Netflix And Chill: The Package (2018)

The Package is a comedy directed by Jake Szymanski. The last comedy I watched that was directed by Jake Szymanski was Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates, which did not make me a fan, but I liked the sound of this one, and had heard some good feedback from a friend who had already enjoyed it.

Donnie (Luke Spencer Roberts) is looking forward to a weekend away with his friends, Sean (Daniel Doheny) and Jeremy (Eduardo Franco). It's going to be all guys together, maybe their last chance before Sean heads away back to new pastures.That was the plan anyway. But Jeremy ends up inviting his recently-made-single sister (Becky, played by Geraldine Viswanathan) and her friend (Sarah, played by Sadie Calvano), who just happens to be the ex-girlfriend of Donnie. Anyway, they get to their destination, start to drink and have fun, and then Jeremy accidentally slices off his penis while playing around with a butterfly knife. The rest of the film concerns the loyal group of friends trying to get Jeremy and his penis reattached to one another.

The Package is silly, very silly indeed. It had the potential to be downright awful but writers Kevin Burrows and Matt Mider make some good choices, not least of which is spending an equal amount of time on the characters and the moments of standard teen angst in between the penis-centred set-pieces. You get a number of times in which the dismembered member is in peril, or needing handled by someone who really doesn't want to be handling it, but you also get a potential budding relationship between Sean and Becky, and plenty of barbs exchanged by Donnie and Sarah.

Szymanski directs everything well enough, walking a thin line as he chooses to put the package front and centre in a number of scenes without always making it laughable or squirm-inducing. It's gross, yes, but it's also just a part of Jeremy that his friends want to get back to him safely. The most obvious "gross" gag - a snake bite that has to be dealt with - is outrageously funny enough to at least make viewers smile, and also leads to some fun lines later in the movie. A lot of this is down to the script, of course, but Szymanski makes the right choices when it comes to what to show and what to hold back on.

The cast, all largely unknown to me, all seemed to be having a good time. Franco may be separated from the group early on, but he has plenty of fun moments while in a hospital, Doheny is a perfectly acceptable, albeit slightly bland, lead and Roberts works best when being put in his place by Calvanoe. But the star is Viswanathan (who also stood out in Blockers), a young actress who I already look forward to seeing in any role, thanks to her ability to work equally well with comedic and more (brief) serious moments.

The Package is not a film to watch if you are already rolling your eyes at the main premise. And it's not a film that, aside from that core idea, does anything new with the teen comedy subgenre. But it's better than you might expect, and an amusing enough way to spend 90 minutes.

6/10

Here's a very different film with the same title.
Americans can collect a package here.

Shudder Saturday: The Wizard Of Gore (1970)

 Ah, Herschell Gordon Lewis. He’s arguably THE most beloved director in the history of low-budget schlock horror. From Blood Feast to Two Thousand Maniacs! and beyond, his films provide wonderfully over the top gore and bloodshed in between moments that are, let’s not sugar-coat things here, often full of poor acting and risible dialogue. He knew what kind of movies he wanted to make and his fans knew what they would get from them.

The Wizard Of Gore is absolutely in line with many of his other outings. It’s a wonderful idea that is hampered by the many limitations, yet the gore gags are fun, and that’s the main draw.

Ray Sager plays Montag The Magnificent, an astonishing magician who specialises in tricks that put his volunteers through extreme acts of mutilation. Unfortunately, the volunteers then leave the show and end up dying in grisly ways that replicate the trick they have just survived. A local talk show hostess, Sherry Carson (Judy Cler), wants to get Montag on her show. That might not end well.

Let's start with the obvious bad stuff on display here. Sager just isn't very good in the main role. Lacking any major talent or charisma, it damages the film to have him unable to make Montag The Magnificent the memorable character that he should have been. Cler does a bit better, as does Wayne Ratay (portraying Jack, her boyfriend and reporter). This isn't down to their acting chops, but more to do with the fact that they're playing people who aren't supposed to be captivating a large crowd. The same can be said of Phil Laurenson (playing Greg, Jack's colleague) and the very limited selection of supporting actors.

The script, by Allen Kahn, is poor, although it is far from the worst that Lewis has worked with. The strength of the central idea lifts everything up slightly, but your overall enjoyment will depend on a) your goodwill towards Lewis and b) your ability to laugh at a lot of the dialogue.

It also builds to a very silly ending, but that is as much a plus as it is a minus. It's SO ridiculous, on a par with the kind of story ending a child might come up with when they are bored and wanting to make a twist ending that wraps it all up, that it should also make you shake your head and smile as the end credits roll.

Lewis directs with his usual skill (feel free to read that as earnestly or sarcastically as your opinion of the man wishes it to seem), and the gory set-pieces make up for the rough finish and the pacing issues; the film runs for 95 minutes when it would have been better at about 65-75 minutes. The sense of gleeful devilry running throughout also helps immensely, and if you disagree then I urge you to check out the 2007 remake, with a typically wonderful Crispin Glover in the main role, that perfectly illustrates how being more polished and more technically competent doesn't necessarily make something more fun.

If you're new to the work of Lewis then I suggest starting with one of the two titles mentioned in the first paragraph. If you've seen those, however, and are ready to continue exploring the rest of his filmography then The Wizard Of Gore is one certainly worth checking out. Just be willing to overlook or embrace the flaws (a general rule of thumb for every Lewis film).

6/10

This is obviously the best way to buy the movie.
Americans can get the same set here.

Filmstruck Friday: The Hand (1981)

To give you the most basic summary, The Hand is a film about a comic book illustrator named Jon Lansdale (played by Michael Caine) who loses his right hand in a car accident. While struggling to accept his new life with half of his familiar roster of phalanges, and while plodding on through a marriage situation that is clearly in trouble, Jon takes a job at a community college, rents a small cabin in the woods, and seems unaware that his dismembered hand is still moving around, ready to act on his angrier impulses and resolve a number of issues with fatal violence. Unless it's all just the vivid imagination of our main character.

The Hand is a strange film experience, for a number of reasons. The first reason is that it was written and directed by Oliver Stone. He's not necessarily a bad choice, although he makes many bad decisions, but the plot and the way things play out make this the kind of film that you would more readily associate with his friend, Brian De Palma. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this was one of those projects that a number of people discussed in theory before Stone got the opportunity to make his film.

