Prime Time: Orgazmo (1997)

The second feature from Trey Parker, who wears as many hats as he usually does by directing, writing the script, starring in the lead role, and helping to edit and produce the music, Orgazmo is almost as much fun as anything else that he's been attached to, yet it's probably his most overlooked (because BASEketball, directed by David Zucker, is just a lot funnier, and Cannibal! The Musical is one that people seek out once they learn of its existence, then you get an unstoppable run from the start of South Park).

The plot revolves around a young Mormon named Joseph Young (Parker). While knocking on doors and attempting to spread the good word, Joe interrupts the shooting of a porn movie. The director, Maxxx Orbison (Michael Dean Jacobs) is impressed when he sees Joe fighting off the men who have been sent to violently teach him a lesson, which leads to him offering Joe a job. Of course Joe doesn't want to be involved with porn, it goes against all of his beliefs, but he is won over by the fact that it is a chance to make a lot of money while not having to actually have any sex. Orbison assures him that they will use a stand-in for all of the penetration shots. And so begins the unlikely porn career of Joe, who befriends his main co-star, Ben (Dian Bachar), with the two portraying, respectively, Orgazmo and Choda Boy, and eventually taking their characters out into the real world to do some good.

Despite overflowing with silliness, including a gadget that can force people to have immediate orgasms, and despite the fact it plays out like a superhero spoof for certain scenes, especially in the third act, Orgazmo is typical Parker, often most on point when it posits the judgemental view of Joe against the matter-of-fact way in which others around him treat consensual sex. This is a film that, despite the naughty nature of the material, celebrates the fact that there are good people all around us, whether they are trying to get others to pray or trying to give others pleasure, and so many different little ways to make the world a better place.

Parker is great in the lead role, working his schtick as well as he usually does, and he's surrounded by a fun cast. Bachar is always willing to make himself look stupid, and also does a great superhero sidekick routine whenever he's being Choda Boy, and Jacobs is great as the stereotypical kind of guy you would imagine being a porn film director. Matt Stone has a small, but hilarious, role, playing a lighting guy who keeps getting too excited at the action in front of him. There's also some canny casting in the form of Ron Jeremy, Chasey Lain, and Juli Ashton (names known to many of you already, even if you try to plead ignorance).

The script and direction are both fine. There's a lot of fun dialogue, the pacing ensures viewers won't feel that it overstays its welcome, and there is some careful blocking and character placement allowing for the porn-centric scenes to stay within the realms of amusing titillation.

Mormonism, porn, superhero shenanigans, and at least one hilarious cheesy rock track . . . what's not to like?

8/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

One-Eyed Monster (2008)

Ron Jeremy - actor, porn star, bit of a legend. It's no overstatement to say that the rise of Ron Jeremy through the ranks of adult entertainment to become a household name and someone more like a cuddly, hairy uncle that you wouldn't want to have to hug TOO tightly at family parties (like a sleaz(y/ier) version of Robin Williams) was something that nobody saw coming. No pun intended.

He's the main star here despite the fact that he's barely onscreen for a third of the runtime. That's irrelevant. The whole movie revolves around Ron Jeremy's most famous attribute. Yep, as you could probably have guessed, while shooting an adult sex movie out in the middle of nowhere a ray from space hits Mr. Jeremy and ends up taking control of his penis. This leads to the penis causing all kinds of problems when it detaches itself from Ron and starts inserting itself into anyone it can find, and doing so with such force that they end up dead. As the snow keeps falling outside things are definitely heating up inside but not in the way that was intended when the crew first arrived on location.

One-Eyed Monster is completely ridiculous, full of bad taste gags and doesn't even have all that much nudity, considering the central premise. It's also very funny and entertaining from start to finish.

The cast may be a mixed bag but the good performances far outweigh the bad, despite how silly the material is. Alongside Ron and colleague Veronica Hart there's also some screentime for another starlet from the adult entertainment industry, Carmen Hart, and then the rest of the cast includes Amber Benson (probably best known to everyone from her turn in the Buffy TV show), Jason Graham, Charles Napier, Jeff Denton (grabbing most of the best lines), Bart Fletcher, Jenny Guy and John Edward Lee.

