Spontaneous (2020)

Written and directed by Brian Duffield, adapting a novel by Aaron Starmer, Spontaneous is the kind of good-natured film that should immediately make you a fan of those involved, both behind and in front of the camera. It's a great teen movie, easily sitting alongside the best of that sub-genre, and it just happens to involve a lot of spontaneous combustion.

Katherine Langford plays Mara, a cool schoolgirl who manages to stand out from the crowd without going into full quirky mode. She's good friends with Tess (Hayley Law), and the two of them seem to be happy wandering through their teen years. And then their classmates and peers start to explode. There doesn't seem to be any detectable cause, and no rhyme or reason to it. With the possibility of an early death now looking likely, Dylan (Charlie Plummer) decides to tell Mara that he has a crush on her, and has done for a while. They don't know how much time they have so they may as well enjoy some of it together.

Although he's been writing movies for almost a decade now, this is the directorial debut from Duffield, and it's a very confident one. He's helped himself immensely by casting it so well, but there's also a great balance throughout the script, blending the absurd humour of the situation with the deeper thoughts it prompts in the minds of the lead characters. It also includes some enjoyable movie references without resorting to having certain characters define themselves by dropping famous quotes in every other sentence (an error that so many other movies make when the writer wants to show how cine-literate they are).

Langford and Plummer pair up well, but it's Langford who carries more of the movie on her shoulders, being the individual in more scenes and discussing more of the unfolding situation with the voiceover provided to viewers. It's a star turn, and Langford is surely destined for even more great things in her future career path (if there's any justice). Law does well in her role, although she doesn't get to have as much fun as either Piper Perabo and Rob Huebel (playing Mara's parents). She also doesn't even get to have as much fun as Yvonne Orji, playing Agent Rosetti. I don't mean that Perabo, Huebel, and Orji are adding lots of laughs with their moments, but the way in which their characters are connected to Mara allows them to be involved in some interesting, sometimes supportive and sometimes confrontational, conversations.

Not a gore-filled splatter flick, the spontaneous combustions themselves are often allowed to happen just off-camera, with lots of blood then thrown all over people in close vicinity. Don't seek this out if you're after a horror comedy, but also don't seek it out if you prefer your films to be cosy and bloodless. It does what it needs to do in order to show how shocking the deaths are.

The more I think about Spontaneous, the more I like it. And the title is given a lot of poignancy once the first few scenes properly set out the premise. Next time you're wanting to make a spontaneous viewing choice you could do a LOT worse that this.

8/10

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Boy Eats Girl (2005)

As lovely as she may be, it's weird to think that there was a time in which Samantha Mumba was being sold as some kind of worthy addition to a movie cast. I cannot even recall her musical hit(s), but I recall never thinking of her as being poised for a career in acting. But a small filmography proves me wrong. The quality of the movies there, well, that's a different matter entirely.

Boy Eats Girl isn't terrible. It's just a bit confused. Which is what you might expect from a zombie film that is also hitting all of the beats for a standard teen flick. It's still better than Warm Bodies, but that's not saying much.

Mumba plays Jessica, a young woman who has an admirer in the shape of Nathan (David Leon). But Nathan doesn't want to make a move, for fear of ruining their friendship. Despite the encouragement from his other mates, Diggs (Tadhg Murphy) and Henry (Laurence Kinlan). Much like so many other teen movies, you get a school bully (Samson, played by Mark Huberman), a gorgeous "rival" (Cheryl, played by Sara James), and a mother (played by Deirder O'Kane) who panics when she finds out that her son has accidentally suicided himself and tries to fix it with a book of mumbo jumbo sorcery that starts a zombie epidemic. That last part may not feature in many teen movies, but it's in this one.

There aren't many other titles in the filmography of director Stephen Bradley or writer Derek Landy that stand out. You might say that Boy Eats Girl is the biggest thing they've done, in terms of the cast involved and the exposure it had when first released. Which makes it easy to see why they've never really clawed themselves up to some higher level. There's enough here to make it a fairly enjoyable enough 80 minutes, as long as you're not too demanding or hard to please, but there's not enough here to make it stand out in any way. The comedy falls a bit flat, the zombie carnage is very tame, and the third act just leads to everything ending with a whimper, rather than a bang. What works, surprisingly, is the mix of characters. They may be a bundle of stereotypes, but they're all given enough individual moments to help them be more memorable than they otherwise would be, and the cast provide varying results.