Based on a novel that I am unfamiliar with, "The Lizard's Tail" by Marc Brandell, this takes a bit of adjustment on the part of viewers who may be expecting something along the lines of The Beast With Five Fingers, And Now The Screaming Starts! or even Body Parts. It's more in line with The Hands Of Orlac, in the way that it shows the main character starting to unravel, and it's a shame that Stone can't decide on how he wants to play things. Shots of the hand about to commit grave misdeeds are too few and far between while the script doesn't ever have enough interesting statements to make about the clearly-unstable mental state of Caine's character. Things are packed in to the last few scenes, but they're too little too late, and also come as no surprise to viewers who have been waiting for something to be revealed ever since the halfway point.

Caine is fine in his role, and he's called upon to be the focus of most of the scenes. Andrea Marcovicci does well in a much harder role, she's the wife who fell out of love with her husband a long time ago, Bruce McGill is as great as he usually is, and Annie McEnroe appears just in time to derobe and give the main character a temporary ego boost.

If you go into The Hand expecting a schlocky horror movie about a killer hand then you'll probably end up disappointed. If you go into it expecting a portrait of a traumatised and shattered individual then, well, you'll still probably be disappointed, but hopefully less so. This is a Stone project that sees him holding back when he should have just pushed things further, either in terms of the bloodshed or the skewed viewpoint of the main character.

4/10

Here's a film with a much better animated hand.
And Americans can get it here.

The Happytime Murders (2018)

"No Sesame. All Street." That is the tagline for this film, directed by Brian Henson, that pairs Melissa McCarthy up with a blue-skinned puppet named Phil Philips (voiced by Bill Barretta). The two used to be partners in the police force, but that was before Philips was accused of deliberately missing a shot when he had a fellow puppet in his sights. That one incident led to Philips being kicked off the force, he now works as a detective, and a new ruling to forbid puppets from being cops. But when the puppet stars of "The Happytime Gang" start to get killed off, Philips is recruited to the local PD as a consultant, putting him right back alongside his old partner, Detective Connie Edwards (McCarthy). Hilarious conflict ensues, along with more puppet killings.

No, The Happytime Murders isn't all that original. The idea of a police story involving puppets has been done before (see The Fuzz). Mismatched buddy cop movies have been done before (see . . . every buddy cop movie ever). And you can't see any puppet debauchery without thinking of Meet The Feebles. None of which makes The Happytime Murders any less amusing, even if it's never as funny as it could be. The best gags are in the trailers, as is so often the way with middling-to-decent comedy films nowadays, but there are numerous chuckles to be had throughout every main sequence.

Brian Henson has plenty of puppet experience, of course (is there any brand more synonymous with puppetry than the Henson name?) but writer Todd Berger is the unknown quantity, as it were. I enjoyed It's A Disaster, his sophomore feature as writer-director, but am unfamiliar with any of his other work, which mainly consists of shorts. He does a decidedly okay job here, developing a story that he worked on with Dee Austin Robertson, but it's still the script that is the weakest element. Although the laughs are sprinkled throughout, this should have been sharper, funnier, and perhaps even full of more references to other onscreen puppets (although I realise that would be a hell of a tightrope to walk, in order to avoid upsetting anyone litigious).

McCarthy is a lot of fun in the lead human role, quick to rattle off insults and happy to share most of her screentime with all of the puppets. Other human stars include Joel McHale, playing an asshole FBI agent, Maya Rudolph, as the secretary to Philips, and Elizabeth Banks, playing the human star of "The Happytime Gang", and they all have fun mingling with their fabric co-stars, who come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes.

If you only see just one puppet-filled comedy that also throws lots of sex and drugs into the mix then you can find a better option. But the good thing is that you don't have to choose to see just one. And I, for one, am happy about that.

6/10

The Happytime Murders will be available to buy on shiny disc here.
Americans can buy it here.

Prime Time: Nightbeast (1982)

A sci-fi horror movie for the ages, Nightbeast is a film all about an alien beast . . . that kills a lot of people at night.

The plot revolves around, well, what I just said above. That’s all you need to know about Nightbeast. The alien starts killing the residents of a small town. The residents become alarmed, but they’re at least being protected by the determined Sheriff Jack Cinder (Tom Griffith). Oh, there's also a love triangle that leads to the non-Nightbeast-releated death of one woman and no small amount of bad blood between Jamie Lambert (Jamie Zemarel) and Drago (Don Leifert), the local bad apple.

The first thing that you will notice about Nightbeast is the design of the titular creature. If Rawhead Rex and Pumpkinhead had a baby together, and that baby was birthed into a paddling pool full of faeces, then the end result might look something like this. It's a strange, laughably mis-shapen, creature that you would expect to spend most of the movie hidden in shadows, or by objects in the foreground.

Writer-director Don Dohler has no time for your low expectations, however, and proceeds to show off the creature at every opportunity, with the exception of a surprisingly dull middle section. It's a bold move, and some might say a foolish one, yet it is one of many goofy decisions that help to make this film more endearing than so many other low-budget efforts that lack any heart.

The cast aren't great, there's no point in pretending otherwise, but they're all entertaining, for different reasons. Sometimes that is due to the dialogue that they're made to speak, sometimes it's due to their performances, and sometimes they're clearly just having fun. Sometimes it's all of those things combined. As well as those mentioned, I'll also namecheck Karin Kardian, George Stover, Anne Frith, and Richard Dyszel (very funny as Mayor Bert "don't call me Bertie" Wicker), who all deserve recognition for their contributions to this bit of fun.

Judged by the normal standards of moviemaking, Nightbeast is sorely lacking. The script is terrible, the special effects aren't always too special (although there are one or two good moments), and that middle section I already mentioned needed some more packed in there to stop it feeling too much like flabby filler. But judge it by the amount of fun you can have while watching it and, well, it's still not actually that good. Which doesn't mean that you can't still enjoy it, especially with the right company (AKA like-minded friends or plenty of alcohol).

4/10

Available to Amazon Prime members here in the UK, Americans can also buy this shiny disc.

Upgrade (2018)

Written and directed by Leigh Whannell, Upgrade is a sci-fi action movie that also revels in moments of gloriously gory vengeance. While it’s only the second directorial feature from Whannell, he already shows a big step up from his work on Insidious 3 (which was, admittedly, hampered by it feeling very unnecessary and also too tenuously connected to the other movies in that series).

