Prime Time: D-Railed (2018)

I'm not an idiot. I know it can seem as if I AM an idiot sometimes (through my words here and my historical cock-ups), but I assure you that I'm not. I have to emphasise that now, before fully reviewing a film that many may already assume should be avoided anyway. I watched the trailer for this while I was looking for something easy to watch, and it looked like it might fit the bill for me. I was well aware that the trailer would probably do what trailers are supposed to do, sell people on a movie that doesn't necessarily match the potential shown, but I still thought there might be enough to enjoy. Maybe I would discover a gem that I could then heartily recommend to others.

I didn't.

But let me start by describing what the trailer delivered. There is a murder mystery party on a train. A real murder occurs, with someone then also robbing the passengers. The train gets derailed, ending up in a body of water. The passengers who are still alive then have to fend off a creature that is living in the water. That sounds good, right? It might not sound like a classic, but I had hopes that it might be a passable creature feature.

The trailer didn't really misrepresent the film, but there were certain elements here that worked against the fun premise. First of all, what I thought was a fancy dress murder mystery party was actually a murder mystery party affected by some time-trickery from the writers and director. Second, the creature doesn't make a proper appearance until about 40 minutes in. Third, the very end of the film brings in an extra layer to the whole thing that will make most people roll their eyes so hard that they will see their own brainstems. 

I should have remembered some of the names of the people involved here. Director Dale Fabrigar and writers Suzanne DeLaurentiis and Everette Wallin all worked together on Tape 407, which was a terrible "found footage" movie. Fabrigar is far from the worst person I have ever seen directing a film, but the writing, from both himself and his co-writers, leaves a lot to be desired. And it's always harder to cover up weak writing when you can't afford a cast good enough to lift the material.

Lance Henriksen may appear onscreen for a few lines, but he was obviously the biggest name that they could get for a few hours work. Nobody else really stands out, although Carter Scott (playing a main character named Evelyn) becomes a bit better as things start to go from bad to worse around her. I didn't mind Benny Mora (billed as Ben Hopkins) in the role of a would-be robber named Clyde, Tonya Kay tried to make the most of her brief screentime, playing a woman named Gigi, and I'll also mention Phil Young, who is credited as The Creature. While obviously hampered by the budget and resources, the creature at least has one or two moments when it looks surprisingly effective.

The fact that this isn't even close to being amongst the very worst movies I have ever seen just goes to show how many terrible movies I have watched in my square-eyed lifetime. D-Railed isn't a good film, but the people who made it at least tried to throw in one or two good ideas. And that's more than you can say for many low-budget horror movies that have ended up crowding one another out on various streaming services.

3/10

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Pumpkinhead (1988)

The first feature to be directed by FX whizz Stan Winston, Pumpkinhead is a tale of loss, dark magic, and vengeance (indeed, there was a time when it was packaged as Vengeance The Demon). With a fantastic lead role for Lance Henriksen, this is a bit of a horror gem that is all-too-often forgotten by fans. It did well enough to gain a number of sequels, although I have yet to see any of those at this time (but one day . . . always one day).

The setting is middle-of-nowhere, USA. A group of city types have wheeled into the area, all for the purpose of riding around on their motorbikes and generally having a good time. Lance Henriksen is Ed Harley,  the owner of a small store who ends up seeking vengeance when the visitors accidentally ruin his life. That vengeance comes in the shape of a summoned demon, and it also comes with a lot of pain as the connection between the Harley and the embodiment of his vengeance grows stronger with each kill.

Taking a cue from a poem by Ed Justin, Pumpkinhead obviously benefits from the fact that it is a creature feature directed by someone who should know the best way to show off the practical effects work, and also cover up the weak spots. So it's a pleasant surprise to find that it also has a pretty good screenplay, written by Mark Patrick Carducci and Gary Gerani. The selection of characters means that not everyone is given enough time or attention but when the focus is on Harley and the demon then it manages to emphasise the heart of the tale without ever sacrificing the entertainment factor.