Leon isn't a bad male lead - imagine if Andrew Lincoln made his debut as a strung-out goth - and Mumba is pretty and sweet enough to make the central potential pairing worthwhile. James, Huberman, O'Kane, and the likes of Bryan Murray and Lalor Roddy all do well in their supporting roles, but the main chuckles come from Murphy and Kinlan, the sidekicks who are willing to help their mate when able to break through their fear-induced paralysis.

A lot of people will absolutely hate this. It uses zombies in a way that zombie movie fans will dislike, it tries to coast along on a mix of small-time charm and youthful energy. But it almost works. Almost. It might have done a bit better if it didn't also feel designed to give Mumba a push that never really felt earned (as much as I don't actively dislike her).

4/10

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Shudder Saturday: Dark Summer (2015)

After being found guilty of stalking a young woman, Daniel (Keir Gilchrist) is sentenced to some time spent under house arrest. He's not allowed access to computer devices or social media either. He breaks the rules immediately, of course, with the help of a couple of good friends. And then the woman he has been stalking gets in touch with him, allows him to witness a horrific event, and things start to get spooky and odd.

There's a moment in Dark Summer when one of the main characters mentions Disturbia, another film that features a main character under house arrest. All that moment does is serve to remind you of how enjoyable Disturbia is, and how you could spend time rewatching that rather than watching this flat and unimaginative chiller.

Written by Mike Le, this is a turgid mess of familiar horror movie tropes. You get the jump scares, most of them in apparent dream sequences (but, hey, there are times when the main character cannot be sure if he was dreaming or not, of course), you get a mystery element to be investigated, and you get a finale that thinks it is being clever with a couple of twists or turns that most will see coming a mile away. Le hasn't written anything else of note, from a quick skim of his filmography, and I can't say that I will ever look forward to any of his future projects, going by his laziness here.

Even the main premise just feels thrown together haphazardly. Okay, this kid needs to be under house arrest. Let's say his mother is away on business so that his friends can immediately visit him. And we can have them able to connect him to the internet from another area. And let's not bother about the practical side of things, the HORROR will carry everyone along just fine.

That would be possible. If there was actual horror, or even thrills, here that worked. None do. Alongside the lazy script, you get direction from Paul Solet that feels genuinely disinterested in anything going on. That's more disappointing than the weak script because Solet has done some good work elsewhere (mainly Grace, the 2009 feature that expanded his 2006 short, and his segment in Tales Of Halloween). I wonder whether he realised at some point that he couldn't do enough with the script to even polish this turd and just decided to finish the thing as painlessly as possible.

Peter Stormare appears in the cast, setting up the house arrest and explaining the rules, and he's the best of the bunch. Stella Maeve also does well, in the role of Abby (a good friend to Daniel), and Maestro Harrell is okay as the other main friend, Kevin. Gilchrist, however, is a weak lead. He's not very likeable and doesn't seem worth rooting for, even as things get more and more dangerous and your perception of certain events is changed. Gracie Gillam (billed as Grace Phipps) is okay as Mona Wilson, the woman who Daniel took a bit too much interest in.

Some may think I am being unduly harsh on this one, a film that simply wants to provide a bit of teen-centric chills and jumps. No. There's no excuse for this level of laziness, and I resent it more than so many other failings that a movie could have.

3/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

Netflix And Chill: Sierra Burgess Is A Loser (2018)

I wouldn't have prioritised a viewing of Sierra Burgess Is A Loser if I hadn't read yet another selection of articles written by people getting upset about content that I wasn't sure was intended to offend, in context. But we all know that anyone being offended doesn't give a damn about context. Just ask, well, anyone who has recently been offended.

As suspected, there isn't much here to cause offence, certainly when you compare it to the works that have influenced it (such as Cyrano de Bergerac, Les Liaisons Dangereuses, and the many John Hughes movies of the 1980s). There are mean-spirited things said about various people, but all of those insults say more about the attitudes and mindsets of the characters delivering them than they say about the makers of the movie. And the characters, including the one that viewers are supposed to root for, do some bad, deceitful, things. I refer you back to the influences just mentioned. So let's move forward with a more standard look at the film without making any attempts to defend aspects that don't need defending.