It's the future. A believably near future. Homes are efficiently managed by computers, as are cars, and most people have become very comfortable with giving commands to invisible helpers. Grey (played by Logan Marshall-Green) is not one of those people, despite the fact that his wife (Asha, played by Melanie Vallejo) is. Marshall-Green much prefers to get his hands dirty, such as when he is working on classic cars that need an actual driver to drive them. Despite their opposing views on technology, the husband and wife make a lovely couple, until a car accident leaves them vulnerable to an attack by vicious crooks. With his wife dead and himself rendered quadriplegic, Grey would rather be dead. There is, however, a small gleam of light at the end of the tunnel. A new tech called STEM, a chip that could be planted in just the right place inside his body to help him walk and have a normal life again. But the procedure, and tech, has to be kept a secret. Which becomes more difficult as STEM starts to speak to Grey and reveal that they can work together to find those responsible for the death of his wife. Some extreme violence ensues.

I know the preceding paragraph is quite a lengthy one, and I usually try to make my movie summaries more concise, but it still doesn't cover the other interesting ideas that the film goes into, which is a huge plus. Whannell does very well indeed with the moments of action and violence, but he is savvy to the fact that he can't expect to keep viewers engaged with just those "trailer shots". So you end up getting a film that nicely hops around between the gleefully visceral and the interesting and thought-provoking ideas threaded throughout (okay, they're not the MOST thought-provoking ideas you could have in a film script but they're certainly a welcome addition to something that could have tried to coast along without them).

Marshall-Green is great in the lead role, spending a lot of the first third of the movie in quite a downbeat mood, understandably once he loses his wife and use of his limbs, and then being astounded and torn by the choices that STEM offers him. Vallejo makes a good impression in the small amount of screentime she has, Harrison Gilbertson is decent as the scientist responsible for the device and operation, and Betty Gabriel is your standard, doggedly determined, police officer who wants to help the hero and eventually starts to piece things together ahead of everyone else. Benedict Hardie is an impressively skilled and callous main villain (helped by the fact that he looks and acts like a cross between Robert Knepper and Jackie Earl Haley) but everyone else encountered by Marshall-Green does good work, even if they are there to be gorily despatched en route to the main target.

It's no surprise that this is such a big step up for Whannell as a director, considering the concept and the fact that it's not beholden to any other entries in a series. The big surprise is that it easily ranks alongside a lot of his other scripts, and may even be one of his best. Not that the dialogue is quotable, or even that good at times, but it uses some broad brush strokes to great effect in the way it explores a range of human emotions, vengeance and morality, and that blurring divide that keeps getting thinner and thinner between tech and those who operate it.

There are a lot of clear influences on display throughout - from The Terminator to the films of David Cronenberg - but Upgrade manages to cram them all in while still feeling very much like its own beast. Which may very well be the best skill that Whannell has in his bag of tricks.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Sullivan's Travels (1941)

To the memory of those who made us laugh: the motley mountebanks, the clowns, the buffoons, in all times and in all nations, whose efforts have lightened our burden a little, this picture is affectionately dedicated.

 Although age may have wearied it slightly, and there's a worrying air of somone rich going on a "poverty safari" during the earlier scenes, Sullivan's Travels soon starts to live up to its reputation, mixing in some sharp barbs with plenty of gentle humour and some surprisingly affecting moments of drama.

Written and directed by Preston Sturges, this is the tale of a successful director (John L. Sullivan, played by Joel McCrea) who wants to move away from the comedy films that have made his reputation. He wants to do more relevant, serious, fare but his bosses try to dissuade him from that idea, explaining that he can't deliver those kinds of movies because he doesn't really know anything about the hardships of life. Sullivan agrees, and then decides that he will try to experience poverty and hardship

Although the cast includes the likes of Robert Warwick, William Demarest, and Franklin Pangborn, and there's a great turn from Jan Buckingham as the unaffectionate wife (in name only) of the main character, Sullivan's Travels is really based around the performances of McCrea, desperate to go as far as he needs to in order to experience "authentic" hardship, and Veronica Lake, playing a woman he meets who is initially unable to comprehend the situation that Sullivan has created for himself.

Sturges clearly has a lot of fun with the central idea, a premise that allows him to take viewers to some soaring highs and then some real lows, and the film is a perfect mix throughout of sheer entertainment and one clear message. The pacing is perfect, especially during the gradual transition from the lighter moments to the more serious scenes, and almost every single one of the supporting players gets at least one chance to shine.

Yet another classic movie that quickly reveals to you, the viewer, why so many hold it in such high regard, and a very influential (this would be the perfect time to mention the Coen brothers, who took the title "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" from this) and surprisingly resonant experience to this day, Sullivan's Travels is one to mark of your list ASAP, whether you're a casual film fan or a more obsessive cinephile. You won't be disappointed.

9/10

The blu ray can be bought here.
Americans can get it here.

Netflix And Chill: Zip & Zap And The Captain's Island (2016)

If there are any people who have read my reviews consistently over the years, and you should really get yourself checked out if you have, then you may recall that I was lucky enough to catch a film entitled Zip & Zap And The Marble Gang a few years back at EIFF. It was a real treat, a film for all the family that felt very akin to many of the movies I grew up with. There were many moments in which kids outwitted adults, and there was also a very real sense of danger for our young heroes. I have spent a lot of time since regretting that the movie didn’t see any substantial release here in the UK, and I still hope that is rectified one day. Then I found THIS film on Netflix. Well, I had to give it a watch.

Director Oskar Santos returns, and also helps Jorge Lara in the writing department this time around, and he provides another fun adventure for all the family to enjoy. The movie starts off with Zip and Zap (played this time by Teo Planell and Toni Gomez, respectively) breaking in to a toy store and accidentally causing a massive fire. Their parents are understandably upset. So upset that they take the boys with them on a trip and then disappear in the night, leaving them in the care of a woman named Pam (Elena Anaya). That would be upsetting, but for the fact that Pam runs a home that's a bit of a paradise for children without families. They can do whatever they like without fear of punishment. It all seems too good to be true, which means, yes, it's too good to be true.

