his name, and self-belief, he cannot be the true saviour of the people, having done his bit to traumatise and damage the person he has been sent to rescue. Know what I mean? Maybe that will seem familiar to some.

Say what you like about Cage, and people are rarely shy about voicing their opinions, positive or negative, on the actor, he throws himself into most of his roles. This is no exception. His character isn't particularly nuanced here, played as almost an avatar for an entire nation/organisation, but his performance is in line with the material. Moseley is good fun in his role, although I wish he had some more screentime, and Cassavetes is enjoyably psycho (which explains his character being named Psycho). Boutella has one of her more thankless roles in the past few years, she's a good actress who has picked a variety of films over the past decade or so, but she does well enough. And I'll also have to mention Tak Sakaguchi, playing the Governor's bodyguard, Yasujiro, excellent and almost stealing every scene that he is in.

It's hard to put my finger on why this didn't work for me. On the one hand, the crazy parts that went totally crazy were fun. On the other hand, the more artistic moments were beautiful. You also get that unsubtle commentary running through it like a rich vein to keep mining for food for thought. It just never found a way to gel together, unfortunately, which meant I was watching every individual moment I liked separate from every other individual moment I liked, each one for a slightly different reason. And when things slow down to almost a crawl, which they do often, the film starts to feel like a slog.

It's certainly worth watching at least once, and I cannot bring myself to rate it as a BAD film, but I wish everyone involved had found a better way to bring everything together more cohesively.

5/10

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3 From Hell (2019)

Here's the one thing that I know about the feature film career of Rob Zombie. I am one of the many voices making up part of the problem. I LOVE his first film, he still hasn't topped it for me. It's a carnival sideshow experience in which you are taken by a variety of eye-catching grotesqueries by someone you don't entirely trust. Unfortunately, every movie he has given us after that one has been more of the same, with the exception of two movies that many fans didn't care for. I love The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto. I didn't love The Lords Of Salem. Sadly, the more that Zombie retreats back into his comfort zone, the more I appreciate him trying to channel Ken Russell in The Lords Of Salem, and the less likely it is that we will ever see him try that again.

Which brings us to 3 From Hell, a film that continues the saga of "the Firefly family", the notorious and nasty criminals we last saw being abruptly halted by a hail of bullets as they headed towards a police roadblock. The basic plot is similar to The Devil's Rejects, it's three bad people doing bad things until a final encounter leads them towards either another victory or potential death.

Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Moseley, and Sid Haig in place? Check (although the role for Haig was greatly reduced, he has only one main scene, when news of his illness came along just before his death this year). A decent soundtrack? Check (note - it's still a bold move for ANY film to use In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida even all these years after Manhunter). Maniacs who like to deliver verbose dialogue before they commit their atrocities? Check. A '70s aesthetic throughout, no matter what time the film is supposed to be set in? Check. The baddies being a lot smarter/luckier than anyone with their M.O. would be? Check.

On paper, this should be another easy win for Zombie. It's not though. Although it fails in different ways to 31 (which remains arguably his worst film), it still fails. Some fans may disagree with that, and I'm happy that Zombie is at least keeping his core fanbase happy. He seems to have a good relationship with them, and often delivers just what they want. It's just a shame that he doesn't take a chance nowadays on exploring other genre styles that will allow him to grow more, and potentially surprise audiences.

Most, but not all, of the problems here like with Zombie himself. The script is more of the nonsense that he likes to hear being delivered by his favourite actors, always a mix of gleeful nihilism and purported wisdom from those who are savvy enough not to be constrained by the laws imposed upon society by men who just weren't brave enough to give in to their base desires at all times. It also all starts off on the wrong foot, a double whammy of viewers being told a time period that never feels right and an air of sympathy for the main characters that you just can't see ever happening. EVER. Nobody onscreen is worth supporting.