Director Adam Fields (who co-wrote the movie with Jordan Fields and Scott Fields) does a great job of walking a fine line between outright absurdity and self-aware fun. Hell, I'd give a beer and a pat on the back to whoever came up with the great line "we're gonna need a bigger tampon" that manages to, of course, reference Jaws and keep things amusingly distasteful.

If you enjoyed the dubious delights of Pervert! then you should also enjoy this. And if you don't think this kind of thing would entertain you in any way whatsoever then . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . well, I guess you're reading the wrong reviewer.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/One-Eyed-Monster-Amber-Benson/dp/B002WVCRIS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1336769921&sr=8-1

Creepies (2003)

Anyone familiar with the wonderful comic creation of Garth Marenghi will get a lot of pleasure from this film, especially if you ever saw the TV show "Man To Man With Dean Learner" and laughed your ass off at the clip displayed of "War Of The Wasps", a fictional movie that Garth Marenghi was saddened to never have finished. Creepies IS "War Of The Wasps" but with big spiders instead of wasps. I'm absolutely serious.

Normal spiders can be creepy and horrible so making them big is often an easy way to get some good horror material. Hell, I even enjoyed the laughable Spiders and The Giant Spider Invasion. Creepies is like a combination of those two movies made on a budget of $50 with an assortment of old props the crew salvaged from the set of the Thunderbirds TV show. I remember many years ago when I used to sit up, playing Resident Evil on the PSOne with all of the lights out. Infected dogs jumping through a window made me jump out of my skin but I got REALLY scared when my onscreen character wandered into a room covered in webs. When a large tarantula burst in and I had to defeat it to continue with the game I was genuinely tense. That tarantula, way back in the 32-bit games console era, was scarier than anything seen in Creepies.

But only one of the titles already mentioned features this classic line of dialogue: "Yeah, well, before you pat yourself on the back I remind you that we got a spider the size of J-Lo's ass in Hollywood". Oh yes, Creepies starts off bad and gets worse in a way that leads to comedy greatness. This was the best bad movie that I've seen in some time.

I think many people misunderstand me sometimes. I KNOW how bad this film is, I know that many people would give up on it as a lost cause and I know that it doesn't deserve to sit alongside most of the other movies that it may share shelf space with one day. But I also know that it's bloody hilarious, I know that at least some of the humour is intentional (as long with some references to other movies - also pretty amusing, especially the Jaws moment) and I know that director Jeff Leroy and writer Eric Spudic tried to make up for their lack of budget with enthusiasm and affection. Which, for me, is something deserving a bit of goodwill, even if the movie gets almost everything wrong.

The acting stinks. I apologise is anyone involved reads this (though I seriously doubt that they will) but I think everyone was picked for . . . . . . . . . . . . their cost-effectiveness as opposed to actual acting talent. Though in the case of Ron Jeremy, in the movie for all of a few minutes, it's clear that he was only picked for being Ron Jeremy. Lisa Jay, Jeff Ryan, Phoebe Dollar, Calley Edmunds and everyone else onscreen plays second fiddle to the awful special effects mixing unconvincing rubber spiders with unconvincing special effects.

What more can I say? Do I mention the moment when a couple of people think they're safe from spiders because they've used a ladder to get higher in the building? Or the scene that features a spider communicating to the other spiders and giving orders to destroy humans? If you want some giggles then watch this and enjoy it as I did. If you want realism, however, you may as well opt for A Town Called Panic.

5/10.

http://www.amazon.com/Creepies-Ron-Jeremy/dp/B0009U5FUG/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1402449817&sr=1-1&keywords=creepies

Terror Firmer (1999)

To judge Terror Firmer by any standard movie criteria is to do a disservice both to yourself and to the movie. Terror Firmer is just an absolutely bonkers, overly gory, hilarious celebration of all that is Troma from start to finish. When a movie has been running for mere seconds and shows someone having their leg ripped off then you know that things aren't going to be subtle and insightful. When, moments later, a woman has her unborn child ripped out of her stomach then you know that things just went way off the scale of anything that society would label as acceptable or tolerable. And, if you keep watching the whole movie, you realise that you're glad that Troma keep on keeping on with their particular brand of low budget lunacy.