Shannon Purser plays Sierra, a high school student who doesn't fit in with the crowd of more popular girls, and therefore is labelled as a loser. When Veronica (Kristine Froseth) decides to have fun by handing out Sierra's phone number, claiming it to be her own, it's not long until romance is budding, by text, between Sierra and a young man named Jamey (Noah Centineo). To keep up the pretence, Sierra will need help from Veronica. And it turns out that the latter may need some help of her own, in the form of tutoring, so the two work together, discovering that they have more in common than either would think.

I don't know how things work for Netflix picking up, or creating, their original content but it seems to be working out well for them to often take calculated risks. Perhaps the stars, content, and viewing habits are enough for the algorithms to give them the nod to throw money at a variety of projects (and let's not forget that their data-analysing system gave us House Of Cards). This is, I assume, why we have Sierra Burgess Is A Loser as the directorial feature of Ian Samuels, after a string of shorts on his filmography, and the screenwriting debut of Lindsey Beer. Both do well enough, with Beer using the teen comedy framing to explore loyalty, friendship, peer pressure, honesty, and the benefits and downsides of connecting with others on the worldwide web. Samuels may not stamp his personality on the material, but he shows a knack for emulating the vibe of past teen movies (ones that we still view fondly, despite the many problems that come packaged with them).

Purser has been garnering quite the fanbase since her turn in Stranger Things, and she puts in another good performance here. Sierra is a good young woman, but she makes bad decisions when she starts to become more selfish, neglecting her close friend (Dan, played by R. J. Cyler) and piling one lie on top of another to keep up a dishonest relationship. Froseth is the typical high school clique queen, initially, and does well with that part. She also gets to show another side of her as she and Sierra grow closer, an aspect of the film that is necessary but feels slightly rushed. Centineo is a likable male lead, helped by the fact that his character is kind and earnest as well as the object of Sierra's affection, and Cyler is a lot of fun in his role. The other supporting players are all well and good, but it will please many veiwers to see that Alan Ruck and Lea Thompson play the parents of the main character.

What this film gets right is the general high school movie feel and the selection of standard teen problems. And the cast. What it gets wrong is the lack of believability in a lot of the character developments, which affects everything, although still doesn't do enough damage if you're happy to overlook the flaws while enjoying the predictable beats that lead up to a predictable, if undeserved, finale.

6/10

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Wolves (2014)

I first heard of Wolves when someone described it as being like Twilight, but with the focus on werewolves instead. For some reason, I knew that I had to check it out. Thankfully, it's a better film than Twilight.

Cayden Richards (Lucas Till) is a young man who starts to develop a bad habit. When his primal urges, such as anger or lust, increase then so does his body hair and his propensity for violence. It all goes a step too far, to put it mildly, when he attacks his girlfriend during a makeout session, and then kills his parents in the night. Hitting the road, and trying to evade the authorities, Cayden ends up in a small town that is full of many of his kind. One takes quite a liking to him (Angelina, played by Merritt Patterson) and one really doesn't (Connor, played by Jason Momoa). Despite trying to keep his head down, and settling into the job/lodgings offered to him by a kindly man named John (Stephen McHattie), it's not long until his arrival in town leads to all kinds of trouble.

Written and directed by David Hayter, this is a real mixed bag of dubious delights. The effects work, for example, is often very good, but one or two of the lead characters look a bit too cute and cuddly when in wolf form (including Cayden, of course). The plotting is entirely predictable, some of the dialogue will make you wince, and the main romance is tedious to get through, for a viewer like myself (who put those teenage angst years in the past a long time ago, thank goodness). But the pacing is zippy, there's a decent amount of action, with a decent amount of blood sprayed around, and the cast features some fun performances.

While Till may not be a very strong lead, he does well enough in his role. The fact that he manages to be quiet and burdened with guilt without being constantly mopey and irritating is a big plus. Patterson isn't too bad in her role, and she's certainly attractive enough to make the central plot point believable. McHattie is often a pleasure to watch onscreen, as is the case here, and Momoa gets to scowl and arch an eyebrow in almost every scene. He's a fun baddie, with his formidable size and intimidating demeanour.