The second main problem, aside from anything done directly by Zombie, comes from the main performances. Few people onscreen are actually bad, but they're rarely actually good either. Moseley is pretty much in self-parody territory now, pushed into that area by Zombie, and every moment he's onscreen feels a bit silly. Richard Brake, stepping in to the void left by Haig, has the potential to make a better impression in the role of Winslow AKA "Foxy", but he ends up looking and sounding far too much like Moseley. That leaves us with Mrs Zombie, who is the worst of the three, and suffers the most from the script. There's just no way anyone would consider her for a parole hearing, for example, given her history of constant unpredictable madness, and she's getting a bit too old to play the role in the same giggling and coquettish way she did back in House Of 1000 Corpses. You get supporting roles for people such as Daniel Roebuch, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Dee Wallace, Bill Oberst Jr, Danny Trejo, Pancho Moler, Emilio Rivera, and many others, although some are little more than the most fleeting of cameos it is some light relief to spot some of the familiar faces dotted around.

With House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects, Zombie delivered one hell of a double-bill. That hasn't changed. It's just that some people will have an inferior third instalment they can choose to watch at the end. Or, and bear with me, we can all forget it exists and just stay a lot happier. This film says nothing worthwhile, does nothing new, and deserves, well, I am sure you can guess.

3/10

Here's the movie available from Rob Zombie's site (because he needs the clicks more than I do . . . the blogger typed sarcastically).

Shudder Saturday: Boar (2017)

What is it about killer pig movies? Why do people keep trying to make them when most of them end up not being very good? I've sat through Pig Hunt, Prey (the best of the bunch), and now this. Okay, I have yet to see the celebrated Razorback, an oversight on my part, but it's not often that I get excited when I hear someone is releasing a new killer pig/boar movie. I decided to give Boar a chance nonetheless, and started to regret it within the first half hour.

I could describe the plot here, trying to add some details that might make you think there are characters and events to care about, but that would be making this into something it isn't. There ARE characters and events here, they're just not worth caring about. Seriously, not one. Okay, maybe one, or even two (I'll mention them soon), but they're not even the main characters that we're supposed to care about during the grand finale. This is a monster movie, pure and simple. It's about a huge beastie with a huge snout that likes to maul puny humans. And it occasionally delivers some decent gore.

Writer-director Chris Sun is trying to make something here that sits more in line with films like Tremors (the benchmark for monster movies that have a great seam of comedy running through them) and Lake Placid and that could be admirable. The fact that it is so far removed from those films, so poorly mishandled, instead makes it something that many viewers may end up resenting. There's no tension here, that dissipates quickly enough when you realise that the part of the movie that Sun thinks can provide most amusement is the "stunt" casting of people like Bill Moseley, John Jarratt, and Roger Ward.

Thankfully, that casting provides one or two pleasures. Nobody else really makes much of an impression (I wouldn't be able to point out Hugh Sheridan, Steve Bisley, Simone Buchanan, Christie-Lee Britten, Madeleine Kennedy, or any of the others, from a line-up right now) but Nathan Jones does okay in his role, and the aforementioned genre stars are at least given some moments to shine as the film hops from one redundant scene to the next. Jarratt and Ward are the real highlights, with the latter giving a particularly wonderful performance that makes you wish the film was good enough to deserve it.

There's nothing more that I can really talk about here. Boar is, in a horrible irony, often quite a bore. Those decent moments of gore aren't enough to make up for the rest of the film, which is too concerned with trying to make things quirky and comedic, to the detriment of what the film could have been, which is a creature feature with an impressive creation at the centre of things (the practical FX work here is another plus point). It still has scenes that work in that regard, but they're stuck between a multitude of scenes that don't ever manage to get the tone right.

4/10

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Filmstruck Friday: Pink Cadillac (1989)

Clint Eastwood can do many things. He can squint perhaps better than anyone else in cinema. He can portray iconic characters who usually solve their problems with violence. He can direct, some of his films being much better than some others. And he can even get away with temporary embarrassments. Some may have forgotten his famous dialogue with an empty chair in an attempt to make some political points a number of years ago. I haven’t. Regardless, it was a blip. He’s allowed a blip. Because Clint Eastwood can do pretty much whatever he likes. Except comedy. No, that is not one of his strengths (unless he’s co-starring with a great ensemble – a la Kelly’s Heroes – or an entertaining orangutang – “right turn, Clyde”). Pink Cadillac is an action comedy, but it’s sadly lacking in both action and laughs.