As well as the bare bones of the plot mentioned above, this movie adds to the fun factor with a number of references to classic characters in literature (Sherlock Holmes, The Invisible Man, Peter Pan, etc) and it's all woven together into a nice mix of adventure, mystery, and nods to classic tales.

Kids will find plenty to enjoy, but parents will also have fun, much like the previous film. Okay, the grown-ups may catch on quicker to how everything is going to play out, but that doesn't spoil the fun. Santos directes with the same energy and eye that he brought to the previous film, and the script that he worked on with Lara is just the right mix of fun and child-friendly danger. Both of his Zip & Zap movies manage to keep things pitched perfectly at kids without ever feeling as if they are talking down to them.

Planell and Gomez are fun in their roles, and Anaya has a lot of fun in the role of Pam. There's nobody doing bad work here, although I will give specific praise to the other main child actors and Goizalde Nunez, playing a wonderfully unstable carer, all twitches and guitar destruction when faced with excessive misbehaviour from the kids before she goes back to innocent smiles and quivering composure.

While it doesn't quite capture the magic that ran throughout Zip & Zap And The Marble Gang, this is a film almost just as deserving of your time and attention. If you have youngsters who don't mind reading subtitles, the Zip & Zap movies make for a perfect double-bill. I might even check out the animated series and movie from over a decade ago. IF I can find them.

8/10

Here's a copy of the Marble Gang adventure.
And here it is for Americans.

Shudder Saturday: Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)

MOST slasher movies don't have sequels. Yes, you have the few that are based around modern horror icons (Michael, Jason, Freddy, etc) but the percentage is very low, especially when you consider just how many slasher films were churned out during that golden period. Even fewer slasher movies have sequels as removed from the tone of the first movie as Prom Night. Because if you're expecting this to be a rehash of the first film then you'd better think again.

Mary Lou Maloney (Lisa Schrage) is a fun-loving young woman. We see this from the very first scenes. This upsets her boyfriend, especially when he finds Mary Lou kissing some other guy at prom. One thing leads to another, a prank goes wrong (one of the most common slasher movie tropes), and Mary Lou ends up burning to death in front of everyone at the prom. Many years later, a young woman (Vicki, played by Wendy Lyon) is getting ready for her own prom. She finds a trunk that contains some items that belonged to Mary Lou. Taking them unleashes the vengeful spirit of Mary Lou, unbeknownst to Vicki, who starts have a number of disturbing hallucinations while becoming more and more like Mary Lou in her behaviour.

Written by Ron Oliver (who also did the next movie in the series, and is now quite a prolific director), Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II is the best kind of silliness. It's entertaining throughout, it has some decent set-piece, and there are plenty of nods to other genre movies (most notably Carrie and A Nightmare On Elm Street). Most of the main characters are named after genre directors - a common way to pay tribute to some of the masters of horror - and the plot somehow manages to feel outrageous and movie-world believable at the same time.

Director Bruce Pittman does a competent job, although there's a lack of any real flair that makes it unsurprising to see that most of his filmography is taken up with TV work, both features and series episodes. Having said that, there are two standout moments in the middle act that Pittman shoots in a way that shows off the very good special effects work. One scene with a blackboard could stand alongside anything from the Elm Street series, and it's just a shame that the finale leaves the more surreal visions aside in favour of some straightforward telekinesis and revenge.

Lyon does well in her role, and she has fun as her personality changes, but Schrage is a tough act to follow in those opening scenes. She's so lively and mesmerising, which makes it easier to enjoy the wickedness that unfolds when you can keep that carefree character in your mind. Justin Louis plays a young man who Vicki is having a relationship with. He does okay in his role, but it's good to see that his father is played by Michael Ironside, who is as fantastic as he usually is. You also get Terri Hawkes as a rival for the Prom Queen title, Brock Simpson as the awkward Josh, and amusing turns from Wendell Smith and Judy Mahbey as Vicki's parents.

Prom Night was a good slasher, not quite up there with the greatest examples of the subgenre, and it has a lot of fans. Well, this may be a sequel to that film in name only but I think it deserves a similar fanbase. It's a lot of fun.

7/10

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Filmstruck Friday: The Freshman (1925)

Harold Lloyd stars as Harold Lamb, a young man who is heading off to university and wants to become the most popular guy there. He plans to do this by emulating the lead character in a new movie that he has decided to take notes from. All seems to go well, but that's only on the surface. Harold doesn't realise that most of the people around him view him as a joke, which saddens the young woman (Peggy, played by Jobyna Ralston) who he seems destined to end up with.

I have championed Harold Lloyd for a number of years, and will continue to do so for a long time to come. I have fond memories of his work, having been exposed to numerous clips of his comedy when The Harold Lloyd Show (I THINK that was the name of it, but it could have been something like Harold Lloyd & Friends) was thrown into the TV schedules to fill up timeslots during the holiday periods. He may not have hit the dizzying heights of Chaplin or Keaton but Lloyd managed to market his nebbish and nerdy persona in films that remain impressively smart, and (most importantly) very funny, even today.

There are numerous credited writers here (Sam Taylor, Ted Wilde, John Grey, Tim Whelan) and two directors (Fred C. Newmeyer and Sam Taylor). I'm not familiar with other work from them, and I won't say that they stamp their mark on this, which is a Harold Lloyd movie, first and foremost, although I have to give a mention to the technical achievement of the third act, which involves a lot of camerawork and movement that was a lot harder to achieve back then than it is nowadays.

Whether he's doing a little jig as he introduces himself to everyone or socialising at a party while his suit starts to unravel, piece by piece, Lloyd is as great as ever in his role. Ralston is very sweet, playing "the kind of girl your mother must have been", according to the title card, and Pat Harmon is good fun as the football coach (the grand finale is an important football game that Lloyd wants to be part of). Elsewhere, Brooks Benedict, Hazel Keener, and James Anderson do fine in their roles, and Joseph Harrington helps the hilarity as the poor tailor trying to help Lloyd keep his suit on in the aforementioned unravelling scene.

Using a template that really hasn't changed much over the past 90 years, you could view this as the revenge of one nerd, Lloyd keeps viewers on his side as he strives to fit in with a crowd of people who probably don't deserve his company. If you're new to his work then the set-pieces make this as good a place as any to start, and a lot of the title cards add extra laughs, whether they're explaining the university as a great football ground with a college attached or telling us that football practice is where men are men and necks are nothing. Then you can also check out his other movies and eventually come to agree with me that he deserves more love.