The creature is seen from quite early on, and seen often. Again, this may seem obvious because of the direction from Winston, but it's a bold choice nonetheless, one that ends up working because of the pacing and the interesting turns that the film takes in the third act, as Harley struggles with his decision and tries to undo the events that have been sent in motion. Pumpkinhead doesn't always maintain the same look throughout, and the detailing of the growth and transformation of the creature become quite uncanny during the final scenes.

Although he's rarely a bad performer, Henriksen is on top form here. He casts his shadow over the entire movie, struggling to deal with his loss and rage as he makes one bad decision that fails to provide any satisfying resolution. Florence Schauffler is worth mentioning, playing the local witch woman, named Haggis, and I'll rarely review a film that gives George 'Buck' Flower a role without mentioning him. This is a slightly bigger role for him than usual, playing the head of a clan that includes one child (Bunt, played by Brian Bremer) who gets himself entangled in the proceedings and one child played by Mayim Bialik who gets herself noticed as being the first feature film role for Mayim Bialik. John D'Aquino plays Joel, a real douchebag who causes all of the horror to start, and the rest of the potential victim group includes Jeff East, Kimberly Ross, Joel Hoffman, Cynthia Bain, and Kerry Remsen. Nobody really stands out, for good or bad, which is fine while the vengeance is happening but takes away slightly from the impact of a finale that doesn't involve anyone you really care about (save for Henriksen).

Unjustly consigned to the pile of many forgotten horror movies from the 1980s (along with The Unnameable, from the very same year), Pumpkinhead is easily worth a revisit/first viewing. There are very few moments of down time, the effects hold up very well, and it underlines the thrills and set-pieces with a surprisingly poignant look at the harm you can do (to others and to yourself) when blindly lashing out in a grief-stricken state of mind.

7/10

Buy a DVD here.
Americans can buy a nicer disc here.

Oh, and here's the full poem by Ed Justin.

"Keep away from Pumpkinhead,
Unless you're tired of living,
His enemies are mostly dead,
He's mean and unforgiving,
Laugh at him and you're undone,
But in some dreadful fashion,
Vengeance, he considers fun,
And plans it with a passion,
Time will not erase or blot,
A plot that he has brewing,
It's when you think that he's forgot,
He'll conjure your undoing,
Bolted doors and windows barred,
Guard dogs prowling in the yard,
Won't protect you in your bed,
Nothing will, from Pumpkinhead!"

Mom And Dad (2017)

Written and directed by Brian Taylor (THE Taylor from the Neveldine/Taylor relationship that gave us the likes of the Crank movies and Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance), Mom And Dad is a mix of horror and black comedy that allows the writer-director to creep into fresh territory while not having to move too far out of his comfort zone. You still get moments that are full of quick editing and action, you still get a film that sets up the main premise and then follows it through to a satisfying finale with pacing that seems to gather momentum through every main sequence, and you get plenty individual moments of outright madness.

Nicolas Cage and Selma Blair play Brent and Kendall Ryan, respectively. They have a teenage daughter (Anne Winters) and a younger son (Zackary Arthur). They seem like quite a decent family unit, squabbles and stresses and all. That looks unlikely to last when a mysterious force starts to cause parents to turn into raging psychos who must kill their children. Can Cage and Blair resist the force? Considering how crazy he can be at the best of times, it seems unlikely that Cage will resist for long. And Blair is just as susceptible as everyone else.

Taking every minor irritation and turning it up to 11, Mom And Dad quickly becomes a collage of seething resentment and retribution. It's almost, perhaps, a dark and extreme fantasy for every parent who has been pushed to the very edge of sanity by a foot-stamping child. It's the ultimate punchline to any of those arguments that end with parents calling for a little gratitude and for their offspring to just consider how much they have had given to them over the years. The tagline sums that up: "They brought you into this world. They can take you out."

Cage and Blair are both a hell of a lot of fun, whether trying to make sense of the situation unfolding around them or unleashing all of their rage. Even their "quieter" moments, shown at the start of the film and very occasionally throughout the film, are enjoyably off-kilter. That's not because they're acting badly. It's because viewers know what is going on and can enjoy the weight in each line of dialogue and the small inconveniences that may well help to fuel them once they start to see red. Winters and Arthur are also very good, both spending a lot of their time trying to keep themselves alive while wondering just what the hell is happening around them, and Robert Cunningham has some very good scenes. He's going out with the daughter of the Ryans, making him an even more obvious target for the anger as it starts to burst out of the adults.

