Class Of Nuke 'Em High (1986)

I know what you'll be thinking when you scroll down to read my rating. 8/10? EIGHT out of TEN???? Of course, when compared to the likes of something like Citizen Kane or The Shawshank Redemption or even The Dark Knight this score seems ridiculous. But take this movie on it's own, dubious, merits and rate it according to what it sets out to do and how it does it and 8/10 seems fair to me. In the realm of low-budget craziness it's a jewel in Troma's crown.

The story (stop laughing now, wipe your eyes and read on) is all about a school that's placed a little bit too close to a nuclear power plant, resulting in some awful, unfortunate pupil deaths and also the growth of some super-strong drugs that provide very bad side effects. A young couple (Warren and Chrissy) try to develop their burgeoning relationship while things around them descend into anarchy, insanity and even death.

This movie is not about great acting. It's not about a great script. It's not even about a remotely believable premise. Not at all. This movie is about people melting, bikers acting hard, nightmares about the consequences of sexual encounters, a massive monster that can punch all the way through someone's head and the most hilarious double-take in movie history (when Warren's mates see him making out with Chrissy, it has to be seen to be disbelieved). It also helps that Janelle Brady, playing Chrissy, is very attractive.

So there you have most of the plus points covered. See it if you think you may glean some enjoyment from it but if you have any doubt at all . . . . . then you're probably best just to leave it for the mad fans like myself.

8/10

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Blood, Boobs & Beast (2007)

Don Dohler made movies for many years. I haven't seen any of them yet but they looked, from the many clips shown in this affectionate documentary, like very bad movies. So why do I now want to see them all? It's true that I have a constant yearning to seek out the bizarre and unloved movies many others go out of their way to avoid but there's something more going on here. Blood, Boobs & Beast shows some people who are making movies that try to include those three Bs in an attempt to make some money back and to keep making movies but it also shows some people who love trying to make great entertainment. They might fail spectacularly but they deserve your time and goodwill just for trying. This isn't low-budget film-making on display here, this is the NO-budget kind.

Don Dohler passed away in 2006 and this documentary, directed by John Paul Kinhart, stands as a wonderful testament to the influence that the man had. His films may not have a huge fanbase but they do have their fans. And as for his contribution to the underground comic scene and the homemade special effects fans, and also his sheer determination to finish projects, the results are quite impressive. But I'll let you find out more by seeing the documentary.

Art (though some may not wish to call it that) meets commercialism as Dohler and his long-time collaborators end up accidentally doing well enough to move beyond being "one hit wonders". The results are almost like Troma movies. With less money available. Yes, you can only begin to imagine the final product.

I've made a point of emphasising how much fun, and how bad, the movies are but I don't want to leave you with the wrong impression. Watching this documentary won me over almost from the very beginning and I'm now a fan of Don Dohler and desperate to pay money for his movies. If you want to dismiss him as some untalented hack then you can feel free to do so, but just listen to the high regard he is held in by the likes of friend and colleague Joe Ripple and, more surprisingly, people as diverse as Lloyd Kaufman, Tom Savini and J. J. Abrams. All of those people are BIG names in their respective fields so maybe you should take the time to investigate someone they think so highly of.

You might just end up becoming won over as quickly and easily as I was.

8/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Blood-Boobs-Beast-Nightbeast-Region/dp/B001IVFGZO

Terror Firmer (1999)

To judge Terror Firmer by any standard movie criteria is to do a disservice both to yourself and to the movie. Terror Firmer is just an absolutely bonkers, overly gory, hilarious celebration of all that is Troma from start to finish. When a movie has been running for mere seconds and shows someone having their leg ripped off then you know that things aren't going to be subtle and insightful. When, moments later, a woman has her unborn child ripped out of her stomach then you know that things just went way off the scale of anything that society would label as acceptable or tolerable. And, if you keep watching the whole movie, you realise that you're glad that Troma keep on keeping on with their particular brand of low budget lunacy.