Although Wolves struggles to break out from the confines dictated to it by the target demographic, it has a few pleasant surprises in store for those expecting a sappy and sanitised piece of dross. Horror fans will always have other films to prioritise above it, but this isn't too bad for something that could have been laughably atrocious.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Wolves-Lucas-Till/dp/B00P80Y3WI/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1421399349&sr=1-1

Vampire Academy (2014)

Marketed as being from the director of Mean Girls, Vampire Academy serves as a sobering reminder that a movie is not made by the director alone. He needs a talented team around him, including a great writer, and a decent cast. Neither of these things are present here.

The plot goes thus: Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) is a sorta-vampire who protects nice vampires (in her case, it's her BFF Lissa, played by Lucy Fry) from attack by nasty vampires. They both attend the titular vampire academy, which is ruled over by headmistress Kirova (Olga Kurylenko), and Rose attempts to further her training under the watchful eye of Dimitri (Danila Kozlovsky) while Lissa tries to make life easier for both of them by using magic on those who decide to give them a hard time. And that's quite a few people, although it's hard to figure out just who is the most serious about actually causing any harm to Lissa.

I've probably made Vampire Academy sound better than it really is with that description. Or, if you think I've made it sound pretty dull, I may have got it just right. It's an unexciting, unfunny movie, the kind of tick-the-boxes stuff that makes you feel annoyed while it plays out in all of its smug glory.

Deutch is hampered by the fact that she's not Ellen Page. I'm sorry, but she looks and sounds so much like her that it's impossible to watch the film and not imagine she was the second choice for the role. Fry may not call anyone else directly to mind, but she's eminently replaceable in her role, having no great charisma that shines through. Kozlovsky at least knows that he's there to be the eye candy for the girls, both onscreen and off (I guess), which is more than can be said for the likes of Kurylenko, Gabriel Byrne and Joely Richardson. All three of the relatively bigger names appear for no other reason than to slightly embarrass themselves, although they all have the sense to take roles that don't involve a lot of screentime. Sarah Hyland is the only person who I actually liked seeing onscreen, and she somehow managed to overcome the writing that made her character development painfully obvious.

I'm unfamiliar with the source material (novels by Richelle Mead), but the screenplay by Daniel Waters just doesn't work at all. There's a mythology that already feels stale and overdone, compared to the many other vampire and Young Adult movies to come out in recent years, there's a lack of genuine wit, and there's a lack of . . . . . . . .  well, anything to make this a movie worth your time. I'm not sure how much of the script would have been left in if the director hadn't been his own brother, Mark Waters, therefore both men can share the blame for the bad final product.

It lacks style, tension, a sense of fun. Thankfully, there's just enough technical competence to make it bearable, but that's it. I'd rather rewatch Twilight, THAT'S how bad it is.

3/10

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Can't Buy Me Love (1987)

Ronald Miller (Patrick Dempsey) is a bit of a nerd in this typical, though enjoyable, teen movie from the '80s. He wants a shot to become popular, and his chance comes along when he spots the lovely Cindy Mancini (Amanda Peterson) in a spot of bother. Ronald can help her out, but he negotiates a deal. He will give Cindy $1000 if she will hang out with him for a month. The two will spend a lot of time at school together, making Ronald popular by association. Cindy doesn't think that the plan will work, but she agrees to the deal. It's not long until the plan DOES start to work, better than either party could have envisioned, and it's not long until Ronald starts to be changed by his experience, abandoning the lad who used to be his best friend (Courtney Gains) in favour of a crowd that feeds the ever-inflating ego he has managed to create.

Throwing in almost every cliche in the teen movie handbook (including, damn, the slow handclap moment), Can't Buy Me Love is a film you can easily choose to hate if you can't watch in the right frame of mind. The script, by Michael Swerdlick, allows everything to play out in a way that can be predicted from the very first scene, yet it's all done with a load of positive energy and just the right amount of sweetness (not the romance stuff, I'm on about the scenes between Dempsey and Gains). Director Steve Rash doesn't do anything special when it comes to the execution of the material, but he does what's needed.