But all of this talk of the comedic nature of the material and performances (and I should also mention that Lance Henriksen makes a welcome appearance, although not for too long) shouldn't make you think that this is an easy watch. It IS, for the most part, but there are some scenes here that are unrelentingly tense and brutal, including one scene that has immediately become one of the most uncomfortable things I have seen in the past decade. You might think I'm exaggerating. See how you feel once you have watched the film for yourself.

Taylor has, for better or worse (depending on your views on their work), given people a film that easily sits alongside his collaborative efforts with Mark Neveldine. If he keeps going along this path, making the best of a strong central premise while pushing at the edges of territory he is more familiar with, then he might end up with a damn fine filmography to look back on. If we all continue to overlook that second Ghost Rider movie. And maybe Jonah Hex, even if I am one of the few people who quite enjoyed it.

8/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

June-Claude Van Damme: Hard Target (1993)

Jean-Claude Van Damme starring in a film that is yet another version of The Most Dangerous Game, what could possibly make this any better? Perhaps the fact that it was also John Woo making his first feature in America, after amassing such a loyal fanbase of his Hong Kong films. Would we get some impressive slo-mo moments, two guns being fired while characters dive across the screen, and doves flying into the air? Of course we would, which makes Hard Target a film that provides just as much fun today as it did when first released a quarter of a century ago (yes, it's been 25 years).

Van Damme plays the wonderfully-monikered Chance Boudreaux, a drifter in New Orleans who cannot get himself back into a job he has been selected for until he earns enough money to pay his union dues. But he can't pay those dues until he gets a job, of course, so finds himself in a vicious circle. For about half a minute. The chance to earn some money comes about when a young woman (Natasha, played by Yancy Butler) wants to hire someone as she searches for her missing father, an ex-veteran who fell on hard times. The pair start to do their amateur detective work, eventually piecing together evidence to realise what viewers have known from the very beginning; Natasha's father was paid by people who then chased him down and killed him before he could reach a designated safe point.

Like many other people, I really liked Hard Target when I first saw it. But I believe that I liked it then purely for the Van Damme factor. I wasn't familiar enough with John Woo to know of his style, I hadn't seen too many previous incarnations of this material (apart from The Running Man, which managed to feel a bit removed from the original idea because of the additional comments on the media and manipulation of the masses), and nobody else in the cast made much of an impression, simply because I was waiting for the next scene that would put Van Damme front and centre again.

Rewatching the movie with more knowledge tucked away into my brainparts has led me to find even more reasons to keep it marked as a fun action thriller, and one I am always happy to revisit. Van Damme may have the top billing but he's not the star here. The star here is Woo, clearly having a lot of fun with the cast and resources at his disposal. His style is stamped all over this, almost from the very first scene, as a statement of intent. "I have come to your shores," it says, "and this is why you wanted me here in the first place, so take it or leave it."

The script, by Chuck Pfarrer, is focused more on fun than any sense of realism, allowing for some decent exchanges between all of the main characters, and also some absolutely wonderful lines uttered by Lance Henriksen (the main villain).

Speaking of Henriksen, he almost steals this entire movie, which is easier for him to do as Woo balances things between allowing his leading man to have some leading man moments and allowing himself plenty of Woo-isms. Henricksen and Arnold Vosloo have a lot of fun with their roles, Van Damme gets to deliver some impressive smackdowns (including a great moment that sees him dealing with a rattlesnake), Butler does okay in her role (it's a bit underwritten but far from the worst female role in the action genre, especially from this time, and I can't help thinking a more recognisable actress could have lifted things slightly), and there's good support from Willie C. Carpenter, Kasi Lemmons, and the great Wilford Brimley.

Booby-traps, armed people riding motorbikes to track their potential victims, grenades being lobbed around with a distinct lack of real care, and let's not forget a damn fine mullet being worn by Van Damme, this has all of these treats and a lot more. Watch it, enjoy it, and rewatch it whenever you feel the urge. Which may happen more often than you expect.