The actual story revolves around a vicious killer who is causing a number of disruptions on the set of the latest Troma movie. Cast and crew members start to die and police want to find the culprit as soon as possible, obviously. Which all just means that viewers get to see one crazy death sequence after another, linked by numerous references to other Troma movies, plenty of gags (both lame and pretty good) and occasional moments in which characters discuss the merits of independent filmmaking and how spirited it is to keep breaking taboos and pushing boundaries.

To many people, this film will rank amongst the very worst that they could be forced to watch. For others, like myself, it will easily rank up there with the very best inspired insanity that Troma can provide. Lloyd Kaufman gets to sit in the director's chair and the script is based on the book that he co-wrote with James Gunn entitled "All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger". He also stars as the blind director of the film within the film. So, hopefully, you don't mind his particular style of overacting and mugging to the camera.

The rest of the cast more than makes up for any weaknesses in Kaufman's repertory. Will Keenan is especially great as a man quite obsessed with pickling, Trent Haaga is good fun (n.b. Haaga would go on to direct Keenan in the superb Chop - well worth checking out), Alyce LaTourelle is a lot of fun and also very attractive and then we get the great Debbie Rochon, the legendary Ron Jeremy, the equally legendary Lemmy and many other familiar faces dotted throughout the supporting cast.

It's an absolutely hilarious slice of distasteful entertainment. Or it could be the worst thing you ever see.

8/10

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Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)

Within the first 10-15 minutes of the fourth Toxic Avenger movie we get to "enjoy" a gang known as the Diaper Mafia crashing into a classroom full of "special young adults" and laying waste to as many as possible. There's bloodshed, gratuitous nudity, a sickening amount of bodily functions and an absolute lack of anything that even comes close to being politically correct. And so I knew that I was going to enjoy this film a lot more than the third movie.

The Toxic Avenger (David Mattey) this time ends up in Amortville, the evil alternate version of Tromaville, while his place in Tromaville is taken by The Noxious Offender (David Mattey). Good ol' Toxie tries to put right a number of wrongs and find his way home while The Noxious Offender blackens the good name of our herois monster by doing horrid things like ripping the arms off the police chief and quickly reducing the population of Tromaville by means of violent death. He also thinks himself lucky when he eventually finds his way back to the trailer that Toxie calls home, complete with the blind, and now pregnant, wife (played this time by Heidi Sjursen).

Lloyd Kaufman directs this outing on his own but there are a LOT of people responsible for the script, which shows in the sheer amount of rapid-fire tasteless gags, references to other movies and unsubtle satire. Amazingly, it all comes together to produce something that's just a whole lot of shits and giggles (and, yes, that comment can be taken almost literally).

While I didn't really enjoy the fact that so many fart sound effects were placed all over the soundtrack and while I didn't always like the focus on moments featuring faeces, sexual abuse or ejaculations I was never bored and was actually laughing from beginning to end. Admittedly, even someone as thick-skinned as I am couldn't quite believe how far flung from the PC world we inhabit the Troma crew had gone but it's as refreshing to find nowadays as it is juvenile and objectionable.

The cast all either play dumb or get nekkid (or both) with gleeful abandon and there are a number of cameo roles for people like Lemmy (who snagged himself a better role in Tromeo & Juliet but has some fun lines here), Corey Feldman, Ron Jeremy and James Gunn.

If you're a Troma fan who also happens to love films like The Wizard Of Oz and Citizen Kane then you may well love this. If you're a fan of proper cinema who happens to love the aforementioned movies and has never seen two babies in a womb fighting each other with mops then you may well want to avoid this for the duration of your entire life.

6/10.

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