Prime Time: Wildcat (2025)

I have tended to enjoy Kate Beckinsale in many of her movie choices, no matter how dubious they have been. Wildcat feels like a low point though. It's a horrible slice of mockney nonsense so dire that it will make you wish you could go back in time and enjoy the many other Guy Ritchie imitators that you once thought were scraping the bottom of the lock, stock, and two smoking barrels.

Beckinsale plays Ada, a woman who has to come up with a plan to pay off debts accrued by her problematic brother, Edward (Rasmus Hardiker). No worries though, because Ada knows just what to do, and she'll pit a couple of criminal giants against one another. Those criminal giants are Mrs. Christina Vine and Frasier Mahoney, played by Alice Krige and Charles Dance, respectively. 

I almost gave up on writing that all-too-brief plot summary. The very thought of this film has me wanting to put my head through my laptop screen. It's THAT bad. Writer Dominic Burns takes every cliché in the tough geezer/audacious robbery playbook and mixes them all together without an ounce of wit or intelligence. He's obviously relying on his cast, but they seem unable to figure out exactly where they should pitch their performances.

Director James Nunn has some decent stuff in his filmography, and his next film, Hungry, is one that I am hoping will be a bit of fun. This has to be a strong contender for the worst thing that he's helmed, and I am saying that with the knowledge that he also directed The Marine 5: Battleground and The Marine 6: Close Quarters. I can see where this could have been turned into something moderately amusing and fun, but almost everything is ruined by the laziness and ineptitude of the writing and performances.

Beckinsale is a particular liability, considering that the film seems to have been crafted to be carried along by her name. She never feels like a believable character, and actually seems to be tired of the whole thing by the time the first scene plays out. I don't know why Krige and Dance agreed to be in this, and they're so far removed from doing what they're capable of that I wish they'd been able to refuse whatever pay they were offered for this. Lewis Tan tries to do well in his main supporting role, and is believably smitten with Beckinsale's character, but he's the only one who seems to be making any effort. Hardiker does nothing with a nothing role, and I'm going to do everyone else a favour by simply not mentioning them.

I worried when this ended, partly about the damage I had inflicted upon my own psyche and partly about the fact that people involved in the making of this may have thought they were working on something good. If they thought they were doing good work then they should be kept away from most future features. If they knew they were making trash then . . . they should be kept away from most future features.

2/10

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Prime Time: Madness In The Method (2019)

I like Jason Mewes, and I like almost everything that Kevin Smith has done, in film form, so I went into Madness In The Method hoping to like it. It looked silly, and I don't mind silly, and it looked like another attempt by Mewes to do something not completely tied to Smith and co.

Mewes plays himself, a movie version of himself anyway, and the start of the movie rolls through a brief history of his life and rise to cult stardom. The problem that Mewes has is that nobody will take him seriously as an actor. He wants to develop his career, but everyone sees him as "Jay", Mr Snooch To The Booch. When he's recommended some reading material about becoming a method actor, Mewes soon gets so serious about things that he starts killing people. He might be able to pin the blame on his friend, Vinnie Jones, but there will be many more deaths as Mewes struggles to bag the lead role in what is expected to be a huge hit movie directed by Brian O'Halloran. Oh, and Kevin Smith comes onscreen for a few conversations with his good buddy, of course.

I was surprised to find that Mewes didn't also write the script for this - that job went to Dominic Burns and first-timer Chris Anastasi (for reasons unknown, although I wouldn't be at all surprised if a number of scenes were improvised when certain actors were available) - but his first time behind the camera for a feature film isn't terrible. It's just not all that good. Considering the company he has kept for so many years, you'd think that Mewes would be wary of making something so meta. Maybe other people who enjoy his body of work expect that, but maybe some of them will be as tired of it as I am. It's a joke worn too thin at this point, certainly with this cast of characters, and that just leaves everyone involved here looking a bit, well, old and tired.

Fair play to Mewes for making himself essentially the butt of the joke, and for using his directorial debut to try to deliver both jokes and catharsis. It just doesn’t work, mainly because it’s an idea that requires a smarter approach.

The stunt casting helps a little bit. Jones is fun in his role, Smith and O’Halloran are both acting in line with every other screen performance they have ever delivered. Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher are reunited, although never onscreen together, Gina Carano plays the wife of Mewes, and Danny Trejo has fun being extra camp for a minute or two. Many other people come and go, including the cops on the tail of Mewes, but the film is all about the familiar faces roped in to the shenanigans.

Not quite as bad as I expected it to be, and Mewes doesn’t embarrass himself in the role of director, Madness In The Method is a low-budget bit of fun that fans of the View Askewniverse may find at least passable. Nobody else should bother with it.

4/10

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