7/10

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Stone Cold (1991)

People who have met bikers in real life will be able to tell you that, for the most part, they're often a lovely bunch of people. Their image is enough to scare some folk, and they may not always want everyone knowing how nice they are, but I've yet to meet a biker with a bad attitude. In the movies, however, it's a whole different story.

Stone Cold is another movie that features a dangerous gang of bikers (who seem to be accompanied by an invisible lead guitarist wherever they ride). Led by Lance Henriksen (playing a character named Chains Cooper), this bunch are never happier than when they're making money from drug deals, shooting guns and just being as rowdy and violent as possible. Of course, with William Forsythe in the gang, trouble was almost guaranteed. Enter Brian Bosworth, an undercover cop who is tasked with getting enough on the gang to lock 'em up for a long time.

Never mind the cliche-ridden script by Walter Doniger, nor the dodgy fashion choices of Bosworth in the lead role, Stone Cold is all about macho men all squabbling with one another. There's one main female character, played by Arabella Holzbog, who manages to make a decent minor impact despite being cloaked in the fug of testosterone, but, from the opening sequence to the grand finale, this is all about alpha males, and all about showing Bosworth as the most alpha of them all.

Craig R. Baxley directs competently enough, compensating for the ridiculous aspects of the script by moving things along at a decent pace, and also revelling in some of the silliness. The first half of the movie, in particular, shows Bosworth puffing out his chest and beating his way into the biker gang in a way that delivers some decent action moments, while also providing no small amount of amusement.

But it's the cast making this truly memorable. Well, three of the main stars, at any rate. Bosworth may not be a great actor, but he has muscles, the ability to ride a motorbike, doesn't mind wearing some jewellery, and has a fine mane. Which makes him perfect in his role. Henriksen is a strong leader who often relies on his actions to speak louder than words, and Forsythe is at his barmy best, never warming to The Boz and always looking for an excuse to start trouble with him. Holzbog, as already mentioned, does well enough in her role, and Sam McMurray is entertaining as the agent helping to run the operation (a character who grows stronger as things move towards the finale).

If you're after a quality piece of cinema to echo through eternity then this probably won't be your first choice. But if you're after a fun action thriller with lots of bikers, a hero who owns a large pet lizard, and over the top moments in almost every main scene . . . . . . . . . well, this is exactly what you need to be watching.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Stone-Cold-Brian-Bosworth/dp/B000OPOAR0/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1400558003&sr=1-3&keywords=stone+cold

I WILL keep reminding people that every copy of my book sold gets a few pounds in my pocket, and gets you a good read (if I say so myself). So please feel free to remember me whenever you're visiting Amazon.

The UK version can be bought here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395945647&sr=1-3&keywords=movie+guide

And American folks can buy it here - http://www.amazon.com/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395945752&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=TJs+ramshackle+mov

As much as I love the rest of the world, I can't keep up with all of the different links in different territories, but trust me when I say that it should be there on your local Amazon.

Nightmares In Red, White And Blue: The Evolution Of The American Horror Film (2009)

Based on the book by Joseph Maddrey, this documentary may not provide anything new for major horror fans, but it contextualises the genre throughout the 20th century and beyond, and serves as a nice rebuttal to those who roll their eyes and dismiss horror as something not worth their time.

I cover EVERY movie that I can when it comes to writing reviews. That's because it helps with my OCD and allows me to think that my time here, rooted to my sofa for a lot of my time, has some small sense of purpose. I'm fooling myself, of course, but I'm fooling myself while being able to enjoy lots of great movies. Horror movies, however, will always remain my favourite. And I get tired of defending my love for them to people who think "well, isn't it a bit much to watch all of those horror movies?"

No, no it isn't. It's important to remember that a lot of the independent horror movies, as well as the crime flicks and, yes, adult movies released over the years have done more to buoy the fortunes of film studios than most of the tentpole releases that we may have all enjoyed at a local multiplex. There's nothing wrong with enjoying big-budget, mainstream fare. I do it a lot. But there's also nothing wrong with enjoying any film from any genre, especially anything that delivers so many movies that have perhaps reflected, and adapted with, the culture and politics of the where and when of their conception.