8/10

This set is a bit pricey, but here's the link anyway.
Americans can pay even more here.

Doom Asylum (1988)

Doom Asylum is not a very noteworthy film. It’s a cheap ‘n’ cheerful slasher that throws any sense of believability or logic out of the window early on and the death scenes range from the careless and ineffective to the impressively bloody. But there are still things to enjoy, especially for the less discerning slasher movie fan.

It starts with a man (Michael Rogen) and a woman (Patty Mullen, making her feature film debut) driving along in high spirits. And then they crash. The woman dies, the man ends up horribly disfigured and on a mortuary slab, where he scares some workers by sitting up and being decidedly not dead, despite looking very much like he should be. Fast forward a number of years and there’s a group of young(-ish) folks heading to an abandoned asylum for a good time. They include the daughter of the woman we saw die in the opening scenes (also played by Mullen), which makes our killer very interested in them. Oh, there’s also a trio of females already in the asylum, making “music” and not looking to welcome anyone else to their private practice area.

There’s a lot to laugh at here, both deliberately and accidentally, and director Richard Friedman certainly tries to keep things moving along swiftly enough to distract from the many negative aspects (such as a lot of the acting on display and the inanity of much of the script, by Rick Marx). The characters are generally quite irritating, which is more of a problem during the first third of the film than it is once the killing really gets underway, the killer is neither menacing enough to make things tense nor amusing enough to make things funny, and the audio levels are all over the place, an obvious side-effect of the superquick shooting schedule (this was a film shot in days, not weeks).

Mullen does well (although her finest hour was just ahead – Frankenhooker) but it’s also the case that she seems a lot better in contrast to the rest of the group; Kristin Davis (who tries hard but can’t overcome the lines fed to her by the script), William Hay, Kenny L. Price, and Harrison White. Rogen has fun as the baddie, no matter how good or bad his mask is looking in each scene, and Ruth Collins manages to compensate for her dialogue and delivery with a great dollop of attitude informing her every moment.

You could close your eyes and find at least 20 movies better than this, whether you're browsing online or scanning your own movie collection, or reading a book about the slasher flicks of the 1980s. But that doesn't stop this from being a fun experience, mostly for all the wrong reasons . . . but sometimes for the right ones.

6/10

You can buy the blu here.
Americans can get it here.

Prime Time: Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes! (1978)

When I finally sat down to watch Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes! I was ready for some dumb fun. You can't read that title and not have an idea of what to expect. And I'd already seen a few episodes of the cartoon series when I was young, so I wasn't entirely unfamiliar with the world created within the film. Or so I thought.

Directed by John De Bello, who also co-wrote the script with Costa Dillon and J. Stephen Peace, this shapeless and rambling spoof  shows the devastating effects of a mass fruit attack (a tomato is still a fruit, right, or am I getting it wrong nowadays?) through a series of skits, very loose narrative scenes, and low-to-no-budget special effects.

There's not a lot to thoroughly critique when it comes to this movie, and it perhaps serves as a reminder that not every movie should, or needs, to be critically appraised and dissected. The cast are all game to go along with the material, but I doubt many have any other movies on their CV, the technical side of things is crude, which also adds to the charm, and all I can say about the tomatoes is that they generally look like tomatoes.

I'll mention David Miller, George Wilson, Sharon Taylor, Ernie Meyers, and Eric Christmas, purely because I am used to mentioning some of the cast members when discussing movies, but I wouldn't be able to pick any of them out of a line-up, sadly, and that's just after my first viewing of the film. Having said that, the main thing is that they did their part to get this silliness onscreen, and well done to them for that.

Easy to dismiss, you would be wrong to view this as nothing but a curio piece best consigned to the dustbin. It's actually one of the first films to throw around so many gags while spoofing specific types of b-movies. I am sure we'd still have the likes of Airplane! and Top Secret! coming along, especially after the fun delivered by The Groove Tube and The Kentucky Fried Movie, but this tomato-infested film holds up as a template for a number of finer comedies. If only it was funnier, this would be held in the same regard as some of the others I have just mentioned, because the many failings can be overlooked while laughs are being earned.

John De Bello has directed six features (at this time). Four of those are about killer tomatoes. You have to admire his dedication to the idea, something he has tried to improve and polish over time, and this is was the first time his ideas actually began to . . . bear fruit.

4/10

You can . . . ketchup with the movie on disc here.
Americans can get red right on Blu here.

Kiss The Girls (1997)

I had seen Kiss The Girls some years ago, or had at least seen enough of it to know how everything played out. And then I forgot everything that happened in it. Or so I thought. As the opening credits started to play out, I remembered one or two important plot points, making my revisit a fairly disappointing and pointless experience.

It's not that this is a bad film. It's just a textbook example of this kind of '90s thriller. They may have tried to get a bit darker and edgier after the success of Seven, almost exactly halfway through the decade, but the basic ingredients were the same. You had a smart detective who could think more steps ahead than the other officers around him (and, yes, it was more often than not a male character in the lead), you had a couple of decent players in supporting roles to provide a red herring or two, and also a main villain, and you had a female who either escaped the killer or assisted the detective, or indeed both. Most, if not all, of these tropes can be found in this film, and in films such as The Bone Collector, Color Of Night, Insomnia, Striking Distance (Willis again), and in a few others. The tropes could be subverted for erotic thrillers (e.g. the detective often being the character a couple of steps behind everyone else), and there are an equal number of movies that are notably different (mainly with female leads, such as The Silence Of The Lambs, Copycat, and Blue Steel), but you get the gist of what I am saying.

Morgan Freeman plays Detective Alex Cross, a forensic psychologist who becomes very personally involved in a major case when his niece goes missing. She is one of a number of girls taken by a criminal who goes by the name of Casanova. Helped by local law enforcement (Bill Nunn and Cary Elwes are here, Brian Cox is the Chief), the investigation doesn't seem to be moving forward until one of Casanova's most recent victims (Ashley Judd) manages to escape from his lair. She's determined to help bring her captor to justice, but can she trust her own memories of that traumatic episode?

