Netflix And Chill: Carry-On (2024)

Taron Egerton plays Etahn Kopek, a young TSA agent who ends up having a very difficult shift in a busy airport on Christmas Eve. It's all thanks to a mysterious stranger (Jason Bateman) who ends up threatening Kopek to let a piece of luggage through the security system that really shouldn't be anywhere near an airport. Kopek doesn't want to co-operate, of course, but there's also another villain (Theo Rossi) keeping an eye on his pregnant partner, Nora (Sofia Carson). Meanwhile, one detective (Elena Cole, played by Danielle Deadwyler) senses something unusual about the latest case she is working on, and her investigation may eventually lead her to the same airport where our hero is desperately trying to stall for time.

Sometimes I watch a film and have such a strong reaction to it (whether positive or negative) that looking around online to see myself being very much in the minority makes me wonder if I missed something major. Despite what many others may tell you, Carry-On is awful, and not often in a fun way. I've seen people praise it as a throwback to simple action thrillers of the '90s, but that is just being rude to the simple action thrillers of the '90s. I've also seen people go on about how it's just a bit of fun that allows viewers to switch their brain off and enjoy the ride. There's switching your brain off and then there's being placed into an induced-coma to stop you asking too many questions. This film would have to do the latter to be considered anything more than an insulting mess.

Let's start with that dire script, written by T. J. Fixman, who unsurprisingly has a history made up of various Ratchet & Clank projects, as well as one other videogame. I don't always mind films that set everything up in entirely obvious ways, offering a comforting familiarity with how predictable it all is, but there's no finesse here at all. Even worse, there's absolutely no attempt to make things feel plausible. The main plan is silly enough, once you think about it for more than a moment, but would be perfectly fine if the rest of the film didn't try to find a breaking point for anyone suspending their disbelief. Want to warn your loved one about a potential sniper threatening their life? Do it in front of the biggest set of windows possible, as opposed to a backroom that has already been described as a total blindspot earlier on in the film. We're told many times at the start of the movie how busy the airport will be on this particular day, which doesn't seem to matter when people are looking for other airport staff or members of the security team. And let's not even waste energy rolling eyes at how amazingly quiet the airport car park becomes when someone is being chased by a van, and then a gun-toting killer who vacates said van. Those are just the "highlights", but you get the idea. None of the dialogue feels natural and flowing, and everyone is hampered by the silliness of the central idea.

As for director Jaume Collet-Serra, he represses any of his style and skill to deliver something that simply sits alongside numerous other "identi-kit" features paid for by Netflix. Okay, he no longer always shows off the eye he had while making the likes of House Of Wax and Orphan, but I defy anyone to watch this without credits and then name him as the director. 

I wish I could say that the cast at least work to improve the material, but they don't. Egerton is someone I normally enjoy watching onscreen, but he has to spend a lot of his screentime here responding to a voice speaking to him via an earpiece. How does he show his worry and stress? A twitchy left eye. It's distractingly overdone, and he isn't helped by the fact that his character has to wade further into the waters of implausibility than anyone else. Bateman is decent, but not entirely convincing as the manipulative criminal mastermind. Carson and Deadwyler are both slightly underused (although Deadwyler ends up involved in what is arguably the worst sequence in the film, an eye-wateringly bad stunt sequence involving cars soundtracked to "Last Christmas" on the radio), Rossi never feels as competent as he should, and everyone else, from Logan Marshall-Green and Dean Norris to Sinqua Walls and Curtiss Cook, is completely wasted.

I liked some of the very end scenes, but even that felt like some small consolation after expecting another twist that didn't happen. I wasn't just unhappy as the end credits rolled, I was bloody annoyed at once again being won over by a trailer for a film that turned out to be, while harmless and fairly inoffensive, another slick and empty waste of time (for both myself and those involved in making it).

4/10

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Prime Time: Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (2019)

Let me be up front right now by declaring how much I enjoy Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, even if I haven't ever read any of the books it is based on (they seem to be a cross between Goosebumps tales and urban legends). It really works for me, thanks to the wonderful atmosphere, the set-pieces, and the young cast all doing their best to sell it. Unfortunately, despite my own feelings on it, I struggle to think of people I would unconditionally recommend it to. I'll come back to that later.

The story concerns a group of young teens who find themselves in a local "haunted house" when they are being chased by a violent bully. They also find themselves a book of stories, apparently written by Sarah Bellows (a young woman who died some years ago, after a troubled life). When Stella (Zoe Colletti) reads the book in her home, she sees a new story. It's all about a scarecrow that comes to life, moving through the corn and killing someone. And it turns out that the story really happened. The group are now in danger. The stories will appear, and each one of them could be dead by the time the last word is written.

