Friday 21 June 2013

Taking back cinema for film-lovers.

The following screenshots have been cropped to fit in with the best image format here in blogland. Nothing else has been changed.

Have you seen this before? Tweets from a friend or someone else that you know is watching a film in the cinema?

It's pretty shitty. The worst thing about this person doing it is that they just had the cheek to pimp out their review of The Complex after saying this:

Well, that's okay then. As long as there are less than a dozen other people present and it's a boring film. But IS The Complex a boring film? Apparently not, according to this trusted critic.


Well, I guess it's okay if there was a scary bit and she was looking away.

Wait, now she was touch typing? There was me thinking that you would have to look at your phone to have the screen on and Tweet. Now it turns out that she was touch typing, which is so much better in the cinema (of course), and the film is her favourite of the festival, so far. Wow, just wow!

What I love/hate the most is the absolute unrepentance. This person doesn't only NOT consider her actions rude or inappropriate, but she then can't keep her own opinion straight in time for her review to appear on Hi! Magazine.

Let me be very clear about this. I have been sitting in a cinema, three rows from the back, and have seen the light from someone in the front row, halfway along the opposite aisle from me. It happens, and it shouldn't. When in the darkness of a movie screen, a phone light is like a fucking beacon and the only beacon I ever want interrupting my movie viewing is the Bat-signal if we're suddenly overrun by henchmen and I find myself in some bizarre, parallel universe after watching too many superhero movies and knocking myself on the head.

Unless you're the leading neurosurgeon in the country and you're on call, you don't need your phone on in the cinema. If you're waiting for a reply about a job, they will leave a voicemail. Or maybe you just won't be able to go to the cinema. If you're worried about the babysitter, maybe you need to get a new babysitter. Or maybe you just won't be able to go to the cinema. An ill relative at death's door? Sorry, but maybe it's NOT the best time for you to go and see Man Of Steel. Critics/reviewers sometimes feel that they need to be available 24/7, they may be waiting on a very important interview op, and I get that. I do. I feel the same way. Which is why I check my phone as much as possible IN BETWEEN movie screenings.

The biggest bugbear I have with this particular incident, however, is that this person has a press pass for a major film festival. That pass is like a golden ticket from the Willy Wonka factory. Believe me, I have been attending with pass clutched to my bosom for four years now, and the elation and happiness hasn't worn out yet. I've spent time in the past rushing out of films to tweet about their greatness, checking emails to see if an interview opportunity is available with certain talent. I have never, and will never, tweeted during a film.

If you see anyone doing so then take back the cinema, reclaim the experience. Ask them politely to either leave the screen to deal with their obvious emergency or save their tweeting for later. Tell them that you notice the light, even if it's in the very peripheral of your vision. If the person tells you that they're not bothering anyone, there are very few audience members and it's a boring film anyway . . . . . . . . perhaps offer a suitable compromise, like asking them not to audibly complain if you masturbate when you head back to your own chair. After all, it's not bothering anyone, there's hardly anyone around and you won't even need a light.

If I head into the cinema with friends and I know they have phones on them, I make damn sure they all get them off as the trailers begin (I think that's fair). Airplane Mode is a wonderful thing. Make use of it, encourage others to do the same. You never know, one of them may be writing a review for the movie, so you wouln't want them to get tangled up in a load of lies just to defend their tweeting addiction. Would you?

About the only correct statement in her whole talk of tweeting during films


  1. Replies
    1. Of course, our "conversation" ended with ME being called Mr. Charmer in an ironic way, haha, because I must have been so rude.

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Alvaro. I am pleased with my own anger at this increasing rudeness, but some people just think I am too sensitive about it all.