Based on the best-seller by James Patterson, Kiss The Girls succeeds most in the casting department. The script by David Klass is servicable enough, admirably ticking all of those boxes mentioned above, but a lesser cast would, I suspect, have left this struggling to find an audience. Freeman and Judd are the leads, the former trying to piece together the puzzle while the latter uses her special position to help the investigation maintain momentum. Cox, Nunn, and Elwes all do well enough in their roles, and there's also a small, but impressive, turn from Tony Goldwyn and an even smaller role for the always-welcome Jeremy Piven.

The second theatrical feature for director Gary Fleder (who had previously done some TV work before delivering the highly enjoyable Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead), this is a safe and competent film that creeps close to darker territory at times before deciding not to wade in any further. That fault may lie with the source material, Patterson is certainly one of those prolific crime writers I can imagine does so well because he doesn't scare away all of his readers but I am sure it's easier to describe something grisly on the page than it is to show it onscreen, but it's a shame that neither Klass nor Fleder decided to push things a bit. Even the one moment that shows Alex Cross being affected by someone who gets under his skin hints at missed opportunities, considering how personal the case is for him (something all too easy to forget for most of the runtime).

I don't think I ever saw Along Came A Spider, which sees Freeman returning to the role, and I know I haven't yet seen Alex Cross. I'll be marking them off the list in the next few weeks.

6/10

You can buy a double-bill of Freeman Alex Cross movies here.
Americans can get a blu here.

Mubi Monday: The Giant (2016)

I have mentioned before, just recently, that my brain often works in my favour when it comes to movies and the time I may need to take to process them. More often than not, I may end up waiting a little while until I get to revisit a film I was wildly enthusiastic about, giving me some time to dial things down a notch and keep some perspective.

I don't want to do that with The Giant, even if I suspect that it may not move me on future rewatches as it did with this first viewing, because I just want everyone to seek it out and love it as I loved it. It's a beautiful, moving, film that takes viewers, to use a horribly overused phrase, on a rollercoaster of emotions.

The film is all about Rikard (played by Christian Andren), a young man with some mental health issues and extreme deformity. His two main loves are his mother (Anna Bjelkerud), who he was separated from many years ago, and the game petanque (similar to bowls, but you throw the balls in the air rather than roll them along the ground). He plays petanque with Roland (Johan Kylen), a man who seems to inhabit the role of both friend and carer, and the two want to make it all the way to a major final, where they can show everyone how good they really are.

With fantastic performances from everyone involved (but particularly Andren and Kylen), a constant core of characters who have a sweetness to them without seeming too saccharin, and fantastical dreams that see Rikard imagining himself as the titular titan, The Giant is an astonishing feature debut from writer-director Johannes Nyholm. The first film it brings to mind is The Elephant Man but it mixes in the traditional sports drama elements in a way that doesn't feel forced and helps the pacing and tone of the film (because I'd hate to imagine if this just focused on the sadder moments that Rikard experiences).

From a wince-inducing surprise in the opening scenes to the fantastical giant moments, to scenes showing idiots trying to make fun of Rikard for his obvious physical differences, to the moments of sheer heartbreak that are often played out with Rikard unable to fully express himself, or even understand everything as it happens, The Giant is an experience that provides both the predictable and the unexpected in equal measure. It's a wholly satisfying experience, despite it also being an incredibly sad one at times.

I may not always rate this quite as highly as I do now, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is how it affected me, and is still affecting me as I write this review. And if just one or two other people seek out the movie and end up equally moved by it then this was the right time to write up this review.

10/10

Here's an Iron Giant to pick up, if you like.
Americans can get a big friendly robot cartoon slice of joy joy here.

Netflix And Chill: Bushwick (2017)

I've seen a lot of love in recent months for Bushwick, a film that throws together two characters (played by Brittany Snow and Dave Bautista) and shows part of America heading to civil war hell in a handbasket around them. Co-written by Nick Damici and Graham Reznick (the former having been a vital component in the filmography of Jim Mickle over the past dozen years), it's an interesting "what if?" scenario.

Snow plays Lucy, a young woman who starts the movie about to get on a train with her boyfriend. Moments, and at least one explosion, later, her boyfriend is dead and Lucy has to find shelter while wondering just what is going on. Circumstances lead her into the home of a war veteran named Stupe (Bautista) and that's when the two begin to get a clearer picture, as hard as it may be to believe. It seems that a small military force has decided to help a number of states secede from the rest of the USA, and that will be a turbulent, painful, process.

Directed by Cary Murnion and Jonathan Milott, Bushwick may be far removed from their previous work (Cooties) in content but it's similarly problematic when it comes to the execution of the script. This is a film that wants to be serious and sombre throughout most of the runtime, yet it very quickly piles on one wildly implausible moment after another. I'm not going to pretend to know how things would pan out if a new civil wore ever broke out in America but even I would be surprised if it led to such quick and sudden complete anarchy, and individuals so devastated by the fighting around them that they would rather commit suicide.

Snow and Bautista are both excellent in their main roles, believable as, respectively, the naive youngster quickly out of her depth and the professional ex-soldier who knows how is prepared for the worst and keeps clear aims in mind. It's easy to imagine Mickle in Bautista's role, and I wonder whether he deliberately decided to just stick to the writing this time around or whether Bautista's name helped in terms of funding and ensuring that the film was made. Angelic Zambrana and Jeremie Harris are two of the main supporting players, and do just fine, with many other faces just appearing for one or two scenes in between skirmishes.

Bushwick is not a bad film. It's just a film that doesn't ever seem to be sure of how it wants to put things across. If you want something based in a grim reality then it has moments of that, yet it also has far too moments of nonsense that feels like they've been pulled from a book entitled "101 Classic Doomsday Scenario Moments". And the ending doesn't help. It just feels like a sucker punch, and undermines a lot of what came before it.

6/10

You can buy the disc here.
Americans can buy it here.

Shudder Saturday: Ruin Me (2017)

An impressive directorial feature debut from Preston DeFrancis, who also co-wrote the script with Trysta A. Bissett, Ruin Me takes an idea that has seen a sudden surge in popularity over the past few years (the faux-horror experience that may turn into something very real and deadly) and does well with it, thanks to keeping the small cast of characters engaging enough, the references all enjoyable without feeling overdone, and some great performances from the lead players.