The actual story revolves around a vicious killer who is causing a number of disruptions on the set of the latest Troma movie. Cast and crew members start to die and police want to find the culprit as soon as possible, obviously. Which all just means that viewers get to see one crazy death sequence after another, linked by numerous references to other Troma movies, plenty of gags (both lame and pretty good) and occasional moments in which characters discuss the merits of independent filmmaking and how spirited it is to keep breaking taboos and pushing boundaries.

To many people, this film will rank amongst the very worst that they could be forced to watch. For others, like myself, it will easily rank up there with the very best inspired insanity that Troma can provide. Lloyd Kaufman gets to sit in the director's chair and the script is based on the book that he co-wrote with James Gunn entitled "All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger". He also stars as the blind director of the film within the film. So, hopefully, you don't mind his particular style of overacting and mugging to the camera.

The rest of the cast more than makes up for any weaknesses in Kaufman's repertory. Will Keenan is especially great as a man quite obsessed with pickling, Trent Haaga is good fun (n.b. Haaga would go on to direct Keenan in the superb Chop - well worth checking out), Alyce LaTourelle is a lot of fun and also very attractive and then we get the great Debbie Rochon, the legendary Ron Jeremy, the equally legendary Lemmy and many other familiar faces dotted throughout the supporting cast.

It's an absolutely hilarious slice of distasteful entertainment. Or it could be the worst thing you ever see.

8/10

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Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)

Within the first 10-15 minutes of the fourth Toxic Avenger movie we get to "enjoy" a gang known as the Diaper Mafia crashing into a classroom full of "special young adults" and laying waste to as many as possible. There's bloodshed, gratuitous nudity, a sickening amount of bodily functions and an absolute lack of anything that even comes close to being politically correct. And so I knew that I was going to enjoy this film a lot more than the third movie.

The Toxic Avenger (David Mattey) this time ends up in Amortville, the evil alternate version of Tromaville, while his place in Tromaville is taken by The Noxious Offender (David Mattey). Good ol' Toxie tries to put right a number of wrongs and find his way home while The Noxious Offender blackens the good name of our herois monster by doing horrid things like ripping the arms off the police chief and quickly reducing the population of Tromaville by means of violent death. He also thinks himself lucky when he eventually finds his way back to the trailer that Toxie calls home, complete with the blind, and now pregnant, wife (played this time by Heidi Sjursen).

Lloyd Kaufman directs this outing on his own but there are a LOT of people responsible for the script, which shows in the sheer amount of rapid-fire tasteless gags, references to other movies and unsubtle satire. Amazingly, it all comes together to produce something that's just a whole lot of shits and giggles (and, yes, that comment can be taken almost literally).

While I didn't really enjoy the fact that so many fart sound effects were placed all over the soundtrack and while I didn't always like the focus on moments featuring faeces, sexual abuse or ejaculations I was never bored and was actually laughing from beginning to end. Admittedly, even someone as thick-skinned as I am couldn't quite believe how far flung from the PC world we inhabit the Troma crew had gone but it's as refreshing to find nowadays as it is juvenile and objectionable.

The cast all either play dumb or get nekkid (or both) with gleeful abandon and there are a number of cameo roles for people like Lemmy (who snagged himself a better role in Tromeo & Juliet but has some fun lines here), Corey Feldman, Ron Jeremy and James Gunn.

If you're a Troma fan who also happens to love films like The Wizard Of Oz and Citizen Kane then you may well love this. If you're a fan of proper cinema who happens to love the aforementioned movies and has never seen two babies in a womb fighting each other with mops then you may well want to avoid this for the duration of your entire life.

6/10.

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The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation Of Toxie (1989)

Well, the third outing for our monstrous hero is just more of the same nonsense but with a little less gratuitous nudity and over the top violence when compared to the preceding two movies. Considering the amount of footage recycled, and the time spent making references to the past, it's a shame that the actual sex and violence content is the only thing it doesn't really have in abundance. That's not usually a comment that I'd start a review with, and it's certainly not the only thing I look for in a movie (despite what you may think of me), but this is a Troma film. And watching a Troma movie without plenty of over the top violence and gratuitous nudity is like being given a pack of non-alcoholic beers for Christmas: it would appear to be the same thing but when you get to the contents you notice how much weaker it is and how it just doesn't have the same effect.

Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman once again share the directing duties while Kaufman also has a hand in the inane screenplay. Most of the people who were in the second movie return, which is probably more due to the fact that this was made up of half the footage shot for that movie than any concern for actual continuity. The Toxic Avenger is played, once again, by Ron Fazio with a dollop of footage featuring John Altamura. Phoebe Legere is blind Claire once again. From the rest of the cast, the only three that make any impression are Lisa Gaye as Malfaire, Jessica Dublin as Mrs. Junko and Rick Collins as the leader of the horrid Apocalypse, Inc.

The emphasis this time around is on more of the dumb comedy than insane fight sequences and that's a great shame. The comedy of Troma films could never be called great but it often works as part of an assault on your senses that includes all kinds of gross FX moments, sleazy criminals up to sleazy crimes, random nudity and plenty of unrealistic blood and guts being spilt. Sadly, it doesn't work quite so well when it's the main aspect of the movie.

If you liked the first two movies, and you like the character, then you'll still have some fun with this film but it's a step down from the first two films. And, let's face it, they didn't really rank that highly except when elevated by the combination of my deadened braincells and some goodwill.

4/10.

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The Toxic Avenger Part II (1989)

If you decide to watch The Toxic Avenger Part II without having seen the first movie then I'd have to question your sanity. Which is my way of saying that, no matter what I put forward in this review, you should already know what you're letting yourself in for.

The New Jersey hero, created after a prank went wrong and he fell into a barrel of toxic chemicals, returns for a mix of groansome humour, over the top violence and more Troma trauma. Tromaville has become quite a peaceful place but it's only a temporary lull. When Apocalypse Inc. come along they want to mess up everything, physically hurt people and run the whole town. They start their attack by bombing a home for blind people but soon realise that ol' Toxie will be too big a problem to deal with so they come up with a devious plan that gets our mutated hero travelling to Japan to find his father. Which means, as you may have guessed, some martial arts moves, naked Japanese women and plenty of fish. The people of Tromaville are left to be terrorised while clinging on to the thin hope that Toxie gets back in time to save them all.

I really liked The Toxic Avenger, despite it's many flaws, and it remains one of the better Troma movies available. In my opinion. But, as is the case with almost any Troma movie, it's an acquired taste. This sequel is even worse in a number of ways but if you liked the first film then you're not likely to hate this one.

The effects are as variable as they were in the first movie, with a couple of great gore moments in the opening 10-15 minutes offset by some terrible comedy dance moves, and the acting is consistently . . . . . . . . . . in line with the rigorous Troma standards (to put it politely). Toxie is played by two different people (John Altamura was fired at some point but his footage was retained, Ron Fazio took over and provided the voice throughout as well as any new acting required), Phoebe Legere is Claire, the blind girlfriend of Toxie (who I can only assume is supposed to be the same one named Sara in the first film but we're not supposed to worry about that) and a number of other people play . . . . . . a number of other people. I did like Lisa Gaye as Malfaire but acting isn't something valued too highly here. Nor is continuity. Or anything that gets in the way of the crazy antics. Like some semblance of believable reality.

Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman are once again the directors, with the latter also involved in the team that put the story and then script together, so they can shoulder most of the blame. They're used to doing that by now and they don't care. This is not a movie to watch if you fancy some classic piece of cinema, but it will do the job if accompanied by beer, pizza and a taste for something dumb and fun. Just.
5/10.

P.S. The link below may not be the best version available. I tend to just pick the most readily/cheapest versions on offer for anyone interested but it's especially important to shop around, especially with Troma titles.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Toxic-Avenger-Part-Directors-Region/dp/B003TJS9E8/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1320018007&sr=1-1

The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Troma. A company not renowned for their subtlety or positive impact on the medium of cinema. But, what the hell, they ARE a fantastic independent company and they keep churning out wild and wonderful movies with refreshingly un-pc content year after year. But there are two movies, in my opinion, that stand head and shoulders above the others. Movies that remain quintessential TROMA movies. They have a mix of groan-inducing humour, crazy splatter gags and merchandise potential. One of those movies is the fantastic Class Of Nuke 'Em High. The other is The Toxic Avenger. It's not really a great movie if you judge these things along the same standards as, say, Casablanca or Schindler's List. But it's a great TROMA movie, which means that normal criteria is thrown by the wayside and we're looking at a niche product for fans.

