Fanged Up (2017)

I was only a few minutes into Fanged Up when I started to realise I knew the lead actor. His face, his manner, he was familiar to me. But how? Well, annoyingly enough, Daniel O'Reilly, who also co-wrote the movie, is probably best known to many as the man who was a bit of an internet hit, for a while, with Dapper Laughs. I'm not going to go into the details of his act here, you can Google it, so it should suffice to say that his persona was that of a cheeky chappy, to put it mildly.

O'Reilly plays Jimmy Ragsdale here, a . . . cheeky chappy who ends up arrested after a brawl in a nightclub, and placed in a jail that deals with prisoners in a very unique way. They get eaten. A lot of the prison staff are vampires, hence the name, and their appetites are growing. Can Jimmy survive? Never mind the vampires, will he be able to avoid death at the hands of his cellmate, Victor (Stu Bennett)? And will he also be able to build a bridge with the prison nurse, Katie (Danielle Harold), an old flame who believes that he once cheated on her while on a holiday with friends?

Directed by the talented Christian James (who started with Freak Out and also gave us Stalled, two films you can at least admire, even if you don't love them), Fanged Up has a surprising number of positives to make up for the negatives. I admit that I was worried about what I was letting myself in for, especially after enduring a number of low-budget British horror comedies mixing criminal geezer types with evil forces, but my worry abated slightly as things began to play out.

The general look and feel of the film is polished and professional, including the vampire make up and any gore gags. James knows how to give value for money, and he focuses on the film-making ahead of the comedy, and not vice versa.

The cast also do a good job. Yes, even O'Reilly. He won't be everyone's cup of tea, but this is a toned-down version of the kind of character he has played before, and there are some critical moments that show just how much of his overcompensating bravado and lewd behaviour is all just a front. Bennett is impressively tough, Harold makes for a good beauty who has more brains than our "hero", and Vas Blackwood is very enjoyable in a main supporting role. Steven Berkoff is the Governor, and has a bit of fun, while Lauren Socha is the woman in charge, and the one deciding who is to go on the menu first.

But things fall down at the script. The contributions from O'Reilly seem obvious, considering how he manages to stay in his comfort zone. Nick Nevern has a filmography that includes a couple of more straightforward British gangster movies, so that would seem to be his addition to the recipe. Then you have Dan Palmer, who has written the scripts for most of James' movies, shorts and features. The fact that almost all of the features feel both undercooked and yet also slightly padded out in places makes me think that he was the one trying, and failing, to bring everything together and tighten it all up. It almost works, because there are enough different elements jostling for attention, but ultimately doesn't.

Remember what I said about James focusing on the film-making ahead of the comedy? That would have paid off in dividends if the comedy had worked. Sadly, it doesn't. Which means the film ends up being nothing more than a mildly amusing genre mash-up. Although it could have been so much worse, which is why I charitably score it right at the halfway point.

5/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can get the same disc here.