Narrated by Lance Henriksen, this documentary reinforces just how horror has allowed for escapism, how it has (directly and indirectly) dealt with important issues over the years, and how it has remained a constant companion to those held in its thrall. It does this with a number of clips, and chat from luminaries such as John Carpenter, George A. Romero, Roger Corman, Mick Garris, Darren Lynn Bousman, Brian Yuzna, Joe Dante, Larry Cohen and many others.

From the world wars, to the development of nuclear power, to the repercussions of 9/11, Nightmares In Red, White And Blue: The Evolution Of The American Horror Film touches on every major event in the past century that has helped to feed into, and create, horrors of all shapes and sizes. And it serves as a great reminder of how important the horror genre is in helping to filter reality and change it into something more tangible, transforming it from an uncomfortable and unnerving mix of paranoia, facts and hypotheticals into a boogeyman that can be held at bay by a strong closet door and a reassuring night light.

7/10

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Near Dark (1987)

Near Dark is a revisionist vampire movie from director Kathryn Bigelow, who also co-wrote the script with Eric Red, that didn't really do as well as it should have upon its initial release for one main reason*. The Lost Boys. I have made peace with the fact that I love both movies, but back in 1987 it was The Lost Boys that had the mass appeal, that quickly wormed its way into the popular culture of that generation (thanks to the hot stars and the cracking soundtrack) and that ruled the box office roost. Thankfully, Near Dark never disappeared, thanks to a small, loyal fanbase that would continue to recommend the film to those who had missed it while being dazzled by Keifer Sutherland and Jason Patric.

A small, loyal fanbase, however, can only do so much for any movie. What ends up gaining a film a cult following is usually one thing, it's really quite a good film. Okay, there are also terrible films that gain cult followings so there are two things. The film has to either be really good or really bad. Near Dark is really good. REALLY good.

It starts off with a young man named Caleb (Adrian Pasdar) picking up a lovely young woman named Mae (Jenny Wright). Enjoying the company as he drives Mae home, Caleb then tries his luck for a kiss. He stops and won't go any further. Mae ends up biting Caleb, and then things get strange and dangerous as Caleb gets pulled into Mae's "family", a group of vampires who initially consider just killing Caleb but then decide to give him a chance. IF he makes his first kill within the allotted time limit then he will join them. If not, he'll be killed. Confused, ill, repulsed and worried, Caleb just wants to get home.

With an absolutely fantastic cast (many of whom helpfully taken from the cast of Aliens), a nice mix of vampire genre elements with some Western tropes and an aesthetic arguably unmatched by anything else in Kathryn Bigelow's impressive filmography, Near Dark is an easy film to recommend to horror fans after something that reeks of quality. A lush score from Tangerine Dream, and other musical treats such as a cover of "Fever" by The Cramps, as well as a script full of some fine one-liners makes this just as pleasurable for the ears as the eyes. The film takes its time in between the memorable set-pieces and there are one or two ideas that may not sit well with those who like things a bit more traditional, but neither of those things bothered me at all.

Pasdar and Wright are easy to like as the ill-fated lovers. Lance Henriksen and Jenette Goldstein are both at their best in their sorta-parental roles, Jesse and Diamondback, respectively. Bill Paxton puts his shit-eating grin (sorry, I can't think of a more appropriate phrase in this instance) to its best use as the obnoxious and dangerous Severen and young Joshua John Miller proves constantly fascinating as the young boy, Homer, with mood swings varying between a need for childish companionship and a thirst for blood. Tim Thomerson (who will always be Jack Deth to me and so many others) plays the concerned father of Caleb and Troy Evans has a very small role as an undercover policeman.

At the end of the day, this is the most important thing to remember: it's okay for you to own, and love, The Lost Boys. But you should really leave room on a shelf for Near Dark too.