Marcienne Dwyer plays Alex, a young woman who ends up accompanying her boyfriend, Nathan (Matt Dellapina), on an event known as Slasher Sleepout. It's basically a treasure hunt game based around a storyline about a dangerous lunatic at large in the woods that they've been taken to. The other people in their group include the ultra-moody Pitch (John Odom), his girlfriend Marina (Eva Hamilton), a knowledgeable geek named Larry (Chris Hill), and the mysterious and quiet Tim (Cameron Gordon). Each person gets a bag, each bag has one or two items that should prove useful, and then the process of "ruining" the players starts to begin.

Although it's not too heavy on the gore and bloodshed, Ruin Me does a great job of being both light and entertaining and also tense and smart. It could have easily been far too tame or far too silly, but it deftly avoids those pitfalls thanks to the script, pacing, and performances. DeFrancis, from what I could find out about him just now, hasn't done anything in the past that shows a yearning for horror, and two of his main shorts were comedies, but he's clearly someone who knows about characters, timing, and allowing layers to be built upon one another to create a satisfying final result. As does Bissett, judging by their talented writing.

Of course, not everyone will be so pleased. Part of the enjoyment factor here comes from the mystery element, part of the enjoyment comes from the genre literacy of it, and part of the enjoyment comes from the construction. But it's not a film with any memorable death scenes, nor is it a film that feels the need to keep things grim and dark, even during the third act, by which time many deaths have occurred and Alex is starting to question her sanity. Horror CAN be fun, and this is, which will prove unpopular with those who like to keep the two words as far away from one another as possible.

Dwyer is great in the lead role, given a character who appears initially to be the very epitome of a potential "final girl" until you find out more about her. Dellapina is just fine, as are Gordon and Odom, while Hill and Hamilton both steal a few scenes each, having fun with characters that are also given slightly more depth than the usual archetypes you might find in this kind of fare.

While it's not an unmissable modern classic, Ruin Me deserves to find an appreciative audience. Even if you don't like it as much as I did, it's hard to fault the various components. Which means I expect someone to come along any minute now to fault the various components.

7/10

Ruin Me is currently streaming on Shudder so here's a link to purchase Avengers Infinity War on Blu ray instead.

Americans may want this nice set of the animated series of Batman.

Filmstruck Friday: Falling Down (1993)

"I'm the Bad Guy?"
"Yeah."
"How'd that happen? I did everything they told me to. Did you know I build missiles? I helped to protect America. You should be rewarded for that. But instead they give it to the plastic surgeons, you know they lied to me."

Falling Down is a thriller/black comedy about a man who snaps. That's all it is. It shows someone who doesn't have the best temperament to begin with finally snapping on a hot day. That someone seems to be a regular guy (played by Michael Douglas, with a buzz-cut, glasses, and shirt and tie on) but he gets more and more dangerous as the film winds on, and more and more determined to reach his estranged wife (Barbara Hershey) and daughter. Robert Duvall is the desk-centred cop about to have a stressful last day, initially offering advice to his colleague (Rachel Ticotin) until he realises that nobody else will listen to them.

Written by Ebbe Roe Smith and directed by Joel Schumacher, Falling Down allows for yet another fine and unique performance in the eclectic filmography of Douglas (known for his star power, it's often easy to forget just how willing the actor is to take a gamble on roles that weren't in his typical leading man mould). It's a film that also does well to get great people who fit perfectly in their supporting roles - Duvall is the weary pro, Ticotin knows to listen to him, Hershey is worried but unable to get others to believe her, Frederic Forrest is a store owner who thinks he is the same as our main character, when he is just a horribly prejudiced piece of work, and you also get good work from Raymond J. Barry and Tuesday Weld (the former being the Police Captain, the latter being the over-anxious wife of Duvall's character).

I still like Falling Down. A lot. It's full of those great performances, and it's full of some superb set-pieces. The first scene of Douglas flipping out as he is overcharged for a cola when he just wants to get change for a phone call is brilliant, and it all becomes vicariously satisfying as he hits back at gang members, snooty golfers, harassing beggars, and road workers who are ruining the day for everyone.

Things escalate in a way that could be seen as videogame-esque. Douglas gets angry. Then he gets a baseball bat. Then he gets guns. He even gets a small rocket-launcher at one point. It's amusing, helped by the sharp script and pacing, and yet the undercurrent of darkness winds through every scene and grows bigger and bigger as we get to the finale.

My only main problem with the film nowadays is the fast food restaurant scene, a moment I used to love alongside all of the others when I first watched the film. Douglas wants breakfast, that is served up until 1130, and is told that menu is finished because it is a few minutes past that time. When he rages, and when he goes on about the customer always being right, I don't enjoy it as much this time around (although the small role for Dedee Pfeifffer is a plus). But anyone who has worked in the hospitality or service industry will know that he's wrong. The customer isn't always right, especially if they come in late for a window of service and that window has closed.

It's the set-pieces that stand out (especially the scene on the golf course) but Falling Down offers much more in between the big moments. Finding out more about the background of the character adds to the tension, seeing how his viewpoint starts from a place of reason and then turns around enough to become dangerous is fascinating, and you also have a great element of classic cat and mouse as Duvall starts to connect the dots and figure things out ahead of everyone else.

So, as odd a sentence as it may seem, Falling Down holds up well.

8/10

Get the disc here.
Americans can get it here.

Truth Or Dare (2018)

You all know how the game of Truth Or Dare works. People take turns. You either have to tell the truth or perform a dare. The truths normally stem from embarrassing questions about who you have a crush on or what you've done in your sex life, the dares can range from attempts at limbo to making out with strangers to, well, whatever your crowd thinks is going to test your mettle.

Truth Or Dare works pretty much the same way in movie form, except it's anyone around you who can tell you when it is your turn, the truths exposed can be much more damaging, and most of the dares are deadly.

That's really all you need to know about this glossy horror film aimed squarely at the teen market (there's a bland and attractive cast, a lack of any real gore or bloodshed, and a repeated special effect that, as so many others have already pointed out, simply looks like a quirky photo messenger filter). It's not bad - says the man who remains, at times, one of the most easily pleased viewers you could hope for - but it doesn't do enough to keep most horror fans happy, aside from those who may be very new to the delights of the genre.

There's nothing inherently wrong with Lucy Hale (who plays the nominal lead character), Tyler Posey, Violette Beane, Hayden Szeto, or any of the other young cast members. They're just far too easy to forget as soon as the end credits roll. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that it took me a good 15-20 minutes to start identifying most of the individuals separately, instead treating them as one mass of potential victims without any personality until one or two had been pushed off the mortal coil.