Eastwood plays Tommy Nowak, a skip-tracer (seems to be the same as a bounty hunter) who ends up tracking down a woman named Lou Ann McGuinn (Bernadette Peters). Lou Ann was found with counterfeit money that actually belonged to her husband (Timothy Carhart) and his fellow crooks. Heading off in his prized car, the pink cadillac of the title, Lou Ann hopes to evade the law long enough to spend more of the counterfeit money and somehow turn it into real money, thanks to some good luck at casinos, that will set up a better future for her child. Nowak finds Lou Ann quite easily, but he's unsure of the best way to get things done when he hears about her dilemma, involving her child, her husband, and a group of white supremacists who were due all of the money that she drove off with.

The first film written by John Eskow (who has written some others that I have really enjoyed), this script shows an obvious unease, a lack of faith in any of the main elements. That's why the comedy is never funny enough, nor are the action moments as thrilling as they could be. That could have been an issue easier to overlook if the leads were better but Eastwood seems determined to remind viewers that he is working hard at pretending to have fun.

Director Buddy Van Horn directed three movies in total, all starring Clint Eastwood. Starting with the passable enough Any Which Way You Can, he then moved on to the disappointing The Dead Pool (which is also places Jim Carrey in a small role, his very brief cameo in this movie means that he has been in two more Clint Eastwood films than most people would think him suitable for), and finished with this one. They must enjoy working together, however, as Van Horn has spent many years doing stunt work, either performing or co-ordinating the work, for many other Eastwood movies. So it's a distinct possibility that everyone working on this film was having a blast. They just didn't manage to convey that to viewers.

Eastwood is at his worst here, and I consider myself a fan of the man. This was a role that should have been bulked up and developed for someone more naturally comedic (with some hard work, this could have been a great vehicle for someone like Chevy Chase or Eddie Murphy). The material being weak is no excuse for Eastwood being so uncharacteristically lacking in charisma throughout, and that is the biggest problem that the film has. Peters tries harder, and she's as enjoyable as usual, but isn't given enough to do. Carhart is okay as her asshole of a husband, Michael Des Barres is good as the main baddie, and I would have liked to see him be even more of a threat, and you get a fun turn from Geoffrey Lewis, as well as a fleeting bit of screentime for Bill Moseley.

What can I say to sum things up any clearer? You get a weak script, weak direction, and a weak leading turn from someone who is usually on much better form. The saving grace is Peters, but even she doesn't do enough to make this worth your time. 

3/10

You can, if you feel the need, buy it here.
Americans can get it here.

Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out! (1989)

It turns out that Ricky Caldwell, the killer in Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 isn't dead. Nope, he's just been in a coma for some time, allowing him to change into Bill Moseley (taking over the role from Eric Freeman) and establish a psychic connection with a blind girl named Laura (Samantha Scully). Laura is about to head to her grandmother's place for the holidays (with her brother, played by Eric DaRe, and his girlfriend, played by Laura Harring), which also seems to be the cue for Ricky to get up and start killing people again. And we all know who he's aiming for.

Directed by Monte Hellman, this is laughable stuff from start to finish. The script, by Carlos Laszlo, makes no effort to shoehorn any logic into the proceedings, which means that everything simply develops from the ridiculous into the more ridiculous.

Whether it's the fact that this killer moves even slower than any other onscreen killer that I can think of, the whole cast of characters being so hard to care for, or even the scene when someone stops to give a lift to a man hitch-hiking, despite the fact that his brain is visible through the liquid-filled jar contraption sitting at the top of his skull . . . . . . . this film provides plenty of unintentional (?) laughs.

Moseley is given nothing to do, besides shuffle around very slowly and kill people occasionally. Scully is required to act blind and throw out sneering comments every other minute, which she does. Eric DaRe is fine, but I was much happier with any scene that featured Laura Harring (billed here as Laura Herring), simply because I have a big crush on her. Robert Culp is a cop trying to get to Caldwell before he kills again, and Richard Beymer is the doctor who may have accidentally created the link between the killer and his target.

