Prime Time: Year One (2009)

Some films you just watch once and immediately forget about. Some films become firm favourites. Some films require a few viewings for you to really clarify your thoughts. And some films you end up watching a few times simply because you keep forgetting about it almost as soon as the end credits roll. Year One is in that latter category. This is my third time seeing it, and it is a film that really doesn’t warrant repeat viewings. The fact that I also own it is neither here nor there (it was cheap and I have a retail-based obsessive nature).

Jack Black and Michael Cera play Zed and Oh, respectively, two men from ancient times who end up banished from their tribe and encountering a bunch of famous biblical characters. One of them is famous brother-killer Cain (David Cross), one of them is famous son-sacrificer Abraham (Hank Azaria), and there are a whole lot of citizens of Sodom to deal with. That is all you need to know, although the men are also interested in romantically pursuing two female members of their tribe (played by June Diane Raphael and Juno Temple) and there are cameo roles for the likes of Xander Berkeley, Olivia Wilde, Vinnie Jones, Oliver Platt, and quite a few others.

I like Jack Black, despite the fact that many of his best-known movie roles are based around him doing his usual Jack Black schtick. I like Michael Cera, also not really known for his range. They just don’t work here though, feeling wrong in their lead roles and having no decent chemistry with one another. So that has the film starting off with a major disadvantage.

Director Harold Ramis (this was, sadly, the last feature he directed before his passing) seems to think that the script, co-written by himself, Lee Eisenberg, and Gene Stupnitsky, is full of chuckles that will be improved by the performers. He couldn’t be more wrong. The highlights come about despite the writing, many of the jokes are disappointingly obvious, and there are a few too many instances of toilet humour that feel all the worse for being inserted in between the few scenes that have actual wit. The best thing here is the ongoing story strand that allows Cain to remain a central character, but even that is slightly undermined by the fact that his first scenes are so good that it ends up going downhill from there.

As you might have guessed from that last sentence, Cross is a lot of fun in his role here, and arguably steals the movie. Aside from Black and Cera, the rest of the cast often try their best with weak material they are unable to greatly improve. Jones comes onscreen to be tough Vinnie Jones, Azaria is amusing enough for his few minutes, Berkeley had to sit around and look regal, which he does, and Wilde is a potential “fair maiden” alongside Raphael and Temple, with none of them getting to do more than look pretty enough to motivate our leads. Although you can question the choices made in his performance, it’s Oliver Platt who almost rivals Cross for the added comedy value provided, playing his character as a lusty hedonist who takes a fancy to Oh.

Not entirely without entertainment value, Year One is just a huge missed opportunity. What should have been a rapid-fire cavalcade of jokes, be they new, old, smart, or silly, just settles for being a vehicle built around two sorely miscast leads. It is telling that every decent laugh in the film comes from moments not focusing on the main characters.

3/10

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Prime Time: Madness In The Method (2019)

I like Jason Mewes, and I like almost everything that Kevin Smith has done, in film form, so I went into Madness In The Method hoping to like it. It looked silly, and I don't mind silly, and it looked like another attempt by Mewes to do something not completely tied to Smith and co.

Mewes plays himself, a movie version of himself anyway, and the start of the movie rolls through a brief history of his life and rise to cult stardom. The problem that Mewes has is that nobody will take him seriously as an actor. He wants to develop his career, but everyone sees him as "Jay", Mr Snooch To The Booch. When he's recommended some reading material about becoming a method actor, Mewes soon gets so serious about things that he starts killing people. He might be able to pin the blame on his friend, Vinnie Jones, but there will be many more deaths as Mewes struggles to bag the lead role in what is expected to be a huge hit movie directed by Brian O'Halloran. Oh, and Kevin Smith comes onscreen for a few conversations with his good buddy, of course.

I was surprised to find that Mewes didn't also write the script for this - that job went to Dominic Burns and first-timer Chris Anastasi (for reasons unknown, although I wouldn't be at all surprised if a number of scenes were improvised when certain actors were available) - but his first time behind the camera for a feature film isn't terrible. It's just not all that good. Considering the company he has kept for so many years, you'd think that Mewes would be wary of making something so meta. Maybe other people who enjoy his body of work expect that, but maybe some of them will be as tired of it as I am. It's a joke worn too thin at this point, certainly with this cast of characters, and that just leaves everyone involved here looking a bit, well, old and tired.