Dempsey is fun in the lead role, transforming from outcast to trendsetter convincingly enough, even if he's saddled with some of those horrendous outfits from the decade that fashion forgot. Peterson is easy to like in her role, and benefits from the fact that her character isn't entirely horrible at the start of the movie anyway - she just moves in different circles to Ronald. Gains has one of his best roles, a nerd who is happy enough to stay in the social position that he's been allocated, and it's the way he is affected by the whole situation that proves to be the most effective part of the movie. Tina Caspary and Darcy DeMoss are both enjoyable enough as, respectively, Barbara and Patty, two friends of Cindy who start to view Ronald in a different light as soon as he moves from geek to chic. Dennis Dugan and Cloyce Morrow play a decent set of parents, and a teeny tiny Seth Green is the standard, irritable young brother. His scenes are all more amusing nowadays, simply because of his teeny tiny Seth Green-ness. Erik Bruskotter, Cort McCown and a bunch of others portray the jocks who end up also warming up to Ronald, and they all do just fine.

Despite the predictability of it all, and the lack of any major sequence to lift it above and beyond the pile of many other teen movies churned out over the years, the winning performances help to make this pleasant enough. It also helps that it has a pretty fantastic soundtrack. There are some bland, standard filler tracks, but then there are tunes like the titular track, of course, "Surfin' Safari", "Secret Agent Man", "Living In A Box", "French Kissing" and "Dancin' With Myself". Keep your ears open for them.

All in all, the movie may not be one to seek out, but it's an amusing diversion. You could do worse.

6/10

http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Buy-Love-Patrick-Dempsey/dp/B000065V3H/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1404965615&sr=1-1&keywords=can%27t+buy+me+love+movie

Casting Couch (2013)

Casting Couch is horrible, but there are minor moments here and there that are good. There's also a good mix of characters to provide some comedy. Unfortunately, that's all overshadowed by the horrible, horrible premise that could have worked if it was done in a way that was somehow more deftly dealt with and less . . . . . . . . . . . . sleazy.

Justin Smith plays Justin, a young man who wants to help his friend Chase Lockwood (Jason Lockhart) mend a broken heart. Of course, young men mend broken hearts by sleeping with as many attractive women as possible, but that's not always easy to arrange. Thankfully, Justin has a cunning plan. He wants to audition people for various roles in a movie that won't ever be made. It's all just a ruse to get the guys in close proximity with a number of beautiful women, many of whom will perform nudity if the role requires it.

As well as giving himself the leading role, Jason Lockhart was also the writer and director for this lacklustre bit of bawdiness. The presentation of the film just feels cheap, in the same way that so many other video diary/mockumentary movies can feel cheap when the framing device feels completely unnecessary. The script doesn't have any zingers in the dialogue, although there are one or two decent comedic moments that develop from the interaction and development of the characters, but this is unlikely to be the kind of film that people seek out for sparkling wit and ear-tickling monologues anyway.

Despite the fact that Lockhart isn't great as writer or director, I have to say that as an actor . . . . . . . he's also not great. The rest of the cast, for the most part, stay on his level and I'm not going to single anyone else out for praise or criticism. I think it's fair to stop the buck with Lockhart.

My rating here is generous, but I realise that my review may not have made things clear regarding just how disheartening this movie is and how it takes the dubious material and makes it worse. Never fear, IMDb is here to help. If you're wondering whether or not this movie is for you, here are the plot keywords added by users of the site to give people a feel for the film:

hot pants	girl stripped down to panties
female nudity	gender stereotype
asian stereotype	swimming in underwear
redhead	fake movie deal
pool party	aspiring actress
bra less	mock documentary
casting call	topless sunbathing
red panties	diva
red dress	gay stereotype
skinny dipping	topless female nudity
porn actress	film within a film
slut	sexism

And I think that's all the information you need.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/Casting-Couch-Jason-Lockhart/dp/B00ANRG4A0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368724838&sr=8-1&keywords=casting+couch

Many, many reviews just like (and even including) this one appear in this book that I wrote.