There's also nothing majorly wrong with the direction from Jeff Wadlow. He doesn't ever present things with any style or panache, but he shows a basic level of competence, making the film a relatively painless experience (in good and bad ways), helped along by the pacing.

The biggest problem here is the script, and the essentially juvenile nature of the central premise. There have, of course, been other movies based on childish games, but there are some games that are often carried through to adulthood (even if we should know better) or that we can look back on with fond memories of the time when we could be more innocent/idiotic/delete as applicable. Truth Or Dare just isn't one of those games, and I'd be very interested to hear back from anyone who thinks otherwise. It's a game expressly designed, it would seem, to drag people out of their shells, and maybe even get them some heavy petting. Turning it into a tame teen horror means that you end up with something that just isn't all that much fun. Writers Michael Reisz, Jillian Jacobs, Christopher Roach, and Wadlow let down both the cast and the viewers, eyeing up the biggest possible audience demographic without doing enough to truly please anyone in it.

Lots of people will sneer at this, and some will absolutely hate it, but it's far from the worst example out there of the kind of horror that doesn't show off the genre at its best but does make enough money at the box office to potentially fund three or four other genre movies, and one of those may even appeal to more than just teens.

5/10

Pick up the shiny disc here.
Americans can buy it here.

Prime Time: Terminal (2018)

When watching Terminal, there were two things that I strongly suspected. First of all, it was written and directed by one person. Second, that person was making their feature directorial debut. But would my suspicions prove to be correct?

Written and directed by Vaughn Stein, making his directorial feature debut, Terminal is a neon-splashed neo-noir that takes a game cast (Margot Robbie, Dexter Fletcher, Max Irons, Simon Pegg, and Mike Myers) and squanders them in a muddle of horrible plotting and horribly overt references to the most famous writings of Lewis Carroll.

Robbie is a mischievous woman names Annie, who works in a diner, but also works in a number of other roles. She encounters a dying man (Bill, played by Pegg) and sets out to help him end his misery. She also encounters a couple of contract criminals (played by Fletcher and Irons), setting out to put them on a job that may end up pitting them against one another. And she's helped by a crippled train station janitor (Mike Myers). The grand finale may try to convince you that more connections abound, and that this is a film plotted with interesting clues and details, but that's not true. You can believe it if you want to, and I won't begrudge anyone trying to find something more substantial within what they've just watched, but it doesn't make it any more true. It also doesn't mean that this is a film without some entertainment value.

There are things to enjoy here, not least of them being the central performance from Robbie, who is as watchable and enjoyable as ever (despite one or two moments in which the accent wavers). Fletcher and Irons aren't on the same level, but Pegg has fun with his scenes, and Myers makes the most of his biggest onscreen role in a long time.

The visuals are also a plus. This film isn't set in a reality. It's set in a dangerous world that feels populated only by unsavoury characters, supporting players who may not realise the tale being woven around them, and a select few vibrant personalities who dominate any scene they're in. There may not be an entire world built before you, and what's there may not feel authentic, but there are a number of wonderful sets, each one resonating with a special sense of cinematic cool. This is homage-by-numbers from almost start to finish, but the films and tropes being homaged are so much better than the main feature that they drag things up a notch.

It's sad that Stein is the biggest failing that the film has. He shows that he's capable when it comes to the visuals and a handful of cinematic tricks and flourishes, but the script is never as clever, nor as witty, as it thinks it is, which is a big problem when there also isn't enough originality or substance to make up for it. This is a bowl of wax fruit, it's appealing enough on the surface but won't feed you, and therefore feels ultimately pointless whenever you need something real.

4/10

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Rampage (2018)

Say what you like about Dwayne Johnson, the man can do silly action spectacle with an admirably straight face (well, an arched eyebrow or pec twitch notwithstanding). He knows that he's not going to be called upon to do anything too serious, not yet anyway, and he most often stays comfortably in his wheelhouse. That might sound like I'm being a bit condescending and snooty but I'm really not. I enjoy seeing Johnson in most movies, he even tries to do his best in dross like Baywatch, but he excels at action fare, and he can sell some of the most ridiculous cinematic moments in recent years without viewers throwing their hands up in disgust and giving up on the movie. Who else could believably grab a speeding missile and turn it back towards enemies that were trying to kill him?

Rampage, loosely based on the videogame that I even managed to enjoy on my old, rubber-keyed, Spectrum 48K, is silly action spectacle. There's the main plot itself, a large albino gorilla is turned into a HUGE albino gorilla, with some anger issues, and there are also another couple of big creatures heading towards Chicago to cause massive amounts of destruction as they go on their . . . rampage. There are also the plot details, silliness wrapped in tech-speak to try and make it all sound plausible. You may think the conversations about genetic manipulation and pathogens are laughable, because they are, but they do the minimum required to kickstart the plot and explain events, as long as you don't think about what has been said as you move on to the next scene of entertaining destruction. And, if you need even more silliness, there's a moment that sees Johnson trying to use a damaged helicopter to surf/hover his way down a collapsing tower.

Johnson is very much at ease amidst all of the preposterous set-pieces, emanating his usual charisma and souped-up muscle power. He spends a lot of the runtime alongside Naomie Harris, who does well to avoid being overshadowed while she delivers most of the exposition in between the thrills, and the two human stars are overshadowed, but not literally, by some impressive CGI beasties. Jeffrey Dean Morgan gets to be amusingly charming and ambiguous as the man who is hoping to clean up the debris and capture the creatures, and Malin Akerman and Jake Lacy are the humans who need to weigh up their self-interests alongside the carnage.

Director Brad Peyton previously delivered this kind of Johnson-led spectacle with San Andreas, so we know that he CAN give audiences what they want (well, he kept me happy enough), but there's something here that's a bit lacking. I still found enough to enjoy, I was entertained enough by the scale of the destruction, but maybe having to incorporate enough little nods to the original videogame was enough to detract from a more simplistic slice of fun. Yes, I realise that I just accused Rampage of not being simplistic enough. It took four writers to make this. Four. To write a script that turns that classic videogame into a mainstream blockbuster.

Still, it's better than Battleship.

6/10

The blu can be bought here.
Americans can buy it here.