9/10

*There WERE other reasons, but the simplistic approach suits my simple mind.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Near-Dark-Disc-Special-Edition/dp/B000KRNMQM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369771634&sr=8-1&keywords=near+dark

Monster Brawl (2011)

Guys love monsters. Guys also love wrestling. So what could be better than a movie about monsters wrestling? That's the concept of Monster Brawl and that's all you need to know about it. Written and directed by Jesse T. Cook, it really does keep things that simple.

The movie is shot/shown in the style of a wrestling special. A couple of commentators (played by Dave Foley and Art Hindle) are on hand to talk to viewers while monsters square off against each other. It's not non-stop fighting, however, as there are also backstories to be told and statistics to be reeled off. Jimmy Hart appears in the role of . . . . . . . . . Jimmy Hart and he's very annoying in between each wrestling match, though he's also accompanied by a couple of pretty women so every cloud has a silver lining, I suppose. There's also the gravelly voice of Lance Henriksen introducing opponents, announcing special moves and declaring the winner in a style very reminiscent of many old beat 'em up videogames.

Wrestling fans may be kept happy enough to see Kevin Nash in a supporting role but monster fans will want to know who is getting in the ring. Well, that would be Frankenstein (who they admit at one point should be called Frankenstein's Monster), Cyclops, Witch Bitch, Swamp Gut, The Mummy, The Werewolf, Zombie Man and Lady Vampire. A decent selection, I think you'll agree.

Monster Brawl IS fun, it is. You should know from the title exactly what you're getting and you get just that. It's just a shame that there's really nothing more to it. The script has a few funny lines here and there but more would have been welcome. The fighting action is amusing enough the first time around but soon gets tiresome after that. Having said that, perhaps any fan of wrestling (which I am most definitely not) will be able to derive more pleasure from this. It's a standard competition set-up, a kind of Top Trumps with physical abilities being used as opposed to just measured against one another in statistical form.

Add a point to my rating if you're a huge wrestling fan, subtract two points if you're not a huge fan of monsters of any kind and take the score down even lower if you're a cineaste who only likes to watch the worthwhile classics.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Monster-Brawl-DVD-Dave-Foley/dp/B00838056U/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1347484705&sr=1-1

Nightmares (1983)

Ahhhhh the 1980s. A decade that gave us the coolness of Judd Nelson and then balanced things out by forcing us to endure performances from Emilio Estevez (who stars in this). A decade that allowed Veronica Cartwright (who also stars in this) to perfect her acting style in the manner of the most annoying female onscreen in any movie she starred in. A decade that gave us the brilliance of Creepshow and the mundanity of anthology horrors like this one.

Featuring four tales of descending quality, Nightmares is a pretty poor film that's probably more fondly remembered than it ought to be by horror fans who haven't seen it in many years.

The first story is all about an escaped killer and will be familiar to anyone who knows their urban legends (in fact, it's a horror staple that was reused in Body Bags, a poor anthology movie that still manages to be better than this one, and Urban Legend). The second story combines the best of the 1980s - "cutting-edge" computer graphics and Emilio Estevez (he plays an arcade whizz determined to beat the newest and hottest game). Did I say the best of the 1980s? I meant the worst. Story three uses Lance Henriksen very poorly, giving him an ineffective role in an ineffective rip-off of Duel. But, never fear, the very worst has been saved for the very last tale - "Night Of The Rat" is, off the top of my head, one of the worst anthology movie segments that I have ever had the displeasure of watching. It's about a big rat, in case you couldn't guess, and is the one with Veronica Cartwright being weak and whiny and generally unpleasant while Richard Masur has to play the most pig-headed husband for just long enough for viewers to start rooting for the big rat.

Written by Christopher Crowe and Jeffrey Bloom, Nightmares suffers from poor material that's not lifted up by a weak cast and then hampered further by the direction from Joseph Sargent. You may remember Joseph Sargent as the director of The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three or you may remember him as the director of Jaws: The Revenge. This film is certainly closer to the latter than the former.

Sometimes laughable, but more often than not just pretty boring, this is one anthology movie that you can easily miss. Settle down and watch some old episodes of Tales From The Crypt instead. Much better.