The UK version can be bought here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395945647&sr=1-3&keywords=movie+guide

And American folks can buy it here - http://www.amazon.com/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395945752&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=TJs+ramshackle+mov

As much as I love the rest of the world, I can't keep up with all of the different links in different territories, but trust me when I say that it should be there on your local Amazon.

American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005)

The first of the American Pie franchise instalments to go straight to video, this is an offshoot from the original trio that moves the focus away from the gang that audiences got to know and love and puts the character of . . . . . . . . Matt Stifler (Steve Stifler's younger brother, played here by Tad Hilgenbrink) front and centre. It's a shift of focus that doesn't bode well, and as the film goes on things start to get worse and worse.

The plot is as follows: Matt Stifler is a complete douchebag (not my opinion, he IS a complete douchebag . . . . . . imagine Steve Stifler with absolutely no minor moments of likeability whatsoever) and when he decides to play a mean-spirited prank on the school band he is punished by being made to spend his Summer holiday at band camp. This gives him a chance to secretly record some of the girls getting nekkid, or so he hopes, and it also keeps him in close proximity to the lovely Elyse (Arielle Kebbel).

Almost everything that you loved about the first three American Pie movies is absent here. First of all, this cast just doesn't have the appeal and/or charisma that the lads from the previous movies had. Tad Hilgenbrink is terrible in the lead role, but he's not helped by a script (written by Brad Riddell) that fails to do enough to offset his moments of major douchebaggery. Kebbel is actually quite likeable, and Eugene Levy and Chris Owen carry some goodwill along with them, but only because we know their characters from the previous movies. Ginger Lynn has an amusing role and Omar Benson Miller is easy to warm to, but those two have minor supporting roles. The folk with more screentime, such as Jason Earles, Crystle Lightning, Matt Barr and Lauren C. Mayhew, are all either unmemorable or unpleasant.

If director Steve Rash tried to overcome that problem by throwing in more laughs or even, let's be honest here, more gratuitous nudity to please the target demographic then maybe the film would rise up to a level of average. Sadly, he doesn't even think to do that. The movie is one big tease, which is fine for a film that wants to be subtle or sophisticated while chalking up the gags. It's not fine for a film that has the words American Pie in the title.

So, we have no laughs (well, only a few, at a push), no characters worth rooting for, a low-budget version of the soundtracks used in the first three American Pie movies and even a lack of any nudity that teenage males should enjoy - although the unrated version runs about 3 minutes longer and at least panders to that base requirement.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/American-Pie-Presents-Band-Camp/dp/B000B7VZNI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368608188&sr=8-1&keywords=american+pie+band+camp

The Virginity Hit (2010)

Found footage movies have already outstayed their welcome in the eyes of many and this irredeemable pile of crap will do nothing to convert those who have been turned off by the format. It's a proper pile of excreted waste, seriously, and I have no idea what Huck Botko and Andrew Gurland were thinking when they shared the writing and directing duties on it.

This is taken from the IMDb trivia page for the movie - Most of the cast recorded footage shown on-screen and ad-libbed their lines. That explains why there's not one funny line or moment in this alleged comedy. None of the young cast members have the personality or skill to make magic from their ad-lib opportunities and so the film simply meanders from one moment of mean-spirited unpleasantness to the next.

I don't mind mean-spirited unpleasantness. I just don't expect it to be the overriding aspect of any teen comedy that I choose to watch. I just couldn't tell what Botko and Gurland were aiming for. Was it a comedy that they'd forgotten to add any laughs to? A warning to all teenagers about the consequences of any risible behaviour in the time of the globe-spanning, reputation-harming, YouTube? A look at the dangers of peer pressure? Whatever they tried to do, they failed.

Matt (played by Matt Bennett) is the one lad, the last one of four friends, trying to lose his virginity and he wants it to be a special time with his girlfriend, Nicole (Nicole Weaver). Whenever a cherry is popped, if you'll pardon the expression, the friends all bring out a very special bong and take a hit from it, hence the title. But a startling revelation changes the plan and sets Matt on a determined quest to just lose the virginity that he now feels is clinging to him like a wet shirt.