One of many films produced by Guillermo del Toro, but this time he also helped work on the general shape of the screenplay, aided by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, with the main credit then going to Dan and Kevin Hageman. It's easy to see why this would appeal to Del Toro, it's a film that is essentially about the power of storytelling and what repercussions can stem from the truth being hidden away when it yearns to be set free.

But it's André Øvredal in the director's chair, which brings a different style to the whole thing. This is a dark and unpleasant film, at times, with muted colours and shadows encroaching whenever a main story is about to be played out. Øvredal is happy to start off having viewers thinking this will be a light and fun film, gradually make things darker and darker, and then turn everything around again for a finale that ends up, sadly, feeling overly familiar and weak.

It's the shifting of tone that both helps and hinders the movie, and makes it so hard to recommend. I assumed this was a horror movie aimed at kids. It's not. Well, it's aimed at those who have fond memories of the books, from what I can gather, but also works well for a young teen demographic (I would say 13-15 year olds could really enjoy this, if they can get through the fairly horror-free first act).

If the tone never feels truly settled, the same cannot be said of the fantastic young cast. Colletti is a bright lead, Gabriel Rush and Austin Zajur are equally good as her friends, and Michael Garza is effective as the new kid in town, Ramon, who gets dragged into the whole dangerous adventure. Austin Abrams is all sneer and rage as the bully, Tommy, and Natalie Ganzhorn gets a big moment in a tale familiar to anyone who has heard any urban legends about big spots. There isn't too much screentime given to adults, but it's always good to see both Dean Norris and Gil Bellows in film roles, the latter playing a Police Chief who obviously doesn't believe the kids until he gets to see something wild with his own eyes.

I first saw this movie a few weeks ago. I decided that I couldn't settle on my final opinion, so I waited. And waited. Until I rewatched it again this week. I'm glad I did. Without waiting for the movie to conform to any expectations I may have had, I enjoyed it a lot more. There are some impressive special effects, some very memorable set-pieces, and a decent enough story to pin everything on, even if it does mean that it needs resolved during those disappointing end scenes.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Hustle (2019)

There's a part of me that realises I am being a tiny bit unfair to The Hustle by judging it so harshly against Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, one of my favourite comedies of all time. That film is itself based on an earlier film, Bedtime Story, which I have still not seen. And here we have something that works the premise for a third time, placing female stars in where there were previously men. Those women are played by Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson, which may be a mark against the film already for some.

Wilson plays Penny Rust, a small-time con artist who enjoys preying on men and getting them to hand money over to her. She never feels guilt, there's always a point that shows her that they deserved to be parted from their cash. Hathaway is Josephine Chesterfield, a con artist who plans more sophisticated schemes for much greater rewards. When these two cross paths, Josephine tries to send Penny away. Failing at that, she instead opts to train her, using her in some cons that make use of her talents. But there can only be one to really rule the roost, which is when the two bet on extracting a set sum of money from a young tech millionaire, Thomas Westerburg (Alex Sharp).

The feature directorial debut from Chris Addison, who has had a decent bit of practice with TV work over the years, The Hustle is a strange film to judge. Addison, who has been acting onscreen for just over a decade and has been part of some great comedy shows, seems to think that he's landed the perfect leads in Hathaway and Wilson. That's not the case, and it's this wrong decision that constantly threatens to sink the film.

Not that Hathaway is bad. She just doesn't feel right for the role. The same can be said for Wilson. Her con work never feels believable, because she has to spin things further and make them sillier and sillier. Even Sharp, not at all terrible, just doesn't feel right. That's the biggest problem the film has, the cast.

The script has lines to make you laugh, many of the best ones either unchanged, or only slightly changed, from the original script. It's also good when it allows Hathaway to roll her eyes and effortlessly one-up Wilson, but not so good when things feel most adjusted to either cater to a more modern sensibility, or manipulated to be in line with the style of Wilson. There's something about this premise, two con artists who decide to compete in a beautiful location to extract a set amount of money from one target, that lends itself to a timeless quality, something that then makes any talk of apps feel jarring. And the same goes for the many insults Wilson fires at Hathaway, as chucklesome as they sometimes are in their own right.

Perhaps I am being far too harsh, perhaps I am still being too kind to make up for my self-perceived harshness, but The Hustle doesn't ever work. Even the final scenes seem to get things wrong, in a small but very obvious way (to those familiar with the previous take on the material).