Not quite as bad as the movie that preceded it, but it comes close. Thankfully, if you watch it in the right frame of mind then you will find plenty to enjoy. Just not in the way that the creators intended.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Deadly-Better-Initiation-Toymaker/dp/B002P8LKCM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386762884&sr=8-1&keywords=silent+night+deadly+night+3

The Tortured (2010)

When a couple (Erika Christensen and Jesse Metcalfe) have their young son snatched away from them they are understandably distraught. They want him home, alive and well. Bill Moseley plays the kidnapper and by the time he is apprehended it's too late. A young life has been snuffed out. This all happens within the first 10 minutes of the movie so I'm not spoiling anything here for you. The film really gets going when the grieving parents attend the trial of the murderer and find themselves unable to accept anything less than the death sentence. They find themselves getting more and more frustrated with each day that the killer continues to live that they decide the most satisfying justice will be their own. They hatch a plan to create the time and opportunity to have some "alone time" with the killer of their son.

The Tortured is an okay movie, especially during the middle section that features an awful lot of time showing someone being, well, tortured. Sadly, it all comes completely apart during an ending that is as implausible as it is insulting (yes, it IS insulting). Director Robert Lieberman may take some of the blame for not making the best movie possible but the worst offender here is writer Marek Posival, who was either thinking that he was being very clever while actually being very stupid or was, quite possibly, just taking the piss.

The acting by everyone onscreen is passable for this type of material but it's a real shame that this couldn't have been more carefully considered and balanced and thought-provoking. The central idea is an interesting one, as tempting as it is shocking. IF such a tragedy occurred in your life (touch wood that this should remain purely hypothetical for all) would you not want to take matters into your own hands? Such thinking has led to disturbing films such as The Last House On The Left, Straw Dogs, Death Wish and many others but The Tortured distances itself from superior offerings by providing no depth with the exploitative shocks. It doesn't want you to think about things or actually use the movie as a jumping off point for discussion and debate. It just wants to appeal to your basic bloodlust. That's all well and good if the movie was happy to aim at that level but that godawful ending shows that there are some loftier ideas shoehorned into the mix. That's when failure takes root, because a movie has to be a damn sight better than this one to get away with such bloody cheek.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Tortured-DVD/dp/B003B3KPHQ

The Haunted World Of El Superbeasto (2009).

From the mind of Rob Zombie comes this animated movie that’s madder than anything and everything that he’s previously put onscreen and an absolute hoot for those who can enjoy the puerile humour and the, unsurprisingly, reference-laden material (as I did).

El Superbeasto (voiced by Tom Papa) is a masked hero who is also a bit of a jackass. Think of Ash from the third Evil Dead movie and times that by ten, also adding numerous merchandising tie-ins and an ability to be fairly useless when needed the most. Dr Satan (Paul Giamatti) plans to find himself a certain woman he can make his unholy bride and to become a super-satanic piece of nastiness. And the certain woman is the mouthy and very busty Velvet Von Black (Rosario Dawson). El Superbeasto wants to save the not-so-innocent damsel in mild distress and needs the super-duper Suzi X (Sheri Moon Zombie) to help him out. Suzi herself is greatly helped by her transforming horny robot, Murray (Brian Posehn).

Honestly, this movie is entirely ridiculous for most of it’s running time but I enjoyed it immensely. The animation style was like a neon-lit cross between Ren & Stimpy and Fritz The Cat (which isn’t surprising as these two titles were amongst the inspirations for the animation) and it is also helped by one of the most amusing selection of song lyrics since Trey Parker and Matt Stone last set about writing a soundtrack. The song about Suzi X being chased by motorbike-riding zombie Nazis has to be heard to be believed, it had me laughing hard. Listen to it right here and now on this YouTube link.

The vocal cast are all great, from the leads to the cameo turns from the likes of Sid Haig, Bill Moseley and (my favourite of the lot thanks to the wonderfully droll character that he voices) Geoffrey Lewis.

As this is a Rob Zombie movie it’s no surprise that we get references to other horror classics but the wealth of them and how spot-on they are (thanks to the animated medium) pleasantly rewards the viewer who has been exposed to the same influences as Mr. Zombie. From the wonderful intro that brilliantly recreates the warning at the beginning of Frankenstein (1931) to the nod to Planet Of The Apes to Sunset Blvd to Zombie’s own outings (Moseley and Haig voice their respective characters, Otis Driftwood and Captain Spaulding) – you’re never far away from a subtle or not-so-subtle nod to another movie.

This could easily be dismissed as juvenile, unfunny nonsense by those who don’t find the humour appealing to them. Me? I thought it was damn hilarious and keep looking forward to Rob Zombie’s directorial outings in any form. 

8/10. 

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