The main friend trying to "help" Matt in his quest is Zack (played by Zack Pearlman - spotting the pattern with the names yet?). Zack is supposed to be a friend but all he seems to do is heap humiliation upon Matt at every opportunity, often thanks to his knack for recording every embarrassment as it happens. However, it would appear that Zack is the lesser of two evils when details of Matt's past are revealed as the movie progresses and it's in these moments that the movie takes another major mis-step. There's, once again, no comedy to be mined from the situations that unfold but there's also no goodwill or jubilance in the rare moments when Matt's friends actually help him because they're still all just a bunch of assholes.

There's no good way to look at this. Either the teens are being show as typical teens in an unusual situation, in which case this is an insult to the majority of all teenagers, or the company that the viewer is stuck with for the duration of the movie is made up of . . . . . . . well . . . . . . . assholes.

Fans of Sunny Leone, who is a star of numerous adult movies, will be pleased to see her appear onscreen for a short while, but she's one of the few highlights and, let's be completely honest here, if you're a fan of her work then you've already seen her in movies that showcase her talents far better than this one does. Which means that my low rating here is still somewhat generous, in my opinion.

2/10

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Risky Business (1983)

Risky Business is a teen sex comedy with a difference. The difference is that it's one of the smartest and funniest of the sub-genre, with the only one coming closest to it being the 2004 film, The Girl Next Door (which is, to all intents and purposes, a loose remake of this film). Don't misunderstand me, I love Heathers, Mean Girls and Clueless, but they're not teen sex comedies. Porky's is certainly a memorable teen sex comedy, and American Pie is great, but they're not as funny and smart as this one. Writer-director Paul Brickman made something special with this movie. Something that tapped into every male teenage fantasy and also every dream scenario for capitalists thriving in the early 1980s. He also made Phil Collins cool and sexy, which may well be his greatest feat.

Tom Cruise (post-uneven teeth, but pre-BIG time) stars as Joel Goodsen, a decent young man who is at a very important point in his life. He's trying to keep doing well at school, he's starting to think about university education and he spends a lot of time with his friends as they all pretend to be grown-ups, wise in the ways of the world. When his parents head off for a while, Joel is entrusted to look after the home and be a responsible young man. His good friend, Miles (Curtis Armstrong), thinks that Joel should have a little fun, and perhaps get himself laid. That is why he calls a hooker. This sets off a chain of events that will lead to Joel meeting the beautiful Lana (Rebecca De Mornay), the dangerous Guido (Joe Pantoliano) and even a more confident and entrepreneurial side of himself. To clarify, Lana is a prostitute, Guido is a pimp and Joel finds himself between the two. That's not a good place to be, but it could turn out to be surprisingly profitable.

Great characters, a great cast that also features small roles for Bronson Pinchot and Richard Masur, a fantastic soundtrack, some enjoyably sexy moments and a lot of fun make Risky Business absolutely unforgettable. Well, Rebecca De Mornay helps a lot (was she ever lovelier? I doubt it).

And this magic moment . . .

Yeah, that just happened. Good on Tom Cruise for watching that moment many years later, while recording the commentary track for the movie, and having no shame whatsoever. In fact, he even admits that he danced to that very song at home before making this movie. That's why the movie is so damn good, because it IS very real and honest, even as things get a bit more comedic and ridiculous. Every male reading this review today has done something that this movie will remind you of - whether it's the miming and dancing to classic rock, the first civilised meal for one when left home alone or the time spent as a teenager discussing sex, planning for sex and pretending to know all about sex - and it's great to look back and laugh at those moments. Joel may have a lot to learn, but he DOES learn as the movie unfolds, making it easier to laugh along with every moment while still rooting for him.

Perfectly paced and utilising a script that provides one or two memorable quotes in every scene, Risky Business is a near-perfect classic to me. It's astonishing that this was a feature debut from Brickman and it's saddening to see that he's only directed one other movie since this one. Thank goodness he got this made. I just hope that one or two others enjoy it as much as I do. If you haven't seen it yet, take a risk.

9/10

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The Skulls III (2004)

The second sequel to The Skulls (as I’m sure you already gathered from the title) improves slightly on the previous movie thanks to one significant difference – the protagonist this time around is female.