Young Melvin Junko (Mark Torgl) is an irritating sap who works at a health centre. He spends his time cleaning up and annoying the bullies who hang around there (when they're not driving over innocent children) by simply being nearby and continuing to breathe. So the bullies play a prank on Melvin and, in the great tradition of horror movies, it goes horribly wrong. After an accident with a load of dangerous chemicals, Melvin is transformed into a mutated beast. The Toxic Avenger (played by Mitch Cohen). Toxie sets out to clean up the streets but finds his rage getting more and more out of control, even as he finally finds something that may resemble true happiness with cute blind girl, Sara (Andree Maranda).

The Toxic Avenger has everything you could want from a Troma movie. There's the underlying theme of environmentalism (also present in Class Of Nuke 'Em High, a movie that looked at the dangers of nuclear power), a bunch of annoying punks that you want to see get their just desserts, special effects ranging from the awful to the superb and deliriously over the top violence (the robbery of a fast food restaurant being one highlight).

Directed by Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman, who also helped write the script with about three other people, this film rises above the bad acting and low budget thanks to the fast pace and ability to throw so much onto the screen that something entertaining is always happening. Robert Prichard and Gary Schneider are fun as Slug and Bozo, respectively, while Jennifer Babtist and Cindy Manion are cute enough bad girls. And Pat Ryan has fun as the mayor.

If you haven't seen a Troma movie before then this may not be the one to start with but fans will enjoy it and newcomers can always find out where they stand.

7/10.

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Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006).

Just who the hell would even contemplate seeing a movie with this ridiculous title? Me, that’s who. Me and many other Troma fans were salivating in anticipation as this film was being made. Was it worth the wait? Hell yeah.

 

The absurd plot is all about an American Chicken Bunker being opened on the site of an ancient Native American burial ground. This is being protested by a lot of people, including young Wendy (Kate Graham), a young and passionate lesbian who used to go out with Arbie (Jason Yachanin). Arbie still has feelings for Wendy and, in an attempt to win her back, he decides to . . . . . . . . . . get a job in the Bunker. The employees are set to go, the protestors are protesting, the General (played by Robin  Watkins) is due to arrive and there’s also the little matter of the atmosphere being packed full of the angry spirits of Native Americans and maltreated chickens. Far from finger licking good.

There should only be two types of audience for this movie. Horror fans willing to give it a go and Troma fans. Nobody else need bother checking this one out. It’s completely bonkers, contains plenty of gratuitous nudity, even more excessive gore and a number of nasty moments involving faeces. It’s also got director Lloyd Kaufman in a relatively small but amusing role, some great songs and a refreshing lack of political correctness that will no doubt offend those who love to be offended.

Daniel Bova, Gabriel Friedman and Kaufman himself all contributed to the insane script so it’s clear that they all need serious therapy. In the meantime, I’m happy as long as the results are as daft and entertaining as this.

The acting, especially for a Troma picture, is actually pretty good. The two leads are especially enjoyable while Watkins is great as the General and Joshua Olatunde stands out as Denny, the manager of the Bunker trying to deal with one bigger problem after another.

It’s often juvenile and overboard with the gross content (did we really need to see someone’s censored backside as they sit on a toilet trying to evacuate their bowels?) but it’s also actually quite funny in places. Whether it’s just a little gag like “I know it's fattening, but I love the skin” or a hilarious riff on the U.S.S. Indianapolis speech from Jaws, the script actually provides a LOT of laughs. And that’s without mentioning the multitude of enjoyable visual gags.

I know that there are plenty of people who won’t believe me, and plenty of people who will never even watch this movie (which, in the majority of cases, is probably for the best), BUT if you’re a bit twisted and amused as much by the lowbrow as you are by the highbrow then you may just want to give this a go and find yourself enjoying it as much as I did. 

7/10. 

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