4/10

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Death Wish (2018)

I was not looking forward to Death Wish, the remake of the 1974 Michael Winner film, for a number of reasons. Despite me enjoying a number of his films, I didn’t think director Eli Roth would be a good fit for the material, Bruce Willis in any leading role nowadays gives me concern, and there were trailers that didn’t look promising. The one small shred of hope I had was that they’d kept enough of the ideas contained in the original script, by Joe Carnahan, to make this more interesting and relevant for a new generation.

Willis plays Paul Kersey, a surgeon who we first see losing his battle to save the life of a shot police officer before heading off to try and save the life of the man who shot him. That’s what he does. He saves lives. When not saving lives, he spends time with his family (his wife, Elizabeth Shue, and daughter, Camila Morrone, and also his brother, Vincent D’Onofrio) and seems to have everything in place for a content time. That all changes when a robbery leaves his wife dead and his daughter in a coma. Frustrated by the fact that it looks as if the police won’t make much progress, Kersey becomes a deadly vigilante, unsure of his own capability at first but quickly becoming more confident in his role.

There are a number of plus points here. Making Kersey a surgeon, rather than the architect he was in the original movie, is a good move. It further illustrates the transition from peaceful family man to gun-toting “grim reaper”, and it allows him to do more to cover his own tracks (he picks up clothing that is due to be disposed of by the hospital, he can treat some of his own wounds). There are also a couple of good points made about modern attitudes and accessibility to dangerous weaponry and information. These points may be hidden away beneath the sheen and the montage moments that throw AC/DC alongside the visuals, but they’re still there nonetheless, adding at least a modicum on intelligence and commentary that didn't have to be included.

Willis is slightly less comatose than he has been in so many other roles in the past decade, but he’s still the weakest link of the main cast. One moment that has him trying to convey the pain at what the criminals did to his loved ones is almost laughably bad, but he's better when growing more at ease with the death-dealing vengeance. D’Onofrio is as good as he always is, Shue and Morrone do well in their supporting roles, and Dean Norris puts in yet another great turn as the main investigating officer, a man who seems to be earnest in wanting to help and also starts to put two and two together as the criminal bodies start to pile up.

Roth does well in the director's chair. Everything moves along quickly, and predictably, enough and there are a few impressive moments of grue that serve as a reminder of who is at the helm. He makes some mis-steps, as he is won't to do in most of his movies, but makes a better fist of things than many other directors I could have considered for the job.

It's not as good as the original, which is expected, but this ends up being a perfectly serviceable reworking of the material for those who want to give it 100 minutes of their time (or thereabouts).

7/10

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The Last Seduction (1994)

In the opening scenes of The Last Seduction we find out that the lead character, Bridget Gregory (Linda Fiorentino, in her best ever role), isn't very nice. She's smart, but not very nice. Just how smart she is, and how nasty, only becomes clear as the plot unfolds, and things move towards a fantastic, dark, entertaining climax (no pun intended, considering the libido and confidence of Bridget).

Directed by John Dahl, and written by Steve Barancik, The Last Seduction is one long con game being played out by Bridget, a woman who has left her husband (Bill Pullman) with a bag of money that he made from selling drugs. The husband owes money to people who tend to damage his thumbs whenever he can't pay so he's understandably angry. Bridget continues to plan her exit strategy, biding her time in a small town that has very little going on, but allows herself some fun with a local boy, Mike (Peter Berg). Poor Mike doesn't realise that he's about to be involved in some wild mind games as Bridget coldly lines up all of the pieces for her big play.

John Dahl is a fine director  (having also given audiences the superb Red Rock West and Joy Ride AKA Roadkill) and he does himself a few favours here by working with a superb script, by Steve Barancik, and assembling a cast all doing some of their best work. Fiorentino, especially, hasn't had any better role to sink her teeth into, but Berg is great as the small town boy who dreams of bigger things, Pullman is surprisingly good in an atypical role for him, J. T. Walsh does his usual stellar work in an all-too-brief role, and Bill Nunn does well as a detective hired to find Bridget/the money. Dean Norris also has a very small role, alongside Brien Varady, the two of them playing friends of Mike who don't waste their energy on big dreams and are just happy with small town life.

Everything comes together perfectly to make this a real treat for fans of neo-noirs. The script is chock full of great lines and exchanges, the characters are all memorable (even the more minor characters like the poor schmuck, played by Mik Scriba, who is tasked with tailing Bridget), and the lady at the centre of events is one of the best femme fatales ever. Very smart, very sexy, and as cold-hearted as they come. Which always makes things more fun in the world of noir.

9/10

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