Clare Kramer plays Taylor Brooks, a determined and smart young woman who finds a loophole allowing her to be considered for acceptance by The Skulls, a secret society that’s not really all that secret. If you have seen the previous movies then you know the drill by now – someone gets to join The Skulls, things become a bit strained, deceit and/or death occurs, everything goes sour for the new recruit, a plan is hatched to fix everything and cancel the lifetime membership.

J. Miles Dale directs this time and he does just what you’d expect with a second sequel to a middling teen thriller. Joe Johnson’s script tries to surprise but savvy viewers will always know exactly what’s coming.

Kramer isn’t too bad in the lead role and her character is easier to root for than the previous protagonists as she overcomes extra adversity and discrimination due to her gender. Bryce Johnson sneers capably enough, Steve Braun is just fine in the role as supportive fellow Skull newbie and Dean McDermott and Maria del Mar are both pretty bad as two detectives trying to solve a case that is revealed as the movie progresses (the main character is telling her side of things to the police as the movie gets underway). Barry Bostwick fans may be pleased to see . . . . . . . . . . Barry Bostwick in a prominent role. He does okay but it’s more of a fun performance than anything remotely realistic and  believable.

The Skulls III shouldn’t exist but it does and it’s actually quite watchable. It’s not really all that good but it’s not really all that bad either. Which is why it gets such an average rating.  

5/10

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Hot Moves (1984)

A group of horny teens vow to lose their virginity before beginning their senior year of high school. Yes, Hot Moves is yet another 80s forerunner to American Pie and it’s also one of the better outings in the 80s teen sex comedy subgenre.

The plot doesn’t get complicated in any way, and leaves room for moments that are really nothing more than music videos showcasing the sun-kissed activity of Venice Beach, but that means that viewers can sit back and enjoy a series of extended skits all based around people just trying to have sex.

Michael Zorek gets the most screentime, playing Barry, but the central character is really Michael (Adam Silbar), who appears to want his girlfriend (Julie Ann, played by Jill Schoelen) for sex that has yet to happen. Michael is jealous of a girl (Heidi, played by Deborah Richter) that he sees accompanying his brother along the beach and this sets his libido into overdrive. Not that it takes all that much.

Hot Moves has, obviously, dated quite a bit since it was released almost 30 years ago but it holds up better than many others from the time thanks to a relatively likeable group of lads anchoring the shenanigans and a number of set-ups for laughs that are actually pretty funny. Things take a little while to get going but once Barry thinks he’s in luck with a woman who likens him to a big teddy bear it’s pretty solid for laughs from then on.

The movie also receives a big boost thanks to the lovely ladies onscreen. Jill Schoelen is cute enough, Deborah Richter is gorgeous and there’s also some onscreen time for the beautiful Monique Gabrielle.

Peter Foldy and Larry Anderson are the men responsible for the script. It’s no classic but spaces out enough info and details to lay the groundwork for the bigger laughs and the more satisfying moments. Director Jim Sotos may have only helmed about half a dozen movies in his career but he doesn’t do too badly here, providing enough sunshine, smirks and nudity to keep the core demographic pleased until the end credits roll. Yep, Hot Moves holds up surprisingly well. 

7/10. 

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Hardbodies (1984)

Oh, the '80s. That giddy era when the music was lively, the clothes were unashamedly garish and teen sex comedies were ten a penny. Hardbodies is, unsurprisingly, a teen sex comedy.

The plot sees three older men rent out a nice place on the beach for the purposes of partying and getting the company of nice, young females. They enlist the help of young Scotty (Grant Cramer) for the latter part of the plan and Scotty helps the guys learn just how to "dialogue" the ladies and get great success. Scotty, however, is as much a gentleman as he is a horny young man and doesn't like it when one of the guys, Hunter (Gary Wood), tries to go too far with a girl who's not ready.

It's got sunshine, occasional and brief nudity, a "witty" best friend character (played by Courtney Gains) and one or two life lessons in there, so Hardbodies shouldn't be all that bad. Sadly, it is.

While it's not a terrible film, it is one of those movies that's probably best remembered with fondness rather than rewatched nowadays. The script is pretty dull, the characters aren't all that appealing and there's a story strand about a girl band that makes the thing feel more like an extended episode of Happy Days than anything else.

Plenty of people still have a soft spot for this movie but, I assure you, there are plenty of better films of this ilk out there.

3/10.

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