Fair play to Mewes for making himself essentially the butt of the joke, and for using his directorial debut to try to deliver both jokes and catharsis. It just doesn’t work, mainly because it’s an idea that requires a smarter approach.

The stunt casting helps a little bit. Jones is fun in his role, Smith and O’Halloran are both acting in line with every other screen performance they have ever delivered. Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher are reunited, although never onscreen together, Gina Carano plays the wife of Mewes, and Danny Trejo has fun being extra camp for a minute or two. Many other people come and go, including the cops on the tail of Mewes, but the film is all about the familiar faces roped in to the shenanigans.

Not quite as bad as I expected it to be, and Mewes doesn’t embarrass himself in the role of director, Madness In The Method is a low-budget bit of fun that fans of the View Askewniverse may find at least passable. Nobody else should bother with it.

4/10

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Gone In 60 Seconds (2000)

A slick Bruckheimer-produced action movie from the year 2000, Gone In 60 Seconds is an easy film to dismiss when you think of some of the other bombastic vehicles he has put his name to (two of those, Con Air and The Rock, also starring Nicolas Cage). But it holds up really well for what it is, which is a fun 2-hour film with lots of nice cars being stolen.

Giovanni Ribisi is Kip Raines, a young man trying to steal a load of cars for a major criminal, Raymond Calitri AKA The Carpenter (Christopher Eccleston). He fails, which enrages The Carpenter. With a ticking clock, he arranges to get Kip's older brother, Memphis Raines (Cage), on the case. Memphis left that life behind a long time ago, but, as the life of his younger brother is on the line, he reluctantly puts a team together. That team includes 'Sway' (Angelina Jolie), Otto (Robert Duvall), and The Sphinx (Vinnie Jones, in a largely non-speaking role). The plan is to scope out the cars and grab all fifty in one night. That's a tough order, made even tougher by the two cops (Delroy Lindo and Timothy Olyphant) who sense something big about to go down.

Based on the 1974 movie by H. B. Halicki (I've not seen it, no idea how closely the two match up), Gone In 60 Seconds has a decent script by Scott Rosenberg and solid direction from Dominic Sena. They know the right level of passable implausibility to go for, and keep things moving in between nice car moments with some great exchanges of dialogue between characters (particularly any scene involving Lindo and Olyphant). And then, despite taking such a long time to get there, the cars get to shine when they're onscreen. Especially in the finale, involving a Shelby Mustang GT500 given the name "Eleanor". 

There are some good montage moments, a soundtrack that has some fantastic choices to accompany the visuals (The Chemical Brothers are on there, as are Apollo Four Forty, Moby, and War), and enough great stunt sequences to please most action movie fans, although they are sparingly spaced out throughout the third act.

Now let’s get to that cast. Cage has fallen out of favour in recent years. I am still a big fan, no matter where on the Cage spectrum of craziness his performance falls, and he became a surprisingly good action movie star once given a shot. The same, more or less, could be said of Jolie, who works very well here as the cool female really into her cars. Duvall, Jones, Scott Caan, Chi Mcbride, Scott Caan and all of the other crew members fit their roles perfectly, Ribisi gets to be slightly bratty, and Will Patton once again delivers some fine Will Patton-ness. Eccleston is the weak link, not as charismatic and intimidating a villain as he could be, but he’s okay. The bigger threat comes from the “heroes” being caught by the cops, headed up by Lindo and Olyphant, who complement one another brilliantly, making a very entertaining double act. 

Maybe not as rewatchable as some other movies in this vein, Gone In 60 Seconds is still a very fun ride, using a great ensemble cast to keep everything ticking over nicely before it finally puts the pedal to the metal.

7/10

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Escape Plan (2013)

You don't watch a movie starring Sylvester Stallone, or Arnold Schwarzenegger, and expect logic and common sense to be the top priorities. I get that, I really do. But Escape Plan, which stars both men in lead roles, is even sillier and full of plot holes than it needs to be. It's so careless that the enjoyment factor is slightly ruined.