If you really MUST give it a viewing then ignore the link below for the extortionatel priced retail copies and just go and view it on YouTube instead. It's there and if you're watching it for free then you might just feel that you got your money's worth.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Nightmares-Cristina-Raines/dp/B00000K0DZ

House III: The Horror Show (1989)

Not really tied to the series by anything other than name, but I suppose you could really say the same thing about the second movie, House III: The Horror Show is an inferior rip-off of a number of Wes Craven movies (mainly Shocker but also anything starring a certain Freddy Krueger) that benefits from some watchable actors in the main roles.

Lance Henriksen is a cop with frayed nerves, all because of the time he spent tracking down and bringing to justice a nasty killer (played by the late, great Brion James). When the criminal is executed by electric chair he doesn't go quietly shuffling off the mortal coil. Henriksen begins to fear for his family and his sanity as he sees the killer taunting him from beyond the grave.

You know that all is not well when one of the writers (Allyn Warner) prefers to be listed under the old pseudonym Alan Smithee. Leslie Bohem doesn't hide, which shows either remarkable faith in the material, remarkable bravery or remarkable stupidity.

James Isaac directs and puts together an entertaining mess with no real scares but plenty of random, wild moments that should please fans of the surreal. Brion James pops up to do a comedy routine at one point, his face appears on a turkey and he does plenty of nasty things to Henriksen's family.

Speaking of that family. Rita Taggart plays the wife and is fine, Aron Eisenberg acts as if he was created in a lab in a test-tube tagged as "essence of 1980s teenager" but everything is made better by the presence of the effervescent Dedee Pfeiffer (who really deserved more movie roles aside from the likes of this dross and the fantastic Vamp). Fans of Lawrence Tierney may want to watch this but be warned that he gets a very small amount of screentime. Thankfully, Brion James is in almost every other scene and goes completely over the top with his performance, which is immensely entertaining, while Lance Henriksen is as watchable as usual in the lead role.

I'm sure that some people will love this movie, if only for the interactions between Lance Henriksen and Brion James, but I'm equally sure that some will absolutely hate it. Me, I land squarely in the middle.

5/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/House-Collection-the-DVD/dp/B0002IAQUO/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1330213421&sr=8-3

Pistol Whipped (2008)

AKA The Marker.

Well, I don't know quite where to begin. It turns out that the career suicide of Steven Seagal may not have been a permanent thing, after all. Urban Justice was flawed but a step up from many of his previous efforts. Pistol Whipped takes things up one more notch and, yes I'll say it, audiences can finally sit down once more to a Seagal movie without worrying about the pain they will have to endure.

Fans of the art of cinema who are eagerly awaiting the next Citizen Kane will still not want to go near any of these simple action movies but fans of the leading man will find plenty of decent sequences throughout to keep them happy.

Seagal plays a cop who was removed from the force amid rumours of theft and dirty dealing. He has a gambling problem, which he likes to accompany with a drinking problem. His debts just keep mounting up until, one day, they are bought by a mysterious old man (actually named The Old Man and played by Lance Henriksen). The Old Man wants the debt repaid with action rather than cash, ordering Seagal to kill certain bad eggs. Seagal doesn't actually mind, he hasn't forgotten his old skills and the bad eggs are really bad eggs. Things change, however, when he finds out information about his old pal, who is now the present stepfather to his daughter.

It's a good film. There. I said it. Okay, there may not be as much actual hand to hand combat as fans of Seagal's fighting style would like but there are a few moments here and there almost recapturing the spirit of his earlier slap-punch adventures. And the shootouts aren't all that bad either, despite some horribly misjudged slow motion during the opening credit sequence.

The acting isn't too bad either. Seagal is never going to put himself on screen with the newest graduates from RADA but Lance Henriksen is usually watchable, Paul Calderon is okay, Mark Eliot Wilson does quite well and Renee Goldsberry is easily one of the better female co-stars that Seagal has had in years.

Roel Reine does a decent job as director and, perhaps more shockingly, J. D. Zeik actually provides a half-decent script, which helps immensely. The whole thing is still ultimately predictable and fairly uncomplicated but the movie is lifted up simply by the fact that you can sense everyone involved actually seemed to be trying to make something decent.

They succeeded.

6/10.

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