Stallone plays Ray Breslin, a man who can escape from pretty much any prison that's been designed. He's so good at it that he's made it his job. He gets incarcerated, under a false identity. He gets out. The prison gets a report that details the weaknesses in their security. When he's offered a bumper fee, Ray allows himself to be grabbed and thrown into another prison. This time, however, things are even tougher than usual. His colleagues have no idea where he is, the prison warden (Jim Caviezel) knows of his reputation and wants to make sure that he doesn't leave, and the prison is full of transparent cells, making for a much tougher challenge. The only plus point comes in the unlikely form of a prisoner named Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger).

Directed by Mikael Hafstrom, and written by Miles Chapman and Jason Keller, this is a film that really could have had anyone behind the camera. There doesn't seem to be any individual style stamped on the thing. That's fine, however, because everything is geared towards getting Sly and Arnie working together onscreen, and that is often enough to carry the whole thing along. Yes, the two worked together on The Expendables movies, but this time around they get to do more than reel off one-liners and cash in on nostalgia.

Both of the leading men are great. They've still got it when it comes to delivering the action. I've never been a fan of Jim Caviezel - I can't think of a leading man with less charisma in the past couple of decades (well, maybe Edward Burns, but that's it) - and, while he does slightly better than usual here, this is another performance that hasn't converted me. It's a part that's crying out for Eric Roberts, of course, and Caviezel sure as hell ain't no Roberts. Faran Tahir does just fine with his part, another prisoner who ends up being important to the grand plan, and Sam Neill is great as the prison doctor, a man who tries to do his job without thinking of the bigger picture. Vincent D'onofrio, Amy Ryan and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson also do well as Sly's colleagues.

Escape Plan is entertaining. It doesn't require too much concentration, the cast have fun and you will root for Sly to win the day. It's a shame, then, that everything wasn't just tightened up ever so slightly. The details revealed to viewers that are supposed to make you think "aaahhhhhhhhh, very smart" just end up highlighting the fact that it all hinges on good fortune and other characters being blind, stupid, or both. The fact that there isn't even one great set-piece is another disappointment.

You'll be able to watch and enjoy this movie, but I don't think it's one that will end up being revisited all that much. Disposable fun, boosted by the charismatic leads.

6/10

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Submerged (2005)

Again, I'm not quite sure if my mind has been gradually eroded by all of the Steven Seagal movies that I have watched this year or if I'm just an easily pleased soul (or a mixture of the two) but I enjoyed Submerged, especially considering how bad I'd heard it was. Oh, it's absolute nonsense that doesn't make one shred of sense but it at least moves along briskly enough, has a few decent action moments (though few of them actually involve Seagal busting out any moves) and benefits from the presence of the lovely Alison King (a woman probably best known to UK viewers nowadays for her role as Carla Connor in that institution known as Coronation Street).

The plot is so rubbish that if I tried to explain all of the minor details I would probably give myself an embolism from the stream of garbage flowing into my mind. All you need to know is that Seagal plays a tough leader of a group of men who were all unjustly imprisoned after a mission went wrong. They are offered a complete pardon and some tempting cash if they all go on another dangerous mission and put an end to a dangerous individual who has managed to brainwash multiple individuals and make them into the ultimate secret assassins.

Directed and co-written by Anthony Hickox (who started his directorial career with great movies like Waxwork and the enjoyable Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth), seeing his name on the credits made me slightly optimistic. Seeing that Paul De Souza co-wrote the script did absolutely nothing for me as I'd never heard of the guy before in my life.

I knew that Seagal would be the main actor so that was either good or bad, depending on what version of his "great and powerful Oz" persona he was going to be providing us with this time around. Vinnie Jones was also in the cast. Snigger all you want, I've often enjoyed Vinnie Jones in his screen roles but he really should stick to smaller parts in bigger movies than risking ridicule in something like this - most of his dialogue is awful. And William Hope had a bit of screentime, someone I've enjoyed seeing since his memorable turn in Aliens. Christine Adams is tolerable but Alison King is the better female to watch onscreen, though I have no idea what was going on with her accent as it didn't sound like her usual voice yet also didn't sound like any decent imitation of any other local vocal style.

It may spend very little time on a submarine considering the title of the film is Submerged, and the action is edited a bit too ferociously in places, but there are enough good individual moments here to make it worth a watch and it remains a couple of notches above the worst Seagal movies (with the very worst that I've seen STILL being Ticker).

5/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Submerged-DVD-Steven-Seagal/dp/B000A0GLF8